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How have you changed from 16-21?

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    Akennedy01    September 24, 2011   KY

    In a LOT of posts bees have said that from 16-21 (or a similar range) they changed tremendously and are not the same person they were back then.  I'm really interested in this and would like to hear how you've changed.

    I think back to who I was at 15/16/17 and I honestly don't think I was much different than I am now. I didn't think smoking pot was cool at 15. I didn't think drinking was cool at 16. I didn't think sleeping around was cool at 17. Honestly, I feel that I am still the same person, fundamentally, that I was at 15. I think that the only change I can pinpoint is that I care now a little less about what others think than I did when I was 15.

    I still budget the same way (although now I have more money to play with). I still make decisions the same way. I still write grocery lists and clip coupons like I did at 15 (although it's coming out of my pocket now). There are a lot of small changes but nothing massive. I had a lot of responsibility as a teenager. I've seen my friends grow up around me and start to get serious about their educations and careers, but I've always been very focused on my goals.

    I hear so much about getting married young and how people change. I talked to my mom about a previous thread I'd started about being so young. She was really curious too as to how people had changed. The only change she noticed in me was that I am so much happier now than I was at 15/16/17.

    Please share with me how you've changed, I would really appreciate it! 

     
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    MissAsB    June 6, 2009   Married in CO, Living in AL

    The biggest change for me is that I have become more confident and outspoken than I was in high school.  I'm a lot less shy than I was back then too.  I'm 23 now.

     
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    littlemissmoo    July 18, 2010   London, UK

    I'm much more secure in myself than when I was 15-17. I was bullied up until my mid-teens and that made me a very introverted and angry and self-conscious. Generally I'm a much happier person. My view of people has changed quite a bit - I used to think everyone was an awful person deep down whereas now I'm much more willing to give people a chance. I tend to throw around money less and think more about the long-term future. When I was 19 I started working full time in a high level position and so the responsibilities of that made me more responsible in all areas of my life. Especially with money, I think that's where I've changed most.

     
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    ejs4y8    June 20, 2009  

    I changed a lot between my teenage years and now. My mom always says I was mature for a teenager with a good head on my shoulder, but geez, I don't even know how to explain how i changed. I just grew up, even though I never did anything bad as a teenager. I played 3 sports, got excellent grades, and was a well rounded kid in high school. I went to college and it was a whole other world, with new situations and a new workload. I joined a sorority, got an apartment, had internships, accepted a real job offer....I really learned a lot about myself during those 4 years.

    I think a lot of it depends on the experiences you go through between those ages and what sort of childhood you had in your teen years. Mine were very different, but i know my mom moved out at 17 and got her own place and was a manager. But i was still playing basketball.

     
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    cardigan    January 7, 2011   Austin, TX

    When I was 16/17, I was an extremely submissive person. I was a huge people pleaser, and I basically let everyone else make decisions for me. I didn't have much of a backbone, and I was scared to speak my mind about a lot of things. Now? I know that I am the only one who can make decision for my life, and I'm a LOT more outspoken and headstrong! I am also a lot more confident and secure in myself than I was at 16.

     
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    HannahT    September 6, 2009  

    I'm 29 so not really in the window you are talking about... but here are some of the ways I think I've changed over the years:

    From high school to college:

    • Became more confident about my body and less shy
    • Spoke up for myself more
    • Started dating guys who were a better mesh with my personality

    From college to now:

    • Started having higher expectations of the people I dated, put up with a lot less BS
    • Discovered what I want to do with my life, became less pretentious about intellectual crap
    • Realized that relationships are about compromise and none are 100% perfect
    • Realized that for me it's better to have a few true friends than a crowd of acquaintances
    • Grew more comfortable with my own quirks and personality traits

     

    The funny thing is, I get what you're saying. In a lot of ways I still do feel like the same person I was at 16. I write for teens and feel like I have no trouble relating to high school situations or drama or remembering what it felt like to be in certain situations. I watch a ton of teen TV, read teen mags, and my favorite books are for young adults.

    I'm the same person I was then...but I'm also much different, if that makes any sense.

