How important is sexual compatibility to you?

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@jb20:  I think so. My FI and I got togther after very few partners. And at first we had many moments where we thought ‘What are we doing wrong?’

Bt after a few years of trying new things and talking about likes/dislikes, we are now at a completly differant leval of intimacy.

Sure we both have things we would like to explore and the other is not interested, but over all we are improving every time we are intimate.


Post # 4
2064 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013


i bet if they both are willing to work at it, it will come with time. practice makes perfect right?

but i think its a big deal. i only say that cuz from the moment DH and i first did … it. it just felt like i knew him my whole life.( i had messed around before but i had only been with one other guy) i will have to give him most the credit though. hes so loving and caring of me and what i want in bed. he really tries. treat others the way you want to be treated… so i learned to try and truly care what he wants too;-)

Post # 5
5160 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Pretty important.

Yes, I believe that with time and practice MOST people can become sexually compatible.  I don’t think it can happen for anyone, but for most people.  For example, if your partner is deeply into some things that you find extremely disgusting, that is probably too big of a hurdle.  

But if one partner happens to prefer mornings when the other prefers evenign, one loves oral while the other doesn’t care for it, one is a little vanilla the other wants a little kink…I think you can explore together and find a middle ground.

Post # 6
4072 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

It’s a big deal. Neither of us are interested in an open relationship, so by marrying we are committing to only sleeping with each other. So you bet that we had better be satisfied with it if we’re signing up for life. I wouldn’t want to marry someone who had wildly different tastes and drives.

I do think two people can become MORE compatible with time and practice; but generally I don’t think a person who wants sex 5 times a week can happily be monogamous with someone who wants sex a few times a year.

Now, can it work if someone wants it once a week, and the other partner wants to be intimate 4 times a week? Yes, probably. And if one partner is more vanilla than the other, it can work. If one partner wants to bring in the aspect of being an adult baby often, and the other is freaked out by it, then no, probably won’t be as fixable.

So it really varies. Slight differences can definitely become more aligned. Huge differences, nope, and that would be a deal breaker.

Post # 7
10899 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Although I think sexual compatibility is important within marriage, I was not willing to test it prior to  marriage. 

Post # 8
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think it’s incredibly important. Mismatched sex drives can be a huge problem, and not everyone’s anatomy is ermm…compatible for pleasure.

Post # 9
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Marginally important. I had NO sexual chemistry with a guy I dated for two years. It got better as time went on, but was never great.

DH and I have always been SUPER compatible sexually, but even if we hadn’t been, I would have still persued a relationship!

Post # 10
7030 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Brielle:  Agreed.

Also our sexual needs changed a lot over our marriage (especially after having children – basically my sex drive went down but his didn’t). So even though we were very sexually compatible at the start, we had big issues later on which I wouldn’t have foreseen anyway.

Post # 11
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@jb20:  My husband and I are constantly working to close the gap and little by little we have improved 🙂 

Post # 12
8677 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Other than natural chemistry, it is the most important compatibility. If you’re not sexually compatible, you’re going to damage a great part of your intimacy and your relationship. There is a reason why sexual incompatibility/sexless marriages make up a great portion of divorces.

Should marriages be based on sex? I don’t think so, no, but without being on the same page sexually, you’re asking for trouble.

I do not think that if two people are sexually incompatible, that time will simply make them work. 

Post # 13
2630 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

It is incredibly important. My ExH all of a sudden lost his sex drive after we got married, and it really hurt us and the relationship. He refused to even talk about it and acted like there was nothing wrong except for my neuroticism. There are few things that are harder on one’s self-esteem than feeling unwanted by one’s partner AND being made to feel like the problem is with you.

Post # 14
1425 posts
Bumble bee

It’s important but not a dealbreaker for me.

Post # 15
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I used to think it was SUPER important because for a few of my exes, it was the only glue that held us together.  Now….I don’t think it’s that important.  It’s important but I would never say very important or crucial. 

Post # 16
246 posts
Helper bee

I’ll say “Important, but not a deal breaker”.

Still waiting to be married and have sex, but as I’ve said before on different threads concerning sexual compatibility, if for whatever reason FI (as DH by then) and I couldn’t have sex at all (disability, emotional issues, whatever other crazy reason) I would still marry him, because it is the companionship I am mainly after with him.

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