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How involved is your fiancee in the wedding planning and diys?

posted 4 years ago in Beehive
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    Helper bee
    reilabird    August 9, 2008   Orange County

    My fiancee isn't that involved and it kinda pisses me off since it was his idea to have a bigger wedding then I wanted.  We are about 3 months away and I've gotten a majority of the stuff done, but it irritates me that he doesn't help when most of this was his idea...ugh.  thanks for letting me vent.  

     
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    sphbride    August 8, 2010   Seattle

    None, zil, nada ...  You are not alone girl! Maybe assign him straigtforward tasks.

     
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    amysue    6/6/09  

    Yeah. "Call this person about X." "Cut X pieces of this." He might respond better to more explicit direction...

     
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    reilabird    August 9, 2008   Orange County

    i've assigned things to him, they get pushed off to the side.  at least last night i got him to go round corners and now he's going to go the post office to get stamps.     

     
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    penguin    June 7, 2008   Berkeley, Ca

    Non.

    He's taking care of tuxes, picking out his mother/son dance song, providing moral support (as in, "do you like this?!?!"  and he says "Yes, thats cute") and showing up at the altar.

     Like PP's said, my FI really likes specific tasks/lists.  Dont just in passing say "I wish you would help out more"...just say:

    I'd like you to do this, this this and this.  Please.  By next week.

     I usually e mail my FI (even if he's sitting right next to me haha) lists and he gets them done...unless its written on a post it, or e mailed to him a couple times, it doesnt get done.

     
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    peaches    August, 2008   CA

    i email my FI lists too penguin!  haha, he doesn't like them, but he is good about getting most things on the list done by the "deadline" i set for him.  he's been pretty involved with the whole process, meeting and choosing different vendors, and doing the diy projects.  the only thing he hasn't been involved in is the girly stuff, like wedding gown shopping, picking out bridesmaid dresses, etc.  otherwise, he's been such a big help!

     
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    babagrlshell    04/05/08   St Augustine, FL

    I had to give my hubby lists. After about flipping out on him the 80th time.... I knew I had to do something to get through to him. And I always kept two copies... one in my planning notebook and one for him... so he knew I couldn't say that I didn't give him that task to do.

    He helped with invitation assembly. He ran errands (go pay this deposit, pick this thing up. etc) the two weeks prior to the wedding. But seriously.

    I did most of everything & procrastinated on some stuff & didn't even get everything done.

     
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    caliocteach    8/9/2008   California

    I tried giving mine lists -- they just sat there.  He paid for the honeymoon, but I did all of the research on it.  The only thing he seems remotely interested in is the music, but after giving me his ideas, I have to put it all together.  We are 90 days out and he hasn't looked at tuxes, wedding bands, or anything else. Ugh.

     

     
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    missbean    August 23rd, 2008   Canada

    He's been surprisingly helpful, for he wants to help try to keep my stress at a managable level :) I'm so grateful for him!

    I have found that asking him to do specific tasks, asking his opinion on various things and bringing him to vendor meetings has helped keep him interested. I've also found that if I natter about weddings ALL the time, then he's less likely to be interested. It's good to balance both of your interests :)

     
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    soaishai    August 16th, 2008   Atlantic Beach, Florida

    My FI has been very very very helpful, and has done anything & everything to keep me from being stressed (we're building a house at the same time AND im taking 4 online classes while working fulltime and planning the wedding lol) he has been AMAZING.