     
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    amnystik    April 9, 2011   Texas

    WOW... my whole life is a complete 180 from when I was a teenager to now.....

    (IN A NUTSHELL)

    When I was 15 I experienced a MAJOR debilitating depression due to my thyroid (didn't find that reason out for YEARS) Because of this though I was very insecure and really introverted..... So when a cute older boy showed interest (he was 20) when I was 16 you better believe I went with it... and dropped out of the school that didn't understand my problem anyways <----- this is when I walked into hell and stayed stuck there for 5+ yrs!

    Turns out my pick was an abusive alcoholic addict who DJ'd in the Electronic scene... yea I played the part for awhile... drinking/drugs/dancing  but when the abuse got out of hand I wanted out!

    Unfortunately that didn't happen until I was 21 and our son was 2 y/o (he's what really gave me the strength to say.. umm no! I don't want that for my family)

    NOW at 25............

    I live in a city that I thought I'd NEVER live (that's a God thing)... Going back to school for my BS in Biology with prereqs for PreMed.. and Am highly Invovled in my Church <---- Which is where I met my now FH! Who is absolutely AMAZING and loves me and my our son really with the love that Jesus talked about.

    I never never never would've thought my life and I would be where I am today and now when I talk about it I can't believe that just a few years ago.... "THAT" was my life and who I was.

    I know my stories quite different than ya'lls but yea I'm VERY VERY different!.. and I THANK GOD FOR IT! =)

     
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    flutterbi    June 30, 2012  

    I don't know how much I changed between 16 and 21 but I did change a LOT in my 20s. I discovered a lot about who I am, what is important to me and what matters most in my life. I changed my career goals many times. I realized that an unhealthy relationship is NOT better than no relationship and my happiness is not dependent or defined by the happiness of others around me. I learned a lot about friendships and relationships. Basically I grew up. Yes, you can be fundamentally the same person, but life experiences can change a lot about you and well these changes may not be large ones, they effect how you view and interact with the world around you.

    At 21 I thought I was with the man I would marry. We fought a lot, but we had a lot of fun and I knew he totally loved me and always would love me. I thought that was enough. It took me years to realize things weren't right and now I've found someone who does love me and just as important is on the same page in life with me and understands me. I shutter to think about where I would have been if I had married the man I was with at 21.

     
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    mogget    June 11, 2011   TX

    The only change appearance wise is that I've gained a lot of weight, but that's about it. Oh, and I used to dye my hair some nutso color every month pretty much, but now I've come to embrace and even love my natural strawberry blonde.

    I'm a lot more relaxed. I used to worry and stress about everything. While I still do worry, it's not a whole lot. I've mellowed quite a bit.

    Now, I also have less friends. In high school I had a ton of casual acquaintances, but now I've got a few close friends and I'm fine.

    I also care a whole lot less about what people think of my looks, appearance, or whatever. I used to spend so much time on my looks and making sure everything was perfect, because I was so worried about what other people thought of me. Now if I want to dress up, I do it for me. 

    I've matured a lot when it's come to relationships. I used to be pretty selfish in high school and even at the beginning of me and FI's relationship. Now I realize that if I want it to work, I have to put forth effort and be giving too. I also came to discover that if I wanted to be in a happy, healthy and successful relationship, I had to stop changing who I was so that guys would like me. In HS, I used to just sort of morph into what the guy wanted. Now I'm just myself, and I'm lucky enough to have found someone who meshes perfectly with who I actually am. It's worked out pretty well. :)

     
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    babyboo      

    Like many of the other ladies, I have changed so much since I was 16 but I can't really explain how!

    I was the "perfect daughter" when I was a teenager. I was in all honors and APs, always on honor roll, volunteered through many clubs, never drank, smoked, or did drugs, never snuck out the house, etc.  I had a boyfriend but he was super clean-cut, came from a great family, and was a star athlete. But oh boy did I think I had the whole world figured out and no one could tell me any different!

    At 22 I have the maturity to realize that I don't have everything figured out. I've gone away for school and lived on my own and now I'm back at home finishing up. Those years really helped me mature and grow my confidence.

