Post # 1
My SO and I are begining considering several places to settle down in. We live in California, currently with parents/in school. Both our families are in the Bay Area/Silicon Valley which is a very expensive place to live. We’re contemplating moving quite far away, where things are more affordable (maybe other states, maybe somewhere in europe which has better social policies) But I’m having a hard time of it because I’m convinced that nobody just up and moves half way across the world away from their family for no reason, and my parents would be very angry if I did (which is extrememly distressing to me). But now looking back, I recall anecdotally that lots of people have parents who are flying in to visit and such, because they live far away, and its more or less ok. So I just wanted to get a sense of both what’s normal habits, and what’s considered acceptable or what your problems are with the arrangement.
The poll is kind of based on US standards, I know a lot of other countries are smaller geographically.
Post # 3
We live in England, our families are in St. Louis, MO.
We’ve only been here 6 months, so I can’t speak a ton to the challenges yet. The distance does get a little trying though. Knowing that my mom is a minimum of an $800, 10-11 hour trip from me does get old. You do find ways around it though.
Post # 4
I packed up and moved to another country for no reason, and I have a very close relationship with my family. I’d always wanted to live abroad for a while so I did my research and landed a job in London. I was 24 years old, in a serious relationship, and very attached to my hometown of Chicago. I was only going to stay there for 6 months but within a week of arriving, I knew there was no way I was going home in six months.
Long story short, I eventually ended the relationship (which turned out to be a very good thing!) and stayed in London for three years. I then moved to Australia for just over a year and met the love of my life on my way home; he just happens to be a British Aussie so I’m living in Oz again.
Whilst I was away, my parents came to visit several times and I went home about once per year. If you want to live in Europe, by all means do it. Lots of people move to a new country for the experience and because they want to, not because they have bad family relationships.
To answer your question, I’m a 29 hr flight from my family but will hopefully be moving back to the northern hemisphere by the end of the year. DH’s family is in the UK so we’ll always be a significant distance from one side of the family, much as we wish we could all live closer.
Post # 5
There was another similar thread about a month or so ago, and I’ll share what I wrote then:
I live about…13 hours or so away from my family by plane – not including layovers. My whole family lives in Detroit where I grew up and my husband and I are currently living and working in Kabul, Afghanistan. I’m really close with my family. Generally, its a pretty tight group. I went to undergrad about an hour away, but moved to Egypt for two years for grad school. Then we spent a year in DC before we got married and moved here this fall 3 months after the wedding.
Honestly, when I first left for grad school I thought it was going to be really hard. I have little siblings (10 and 8 now) and I love them hugely. The thing is, I talk to my mom at least once a week and regularly video skype with the kids. Admittedly, with the time difference (9.5 hours ahead right now) its tricky and I don’t get to video with the kids as much as I would like because I’m in bed when they get home from school and am at work before they wake up for school. I also talk to my dad about once a week, and regularly keep in contact with my grandparents and my favourite aunts and cousins. I honestly don’t really feel like I “miss” my family because I’m pretty linked in.
Would I move closer? Yeah, I suppose so (I mean, right now we can’t really get much farther away.) if the chance arose or if I needed to take care of my parents or something. But would I ever move back to Detroit to be near them? Absolutely not. I love to visit, and I love Michigan generally, but its not a place I want to live and its not a place I want to raise my kids. My family is wonderful and loving, but they also have serious limitations that I wouldn’t necessarily want to over-expose my own family to. In a lot of ways, I’ve worked really hard to overcome their bad habits (for example, avoiding confrontation).
Also, I know that living too close to either my or my husband’s family would put a lot of stress on our marriage in a way that we just don’t have now. Even when we go visit (we’ll usually spend like a week at each family in the midwest), the “married in” spouse has, depending on the length of the trip, one free, no questions asked “recess” from the broader family. It works for us. ; )
Post # 6
My parents live in Massachusetts, and my sister lives in New Mexico. We’re in DC, so everyone is far away! FI’s family is in South Florida, so coordinating family vacations becomes really hard regardless of who we’re visiting.
I love living in DC, though, and have no intentions of moving. It’s an expensive place to live, but there are jobs here in my field that don’t exist in most other places.
Post # 7
We live around 10-15 minutes away from my mum, dad and FIL!
Post # 8
Our parents live about 20 minutes from each other, and we live in a regional city 90 minutes drive away. Its pretty good, close enough to see them a few times a month, not so close that my dad drops around for coffee 5+ times a week (which he did when we lived 10 minutes away from him!)
Post # 9
Right after getting married, Darling Husband and I moved to London.
His parents are in NY and Maine, my parent’s are in CA.
We lived in NY before getting married, so I think it’s a harder adjustment for him then for me. I’ve lived on the other side of the country from my parents since I went away to college 10 years ago. So I was used to being at least a 6 hr flight from my parents. Now I’m an 11 hr flight away.
Thankfully we have unlimited calling to the US and have a US phone number that rings in our apartment. So that helps as far as making the world smaller.
The hardest part is the time difference, I went from a 3 hr time difference from my family to an 8 hour time difference. So it is really hard to figure out good times to talk with my parents.
I’ve only been here 4 months so I’m not sure how things will change. It was hard over Christmas because I’m so used to being with either DH’s parents or my parents and this Christmas it was just Darling Husband, my sister, and I. So that took some adjusting.
It was also an adjustment to celebrate Thanksgiving in a country that doesn’t celebrate it and it was only Darling Husband and I to share the big turkey and all the sides.
So, it’s an adjustment, but it’s also really really nice to have a new place with just Darling Husband and I to start our marriage.
Post # 10
We live 2 towns over from my parents. My dad works in the town where we live. I see them a lot.
My brother just moved out to northern California, but he used to live in town between my parents and me.
Post # 11
We live about an hour drive from our parents with no traffic. It’s not so bad now, but it was hard at first cause we come from one of those cultures where yvou never leave your family, you stay and take care of them in their old age. We are here for 2.5 more years while I finish my residency, and then well probably move back home. It’s not so much that we miss them, but more that we want to have kids and with our work schedules being so insane, it’s nice to have our parents and siblings close by to help.
Post # 12
We live two towns over from my parents so it is about a 20 minute drive. And we live in the same neighborhood as my SO’s parents, it is a 2 minute walk. We see them both once or twice a week.
Post # 13
We live in MD, my mom is in SC, my bio dad is in FL and FI’s parents are in CO. I actually like it that way, but I would love to move back to SC. I can handle my mom because she’s respectful of our space and time together. FI’s mom is just intrusive.
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016
During the school year we live about an hour away from both our parents and when we aren’t in school (like in the summer or on breaks) we live with our parents. Once we graduate we’ll hopefully buy a house no more than 20 minutes from either (: I’m very close with my family and even though he isn’t close with his, they do live in the closest small city and we’d need to be close to it either way so that we don’t have to spend a fortune on groceries at the small local grocery store 😉 haha
Post # 15
We live in the midwest about 5 hours from my hometown. My parents split their time between my hometown and California. So I voted both the 2nd and 3rd options.
Post # 16
3000 miles away- both sets. We are in the Bay Area. Mine are in CT and his are in Boston.
I miss them terribly, but I adjusted when we moved 4 years ago. I would like to get back there and we could in a few years with DHs job, but it would also be tough to move from this area. We love it here. The culture, the weather, the things to do. Everything. We are torn between being within a 4 hour drive of our parents and living a place we may not love as much or living so far away its a long plane ride.
My parents come out about 2 times a year and his once. We make it home about 2 times a year so we do get to see them a alot, just not for all the fun little things.