How "helpful" were/are your bridesmaids?

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Thrburko89:  they didn’t help me at all. They were pretty uninvolved in my wedding. I had 4 BMs. My sister was busy with work and on top of that catering to her bf who always gave her a hard time about going out.(Long story there), my SIL was away in another state working on her internship, 

The other two BMs were friends. One had just broken up wih her bf of 8 years who also happened to be the best man, so she was having a hard time being in the wedding already. And my other best friend who i am no longer friends with bc she told me a year after my wedding that she could not be happy for me bc she was not happy with her life. Its just hurtful hc now all the girls in the group are engaged except for the 2 BMs i just mentioned and my “friends” threw them a little grt together, celebrsted their engagement with dinner or a fun excursion, but when i got engaged all i got was a congrats and never heard or saw them after I asked them to be BMs. If I could go back, I would have only had family as BMs.

Post # 4
Member
7243 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Thrburko89:  what are you sending them emails about?

Post # 5
Member
3190 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

What kinds of things are you asking them? Mine weren’t “helpful” but I don’t think I asked them to help with anything. I took my MOH with me to look at bridesmaid dresses and we chose 2 dresses in the same color that would work. Then I just sent them to everyone and said they could try on and choose the one get worked best for them.

None of them came with me to look at wedding dresses (although I didn’t really ask), but they did plan mena bachelorette party, and my MOH co-planned a shower with my mom.

Post # 6
Member
2062 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

So far mine have been great! I have mostly done everything on my own though anyway. Two of them live a few hours away and the other two are willing to help but have lives of thier own. If I asked I know they’d help though. They have all offeres many times.

Post # 7
Member
768 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Thrburko89:  I have four BMs. My MOH is my sister, BM 1 is my FSIL, BM 2 is my best friend from college who lives a few hours away, and BM 3 is another best friend. I’m not getting married until next summer, so we haven’t gone dress shopping for them yet which is really the only aspect I expect them to all be involved in. I know that won’t be a problem. Anything else they choose to do, for example a bachelorette party, is completely up to them and it doesn’t matter to me. I just want them to be there on the day in their dresses. 

Post # 8
Member
2700 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Thrburko89:  They’ve done a great job at organizing wedding events. But, for the actual wedding I’ve done it all myself. They<br />’re all busy with their own lives, and I get that. I’m busy too, but it’s also my wedding so I’m going to get it done haha<br />When I was a BM it was the same. The bride did everything, I helped her out with some last min DIY stuff and I would have helped more but at the time I lived 8 hours away.

I think it’s pretty normal to do it all solo, so don’t feel bad if people aren’t ‘helping’ you out. It’s nothing against you, people are busy and that’s how it goes.

Post # 10
Member
7243 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Thrburko89:  I would just get your ideas together on what you want them to wear (colour, length, style) and email them once with a date you need a response by.

Are they paying for dresses, shoes and jewellery? Have you discussed a budget with them individually? If you haven’t then they could be avoiding the awkward conversation about prices.

Post # 12
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Daizy914:  This was an eye opening response because I feel the same way too. Were you first to get engaged in your group? I was first in my group so I didn’t get much either. My friends met for lunch to hear about the engagement but no one treated me or made it about it so admittedly felt a little miffed because I totally know when the next girl in the group get engaged they’ll likely be more festive and treat to dinners, excursions, etc.

When I had other friends get engaged I never sent a card or gift because I didn’t know it was a thing to do? But after getting engaged myself and receiving a few cards and gifts I realized how nice of a gesture it was, wish I did it for my other friends and how I plan to do it for future friends.

Post # 13
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

happybunny177:  yes I was the first to get engaged. No one took me to dinner or cared to hear about how it happened. I didnt think anything of it and get upset until this year when almost the entire group got engaged and they all planned dinners, paint night, a backyard party. I felt singled out, I felt like they cared less about me. I had been with my now husband 10 years, it was a big deal for me bc we were finally getting to spend our lives together. But in the end I feel like they were both in just horrible places in their lives and couldnt be happy bc I was happy. One of the bridesmaids actually admitted that to me. 

Im sorry, but I cant be friends with someone like that. Personally, if I am going through something terrible in my life, I would want to hear all about my friends happiness bc it would make me forget about my situation. 

Post # 14
Member
1062 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Thrburko89:  Mine are difficult to get ahold of or are nonresponsive. However I haven’t asked them to do anything outside of buying their dresses and shoes. I also requested that they don’t throw me a bridal shower or Bachelorette party as they aren’t an organized bunch.

Post # 15
Member
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I haven’t really reached out to mine yet besides my sister who went dress shopping with me but, one of bridesmaids who is also planning a wedding for a few months after mine has been going crazy with wanting us to be super involved its 13 months away which I would be fine about if it wasn’t the bridezilla attitude I’m getting from her … Her wedding is all that matters anymore she never discussed budget with us and when i think she caught on to the fact I was getting upset ans kinda blowing things off (not that i didnt care but, i was overwhelmed with the me me me with no consideration to ask me about mine or really have any interest) like your girls are she finally asked me how i felt about the prices and when I told her I was concerened and had a lot going on and she was asking for a lot of $ already and we r 16 months out at the time that i just would like some time to sort stuff out before making commitments with such high price tags…  she proceeded to tell me that she didnt see what the issue was being there is so much time there is no reason i couldn’t come up with the money (meanwhile mommy and daddy pay for everything of hers even help with rent and paid off her school and entire wedding)…… Sorry didnt mean to rant but what I’m saying is Im sure your girls care alot but, you dont know what they are juggling at moment maybe you are overwhelming them like others suggested make sure they are comfortable within reason with what you are planning and maybe make a point to present it all to them at once and take their thoughts on it. I understand its your day but, most care about the people they have in their wedding and i know i just want everyone to enjoy themselves too And I’m sure you feel the same way or you wouldn’t have posted what you posted 🙂 best of luck  just enjoy it 

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