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I wasn't 25 when we started dating I was actually 24 or about to be and we were dating for 3 years before we got engaged and nearly 4 years before we got married.
I was 27, he was 30. We've both been married before, have houses, jobs, and kids. We dated 3 months before he proposed. We didn't have time to date and fool around. When we knew - we knew and it just happened. At this point in our lives, we're not going to spend time messing around and waiting.
I have heard people make this argument, that once you're older, you know more what you want and settle into a relationship more quickly. I have several friends who have met their partners in their early 30's and moved in together/got engaged/married within a year or so. My friends who got married younger seemed to be together for longer periods of time before they took those steps.
In our case, we started dating in November 2005 (I was 27, he was 30), got engaged in April 2008 (I was 30, he was 32.5) and married in May 2009 (31, 33.5). I think we're a little slower than the average couple in general, especially because we knew each other for 9 years before we even started dating!
I think you are onto something here. The business of settling down in one's life is often a reason (sometimes excuse) for delaying marriage. Neat question!
I'm 29 and Fi is 31. We dated 1 yr and 4 months before the proposal! We both were in long term relationships before us and just "knew" when we got together!
We were 23 when we started dating, and got engaged 44 almost 45 months later (May 2005-Feb 2009). During that time we lived in 3 different countries! I'll be 28 and he'll be 27 next August when we get married!
we were 34 and 35 when we started dating. We talked online fro three months. Had our first date in Feb. 2008 and got engaged in November 2008. We are getting married in October 2009.
We waited quite a bit before getting married to get to know each other and make sure we were right for each other. We dated for about three years before he proposed and waited about a year before we got married. I think it was perfect because nothing felt rushed. We took our time, which I think was worth it since the divorce rate these days is so high.
But I didn't start dating him till I was 27. I think it was perfect though because I finished school, I was set in my career, and I know what I wanted in life. I think that if it was years earlier, I think I would have had a different mindset and different goals than I do now.
I was 27 and he was 31 when we started dating. We met online, emailed and called for about a month then we met in person. 10 months later we were engaged. We just knew!
We'd been dating Since Oct 2005, engaged June 2008, married Oct 2009 (four year anniversary) Im 29, he's 39 and 25/35 when we started dating. did LDR for a year.
why 25 though? honestly i think 25 is still pretty young to get married after a short courtship, but it depends on the relationship. i'm also in my 30's so 25 seems young to me in retrospect.
@evahesse, 25 years is somewhat arbitrary, but the thought was that typically someone would be at least a few years into their careers and somewhat established. And, well, I'm 25. :)
i guess i am the only one for this poll...lol...I was 25 when we first started dating ..he proposed last xmas eve ..and now i am 31 :) and he will b 40 .Course i guess i should point out...that i was married Before ..when i was 22 ...lol
For my circle, the thresh-hold is 30 (when the time really seems to change). Under 30, it seems like 2-3 years of dating is the norm. Post 30, it seems like 1 year is the norm.
For me, on the 30+ side, it was 3 years, 8 months. He probably would have easily done it at 2 1/2 years, if finances were on his side. We started talking about marriage within the first couple months of the relationship, though.
we dated two years before we had any wedding related talk, and we will get married at our 3rd anniversary :)
we dated for 10 weeks before we got engaged :) we're both believers in - when you know you know! ;)
He was 26, I was 25 when we met. Our relationship was VERY obviously supposed to be. We'd been in serious ones before, and it was always such a struggle. God brought us together, and it has made such an incredible difference between what we knew relationships to be and what this one is.
So, there was no reason to beat around the bush. Neither of us felt a pull to hurry because of our age. I think we were both over trying to find someone ourselves. Started dating in May 08. Engaged in December 08. Getting married in November 09.
I think that you are on to something! My fiance and I were dating for 5 years before the proposal. We started dating when we were 20 years old, so even though we were serious about each other there wasn't any talk about marriage for the first 3 years of our relationship. By the time we did get engaged, other people around us who had been dating for a much shorter time were getting engaged too. It's hard not to think that maybe he "didn't know" I was the one, but realistically, we just weren't ready!
We first started talking about marriage 4 or 5 months in. We looked at rings at about 9 months and got engaged a week or two after being together for a year.
Very interesting poll. FI and I don't fit in this category because we started dating when we were 19 or so but I will say we dated 7.5 years before getting engaged. I'd say 90% of our friends are single so it should be interesting to see how long they'll date before popping the question now that we are now over 25.
I don't know if couples over 25 y.o. are prone to get engaged sooner because they know what they want. I think it has more to do with the fact that most people who want kids see themselves starting a family in their mid to early 30s. Taking that into consideration, those start dating after the age of 25 don't exactly have time to date long term if it's a family they want.
Well my first engagement we were together for 1 1/2 and I was 24 and he was 31. We never get married.
This go around we have been together for 3 years and will be together for 4 when we get married. I was 31 and he was 32 when he popped the question.
We both were engaged before and had such a hard time with the break-up that it was hard to want to take that risk again. So really I think it depends on what is best for you at that time in your life. You can't compare your relationship to others.
My Fiance and I don't fit in this category, because we met when I was 17 and he was 24. (We met on January 5 and he asked me to be his girlfriend on Jan. 24 then on July 10, he proposed!!) We will be together for 1.5 year when we get married!
