Post # 1
My BIL invited my local sibling and I to visit him and my sister, who live overseas.
Local sibling and I decided on dates, I spent an anxious day arranging cover for me at work and getting the leave approved (a long shot). All good to go. The idea was for us to travel together and surprise my sister.
Local sibling decided she is going to take her husband. Dates we decided on didn’t suit him, so she is now rearranging her leave to suit him, suggesting I now travel alone (which was what I didn’t want, I did it last year and it was awful). They would arrive before me. Dates they decided on are a no-go for me, but she is lying to me by saying that she couldn’t get time off on the dates we both had approved at work.
So I am now the third wheel on their holiday, when it was meant to be about me and my sister. I am so upset. She has taken the liberty of informing my BIL that I can’t go (I angrily said to her that I can’t fit in with them, so maybe they should just go and I’ll stay behind) but I want to tell him my side. I don’t want him to think that I’m ungrateful and don’t want to go. How honest should I be? I’m feeling very betrayed. It was only going to be a short trip, so my sister could have managed a few days without her husband!
this was my original post
Post # 3
@Deejayelle: Of course tell the whole story to your BIL. I can’t understand why you wouldn’t.
p.s. Who would your overseas sister rather see – her sister (you) or her brother-in-law? Your local sister is being pretty selfish, as far as I can see.
Post # 4
@paula1248: I agree. I want him to know the whole truth, but at the same time I don’t want to burden him with what should have been a fun and exciting time (and a great idea on his part), is now a festering pit of resentment and hurt feelings.
Post # 5
@Deejayelle: So you’re prepared to take the blame so your BIL won’t get stressed? You’re such a sweetie! But it’s not what I’d do. You can state the facts without blaming anyone. You could write something like this:
“Dear BIL. Sorry but I can’t get time off to go on November 12. Sis and I originally planned November 5, and I got the leave approved, but that didn’t work for sis and her husband.”
Post # 6
@paula1248: thanks for your advice, I appreciate it 🙂
I just said I was really appreciative of such a generous offer, and I’m really upset that I can’t make it. I said that my sister and I had discussed dates but in the end, they didn’t work for her husband.
I would have loved to rant about how bitterly disappointed and upset I am though, but thought I’d just leave it at the basic facts. As it was, the offer will still stand for me at another time when work isn’t so hectic.