    He was the first one to ask me about flowers and colors and whatnot. and told me what he likes and what he doesnt like. I dont know what I would have done if he wasnt helping so much! I'd go crazy! lol

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    1. How involved is your fiancee in the wedding planning and diys? :  wedding Img shoes.jpg (21.7 KB, 127 downloads) 2 years old
     
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    stressgirl615    May 17, 2008   Los Angeles

    My FI has been involved in probably 99% of all the wedding planning/decisions.  The only thing I refused to let him be involved in was my wedding dress.  He designed and assembled probably 70% of the invitations.  He designed our table lanterns that has the table number and menus in english and chinese and assembled about 50% of them.  Pretty much he is soooo involved that sometimes I wish I could make one decision without some input from him.  :)  Granted his comments do normally make sense.  :(  But I guess I'd rather have him involved than totally not involved.  Yes, I know i'm lucky!  hehehe

     
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    suzanno    7/12/08   Richland, WA

    My FI has been really involved.  He is pretty picky about a lot of things (as am I, good thing we generally agree about what we like) and so has helped choose fonts, colors, paper, candles, flowers, menu, wines, cake...  He is not terribly crafty, but is really meticulous about the things he does, and so has helped with quite a bit of our DIY.  We clear off the dining room table, get out all the bits and pieces, and once I show him how it goes he does a great job.  He's not fast, but everything he assembles is absolutely perfect.  And he's having loads of fun with our projects, which makes it all more fun for me.  We put DMB on the stereo, pour a little wine, and have a great time.  I'm going crazy this weekend because all the bits and pieces of the invitations have arrived from the printer, and he's away at his bachelor party golf weekend, but he was horrified that I would even think of assembling them without him...  so I have to wait until Monday night!

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    MissRuffles    June 7, 2008   Wilmington, Delaware

    We're in it together. He does a lot of research, and he is taking the lead on the vows and music. I couldn't get the wedding together without him.

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    1. How involved is your fiancee in the wedding planning and diys? :  wedding Img Dress_Train.jpg (99.6 KB, 53 downloads) 2 years old
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    Lani    August 9, 2009  

    My guy is there every step of the way.  He wants everything to be perfect and is absolutely amazing!  We made our invites together, we are arranging the music for the wedding together, we are making the programs together, we are arranging the candy buffet together - it's definitly a partnership with us.  We share it all!  The only part that he didn't get to be a part of was the dress - he'll have to wait until the wedding day to see that. :)

     
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    maureen9004    August 2008  

    My fiance is pretty involved.  Sometimes I have to ask... tonight we printed out our invitations and you could tell her was really excited and fed the printer 200 pieces of cardstock individually.  It was cute.

     
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    piperbenjamin    June 2008   Philly

    fi is really 100% involved in everything, as it is "our" wedding. he comes to all the appointments & i got dragged to the tux appointments too. he was even going to go dress shopping w me & went w me to one shop but people really get feisty about that so i just showed him the dress i chose after i bought it. this is so awesome, esp since most of my BMs & mom dont live nearby & i'd be dying if i had to do it all myself. however a few months ago i was getting fed up bc w BOTH of us involved in EVERY decision, it takes twice as long to reach a decision (bsides being super busy at work) & i didnt think we were moving fast enough. so after a few arguments on this topic we sat down & made a calendar of everything we have to do, down to the last detail, and assigned a date to everything. we invite each other to all the "events" (im on google, he's on outlook) such as "decide on favors" and "buy thank you cards" and i'm so glad we did bc things have been getting done a lot faster. plus when the week slips by & some event/decision has been postponed, it is hanging over BOTH our heads as a calendar reminder that keeps popping up on our computers. i highly recommend keeping a mutal calendar of some sort once you get down to 2 months.

     
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    BettyB    July 6, 2008   Pullman, WA

    About two weeks after we had set the date, and started planning, I asked Mr. Betty if he was excited about the wedding, to which he responded 'meh'.  That did not sit well, but we talked about it, and I realized that I had been planning 'my' wedding, and now that he realizes how important it is to me, he's making a serious effort to get involved, and I'm trying to include more aspects that represent him (like our steampunk cake toppers)

     
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    katiethelady    8/2/08   San Francisco

    haha.. I too send lists, and I've gotten many a response of "yes, Sergeant", but his lists usually comprise of "for the 15th time, get the address for x, y and z!"

    On a scale of 1 - 10, he's about a 1.5.  I give him a .5 for the fact that he doesn't mind that I spend all day doing DIY projects (which I enjoy).  As far as actual help, nada. 

