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Good morning.
My vision changed, too. We're getting married in less than 8 weeks and I just turned 37. To me, the most important thing is that we have a wedding that suits our taste, our style, and our vision, without giving in to the pressure that seems to come from all possible angles.
I had an idea of what my wedding might look like, but since we've been engaged and I've been embroiled in planning, I'm able to make choices that I never really knew were options, since the industry is fairly skilled at highlighting trends, and the most expensive ones at that. So, knowing that I can be beautiful without a strapless ball gown, that we can find a venue that isn't gaudy -- among other things -- really makes me enjoy the process.
Thanks for posting this! It's always good to remember to stay focused on your vision.
I never really thought about it when I was younger. But if I had gotten married at 25 instead of 35, I think I would have wound up having a larger and more traditional wedding. Now we're planning a relatively small one (50-75 people), my dress is shorter and less poufy than I probably would have picked ten years ago, and we're trying to keep it low key and casual (including a hike after the ceremony). Sadly, because of the location, we're forgoing a taco truck--something I think would be perfect at any age! :)
@WeeBirdy - I love the idea of a hike after the ceremony. how cool! I would also LOOOOOOVE a taco truck!
Without a doubt...If I had been married in my 20s (I am 34), I would have worn a poofier dress- (I used to dream of Vera Wang), I would have more bridesmaids, and definitely more than the 70 people we are inviting. I am so happy that I am 30+ bride..I feel more prepared than I would have been a decade ago. :-)
I agree with all of you--and I think I'd like to be a guest at your weddings!
Thanks, Danadelphia! We're getting married in Yosemite--the ceremony's in the morning on top of a mountain and the reception is at night in the Valley below. We thought a 5-mile hike down the mountain sounded perfect. (Optional, of course. I have no idea if any one but the two of us will want to get dragged down a mountain, but at least it's better than UP the mountain.) We will bribe people with some snacks and champagne on the way down. I'm hoping that will make up for the missing taco truck.
I hope you're all having a good week!
So funny, I think I may be the opposite in someways - as a 20-something - I never thought about a wedding and if any one had asked me, I would have said something like - simple, low-key, small. Now, at 34, I'm getting married and keep surprising myself - I have a fairly ornate dress (lots of bead work), a larger guest list (150), and a much more formal even than I would have planned earlier in life. I laugh at myself nearly everyday.
I am definitely surprised about how my wedding vision has changed! I am definitely with the rest of you who say the wedding is smaller, and more laid back. We also can't justify spending all that money for one day. So we've decided to rent an AMAZING house for a week, have our wedding party stay with us (it has 10 bedrooms), and have the wedding right there with our small group of 60. If this was 10 years ago, it would have been twice as big, twice the cost, and about 1/4 of the time!
I feel like the odd one since my wedding visions never changed, though I'm not lucky enough to get the wedding of my dreams (I wanted a destination wedding... FH wanted the big white wedding, so between him and pressure from my family i get the big white wedding...sigh.. though in some weird way, i'm starting to enjoy it).
I do think, though, in my 20s I'd have had a better chance in convincing everyone that destination was the way to go ;)
It's hard to say this in a nice way, but I've been surprised how who attends the wedding doesn't matter to me. The wedding is going to small anyway, but I'm at a point where if the required participants are there, anyone else is icing on the cake. I certainly have more money to pay for the wedding now versus 10 years ago, but sometimes that doesn't help so much!
My vision has totally changed over the years and I'm not even quite 30 yet (getting close, 6 months away). No train or frou-frou dress, no big bridal party, no registering for china, a lot of things. I'm the one who used to love all things wedding and now that I'm the bride, I'm just not that into being bride-y. Go figure!
I'm also inviting my bosses to the wedding and the image of me walking down the aisle in a big poufy dress where they could see me kinda makes my stomach churn.
How funny! Mine has changed since I've been engaged and started looking at the costs (all of which we will pay for) and the people who are going to be there and the people I really WANT there and I knew I was NOT going to pay $30+ a person to feed 150 of my "closest" friends.
We are now going to get married in the club house of a friend's complex and we have a grad total of 55 people on the guest list - and 5 of those are my sister's 5 kids!
I actually LOVE that it will be small and intimate and that it will only be our close friends and family.
Sometimes being "old" has positive moments!
I acutally was married in my 20's (23 to be exact) and I went for the poofy dress, cheap food, silly shoes and the wrong husband! :-) Now that I'm 30 (I'll be 31 on my wedding day) I took the time to think about the kind of wedding I REALLY wanted and now that I'm getting married for the right reasons I think that is what has made the difference. No poofy white dress, an ivory satin sheeth instead. Spending money where we want to and not trying to go cheap, and (opposite to others here) this wedding is nearly 3 times as big. We wanted to truly celebrate with all friends and family and not exclude anyone to reduce costs. After doing that in my first wedding I really regretted it. Overall, I'm more relaxed about the whole thing and am really focusing on the ceremony and the meaning behind all this. Because, now that i"m in my 30's, I realized that there is a purpose! Funny what nearly 10 yeras does (and again the RIGHT man!)
