Post # 1
Fiance and I just started our wedding plans and I’m wonder how often i should be including the FFIL. My family is very involved (I’m very close with them) and I don’t want to insult my FFIL if they find out I consult my own family more then them. Should i be running all of our ideas by them or just letting them know the big stuff?
ps so far they haven’t contributed to the wedding (another story). no offense taken I know they’re not well off but I think that means by “wedding etiquette standards” that I don’t necessarily need their permission to decide things/cut some of their “extras” off our guest list…. however I still don’t want to hurt anyones feelings and don’t know how to go about keeping everyone happy.
Post # 2
We didn’t really consult either of our families all that much, but we paid for 99% of the wedding ourselves so we really didn’t need to.
For the little bit that wasn’t paid by us, there really wasn’t a need to consult, they just purchased the items that we needed [which was bottles of alcohol from my mother & flowers from costco from his mother].
Both sides of our families at some point tried telling us things that we “should” do. My mother insisted we have a back yard wedding [with kfc catering, and.. a keg] which we quickly made known that we weren’t going to do. And his parents were insisting we should do a cash bar, which we were both totally against.
Other than that, nothing else was said from our immediate families, just a few rude comments from extended parts of my family.
Post # 3
SimpleCountryLife: I think this is a totally case by case situation. It’s a “know your crowd” sort of deal.
My FILs aren’t financially contributing to the wedding, but I invite my FMIL to all of my appointments because I know she’s excited about the wedding and really wants to be involved! She nearly cried when I asked her to come with my mom and I to go dress shopping. I’ll also go with her to pick out her dress. It’s nice because my FI is really close to his parents, and the wedding has given us so many opportunities for me to get to spend time with his family.
At the same time, I know they would never intrude or say anything about how they want the wedding. They’ve told us from the get go that they are excited we are getting married and that it’s really our show. So when I brought my FILs dress shopping and to the florist and to look at venues, they waited for my reaction before saying anything, to make sure they wouldn’t influence my opinion. They’re so sweet.
Of course, this works because they are nice people and we have a great relationship! I think including them in the wedding planning has also strengthened our relationship. If you and your FILs do not get along or you worry about how they might try to run the show, your siutation could be totally different.
Post # 4
SimpleCountryLife: Not very much? They don’t live here. So we just fill them in when we speak to them. We did take them to dinner at our venue when they were here to visit (it was the first time our parents met each other in person, they’d spoken on skype at Christmas.) They gave us a large gift to use as we saw fit. We put it towards our house deposit. We are paying for the wedding ourselves for the most part (his mum has paid for the flowers for all the rest of the weddings, so she offered the same to me, and my mum paid for our invites and has offered to pay for our DJ.)
I ask my mum and sister (MOH) for input. But most of the decisions are made by FI and myself.
Post # 5
- Wedding: Davis Island Garden Club
My FFIL and FMIL both came to look at venues with us and my mom. I invited FMIL to the food tasting, the cake tasting, and the dress shopping because I knew she was excited about the wedding but she only came dress shopping with me.
My FFIL pushed us to use a friend of his for lighting, even though we didnt want it and proceeded to run the whole appointment and told me how the room had to be laid out. My FMIL just decided she wanted a wedding video (we were not planning to have a videographer), and has found a friend who is willing to video as a favor. This is a new problem, as we are 6 weeks out and I honestly dont even have time to deal with it.
My parents are paying for 100% of the wedding so they have been involved in a lot of the big decisions and vender meetings.