    Fundamentally I am the same person I was at 16 (same values, work ethic, etc) but I am a much different person in how I handle myself and see the world.

     
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    lilyfaith    June 23, 2012   Lakeview, Chicago

    I've changed a lot, but they've been gradual changes.  

    Some of it does have to do with age - I'm much more confident and outgoing now. I don't feel the same need to prove myself. 

    Life choices- for some reason, I didn't think I could become a psychologist when I took Psych in high school because of the science and stats behind it. Now I know that I'll fail at times when trying, but that diligence and perseverence make it an attainable goal. 

    Along with that, I've learned that I can handle stressful situations. Nothing opens your eyes more than being 18, having rent, bills, and other necessary costs slam down on you while entering your first year of college. It was hard as hell, but I felt proud that I did it (and still do.) 

    I was also still finding myself. I knew my core values - openmindedness, caring, compassion - but I was struggling to align them with Christianity for years, and I really struggled. It wasn't until 18 that I had the courage to admit to myself that I was an atheist, and 19 that I admitted it to people besides my fiance. 

    Those changes all came while I was with my fiance (then boyfriend) obviously, since we've been together since 14 and haven't broken up. We're lucky in that our core personality traits are similar enough that we changed similarly. Our "ideal" lives have changed many times over, and each time we were able to be supportive and unselfish while still making sure we both had good career opportunities. The changes could have been the end of our relationship, but I really believe our communication and that we're best friends ended up making our relationship stronger. That's why I'm confident that we won't "change too much" when getting married at 22. Of course we'll change - but we'll continue to talk openly and often about it, and think about each other as well as ourselves.

     
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    shaunna    October 9, 2011   UK

    I am almost 29 now. I don't think I changed much between 16-21, but I definitely did a lot of changing between 21-25. I've been pretty stable since 25 and hopefully will continue to be so Wink

     
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    sahsabahs    June 2011  

    My morals and ethics didn't change but how I approached the world and my spot in it changed drastically. I mean at 16 I was just learning how to drive - suddenly I could go places.  At 21, that's clearly old hat as most have lived on their own, established themselves as independent of their family and history.  But I've done significant changing since 21 as well.  I mean, at 21 I was deciding who I wanted to be as a real member of my community, dating a boy who was also deciding.  It's a good thing we broke up, because it turns out we had different ideas of our place in the world.  Nice guy, wish him the best - but I'm glad I didn't go down his path with him because I'm much happier now having found a path of my own.

     
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    PinkPinstripes    November 2011   Boston, MA

    From 16-21 I think I really started to learn about the world around me more and what kinds of possibilities are out there in terms of meeting new people, new places, different cultures/beliefs/politics/ideas.

    Althought my parents had exposed me to many wonderful things and places, I really began to explore and learn for myself (especially in college).

    Up until around 16 years old, we are really shaped by the environment around us, but at 16 and up, we can make the decisions ourselves.

     

     
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    MandaMack    September 10, 2011   Pittsburgh, PA

    You really don't think that you've changed from the age of 15 to now?  Either you mentally developed VERY young, or you still haven't matured completely..

    When you were 15 did you know what you wanted in life?  I can tell you when I was 15 if you told me in 7 years I'll live in Pittsburgh, work for a conservative company, and have 3 dogs and 2 cats while being engaged to a guy that is 4 inches shorter then I am, I would have laughed in your face.  Sure, there are many fundamental elements that are similar, but goals change drastically from being a young teenager to a college grad.

    If you really haven't changed, then you are a rarity, and I don't recommend you start telling 16 year olds that they should get married, because MOST people change drastically in the years after being 16.

    Sorry if this sounds rude, I just honestly got taken aback by your post.

     
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    Treasure43    September 18, 2010  

    I've changed a TON from when I was 16! Even more from when I was 21 to 25. I'm 25 now and was VERY mature as a teenager (my father died, mother had an illness). I didn't drink and was always known as the good girl. I thought I was very mature at 20 and 21 and in some ways I was. I think I'm essentially the same person at 25 that I was at 16. I still am very mature and responsible and have a lot of the same traits but I've gained a maturity that comes from working full time and just experiencing the things I've experienced. I think this is a process that continues throughout our entire life.

