I read your other post. *hugs* I can only imagine how hard all that is!! Wow. I don’t want to go into details, but I had a relationship with someone like that, and I truly understand.
I’ve been with my SO for 4.5 years. I’m the type to think and talk and wonder and agonize and replay everything a million times and get philosophical…. and he is not. He sees something for what it is, and moves on. No need to keep talking about it. It used to bother me DEEPLY but then I realized… it really doesn’t matter! Not for me and our relationship, anyway. Those deep discussions are only one aspect of life, and I still have them, but mostly with friends, and I’m good with that. We make sure that we do communicate of course, but my relationship with him is 1,000 times better than with 2 others with whom I did have those long deep conversations, and both of whom I thought were my soulmates.
Those types of conversations are not necessarily a reflection on your relationship. I kept thinking I HAD to have them with him or else something was off with us, because that’s what so many people say. I think the only thing that is off is when you don’t have those conversations at all, because then you wouldn’t really know each other. We have them, but they are short, and I am perfectly fine with that. The length or depth of them doesn’t matter so much. It just comes down to an individual’s personality. I’m a talker and a conversationalist and he is more of a doer.
I let go of other people’s expectations of what a relationship should be and it was awesome. The first guy I had those convos with? We’re now divorced. The second guy? We dated for 6 weeks and it was H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E, even though we were convinced we were soulmates due to all those meaningful conversations! He’s still around, but we don’t talk hardly ever, and we’ve known each other for 8 years. The difference between them and my SO is that my SO shows me love and affection, they didn’t. He would drop everything to be with me from across town or across the world, and they would be too caught up in their own lives. He makes sure my car is safe, snuggles with me every night, puts up with all my weirdness, is good to my friends… I could go on and on. My point being, *he* is there with me and for me through thick and thin, and that is true love, in my opinion, more so than talk.
My whole point being, those conversations are wonderful, but they don’t make or break a relationship on their own. 🙂 My previous serious relationships failed for reasons other than deep conversations, and my current one, the man I WANT to marry, is succeeding for reasons other than conversations. hth!