This is the best thing that happened to me! :)
I was 34 when we started dating and almost 37 when we got engaged. I wasn't going to rush the getting to know you process any faster just because I was older. I was willing to take as much time as I needed to be sure.
I may know myself better than I did in my 20's, but I was still extremely cautious... probably because I'd been burned before.
I think the reason that a lot of couples are together forever before getting engaged is because they are waiting for both people to even be ready for marriage. once both people are ready, there is no way it takes 3+ years to "know." (in my opinion). My bf knew about me in less than a year. I wasn't ready to marry anyone. Once I felt realy ready (which happened in late spring of this year) I wanted to do it immediately!
We met in November 2005, were engaged in August 2008, and married a year later. I think there is definitely something to meeting later in life and dating less time. I was comfortable with our 2 plus years of dating, but I also think that's because I had never really been in a long term relationship for quite some time. At the same time in my late 20's, I knew that I didn't want to be with someone for a long time who was not interested in getting married.
I was 30, he was 27 and we dated for literally 2 months before getting engaged. I just knew, as did he. I dated my bf before him for five years, from age 23-28 and didn't want to marry him. I don't know if it had to do with being older or if I just really fell completely in love with my FI, but yeah, the bug didn't hit til I met him.
We're both 25, and just started dating. We'll get engaged this winter.
BUT we've both done the serious relationship thing before, we've been GOOD friends for 8 years, and we're currently dealing with long distance.If it weren't for all that, we'd realistically be looking at 1-2 years before engagement.
Um, I agree - 25 is still young to be getting married. If you're looking for the 'older' (I use that term INCREDIBLY LOOSELY), I'd say go 30 or even 35, not 25!
hubby and i were friends before we became a couple so we married within a year.
ive seen mature 22yrs get married and immature 30yrs get married - depends on the person and the reason to why they are getting married. ive seen women that want the status of a ring, planning & a wedding and then breakup less than a year later, i heard the term "starter marriage" for woman like this a while ago and thats scary
i wouldnt date a guy for 8yrs waiting for marriage but understand if education is a priority why it happens - depends on the person and where they are at that point of their lives
Oh I completely agree. All of my friends and I who started dating in college or earlier seem to be together for over 5+ years before getting married. Most around 7 or 8 years. Yet our friends who started dating after college seem to be quicker (typically a year or two) to get engaged and then married.
FI and I started dating at age 26 (we're the same age), then got engaged 2.5+ years later, and we're having a 1.5 year long engagement. So by the time we're married, we'll both be 30, and have been dating for 4+ years.
i was 25, he was 29 when we met. he was settled in his job, owns a house, etc, i had just graduated from grad school, lived at home, and was unemployed. we were engaged in 11 months.
Hmmm I was 23 when we met, he was 22...when he proposed we had been together for 4 years...we've been engaged for 3 years (yes I know long engagement) and we're finally getting married next summer...so it will be a total of 8 years together and close to a 4 year engagement...I'll be 31 he'll be 30. I don't think we're normal though...compared to our friends who were all married before 30...we're just slow? I think if people really want kids they might be in more of a hurry vs. a couple who doesn't want kids and can just chill and wait on getting married. Maybe? I don't know...I just know that for us we knew we wanted to be with one another, be married, but actually doing it we have just been very chill/relaxed about it.
FI and I both just turned 39. We met online (yes, online!) in December of 2007, had our first date in January of 2008, he bought an engagement ring in October of 2008 and we went away for our one year anniversary in January of 2009 and he proposedl Wedding is three and a half weeks away! :)
My personal situation isn't relevant to your poll (started dating at 22) but I definetly agree that you are on to something.
I think there are two HUGE factors to getting married. The first is finding the right person. The second is being ready as an individual. At an older age more people are ready as individuals and therefore get married faster when they find the right person.
Obviously I also think that as you've had more experiences with relationshiips it doesn't take you as long to figure out if the person is the right person for you.
I'm 23 now, was 22 when we got engaged, and we had only been dating for eight months at the time. We did choose to have a longer engagement though which we may not have if we were older. I think it has more to do with how quickly you know they are the right one rather than based on age though. Unless you're too young to be getting married (ie. 16) when you start dating I don't think it's necessary to be together for a super long time before getting engaged. When you know, you know.
I was 23 (I have a late birthday, his is early, theres a 6 year age difference) when we met and he was 30. We were together for 4 and a half months before he proposed. We do plan on having a 17 month engagement, but only to save money for the wedding!
When you know you know!
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Over the weekend my boyfriend and I had a conversation about how long it is "usual" for a couple to date before getting engaged, and it's become a point of contention. He looks to his friends who started dating after college (and stuck it out through law school/med school, relocations cross-country from one another, and waiting to get settled into a proper job in the same city) and where therefore dating for many, many years by the time they were in a good place to get engaged.
My argument is that a very long relationship might be the norm for his peers who started dating at a younger age, but it's also not unusual for slightly older couples (late 20's and up) who are well-settled into their respective lives and careers to settle down together more quickly.
So I put it out to the hive: for those who started dating after age 25, how long were you in a relationship before getting engaged?