Post # 1
I guess this is more of a vent than anything. Since the announcement of my engagement, aproximately 5 different people have wanted to host a shower for me. I am more of a laid back bride whose not into micro managing details. I am not really into having multiple different showers perhaps due to my more introverted personallity and disinterest in being an outgoing “hostest with the mostest” and home entertainer. And i could really care less about getting more free stuff from my registry!
I graciously accepted a bridal shower to be hosted by some women in the church that I grew up in, from the time I was in 2nd grade to some time into college. Honestly I am happy about this shower–it truely is a celebration of my upcoming wedding from women who have known me since childhood and really contributed to my personal and spiritual growth.
HOWEVER I had a weird/frustrating/upsetting conversation today with my parents who were extreemly offended that my fiance will not be coming to this shower, even for 5 minutes to say hello, thank you to the hostess, and pick up the gifts to take back to his house. I informed them that he has other plans that evening and probably would not be able to come, and that I would ask but it would be unlikely that he would be able to come. They continued to probe me about this, and it really frustrated me that they would just not accept my answer. I mean, I will certainly ask him if he can possibly stop by and be gracious however it pissed me off that my parents were so utterly offended that there was a possiblity that he could not rearrange his schedule to stop by for 5 minutes to be “gracious.”
Post # 3
Sorry, but I haven’t ever been to one or hosted one where the groom didn’t come at the end. How will you get your gifts home without any help? They usually come close to the end, say hello to everyone and maybe get something to eat,and then load up the car with the gifts.
I think your parents are right.
Post # 4
@ItWasntMe: And I have never been to a bridal shower where the FI DID show up, never. In my experience when reading this I found it strange that it was such an importance, apparently bridal showers are done differently in some places?
Post # 5
Is there a specific reason he can’t drop by? FI and I didn’t have anyone request it, but he dropped by at the end to say hello to everyone (especially his grandma who came into town for it) and to ooh and aah over the gifts.
It seems like kind of a small request to me. Even if you didn’t ask for/want a shower, you accepted and a lot of people are going to be working hard to do something nice for you guys.
Post # 6
Well, my husband was in Vegas at his stag the same weekend I had my shower, but I’m trying to wrack my brain about whether grooms showed up to other showers I’ve attended, and can’t say I really even remember. I guess it would be a nice thing, and would be great if he can give you a hand, but if he’s not available, I don’t think it’s the end of the world.
Post # 7
If he has plans he has plans. My DH didn’t come to my shower and I don’t think anyone was offended. I’ve been to showers where the FI has and has not shown up, I don’t see what it has to do with the couple being gracious. Isn’t that what thank you cards are for?
Post # 8
I have never been to a shower where the groom is required to show up for even five minutes. Isn’t that why it’s called a “bridal shower”?
I don’t think it should be an issue at all.
Post # 9
I have never been to a shower where the groom showed up. It must be a regional thing.
Post # 10
I never been to a bridal shower where FI showed up because often the showers are a bachelorette/bridal shower. The last thing FI wants to have to do is have him Mom inquire about the crotchless underwear.lmao
Post # 11
I also have never been to a shower where the groom showed up. I would probably be really confused if he did. And I take it the person hosting the shower determined a date without consulting your FI’s calendar, so he can’t be expected to drop all his plans to stop by. I was going to say maybe you can write the hostess a thank-you note afterwards and your FI can sign his name too…but even that seems odd to me, since it’s a bridal shower.
Post # 12
No grooms at any showers I’ve been to, either. Unfortunately, I doubt your parents will be swayed by our responses 🙁
If your FI has plans during the shower, what if he offers to help them set up beforehand or something like that?
Post # 13
I never heard of a groom to be coming to a shower…I thought they were typically a female thing. If your FI cannot make it, can he sign his name on the thank you cards or make a small note that he was sorry he could not attend but he appreciate the wonderful gifts? Or maybe have him call and put him on speaker and he can quickly say thanks for attending and all the gifts and ‘see you at the wedding’…something like that?
Post # 14
I’m in the camp of the others, where I have NEVER seen the groom show up….
But in your situation, I agree w/ another poster, that perhaps if he writes a thank you note to your hostess. Or, maybe even record a short 1 min video w/ his thank you; this would appease your parents.
Post # 15
This must be a regional/cultural thing. In our circle, the groom does show up at the very end with flowers and to help with the gifts and to thank everyone for coming.
If your parents are used to this and are more traditional (as parents are!) try not to be too hard on them. Tell them again your FH has plans he can’t get out of and that’s that.
ETA – great idea tha the can sign his name to the thank you cards. Get one of the groomsmen to come over and help you take the gifts home.