I am getting married in four months and my vison has changed. I am 34 and i am having a court wedding bc my fiance lives in Argentina and i live in NY. its trhe only option to get him here. Anyway i went from planning a 330 person wedding which i cancelled to a courtroom marriage. But im in love so anything is good right now!!
honestly, mine is pretyy darn close to what i envisioned. i'd say the main difference is i expected it to be on an ocean beach and instead it's in a field next to a forest. otherwise, casual, barefeet, linen dress, flowers in my hair and a man by my side that loves me for my quirks (instead of inspite of!). =D
I think in general, my wedding didn't change much, but then again I don't think I ever really envisioned what my wedding would look liek...I think the only thing that really changed between the 20's and 30's was WHO we invited...college friends were less on the list than a lot of other friends we have had in recent years...
it has changed. I don't know how much but I know big is not a big deal any more.. I am just not in that company any more and you really are not that close to 250 plus people.. it's like reality.. Plus, i'm paying for this.
I think my vision has changed in terms of what is important for me to focus on. I've been to many, many weddings in the last decade, so as I plan my own, I can look back and see what exactly I remember from them. Right off the bat I can eliminate mongrammed cocktail napkins, chair covers, fancy cakes and matching bridesmaids. I also know that my married girlfriends admit that they never look at their wedding albums or wedding video, so I know those needs can be scaled way down. I've seen brides furious because the caterer isn't using the martini glasses at the mashed potato bar, and don't want to go there. :)
@srast - your post madde me laugh! I had a discussion about chair covers with another B2B recently. She insisted chair covers were an 'essential' you just have to have them. Having been to a variety of weddings in my 20's (including one where the father of the bride cooked the entire wedding menu for the 20 odd guests and we were all eating from their dining table like a proper family) I can honestly say I don't remeber any of the details - chair covers, what kind of crockery/cutlery there was, the invites (though I do know some people keep them, and all of mine are probably somewhere in a box), the table centres, place cards, favours...the list goes on. Things i do remember though are: being served two kinds of food (goat's cheese and lamb) I detest for starter and main course, without ever having been given a choice to opt for an alternative and going hungry all night, the crappy DJ who played cheesy Eurodisco (and did not inspire many people to dance), the fact that I never got a thank you card for my present (though I know some of my friends did), an amazing wedding cake, a very calm, understated wedding where the bride was radiant with happiness (i.e. not stressed out about details of 'her day' going wrong) the guests were largely left to mingle and enjoy the lovely weather and company of their friends, and is generally referred to in my circle of friends as 'the best wedding we have ever been to' - even though it was almost 8 years ago.
People matter, things don't.
I'm 35 and I never had a wedding vision until I became engaged last year. (Oddly enough) :0 I really never thought about it until I started planning for the wedding. The only thing I ever said was I wouldn't get married until I was 25...Wow! I beat my own rule by 10 years. :0
In my twenties, I wanted big and formal. Imagine lots of tulle, princess gown, tuxedos, in a church with a formal reception and hundreds and hundreds of people. I also wanted my parents to pay for it all no matter the cost! Now: I want a simple wedding. Imagine a lovely dress, no tulle or princessiness (um, i think that's a word?!?), simple suits, outside ceremony and fun-filled reception with delish food, and less than 200 people. And, the big kicker - I will be helping to pay for it!
I don't know if I ever had a lot of vision for a wedding. But, recently some things have become important as my bf and I move toward marriage.
1.) intimate with family and close friends. I feel as I've gotten older (and wiser) these close, long term relationships are even more special to me.
2.) delicious food. My bf and are quite the foodies and love cooking, eating out, supporting local farmers/restaurants.
3.) comfortability. I want guests to come and have FUN, enjoy themselves, not feel "stuffy".
I have no plans to be overly DIY or cutesy. I don't need a million paper products, masks for guests, or something out of place like balloons or feathers. I am not interested in branding of items (dress brands, etc) and care much more about quality of items, fit, etc. I would also like to use wedding decor items that we can re-use in our home (whatever those might be - lanterns, or vases, or something else).
I see so many weddings lately that look like grown up versions of a children's birthday party. I don't want to create that kind of a feeling. I prefer more of an intimate, grown up, party feeling.
I do plan to spend on photography - both to get good images of us, but also family portrait images.