     

     
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    troubled      

    Good question. 

    Hmmm...I feel like 18-21 were a bit of a stall in growth.  High school I really changed a lot though. 

    I've always been a 'good girl' and been able to handle myself decently, including financially but I don't feel like college was really a huge time for growth for me.  I guess I learned how to be in a good relationship, learned a lot more about the world, gained some knowledge and some freedom.

    A lot of change for me happened b/w 22 and 25.  While I still look at things from when I was very young and identify with them, I am different in a lot of ways.

    Love, work, home life, friendships, free time, priorities of those previously mentioned all changed (and some of changed since).  Abstract ideas that I used to have and still have I guess have become more concrete on translating them into action, confidence, how to approach problems and confrontation.

    Have you ever heard of Rudolph Steiner?  Someone told me about him a few years back and I identify a lot with his seven year cycles and how you change in each of them.  http://dreamhawk.com/body-and-mind/every-seven-years-you-change/.  

     
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    GreenEyedMoon    January 14, 2012   Dallas

    I'm still essentially the same person - still very outgoing, geeky, goal-oriented, driven, and artistic.  I've loosened up a lot, though.  Though alternative lifestyles aren't for me, I don't judge like I used to, thank God.  I'd be nearly friendless if I did, since I hang out with (and am!) a bunch of renaissance festival geeks!  I like to think it just means I've grown up. 

     
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    chitowngirl2010    April 30, 2011  

    Sure, but I think I changed much more from 21-25.

     
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    afuturemrsl    July 30, 2011   Massachusetts

    I am much more of a leader & MUCH more self-confident. I am much more positive and even though I tend to want to take care of people and be a fixer - I also have more self-control and know when to step back and let people take care of themselves.

    I grew up a lot emotionally and family is much more important and valued to me now. It is just a maturity thing really. I have changed a lot in the past year even and I am 23!

    I am still similar in a lot of ways but I know how to deal with my emotional issues like (instense) anxiety and I recognize when I am taking that out on other people and how to manage it.

    I don't think it is about how you have changed but how you plan to continue to change WITH another person.

     
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    trugem    January 2011  

    I think I have matured (mentally, physically, and spirtually). My values are still the same, but I am just more mature now. People can tell the difference too.

     
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    cbee    July 26, 2010  

    16-21 was huge change, so was 21-25!!!  I find it hard to believe I am even the same person!  I guess I let what was always there shine forth as I got older.  More confident and comfortable.  I would never want to be in the same situation I was in when I was 16.  It has been 10 years for me.  I went from being a "perfect" little goodie-two-shoes in HS to being a wild party girl out west.  I needed to go far away and begin to be myself.  (I came from an overbearing situation.)  I tried everything and wanted to have every experience.  I made a million mistakes, and have a lot of conviction because of it.  When I found the right person, he "got" me.  There wasn't any judgement or jealousy.  I know that no matter what happens, he won't judge.  He fully trusts me.  That is what is different for me- compaired to my first serious relationship when I was younger.

     
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    MissGreen    July 2009  

    @MandaMack: I have to agree with you!

    Of course I changed from 16-21, I was thinking about my future, making important decisions that will shape my life, however for me at that time those decisons effected my immediate future only like the next 5 yrs. I was developing confidence yet I was still a bit naive. My true change happened from 22-27. I am now 30 and can look back at myself at 18-21 and realize I didn't know it all like I thought I did. My 20's were about developing self esteem, self respect and finding the true me. I learned a valuable lesson too, that it is ok to be alone because I will never settle for anything less than what I want or deserve. I found my career that at 18 I had no idea I would ever do. I did not find that till I was 23. Even some of my morals and beleifs have changed. No one has shaped me, only myself and everything I have gone through the past 10 yrs has made me a better person, the person I wanted to be. It just does not come overnight. Now my decisions affect my family and my life for more than the next 5 yrs but for our entire future. I could not imagine trying to have that responsibility at 18 and still being able to find my true identity. I can gaurantee, that when you look back a few years from now, you will notice a difference. People change, it is a wonderful thing. I will continue to change as well and I know when I am 40, I will have an all new outlook on life. As corny as it sounds, you never stop learning something new about yourself. You never know the impact of something like a tragedy, a marriage or birth has on your life.

