How has your relationship changed over the years?

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
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359 posts
Helper bee

To be totally honest, when DH and I first got together, we were both in (open) LTRs with other people.  As a result, our first year or so was tumultuous.  Exciting, as we figured out that we were pretty much meant for each other, and not so much for the other SOs, but also dramatic in both exciting and annoying ways.

We’ve been together almost 8 years now, and over time things have settled down.  We still adventure together – we’ve moved out to the country where we plan to build up our homesteading over time, maybe to the point where I can retire form my job and we can both just work the land.  We have a baby that we plan to homeschool out here.  It’s hard to descirbe, but it’s a whole different adventure.  We’ve moved past the interpersonal drama and into a world of domestic adventures together.

Sometimes, I guess I kind of miss the old days, but only in little doses.  I really love our life together out here on the farm, and wouldn’t trade it for my 10 years ago life for anything.  I hope we have another 50 years of country fun and projects and love ahead of us.

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4545 posts
Honey bee

My FH and I dated when we were in high school, so we’ve gone through quite a few changes since then. 

We see each other a lot more. The first times we dated, we’d see each other only once or twice a week, despite that we live 10 minutes from each other. Now, it’s rare when we go a whole day without seeing each other. Especially in the first stages of our relationship, we needed to be together a lot more often than we were. 

We used to be all over each other, anytime we were together, to the point that our only real conversations were via text. We both live with our parents, so having the alone time has always been tricky, but we used to go at it pretty much anytime we possibly could. Now it happens about once a week. It’s not that the sexual chemistry is gone. It’s definitely still there! It just isn’t a priority the same way anymore. I have a feeling it’ll pick up when we get our own place…

We’ve also grown up quite a lot. We’ve matured individually, and as a couple. We never fought originally, and it (probably) lead to some really awful arguments pretty early in our current relationship. There were definitely times that we questioned if we were going to make it. We’ve pretty much figured each other out by now, and we’ve worked out the big stuff. Little things pop up every now and then, but it’s nothing like it was. We’re both really committed to working through all of our problems, and making our relationship work (finally!), which also wasn’t there before.

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379 posts
Helper bee

Yes..it has changed. After nearly 5yrs of marriage and two little ones. Of course every relationship starts off as infatuation..that’s how ppl r attracted to each other. We were lusty in love for two yrs until we were engaged and married within two months after dating for two yrs. A few months later i got pregnant. Being a parent is very stressful…and the two parents almost never have time for each other. Sex is a has to be carefully planned. Spontaneity is a thing of the past. We still love each other and enjoy being married…but that extremely passionate lust has wained due to the stress of work…house work and kids.

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2981 posts
Sugar bee

@dannielle89:  Well, ours has changed a lot! We have been together for 9 1/2 years and will get married 12 days before our 10 year anniversary.

We started dating at 15 and 17, now we are almost 25 and 27. In the beginning, we were infatuated with each other. We had to be by each other’s side 24/7 and I would drive 2 hours, 4 times a week, just to see him during his first year of college.

During college, we went to separate schools (though in the same town) and were able to form seperate identities, hobbies and interests, which was great. Unfortunately, we barely saw each other. We both played sports, worked 20 hours a week and had studying to do. Honestly, our communication was aweful or at least very much lacking.

We hit a rough patch our senior year of college (FI took 5 years, so we finished at the same time) when I wanted to move out of the state and he wanted to stay. It was really tough on us and we fought a lot. Fortunately, I scored a great job right out in our ciry and I was happy to stay.

Over the past 2 1/2 years (post-graduation), our relationship has grown and thrived tremendously. Being in the work world, growing up and figuring our lives out has been great. Even though we waited 9 years to get engaged, it was the best decision we could have made. I feel like we have moved past the tumultous “growing pains” of the early 20′s and have a solid foundation under us. We have learned to be open and honest with each other. We communicate better and more often now.

Now, we know who we are and are comfortable with each other. We love being together, but are fine doing our own things from time to time.

Sorry for the long post, hopefully that answered your question! Here’s to high school sweethearts :)

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743 posts
Busy bee

Our relationship has drastically changed as well but like many bee’s on here, we also started dating in high school so we have changed A LOT since we started dating. When we first started dating, we were also infatuated with each other. We had to always be texting, on the phone, or together. I remember right after graduation (we had only been together 3 months at this point) going on a cruise as my gift and freaking out because I couldn’t use my phone or talk for 6 days. I rememeber staying up til 4am on the phone when we both had to be up early for work or school. We said “I love you” really soon (2 months in) but honestly, we didn’t love each other that soon. It was lust. We went to seperate colleges (we had chosen schools MONTHS before we met) that were 2 hours apart. The first year was easy on our relationship but hard on us. We were miserable, missed each other a lot, but it brought us so close. However, we didn’t allow ourselves to grow and develop (or hardly make friends) so personally we were miserable. Sophmore year we ended up taking a 4 month break because we grew apart and started finding ourselves. This really allowed us to figure things out for ourselves but ultimately led us back together! 

After the break, the relationship was more mature. While I may have loved him before, I knew now it was love. Our relationship has been more mature. We found a balance now that the lust is gone. Do I mis sometimes his swooning over me? Absolutely. But at the end of the day, I know we love each other more than anything and he’s my soulmate. We have grown together both individiually and as a couple and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

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1411 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think our relationship has changed much…but we’ve only been together for 4 years and married for a year.  We are older (30′s) so we’ve been in LTR’s with others and know what does and doesn’t work for both of us.  We also knew who we were when we met which helped.  