So, I guess that makes my Top 3 list of splurge items
Photography, food, and venue/feeling/decor
We are both in the wedding industry(she in the planning and rental end and he in the Hosting, planning and DJ’ing end) but, while nicely appointed, our wedding was not a wedding vendors dream come true, to the contrary.
Priorities do change but one important consideration for a B&G should always be how best to engage, entertain and include all your guests regardless of age, cultural and musical taste. We wanted it to be uniquely ours but knowing friends and family would enjoy themselves was just as important.
We are 40 and 50 something. Our 56 guests were all over 30 but mostly over 40 so our choice of a very talented keyboard/pianist was perfect for the ceremony and for dancing later. The food was simple but good and the venue, a mountain valley B&B with a large glassed in atrium/reception area could not have been better.
After the toasts, speeches and almost 2 hours of dancing and celebrating, we all kicked back in some comfortable over stuffed chairs and sofas, drank more wine/beer, shared stories and enjoyed each others company. Looking back, we would not have done it any different.
When I was in my 20's I wanted to have a huge wedding 250 + , a big white puffy dress, and everything the best of the best ! I didn't care if it cost me to go broke! Now that Im 30 and have a much better idea of what is more important like getting a house or banking the bank for a one night affair. I know everyone says well its your wedding day !!! Yes Im well aware of that, however I rather know that I didn't spend every last dime in our savings for a party thats over in a few hours. I rather walk into a beautiful home everyday. I think as we get older we learn what really is important and our likes/dislikes change. We become more sophisticated : ) I live in NY and a wedding for 250+ can cost well over 100 thousand at 275.00 a plate and that does not include the band , flowers etc. I can't see us spending that kind of money for our wedding 5-10 yrs ago I def. could.Best of luck with all your planning
Hmmm I'd say I became more flexible in terms of how large our wedding was.
I used to want a very small and very intimate wedding and would not budge. I realized over the years that it's not just MY day. I need to consider the groom, our families, and our friends.
We still had a smaller wedding (under 90 people) and I wouldn't change a thing.
In my 20s I wanted a small wedding and big honeymoon. Now I'm having a big(ish) wedding and a small honeymoon!
Now that I'm older I see the purpose in having all my friends and family together. I also want a quiet place to hide out after the big day, hence, the small honeymoon (a few days at a lake cabin).
So interesting!!! I'm on board with the bees who want a smaller and romantic wedding. I thought I'd have a big, traditional (translated expensive) wedding, but now it's much more about the marriage and being married than the wedding. My sister is 2 years younger and she's more about not excluding anyone... she encouraged me to do a potluck if I have to, but I feel too old for cheap... I want to have an elegant and smaller wedding on a budget. It's one day, so I don't want to break the bank... a very important day, but what comes after is so much more important! :)
I just turned 30 and I also had a much more informal wedding that the one that I would have had maybe 5 years ago.
But I can't say that this is because I'm older, or if it is because my brother had a really big formal wedding with the whole family a few years ago. I think his wedding provided a bit of catharsis for me, and I looked at my own event in a different way.
Hi everybody, I'm new to this site, but I just had to comment on this post! First of all, let me just say that I'm not engaged yet, lol, but I'm praying it comes SOON. I will be 35 in Oct., and my wedding dreams are a lot different now than when I was in my twenties. I've never been married, but I've been in two previous relationships where I planned weddings (one at age 23 and the other at age 28). The only great things I got out of either of those men were 2 wonderful kids, lol, but I'm not complaining. I've been through a lot of drama in my life, and now I've found the most wonderful man, so 3rd time is definitely a charm! When I was younger, I wanted to do everything the "Right" way in terms of a wedding. It needed to be traditional, and basically cookie-cutter to what you read in a bridal magazine. I wanted a huge guest list, huge poofy white dress, huge "in your face" everything. I think I really wanted to impress everyone and thought that would then bring me happiness in return. Boy, I am definitely older and wiser now. I've finally found a loving partner who treats me so special, and we have an 18 mos. old daughter. We live together and basically feel married already. I don't want to give up my dream of an actual wedding because I still think I deserve a little something, lol, but the grand design element is gone. If I ever get my proposal, I've been thinking of something very small, intimate, & family-oriented. I won't have a check-list where everything needs to happen or else my wedding will be doomed. It's interesting how life changes your wants and needs. Thanks for listening to my ramblings, and keep your fingers crossed that someday it will happen for us! :)
I was engaged once in my 20s'. I cannot believe how my taste, ideas and expectations have changed since then! I'll be 39 when we get married.
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When I was younger, I envisioned myself having a much grander wedding than we're planning now. But I'm getting married a week before my 36th birthday and now all I want is something simple and romantic.
Did your vision of your wedding change as you got older, or are you having the wedding you've dreamed of as a child?