     
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    clarebee    August 21, 2010   Vienna, VA (wedding in Greensboro, GA)

    I have definitely changed from 16-21. I am almost 24 and still feel like there will be changing in my life. Not like who I am as a person, but more so my feelings about things, my thoughts, my views on the world, my views on myself, relationships, etc.

    First of all at 16 my mom was my enemy - she is now my best friend.

    At 16 I thought I would marry my high school boyfriend and didnt think there was anyone else in the world for me. Now, I have dated several other people seriously (and not so seriously) and seen who else is out there and what they have to offer. And of course I found what I ultimately want in a partner/husband. I found someone I am 100% comfortable and myself around. I was not that way with my high school boyfriend.

    In high school I had SO many friends. Hung out with a lot of different crowds. Now, I have fewer friends but the friends that I do have I am very close to and I work on those friendships very hard because those people are extremely important to me.

    I agree with someone else that said at 16 I could not have imagined that 7 years from that point I would be living in Northern Virginia, living in a townhouse with two cats and a dog, my brother, and my fiance who is a wonderful, caring, supportive, funny, handsome, kind man working as a college advisor and being 100% on my own.

    I cannot explain all the ways I have changed because the person I am in my core is the same. Same values (family, friends, kindness, empathy) same sense of humor (although probably more sarcastic and dirty at this point!) but I know that little things have changed. If I had gotten married at 18 I would have been miserable!

     
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    Rgeddy    June 13, 2010   Raleigh, NC

    I think that I've pretty much stayed the same.  Sure lots of logistics have changed for the better - have a job, my own money, apartment, now husband, my own cat, 401K etc.  But I'm basically the same person. 

    I still have the same values, ethics, personality, habits etc.

    I think the rest of my life may be pretty boring if I'm the same forever... lol.

     
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    CorgiTales    February 1, 2011  

    Honestly I don't think I changed nearly as much from 16/17-21 as I did from 21-25. I'm not sure what exactly changed me... if it was breaking up with the guy I was with from 17-21 or starting law school or just growing up? 

    Old me: 

    - same basic personality but a lot more guarded with people and insecure. Thought I wanted to live in a big city in a fabulous apartment, never have a house or a yard, get married young, and never have kids. I wanted a fabulous career that I spent 60+ hours/week at and I wanted to spend all my time traveling with my husband to exciting places. 

    New me: 

    - I have more of a "this is me, like it or don't" attitude. I don't try so hard to be what people want me to be. I realized that I'm not a city girl, I really like the 'burbs. I realized that what I want way more than a fab career and apartment is a nice house with a nice yard, a back yard barbeque, and maybe some kids in a few years. 

    If I had to guess about what changed I'd say it was breaking up with my ex and meeting my FI. My ex wanted an all-consuming career and no kids so I thought I did too. And I really believed that I never wanted kids. Then I met my fi and realized that it wasn't that I didnt want kids-- i just didn't want them with the ex! My FI would be a great dad and meeting him gave me the confidence to believe that I can trust him and us to have a satisfying home life and not NEED to go out and have some impressive career to be happy. 

     
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    JsDragonfly    December 29, 2009  

    For me, the change between 16 & 21 wasn't all that big.  It was the change from 21 to 25 that was HUGE.  When I was 21, I moved out to D.C. for a summer and my mom said that changed me for forever. LOL  I became ALOT more outspoken and bold..I think it was me just figuring out I had a voice and wanted to be heard.  When I graduated from college a few months later, I started working in my current field, which is extremely male dominated, so I learned that if I wanted to be respected/not pushed around, I'd have to be one tough chica.  So, while my morals, faith, fundamental beliefs haven't changed from the time I was 16, how I handle myself has changed.  People will tell me I'm the sweetest person in the world, and to some extent shy, but they also tell me they would never dream of getting on my bad side because they know I can handle myself and not afraid to do so. lol  When I was 16, I was so timid, I was afraid to say no to a mouse. LOL

     
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    Angela83    June 2011  

    Even though I would agree that I am fundamentally the same person (and think most remain fundamentally the same), I changed a lot from 16-21.  I changed a lot from 21-25 too.  It didn't have anything to do with drinking, smoking pot, or sleeping around either.  Basically, my worldview, knowledge of myself and what I want/need out of life and from relationships, has evolved.  I have a deeper understanding of myself and what makes me happy than I did when I was 16, or when I was 21. 

