- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
I am a perfectionnist through and through. I’m hard on myself and that has historically created stress on me and our relationship. I used to break down really easily from anything that wasn’t ‘perfect’, even for things that didn’t matter. I remember once I was going to pick up FI and he was waiting on me. I kept getting held up and was a few minutes late (he was fine though), but I got so upset, I broke down and cried in the car. I also remember a time where I took on too much for others (sure, I’ll go to your house and feed your dog, hit traffic, needed to do other errands, etc.) and freaked out on him on the phone because I didn’t have time to do it all, felt so stressed, etc. I also have a history of panic attacks and stress. I since saw a counselor and this all has improved immensely. I have a handle on my stress so much better, but I’m still a perfectionnist and it crops up here and there every now and again. FI also helps a lot because he is very calm, understanding, does not get mad about it, and supports me through this.
My perfectionnism also affects our relationship as I unwittingly push that on FI as well. That is, I expect HIM to be perfect. I get frustrated/annoyed with little things he doesn’t say or do perfectly. I then get frustrated with myself and feel horribly guilty. I love him very much and think he’s a wonderful man. I get upset that I nitpick and mad that I am not happy during that moment because I should be. I’ve learned to control this, by not saying anything to FI about what he’s doing ‘wrong’ or get so upset. But I still think about it my head and that bothers me.
Any bees out there perfectionnists? How do you deal with it? How does it impact your relationship? What have you found helps?
I should mention we are starting couples counseling which I am very much looking forward to. I want to work towards the best, healthy relationship we can have together. I love him so very much and look forward to spending the rest of my life with him. I want us both to be happy and I worry me going through these things will take a toll on him and make him unhappy.