How important is living near your parents to you?

posted 2 years ago in Home
Post # 2
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It’s pretty much essential for us to be near our parents. They both live within 10 minutes. My mom will be watching the kids and he works at the family farm before and after his salary job which brings in a lot of extra income which he much prefers to sitting on the couch. His parents also beg to watch SILs son and have been begging us to have kids for them to watch. We dicussed moving for my grad school but it didn’t make sense for us. We see his parents and mine at least once or twice a week for dinners and get togethers which I would really miss if we moved. 

Post # 3
Member
6615 posts
Bee Keeper

Since graduating high school, I’ve always lived a distance away from my parents. The closest was a 3 hour drive away, and now we’re a 10 hour drive apart. They have always wanted me to broaden my horizons, and it gives them a new place to visit! FI and I are also getting ready for a potential move next year. I would have a hard time living too close to my parents. At the same time, though, I realize that they are getting older, and one day our future children will want to spend time with their grandparents. 

The cost of living in FL seems to be a limiting factor for your moving there. It’s possible that your parents will end up moving in a few years anyway, or at some point, they might want to move closer to you instead.

Post # 5
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

cls9q:  Very important, exactly for the reasons you listed. We don’t have kids yet, but when we bought our house I told FI I wanted to be near either my parents or his. I want our kids to grow up around family, and I would also like to have the family support when we do have babies.

We ended up buying close to his parents, because of his job (mine are only about 4 hours away, so we visit about once a month for the weekend). His parents are very helpful and nice people. I enjoy his family so it didn’t bother me as much. Not sure what to tell you in your case. How does FI feel about Florida? If it’ll be better for your family in the long run maybe a fixer upper isn’t so bad. They can be fun… right?!? LOL- no… We got a fixer upper, the main + I keep telling myself is at least it’s being done the way we want it, and we’re still spending the money, but on the material we want (hardwoods, granite… all that ‘fancy’ stuff. 😉 )

Post # 7
Member
13020 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

It’s very important to me.  DH is from TX and moved up here (MA) for work.  I was born and raised here, my immediate family is all here and it was VERY important to me to stay here.  DH would love to move back to TX where cost of living is a fraction of what it is in MA, we could literally buy a brand new house for what we needed for a downpayment here for our fixer.  But family trumps cost of living to me.  It’s just a house, to me, that can’t compare to the potential relationship to grandparents.  I know it’s a little unfair that we stay by my family and his is in TX, but like your in laws, my inlaws have other grandkids in TX and mine would be the only grandkids for my parents for a while.  (My bros are no where near marriage/kids).  And he is not as rooted in TX as I am in MA.

Post # 8
Member
4031 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

cls9q:  It’s important that they live relatively close. My dad lives in the same city as DH and I, be we aren’t super close. My mom moved to Saudi Arabia for work this past April. Originally, she thought she would be in Saudi for 5-10 years and return to the US to retire. I really, really struggled with that thought, and all for selfish reasons. I don’t want her that far away. I haven’t seen her since April and it’s the longest (the longest previously was like a week) my sisters and I have ever gone without seeing her. DH and I will begin TTC next summer and it killed me thinking that she would be gone for my first pregnancy and birth, as well as around as much in our baby’s life. I may be completely independent, but I need my mom sometimes. I was actually jealous of how much she was around (my sister actually lived with her) while my sister was pregnant and as my niece became a little girl, and how I wouldn’t get that. She doesn’t love it there and may be moving back this Spring or within the next two years. I hope it’s this Spring! She would probably move to TX, where both my sisters and niece, are. That’s okay because it’s a short plane ride or 8ish hour drive away. So…to summarize-it’s really important to me to be able to have her semi-close (part of a day travel time), but I’ll be okay if it’s not in the same city. I just want her back on the same continent!

Post # 10
Member
602 posts
Busy bee

I wouldn’t want to have kids away from my parents. I have several military wife friends who live thousands of miles from their families and they hate it. It’s a chore for their parents to see them and they have no support system besides other military families who certainly do not replace doting grandparents. 

At this point in our lives we do not have children and are still undecided on them as a whole but I still wouldn’t want to live far from my mother (I couldn’t give a shit about my in laws, lol). I’ve never lived more than a half hour from her and I hope that never changes. We’re very close and I’m not sure that either of us could handle months of not seeing each other. 

Post # 11
Member
689 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Dh and I were in the same position about a month ago moving from up north to South Florida where both our parents live. Granted, our friends and lots of family live here too but we decided that we want to be close to our parents when we have kiddos. Dh received an amazing work opportunity and I was lucky enough to keep my job and work remotely. We went for it because we know how necessary our family is when we have kids. We really loved living up north and miss it, but there’s nothing better than stopping by mu parents for dinner or to drop off their grand-furbaby when we go out for the night! 

Post # 12
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

It used to be very important to me.  It still is to an extent.  My dad just passed last February and just my mom remains.  I would love to remain close since she is disabled but she wants to move into an apartment or something smaller.  Currently there are 5 houses separating us.  It’s easy and convenient.   I won’t be as easy to pop on over once she moves.  I can’t make her stay close by forever.   🙁

Post # 13
Member
946 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Ah this is something DH and I are working through. I’m close to my mom, similar to what you wrote about your own relationship. I’m currently 2 hrs from all my immediate family, and we’re 30 mins from DH’s parents.  Our issue is this area sucks and we want to move. We’ve just been struggling as to where and when. I want to stay within 10 hrs of our families but DH couldnt care less about distance. So we’ve been working through our difference there. I also have a job that would make it easy to start a family now, which we are TTC. But then we want to move next year after a few months. There are so many what ifs that it is annoying and frustrating!

Post # 14
Member
13020 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

cls9q:  Sounds like you have a few years to decide.  Even if you stayed for a few years, you could still move back later right?  .

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