Post # 1
I come from a family with a flair for the dramatics. Aunts are feuding with second cousins, siblings don’t get along and refuse to hang out, and I’m just the bride stuck in the middle. I hold a pretty neutral approach with my family members. I don’t see many of them often which for me is great because I’m left out of their drama, until I announced my wedding.
Now its “you’re not inviting ______ are you because I don’t know if I can be in the same room with them.” or “It will be hard to celebrate knowing that ________ is there.” My personal favorite “I can’t believe you even consider _______ family and would include them at your wedding” (referring to a cousin who FI grew up with as next door neighbors).
I’m not trying to be a jerk, I get it that people have reasons to be upset with family members and I would definitely respect that. However, my family is not fighting over life shattering events but situations where this person didn’t send a christmas card or this sibling takes too much of the parents attention.
These situations are in both my and my FI’s family. We sat down together and made our list of family members whom we both have met and have been a positive role in our relationship. Although I’m aware that any seating chart making is going to be a nightmare, I feel like it is more innappropriate to get involved in some of the silliness and leave a family member out because they are feuding with someone else. I believe in supporting family and I would not be condoning horrible behavior but in our case, the drama is all over petty situations.
I’m tired of comments and am treading lightly when any family member inquires over my guest list. When it comes down to it, it’s my choice and they can either RSVP yes or No.
Any advice on how I can respond to family members?
Are you dealing with a difficult family?
When I get to the point of a seating chart, do I really need to separate siblings based on their battle sides or can I just put them all at a table and let them switch with someone if need be?
Post # 3
I am. There has been infighing in my family for two generations and sadly some parts of the family I am not close to. I did not invite my own grandfather’s sister because she is the cause of it all. Her daughters are also not invited because they only come around when they need something.
For the relatives that are coming, I know there will be drama because of a situation over my late grandmother’s home. Long store short, my mom is now estranged from her brother and aunt over it (they did some sneaky things behind closed doors with a lawyer). I know there are hard feelings, anger, and mostly great sadness. My cousin who was made homeless by my uncle? I hope he doesnt have a Desert Storm flashback and start swinging.
For your family, I say invite whom you want to invite and if the refuse let them.
Post # 4
I think you dont respond to their comments. Invite who you want and if they make those comments, tell them that your wedding is a celebration of your love, and the people you’re inviting are those you want involved in that celebration. Just leave it at that. They then have the choice to see the bigger picture or check no on the response card. Good luck!
Post # 5
I was the same, I have an aunt who doesn’t get along with anybody she made my mom cry, she said mean things about another aunt, my cousins don’t like her but still I invited her, I stayed with her for about a year in her household when I was studying so I couldnt really pick sides, it was my way of paying her back, she even asked the advice of her priest if she should come, probably her remorse acting up, she left early, and sat by my mom most of the time
but I asked my cousins if she could sit at their table, they were uncomfortable so out of respect for my cousins and their mother I seated her away from them and at the wedding party table so she wouldnt feel slighted but away from my cousins so they wouldnt have to deal with it; she was a bit nitpicky during the wedding and started talking about soem negative things but it was my wedding day so I just smiled and said let’s not go tehre and quickly change the subject; the main thing is be a bigger person and keep your integrity and never mind what others are doing around you
just stay neutral and do what you feel is right; if people refuse then its because of their own pettiness for missing out on a great family occasion, people may or may not fight at a wedding; that’s the risk you take, luckily my family was mature and big enough to keep their personal feelings in check, although said aunt later said my cousins were ambivalent towards her, well, not my fault if she can’t along with them, she did that to herself, I did my family obligation, so I sleep well at night
Post # 6
I think if you are aware of the particular situations and bad feelings, you’d be better off seperating those people who don’t want to bother with each other. If you seat them together, they may feel you did it deliberately to spark something and throw you in the middle of more drama on your wedding day. I’m sure you wouldn’t want that either. If you can avoid it, do it.
We didn’t invite anyone (family or otherwise) who had the potential to be uncomfortable or make anyone else uncomforatble on wedding day. You really have to do what you think is ‘right’ and how you determine that for yourself is really only something you can decide.
Post # 7
this wedding is about you and your FI, no one else. you should stay firm with your family and invite who you want to invite. if people approach you about it, say that you’re inviting the people that are important in your lives and you would hope they can put aside their problems with each other for one day to celebrate your wedding. if they can’t do that, don’t come.
as far as seating goes- i don’t think i’m going to have assigned seats. i’m going to assign people a table number and let them pick their seats at the table. this may lessen stress on you trying to figure out a seating chart and let them make the decision for themselves.
my mom has been a total nightmare about the guest list so far. my FI and i are paying or the wedding, yet she thinks she has the right to invite 40 of her friends to the wedding. we’ve had 3 huge fights over this and we’ve only been engaged for 3 months. i’m dreading what other drama she’s going to start as the wedding gets closer. as i’ve said to my mom- this is our wedding and it’s not about what anyone else wants but us. this is the same with your family- they need to remember who this event is about and respect you guys.
Post # 8
I feel you I feel you I feel you!! && Its Driving me CRAZY!!
This above all: to thine own self be true
Post # 9
Ughh, because of these issues, I’m not sure that I won’t end up eloping. Okay, here goes:
FI wants to ask FSIL’s ex-husband to be his BM. FSIL refuses to be in the same place as her ex. Not only that, FSIL is in a long-term relationship with my cousin. So, if FSIL’s ex comes, she will not, nor will my cousin.
FMIL hates her sister and one of her brothers. She will not, by any means, accept me inviting him. FI wants to invite them, though. I’m not really complaining, though. FI has wayy too many aunts, uncles, and cousins and I really want an intimate affair.
My mom despises my father’s girlfriend. If I don’t invite his gf, he probably won’t come. Then I’ll be taking the trip down the aisle solo.
My father’s sister is really an embarrassment, along with her basket case daughter. They are socially retarded. They always tell complete strangers their entire life story, including molestation details. Doesn’t matter who it is or how long they’ve known the person, they’ll talk about the boil on their ass and their increase in food stamps freely. If I don’t invite them, my aunt will show out and be really mad, causing unnecessary drama. So, I have to.
I refuse to invite my heroin addict uncle and his wife, or their kids. But, if I invite big mouth aunt, she’ll telll them when and where my wedding is and they’ll show up.
It’s all just one huge mess.