     
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    gabrielleelise1981    August 28, 2010   Portland, Maine

    I definitely did more changing between 21 and 25 than between 16 and 21. I’ve always been the same core person (same basic value set, same heart, same work ethic), but lots of little changes have taken place to make me a much “better” person (IMO). I think high school, and some colleges, can be a bit of a bubble – and it’s good to get away from and outside of that bubble, in order to really be able to evaluate yourself as a person. I think this is especially true if you grow up in a small town, or with the same circle of friends – sometimes the people around you can come to define you (your place and role within the group becomes set) without you even realizing it.

    For me personally – I needed to get out on my own, try on a few different “hats” (career/social/otherwise), see bits of the world, and have my heart broken a few times to really figure out how to depend on myself, be totally comfortable in my own skin, and carve out a spot in the world that I wanted for myself that wasn’t defined by anyone else and what they wanted from me. In my 20’s, I became much more self assured, really found my voice, became less concerned with what other people thought, and became more independent (both internally and externally).

    OP, what does your mom say about her own life changes from 18-25? Did she marry/start a family young? Just wondering if she offered you any insight into her own experiences.

     
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    MsMamaBear       Atlanta

    I changed more from 20 to 25 than from 16 to 21. heck, I can barely remember being 16, but then I wasn't the type of person who enjoyed high school, so maybe that had something to do with it.LOL I enjoyed college SO much more!

    From 20 to 25, I grew up and learned who I am. I was in college, away from my tiny hometown, meeting people from all over, in a totally different environment.  I met my friends who I am still close with now, 9 yrs later. I decided my career, graduated, got my 1st job and lived alone,travelled(only to the Caribbean, but oh well,LOL)etc. It was a great time to me, wonderful to do everything, make mistakes and learn from them.

     

     
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    ILikePink    June 9, 2012   Minneapolis, MN

    At 16 I was an industrial goth kid.

    How have you changed from 16-21? :  wedding Juice

     

    At 21 I was a rockabilly girl:

    How have you changed from 16-21? :  wedding N199104866 32164574 4647

     

    At 23 I'm not afraid to just be myself.

    How have you changed from 16-21? :  wedding 36680 638955063762 199104866 36119347 262668 N

    I don't think my personality has really changed that much. The music I listen to has changed the most. But I am still super outgoing, super extroverted and I still talk way too much.

     
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    flamingred    June 19, 2010  

    I barely remember being 16. I noticed a big change from 25-33 (my age now). I sort of don't count my teenage years as part of my life anymore. It doesn't even seem like that was me at all...that may answer your question though. lol.

     
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    moderndaisy    June 2010  

    I'm with Corgitales, honestly I changed a LOT more between the ages of 21-28 than I did from 15-21. I was still acting like a teenager at 21 since I was still in college with no real responsibilities. Once I graduated and spent a few years on my own growing my career that totally changed me, I am a completely different person. I like myself a lot more now! And most importantly I know who I am and what is important in life.

     
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    Bailzoe    August 2010  

    @Angela83: "It didn't have anything to do with drinking, smoking pot, or sleeping around either.  Basically, my worldview, knowledge of myself and what I want/need out of life and from relationships, has evolved.  I have a deeper understanding of myself and what makes me happy than I did when I was 16, or when I was 21."

    This!

    I agree too that 16-21 was not really a big change at all, 22-24 was huge for me though. I finished my Bachelor's just before I turned 22, lived on my own, lived with roommates, paid bills, real job, etc. etc.