DH ended his first LTR (7+ years) because they met in HS and changed so much….she wanted to settle down at a young age while his buddies were out having a good time and dating around.  He was a “late bloomer” b/c of it and it took a while to get out of his system.  

I’m not saying we haven’t had our fair share of difficulties but I always knew (and he does now) that every relationship is difficult at times but it’s whether or not you want to share those difficulties with that person for the rest of your life.  

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104 posts
Blushing bee

FI and I have been together for 9 years, lived together for 6 years (practically 9 since the first three years I hardly stayed at my own apt) and will marry on our 10th year anniversary.  

I feel that with time our relationship only gets better.  Sometimes I get nostalgic thinking of our first years together when hormones were flying high and every little touch between us sent shock waves through my body.  However, I love the relationship we have built and nurtured between us.  The beginning years were amazing and unforgettable, but that’s when we were still figuring each other out as well.  Since then, we have both matured in our love for each other.  Communication was good then, even better now.  I love that he’s my bestest friend in the world and that we can tell each other absolutely ANYTHING.  I love that trust has never been an issue between us and that we’ve never been mad at each other greater than 24 hours.  If he’s mad at me, all I literally have to do is smile at him.  It works every time, no joke! For me though, it takes a little more ass kissing from him, haha.  I think what really helped us from the very beginning was that we both promised that we’d never go to bed angry and we’d always end our night with a kiss.  There were definitely nights when I didn’t care for neither rule however, a promise is a promise!  The kiss usually worked because it made us both realize we were being silly and whatever we were fighting about wasnt worth having a sleepless night over.

 

I still can’t get enough of him to this day.  I’ve been told by many people that after a few years, the sparks just go away.  But it’s been 9 years and I am still madly in love with him.  I feel the sparks every time he gives me the last bite on whatever it is we’re sharing, or when he kisses me right before leaving to work in the morning even though I’m half asleep or when he picks up my favorite candy because he happened to be working at an in-store bank that day.  Sure we don’t feel the need to jump each others pants all the time anymore, but what we have now is better than anything we had before.  I couldn’t ask for a better person to spend my future with.

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2687 posts
Sugar bee

Ours hasn’t changed much either. We met when I was 23 (he was 33) and it was clear from the get go that it was a serious relationship. We have always had a very calm, mature, loving relationship and don’t fight much. I think the biggest change is how much we talk about the future and feel like a family rather than a dating couple. We’re in the process of a big move and getting married this year and don’t want to wait too long to have kids (we’re 27 and 37 now), so there’s a lot of planning! Even though it stresses me out a bit, we’re very much a team and make decisions together.

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2224 posts
Buzzing bee

We met in high school but didn’t start dating until right before we both turned 21. We’ve been together for almost 3 years now and even though it doesn’t seem like a long time, we have both changed so much. He has become more patient with me and the issues I deal with from prior to when we were together. I have taught him and he has taught me. We have learned to communicate better and be 100% open. We are very much a team and I wouldn’t have it any other way :)

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1903 posts
Buzzing bee

We’re hs sweethearts as well (started dating at 17) and we got married a few months before out 10th anniversary.  Our love has evolved from the teenage “first-love” rush, but our current state – which is a mix of contentness and happiness, accented by love and punctuated by occasional excitement – is perfect for us. The desire is still there, and I still get excited to see him at the end of the day (he doesn’t got home until 8 or 9), but that constant giddiness has calmed down.

I like it this way. I feel loved, secure, and happy.

Member
338 posts
Helper bee

this is interesting! my fiance and i got together nearly 7 years ago. we actually broke up for a couple of years during that time, which was the best thing we could have done since neither of us had been single much in our adult life and really needed some time by ourselves. partly what went wrong the first time was that he was not able to voice his concerns well when he was pissed off at me or bothered about something and would always bottle it up, whereas i was very outspoken. he has since matured a lot and can communicate better with me and is not afraid to speak up, and i am better at controlling how i voice my thoughts. mostly though it was really a simple case of us maturing as individuals. 

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1099 posts
Bumble bee

When FI and I first got together. . . I literally broke up with a guy who was away at school to be with him. My bf at the time was a virgin. . . and that was frustrating to me. I didn’t want to be the one to teach him how to do things. . . we were together all summer, and when he went away to school we started talking less and less. Then my FI came into the picture. . . the more I talked to him, the less I wanted to talk to my bf. FI and I talked for about a week before we started dating. . . things happened really quickly in our relationship. We said I Love You to each other within the first 2 weeks. He even mentioned getting engaged within the first month we were together. . . and that would normally be something that would scare the crap out of me, but with him it felt ok. We had that lust in the beginning and need to do it anytime, anywhere, even 3 times a day. We were crazy for each other. We never really fought. If we do have a “fight” we get over it really quickly. We just get each other. We’ve been together for 5 years, lived together for 2 of those years, and engaged for over 1. I guess you could say now we’ve both really matured and are ready to grow up and live our lives together. Since we’re both in our dream careers, that need to do it 3 times a day isn’t exactly there anymore, but we’re still crazy for one another. More or less, we’ve grown together, and I wouldn’t change a thing.

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42 posts
Newbee

My FH and I dated when we were in high school, so we’ve gone through quite a few changes since then.

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390 posts
Helper bee

@dannielle89:  10 years here! We were 16 when we started dating. We no longer have to talk to know what the other is thinking. I think for being teenagers we had a pretty good relationship. We’ve grown together as people and we definitely even each other out.

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