Post # 1
How honest should we answer questions? There are some posts that, well, I kinda wanna be brutally honest on, but I don’t want to start a fight or really hurt someone’s feelings. The thing is, sometimes I feel a lil’ bit of pressure to be supportive of bees that are asking for advice, but I feel they aren’t in the right (particularly posts in Emotional). I generally avoid posts that make me wanna tell the poster that I think they’re wrong in the situation as a rule, but then I read the supportive comments and I wanna give my two-cents. I don’t because I’m not delicate in my delivery.
My point is – does anyone else feel this way? Anyone have tips for being…uh…tactful? Or anyone disagree? Or should I continue just ignoring those posts?
Also, I’m talking about posts NOT having to do with aesthetics (dress, flowers etc)
I want to keep the Hive a welcoming, supportive place, but I also like being honest, so I’m wary to rock any boats…
Post # 3
As long as you aren’t deliberatly being rude, you should be honest. If I don’t agree, I put it in a nice way.
Post # 4
I think it is fair to disagree as long as you do it constructively and not maliciously.
Honestly, if I have nothing constructive to say (it happens quite often) I just hit that lovely back button! LOL
Post # 5
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
I know what you mean – sometimes it’s kind of a fine line between what’s okay to say and what may come across as too mean. I’d just say that you should always try to keep a positive tone, even if what you’re saying is negative, especially because with just text it’s harder to get the meaning sometimes and things can come across as much harsher than you mean for them to be. I don’t think anyone in the hive should feel like they have to hold back on saying what they think, but I’d just say be careful that you aren’t harsh or mean about it. And to be honest, some people will always get riled up no matter how nice or tactful you are – and that’s something that everyone around here has dealt with before, I’m sure, and it’s something you can’t really avoid!
Post # 6
Galactic- I think that’s a good question, and I’ll be interested to see how other people handle things.
I always try to give my honest thoughts without being over the top about it. I kind of believe that people already know in their hearts what the right thing to do is, so I’m a big believer in not bashing them over the head with a strong opinion. Also I always try to remember that my advice is only a drop in the wealth of advice they’ll be getting from the hive. If 20 people say the same thing, I think it carries more weight without being too strong.
I try to acknowledge their feelings and that there are many different ways to approach things while providing my thoughts. Most of all I try to put myself in their shoes and experience a little bit of what they are feeling before I respond!
Post # 7
I think its important to support eachother, but ive noticed alot of ppl on here go overboard and support EVERYTHING! I dont think its good to overly support someone when you dont agree with them. I would like ppl to be honest with me and not just pretend to agree. Thats applies to everything including aesthetics. If I pick an ugly hair style or dress I sure hope someone will tell me!
Post # 8
I would say be honest but don’t attach someone and use rude wording.
Post # 9
You know, I have come across a lot of posts that I really didn’t agree with and felt like the person needed a reality check. I am extremely blunt and very honest. I generally do not suffer fools lightly and I will tell you if I think you’re being stupid. BUT, there is a difference between criticism and constructive criticism.
I usually only reply to a situation I disagree with if I have experienced something similar myself and can offer empathy and what I did in my situation. Or, if I feel like what I have to say is constructive. I’m talking emotional/personal situations here.
If someone wants to know opinions about their dress, hair, etc. I will tell them. But I will say it simply and not go overboard. (ie. “OMG! THATS HORRENDOUS! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!!?!?”)
Post # 10
There is definitely a fine line, if I cant offer a constructive critiscism or something helpful, I dont contribute… There is enough negativity in this world already without me contributing to it. Also i have a look at comments especially in emotional, I feel as if someone has already outlined a point that I would make, I dont comment. Because I feel as tho, its already been said without adding my 2cents. If it hasnt been made, I would enter the comment tactfully but being honest without being brutal.
Post # 11
Thanks for all of the responses!
@Mrs. DG – That’s a good point. I guess before one should jump into a post, they should take a moment to “get into the poster’s shoes.” I honestly do not do this enough. There are a few times that I feel someone is being overly selfish, but then again, there may be more to the situation that I don’t know.
@zipplef – This is exactly how I feel. I think I’ll continue to not respond because I feel like there’s a possibilty that someone would get upset at what I say.
@ccranetobe – That’s a good point. If someone has alluded to my opinion, there’s really no use for my comment unless it adds something constructive to the discussion.
I think this is a topic that people should think about, so I’m happy you all responded!
Now, I leave you with a quote from Phyllis from The Office:
Dwight had a big personality and I have a big personality and a lot of times when two people like that get together, it can be explosive
(Bwahahaha, me in a nutshell)
If people wanna continue the discussion, GO FOR IT. I love hearing how people handle responses.
Post # 12
I’m pretty honest, but in a non-aggressive way. If I don’t agree with something, I’ll say so, but say why I don’t agree, without attacking the other persons belief.
Post # 13
This is a great discussion question (sorry, just started school again and feeling very academic). I agree with many of the points already posted above, and wanted to add that it is sometimes more helpful to give a person constructive feedback than to agree with their point of view. In other words, supporting someone doesn’t necessarily have to mean agreeing with her/him all the time.
Post # 14
@jduck84 – 100% agreed! Thanks for bringing up that important point!
Post # 15
This is a great question, bc I’ve asked myself this same thing. When I’m asked for an opinion about something that I find to be kind of ugly, bad idea, etc, I usually just move on and don’t post anything. However, I’ve found that many of the responses are quite balanced with a mix of support and constructive criticism.
When we post asking for opinions, we should expect some potential criticism (hopefully constructive). But there’s also the possibility that some bees might post just to get confirmation/agreement on their ideas…just throwing that out there…
Post # 16
There’s a difference between being honest and being rude. Tone is hard to infer online, but just agreeing with everything everyone says doesn’t do them any favors either. It’s all how you phrase it.