    To me, the fact that the OP specifically mentions drinking, smoking pot and sleeping around shows to me that they haven't yet changed but will come to realize some day that those things mean very little in the "change between xyz years" realm.

    It's all about growing as a person, discovering who you are, learning to live independently, not being afraid of yourself, standing up for yourself, knowing a direction you want to take in life, knowing who/what compliments you in life, knowing how to handle intense situations, learning how to listen, cutting yourself from toxic things (relationships, habits, work, whatever it might be!) that are not promoting a healthy emotional life.

    I was a valedictorian, National Honor Society girl who never drank, smoke, partied, etc. so yeah, those things didn't change. My ethics and my personality are the same basic principles. I was mature in my teens, and I'm mature for my age now... but I am no where close to the same. I guess you can say I am a mellowed out, more wordly, more understanding version of my younger self. I have realized the importance of compromise, how I'm not the only person who matters, how to take personal responsibility, to be a good citizen... the list could go on forever!

    If you told me even 2 years ago that I would own a home, be getting married in 3 weeks, and looking forward to finishing my Master's, eager to start a family in a few years.. I would have never believed any part of it except that I would be in school for a Master's degree. Haha.

     
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    Arachna       nyc

    16-24 - no major changes.  I'm with the OP in being baffled at the consensus that you 'change soo much' and are like 'a different person'.

    Sure I want different things now, sure I've matured, sure I have different hobbies, knowledge base etc. - but all of those are things I do not who I am. And these are all things I expect to keep right on changing.

    To me it's the fundamental stuff that matters in relationships, I don't really care if FI switches his hobbies and career after we get married, it would concern me if who he is as a person as I understand it changes.  Who he is as a person doesn't really have anything to do with his opinion on any particular issue though IMO.

    And if you'd told me ten or five years ago where I am right now - I'd have absolutely believed you.  But I would have believed a lot of things, I had and continue to have a very flexible view of my future.

     
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    monitajb    July 17, 2010   Sacramento

    @Bailzoe: Yep, I'll second you.

    The big changes have very little to do with partying. At 16, my world view was tiny. Today, the world is my oyster. And the revolution was at age 20.

    My dream when I turned 20 was to marry my wonderful, long-term boyfriend, move to the suburbs of Columbus, Ohio, and become a Catholic mom and Republican activist (ha!).

    Today, I am 27, living in California, marrying a TOTALLY different kind of man, working as a lawyer, I'm politically liberal, own a house in the city, no longer religious, etc, etc.

    And I have found the real me. While the guy I was going to marry and have babies with and move to the suburbs with was a great guy, we were doomed. I would have eventually figured me out.

     
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    troubled      

    @Arachna:  Work with undergrads in a few years and you'll understand.  It's not just a matter of hobbies but really a matter of world view and experience.  Even for the more 'worldy' or well-traveled of them or responsible.

    But no ones born all that all-knowing so I worry when people say their outlook hasn't changed, it's usually more a matter of lack of self-reflection than maturity. 

     
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    Worker bee
    millaybrowning    June 25, 2011   Baltimore, MD
     
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    MsMamaBear       Atlanta

     I totally agree with this---> "I sort of don't count my teenage years as part of my life anymore." Flamingred

     
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    Newbee
    FutureMrsNewman    October 7, 2011   Northeast PA

    I didn't change much from 16 - 21.  I actually changed drastically around 25.  I am 27 now.  From 25 on, I have been a LOT different. 

    I can't quite put my finger on it, but I feel more grown-up.  My visions on pretty much everything changed - politically, socially, etc.  I tell my sisters that are now 21 and 24, once you hit 25 something changes. My man has said the same for him - at 25 he changed a lot.

    I agree with other posters here who have said it doesn't have to do with hobbies but your world views, your dreams, etc....  that stuff usually changes and you don't want the same things you did when you were younger.

    At 21 I was a liberal person who didn't care to get married and didn't want children.  Now, even with the same man from back then, we grew to want a marriage, we are republicans & we want 3 - 5 kids.  Total change!  Luckily, we changed together & we still want EACH OTHER. :)  (We have been together since 15 y/o)

     

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