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My FH is totally stoked to get married haha. We've been together for 4 years, and now he's in the military so he wants me to be there with him after so long. I'm pretty sure he would marry me tomorrow if I asked him to, although he is pretty excited about the wedding.
I think he could care less about the wedding aspect but he is very serious about marriage. So just about the same as your SO I suppose.
He does not think that the wedding is a waste of money- in fact when I talk to him about some things that I want but really think aren't necessary and could be cut he encourages me to still include them because he knows that particular aspect will make me happy. His view is that this will only happen once so I should do what I want.
Lol, I'm waiting but we talk about weddings/marriage a lot for people that are not engaged yet.
Although he has very definite opinions on specific things, he basically thinks weddings are for the bride. He's always thought that he would get married eventually but was holding out for the right person.
i asked hubby if he would have married me if we had just lived together and he said yes, within a year we would have been married as he didnt want to just live with me but be married to me
the wedding bit he was happy to give up and just elope but the marriage thing was important to him
My fi would live in sin happily ever after, if I agreed. He wanted to do the marriage thing a lot sooner than me, I felt too young, we got engaged, I got cold feet and called it off, broke his heart. We stayed together, worked through things, and are 100% better now. But that experience combined with the fact that prior to meeting me he never thought he'd get married (he hasn't seen too many good ones, including his parents) means he isn't really into the marriage OR the wedding thing. I was a "lady in waiting" for a long time after I decided I wanted to marry him and was waiting for him to decide if he felt the same :) He is very seriously committed to me forever though and he's doing the party and the on-paper thing bc it's so important to me.
My SO loves the idea of marriage. His parents were married before his parents died and that was a major plus for me! So, it's not like he hates it. To him, it's what you do when you love someone and want to spend your life with them. (I have to say here, it's not required because some people, both in the relationship, are happy not being married.)
As far as the wedding, he has his own ideas about it, although he would just prefer a destination wedding so it's really small. I like that idea. :)
Manfriend said he was never sure about marriage until he met me :) Aww, I know. LOL. He was with his ex, Godzilla, for almost 8 years!!! She kept pressuring him to get married and he always ignored it. But he said that once he met me his whole thought process changed and now he 'realizes why people get married.'
Hmmm M has always flirted around with the idea of marriage. His dad died when he was two :( so he's never seen a couple really work, but he has aunts uncles and the like who have been divorced and his friend's marriages are really ummm complicated to say the least. He believes as I do that marriage lasts forever and there is only one time to get it right (could be the reason why i have been engaged so many times and not married and the reason he has never been engaged). We both believe we are right for each other. honestly there is nothing in the world I would rather do than be his. The grass is not greener on the other side, there is nothing else I'd love to explore or errr do (please read every inference into "doing" as you can). I haven't been able to figure out yet what it is about him that makes him so special. We have been together nearly a year and a half and I still cannot put a finger on what it is that I love so much about him or why he is so different. It's so funny because I remember reading boards and seeing and hearing engagement stories from women and I remember them talking about their beaus and me thinking dude they must be making that up no one that good exists... Man am I glad I waited! He does exist and we found each other. Okay enough gushing I am so lovey dovey today.
My guy definitely believes in marriage.... the wedding? not so much. We just sat down last night to talk money for the first time and he had quite a bit of sticker shock. To him, being an accountant, spending 10K on one day and nothing "tangible" or lasting is just insane. He said he'd really like for us to just go do it... like tomorrow.. alone. I can totally see where he is coming from because I feel the same way kind of, I'm much more excited about BEING married vs. GETTING married.... but I fear that if we don't do the wedding thing I'll always regret it. So, we trudge forward and he is being very very nice about spending 10K to make me happy :)
I think my BF may be secretly excited about marriage, but seeing divorce happen and how most of his friends are in unhappy marriages it will probably delay our own. He says he never really wanted to get married or have kids until he met me though. :)
He's not like my best guy friend... who is only going to get married so he can have a family. Otherwise he doesn't see the benefit. :) We've had lively debates about that!
My guy is surprisingly shy but he just LOVES the idea of marriage and the wedding. Sometimes he brings it up on his own... especially now that I'm obstaining from any discussion with him until I get the rock..... Lets hope for this time next week???
My guy definitely wants the whole thing...wedding and marriage!! I think he thought for a long time he wouldn't find anyone but he still wanted to be married. He tells me all the time he loves the idea of me becoming his wife and he can't wait to start a family :)
The Boy and I have both been previously married; both for the wrong reasons to the wrong people. lol...
Even before his first marriage, the Boy never reallly cared about ever getting married. He is on board with the concept of two people committing their lives to each other and thinks weddings are beautiful. That said, he feels like a piece of paper isn't going to change a relationship (which I agree). He also feels like most people get married for the wrong reasons. I think a lot of his feelings about marriage are due to the role modeling he had growing up, and his crazy ex-wife.
