Post # 1
Just wondering… because FI is driving me crrraaazzzy. I don’t expect him to be even half as involved as me, but I feel like he doesn’t care at all about details, and that he’s just showing up to party! Anytime I ask for his opinion on ANYTHING, he says, “I don’t know, what do you think?” For example, this was part of our conversation today:
- Me: “Do you think we should open doors for the reception at 6 and have dinner start at 7? Then the dance right afterward?”
- FI: “Hmm what do you think?”
- Me: “I think that sounds fine, and how long should the dance be?”
- FI: “I guess until whenever we start getting tired.”
- Me: “Well we have to have a set time, I gotta let the DJ and the bartenders, etc. know!”
- FI: “So what time will dinner be? I thought only half of the guests were invited to dinner.”
FYI, we had previously discussed having a meal with only our family right after the ceremony to save money, but then decided against that… OR SO I THOUGHT!!!… like 6 months ago! How does he not remember that??? I’m not trying to turn into a psycho, but how hard is it to at least have some knowledge about your own wedding and to give input? After all, I’m the only that has been calling/planning with the vendors and has made the initiative for it all. If I had let him call the shots, we probably wouldn’t even have the venues reserved and our wedding is 2.5 months away! In my opinion, YOU asked me to marry you, YOU should be somewhat involved in the planning. Am I wrong?
Post # 3
You;ll find that this is a popular topic and that most FH’s aren’t that involved or interested in the details. Do you know what my FH cares about? Music and showing up. That’s it. He doesn’t care about anything else. He can’t even remember what day we’re supposed to get married on half the time. It’s a guy thing. Men don’t know that much about weddings anyway. They know they need to be there. Flowers? Cake? Venue? Meh.
My FH said the same thing “What do you think?” when I asked him about the venue too. Don’t let it bother you too much.
Post # 4
Yeppp FI doesn’t have much of an opinion lol. His excuse is that he’s “never planned a wedding before so he doesnt know” Umm, like I HAVE planned a wedding before?? I try to involve him and take him to appointments but he’s usually pretty quiet. I guess it’s just a guy thing. I’m more of a worrier/perfectionist between the two of us anyway.
He is rather interested in attending the cake testing however…haha
Post # 5
ohhh honey… don’t get me started!
I realized my mom and dad were better at wedding details than DH… he really could care less and it used to get on my nerves because I wanted it to be OUR day and I started to feel like a production manager by the end of it but everyone told me… that’s just how it is.
I would consult him on stuff but it ended up being more about him just letting me talk out what I am trying to decide on because he was usually indifferent and that’s I guess just how it goes.
At least he’s not too picky?!
Post # 7
my FI only wanted to take part in two things. the reception venue and making sure we had good music. aside from that, anytime i ask him a question, he looks at me so confused and says its whatever i want.
it’s a guy thing for sure. i don’t even really bother him with any kind of details i may have decided on unless he asks (which is close to never!) and i am okay with that.
be glad he will show up! thats all i am concerned with my FI! 😉
Post # 8
He wasn’t, at all. He just wanted to get married, flat out.
He probably would have rather dug his own tongue out with a fork than plan a wedding.
Post # 9
Wow, I guess I’m the oddball… or I’m not, he is.
My FI is super involved. He wants veto power on EVERYTHING which at some points is driving me insane.
Wanted to have rustic barn-style wedding… NOPE.
Wanted to have super intense and highly complicated invitations that included bubbles… NOPE.
Wanted to have 5 bridesmaids… NOPE.
Sometimes, I get really irritated because I’m all like, hey, isn’t it supposed to be MY vision? Alas, my FI really enjoys the planning phase and REALLY wants to split everything 50/50.
So ladies, be glad. Because you get literally whatever you want.
Post # 10
@JackiBean: Haha. I feel you. My FI was not being involved at all to the point where I thought he actually didn’t want to get married at all. Then I sat down with him and talked to him about why he wasn’t offering his opinion. He told me he was just overwhelmed by all the options with everything and suggested that if I want his opinion that I narrow it down to 3-4 options and he would choose his favorite. That being said he has grown very opinionated on some things which have made me rethink parts of the wedding. For example, I wanted a lace dress and he tells me he hates lace and it reminds him of old people. So, I no longer get a lace dress because I know it’s my choice but I don’t want him to have some vision of frumpy old woman when he first sees me on the wedding day. That being said, I haven’t asked him about anything for scheduling. He would be completely clueless. This is something I wouldn’t bother asking him about and would be more likely to ask my mother or friends what they thought if I was unsure.
Post # 11
I try to get mine involved and he always tells me why do I bother to ask him anytgoing he says you are going to do what you want anyways .. Lol.. Sad thing he is right guess I just want to hear his input
Post # 12
FI is ULTRA involved! He had a 70% say in EVERYTHING! He even picked out my veil (and he hasn’t seen my dress! What!)
Post # 13
My FI thinks EVERYTHING ‘sounds good.’ He says he trusts my taste/decisions.
While it can be annoying not having input on certain things, I can’t say I mind having the final word.
If I really need an oppinion my mother, sister and FMIL are more than happy to share!
Post # 14
Me: “What picture should we use on the STD?”
FI: “You choose.”
Me: “Which invitation do you like?”
FI: “Which one do you like?”
Me: “Which photographer do you like?”
FI: “They’re all good.”
Me: “What should we have on the registry?”
FI: “I trust your judgment.”
Post # 15
@MissJuicy: I’m in the minority here. My fiance is very involved in the wedding planning process! It’s kind of funny because he’s not the kind of guy you’d ever picture enjoying this sort of thing … But he really does.
I love that he’s so involved because he keeps me excited about the wedding planning process. To be honest, in the beginning I had zero interest in planning a wedding. He told me he wanted to have a wedding, and after thinking about it, I realized I would probably regret it if we didn’t. After making the decision to have a wedding, we decided together that we wanted to do most of the wedding stuff together. The only thing he hasn’t done with me so far is pick out my dress, belt, and hairpiece.
We’re not big DIY people, so it’s not like we sit around our apartment making centerpieces. But we go together to all of our meetings/appointments (choosing a venue, wedding coordinator, caterer, etc.). He and I discuss all of our options, and make choices together (colors, menu, centerpiece ideas, etc.).
I don’t think I could do this without him. My mom lives 1000+ miles away, and the 3 people in my bridal party live far away as well. I talk to them all regularly, but it’s not as though they can go with me to meetings or anything (though my mom did go with us to a tasting with our caterer when she was in town last month). I have close friends in the area, but since they’re not in the wedding (they’ll be guests, of course, but not bridesmaids) I’d feel awkward asking them to go with me. I’ve had several “I-just-don’t-want-to-deal-with-this-crap-anymore!” moments, and if my fiance wasn’t excited about planning this wedding (or helpful!), I’d probably lose it! Haha.
Post # 16
Yeah I’m in the same boat, I usually run things by him and he’s says “that’s great!” Occasionally I try to talk ideas with him and he’s not that helpful.
However we’re currently working on booking a cake and he’s been all about that!