Post # 1
My brother is engaged and told everyone today he is “almost positive” about his wedding date and the date for the rehearsal. Our relationship is strained. He has done some absolutely dreadful things to Darling Husband and me. I would have written him out of my life, except it would cause too much family drama, so I am civil. I would really prefer not to have anything to do with his wedding, but have accepted that I am obligated to attend but do not plan on doing anything more than to show up, be polite, and bring a gift.
The rehearsal, however, is a different story. I do not want to go and don’t think I would go even it it were an easy time to make. In addition, the day he has picked conflicts with an extremely important work event for Darling Husband. This is the most important event of the year, and is so important I took off work to make sure I could make it this year. DH knows all about it (he is in the same field), but I doubt thought about it. I have not been asked to participate in the wedding, and if I am asked, I will decline, so my presence at the rehearsal is not needed.
What would you do? Would you go to the rehearsal and miss DH’s very important work event? Due to some of the things my brother has done, his wedding is emotionally painful and the thought of going without Darling Husband stresses me out. Would you tell him now that you could make the wedding but won’t be at the rehearsal? Or would you just keep quiet, wait til it is clearly mentioned, then say that you can’t?
Post # 3
I think you should show up to the wedding but not participate very much if you don’t have a close relationship to him. Don’t feel bad about not going to the rehearsal dinner either. If you aren’t part of the wedding party, it’s not NECESSARY for you to be there.
Post # 4
Since you’re not actually going to be in the wedding I don’t think it is required that you be at the rehearsal dinner. Usually siblings are but I can understand that if things aren’t great with your bro then it wouldn’t be great fun. And the work stuff. I would be upfront instead of waiting for an invite. Blame work. Tell your brother that you’re coming to the wedding but that you can’t make it to the reheasal because of work.
Post # 5
Gosh, that’s a tough situation. I think the fact that you don’t want to go has more to do with your relationship with your brother than DH’s work event. You are under no obligation to go to the dinner, but will your absence just fuel his negativity? (I am assuming you’re not in the wedding party.)
I don’t think you need to cave to pressure from your brother, but maybe you can make it through a couple hours of a group dinner. Are you close with the rest of your family? If you think of it as an opportunity to hang out with your favorite aunt Imelda, then go and focus on the other people there.
Post # 6
Have you been invited to the rehearsal dinner? Usually that’s also by invitation only.
Post # 7
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
Since you aren’t in the wedding, I think you can politely decline the invitation to the rehearsal, esp. since I gather it is not the evening before the wedding.
Post # 8
Right now this is of course all hypothetical… although technically as a Sister / Sibling, you’d normally be there whether you are in the Bridal Party or not
I have to say I agree with the other Poster who mentioned your relationship with the rest of the family. Your Parents will be hosting said event (most likely, if it is traditional) and I would think that in most circumstances they’d want you there to represent their side of the family, chit-chat with the relatives on both sides, out-of-town guests etc (afterall the Rehearsal Dinner, isn’t so much about the Bride & Groom as it is about making the “other’s family” feel welcomed)
Remember as it is your Parents who are hosting, that is where you allegiances should lie, with them vs your Brother despite the fact that he is the one getting married.
IF you can bow out and make your apologies so be it… as you do indeed have another rather important “family” obligation to attend to (Hubby’s Career).
Of course as you say, it will be much easier if you also don’t make any commitment to your Brother & his Wife to be in their Bridal Party (think that is easy enough to do, in that they haven’t asked at this point in time)
Hope this helps,
Post # 9
I dont think a rehearsal dinner is mandatory. Its suppossed to be a way for the bride and groom to say thank you for everyone whose involved in the wedding. If you cant make it, you cant make it. Just let them know in advanced that your not available, but you will be there for wedding/reception.
Post # 10
I think you’re fine not to go, but I’d just say it was because of DH’s work event. Even if people give you trouble, I wouldn’t make things awkward by saying you feel stressed about his wedding.
Post # 11
In this case I don’t think you should go at the expense of the work event. If the rehearsal dinner will be on a different date I think it would be nice to make the effort. But if it does end up falling on the work event date then I wouldn’t sacrifice that since you have such a strained relationship with your brother.
Post # 12
Its tough to say without the details. Do you think or hope that there will be a future relationbship with your brother in the future? Do you want one? And as other said, do your parents or hosts know of this situation? Are you the only one who feels this way?
I think you could bow out, but whether or not it is perceived the way you want is up for discussion because we dont know the people involved.