I believe in marriage 100% and would not be happy living out of wedlock forever. Before we made the decision to move in together we had a very frank talk about our expectations. He understands that eventually I want to be married and he makes little comments himself about it. He already operates under the mindset that we are "one unit" and that what's his is mine and vice versa.
As for the wedding, we both love a good party so I can see him enjoying the planning and party process, but not the spending loads of money on it.
Curly: I could have written your post myself! I moved in with my FI after we had been together for two years (that was last October), and made it clear at that time that I would not be his live-in forever. No ultimatums, no pre-planned timelines, just communication about what my expectations were.
We recently got engaged (just this past weekend!) and already Mr. Fish is contributing ideas and initiating planning - when he does something, he does it *right*! It is such a great feeling to know that he is excited, too!
Puddles,
Congrads on your engagement! I think so many people think talking about expectations are ultimadeums, but they're not. Just a very clear way to approach any situation.
That is awesome that your FI is excited about the planning process!
I'm actually sort of surprised at how enthusiastic he is about marriage. Even though he's been through two major divorces in his time, his parents' and his own, he has repeatedly said he believes in marriage, and it's obvious he does through the way he handles our relationship. But I'm still surprised he isn't jaded about it. More evidence he's a miracle, I suppose. :)
I think he's not that into it. He already feels like we're married. I don't think he sees "the point" of a wedding since we already act as though we are. But we'll see what happens. I think that his Catholic upbringing will end up overcoming the "what's the point?" feelings. I can't imagine him being okay with having children out of wedlock and he wants kids, lol.
We are all for marriage. We are both relgious so that plays a part too. His main concern is about the marriage than a wedding. He always says that he can't wait for me to be his wife and be in our home together.
For us, definitely the marriage over the wedding - both of us, not just him. It was so great just when we got engaged and started making "real" long term plans that started with "when" and not "if"... As for the wedding, we just want to keep it as simple as possible: DW, we basically told people where and when, whoever comes we'll be glad, but we'd do it even if we were alone. :)
FI was totally against marriage until we met. I don't think I changed him, he just realized that I was a bit unconventional like him, and that he wouldn't 'lose' himself after marriage. In his generation in Korea there's still a lot of people who didn't marry for love - they married the person their families approved of, or married because it was just 'that time' and they felt an enormous pressure to find someone who 'would do.' Most of his friends and coworkers marriages are only quasi-functional...but after we met he realized that marriage could be a partnership. As for me...I also wasn't sure about marriage until I found him.^^
He's "in it to win it" and thinks people should have to work hard and jump through lots of hoops before getting divorced simply because they "stopped loving each other". He grew up without a father and it was hard on him so he's determined to keep our family whole and happy.
My boyfriend is totally against the idea of marriage. He doesn't see the point of it, and is nervous about being the centre of attention at the wedding. It's good to hear that some men do it even if they're not totally in favour of it. I wish I could get him to read this!
For me, I don't just want the Boy to do it because I want to do it. I want him to do it because HE wants me to be his wife. And that is really the crux of the issue with us. He is already committed to me, but he doesn't "need" me to be his wife. I want and need the commitment that marriage means to me.
I wonder though, for those whose BF's are adamantly opposed to marriage as a general concept, would you stay with your BF even if he never proposed?
Hmmm as I said in another thread, for me this has been a dealbreaker in the past. There will always be compromise in a relationship, but some things are just too important to compromise - the two people in the relationship need do be heading in the same direction. Marriage was too important for me, and he said he'd do it later if that could make me stay, but it wasn't enough. I needed him to want this as much as me, not just to "keep" me. That, plus other things that were not working out, made me want out; he's a really good guy, but not a good guy for me so after 6 years, I broke up. I was ready to move on but with clear expectations for future relationships, and here I am, two and a half years later, soon to be married to my best friend and the best guy for me.
Hmmm as I said in another thread, for me this has been a dealbreaker in the past. There will always be compromise in a relationship, but some things are just too important to compromise - the two people in the relationship need do be heading in the same direction. Marriage was too important for me, and he said he'd do it later if that could make me stay, but it wasn't enough. I needed him to want this as much as me, not just to "keep" me. That, plus other things that were not working out, made me want out; he's a really good guy, but not a good guy for me so after 6 years, I broke up. I was ready to move on but with clear expectations for future relationships, and here I am, two and a half years later, soon to be married to my best friend and the best guy for me.
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A post on one of the other boards got me thinking...
Do any of us waiting girls have a guy who's not really "into" the concept of marriage? Maybe he's been soured on the idea due to a family history of divorce? Maybe he's a modern guy who doesn't think you need to have a marriage certificate to show your commitment? Maybe he thinks that having a wedding (but not the marriage) is a big fat waste of time and money?
Just curious, share your stories and thoughts!
My guy would certainly avoid the whole wedding thing if he could (he can't - ha!) but he's on board with the marriage stuff. Although I will say that the fact that there is basically NO ONE in his entire family who's not been divorced doesn't really help.