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    1. How involved is your fiancee in the wedding planning and diys? :  wedding Img centerpiece-vi.jpg (50.3 KB, 122 downloads) 2 years old
    2. How involved is your fiancee in the wedding planning and diys? :  wedding Img Vase.jpg (65.3 KB, 103 downloads) 2 years old
     
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    prettykatie    March 14, 2009   Oklahoma

    FI is great about calling vendors, making appointments, negotiating with people, helping me not kill my mother. We haven't really started on any of the DIY stuff yet, but I expect him to not be overly excited about that. The only problem is that he just keeps adding people to the guest list...I swear we're going to hit 350 by the time invites have to go out...

     
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    Kenny      

    I've completely quit on my fiance for anything involving the wedding planning. There have been so many fights between her and I and her family and I over the few things I was trying to help with that I've just left it all to them. I just want this whole nightmare to be over. 

    I was trying to be a good groom-to-be and get involved and do things, but everything I've tried helping with has been met with anger. My relationship with some of her family has completely deteriorated. I just wanted to help.  

     
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    Blushing bee
    alshv2    6/6/2009   St. Louis

    FH is pretty good about it, actually. He leaves me complete freedom to do the stuff that I want to without complaint (for example, no complaints when I picked out all pink flowers), but helps when I want him to. I just need to tell him exactly what I need- in great detail. If I ask him to help assemble the invitations, call the caterer, pick up materials for our next project, coordinate the music, or go shopping with me for parents' gifts, he is usually willing to oblige.

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    1. How involved is your fiancee in the wedding planning and diys? :  wedding Img Picture_187.jpg (48.4 KB, 30 downloads) 1 year old
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    Samisomsam    March 13, 2010   Longview, WA

    My FI keeps telling me not to worry so much about planning right now since we're a year away (well, he was saying that in January when we were 14 months away), but I have been told by him that he will help and give input.

     
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    Sugar bee
    RoddyBride09    September 5, 2009   Bethlehem, PA

    At first I was a bit upset that I was not getting any help from my FI for this wedding. Then my Dad spoke to me and told me not to bother my FI with the details because sometimes they just don't want to deal with it. As my FI has said, he doesn't care about the centerpieces, etc. he only cares about me and what I want. Sounds like a cop out but it is very true.

     Anyway, since he is paying for part of this wedding I gather up ideas and let him give his opinion on things. Some things I handle on my own or with the help of my Mom. He is however, in charge of creating our monogram and helping me with designing and creating our table numbers. They are mini art easels and canvases and since he is a great painter and sketcher I wanted him to help me with it.

     My best advice is just not to get too upset about it. Also, be sure to not to read into this thinking he doesn't care about you or the wedding. Guys are just more layed back. Good luck!

     
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    MsHymanRoth    October 24, 2009   Boston

    So far I haven't done any DIY projects, but I'm sure he would have nothing to do with that.

    I'm having a dress custom made, but he did help me choose the exact foundation. He helps me with everything so far, and he likes when I run my new ideas by him so he can have a say too.

     
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    Blushing bee
    PurdueGrace    October 10, 2009   IN/PA

    Fiancé had to be involved to get married in the timeframe we set since I have been in grad school. We have been long distance for awhile so getting this planned has been a big priority for us. (I'm old fashioned and didn't really want to move in together until we got married, or just a little bit before.)

    I did a lot of research, getting contact information and ideas of things to look at but then he did a lot of the leg work and phone calls. He even drove (FI lives in Indianapolis) to stay with my parents (in Pittsburgh) one weekend to go look at venues, hotels & talk our priest and got it booked because I was in Texas on an internship for three months after we got engaged. I didn't even see the venue until a month after I got back. Sometimes I think he knows more about what's going on with the wedding than I do! We were both really involved in sports as kids so we have been able to approach this with a "team" mentality. How involved is your fiancee in the wedding planning and diys? :  wedding Icon Biggrin

     Are there bridesmaids or good friends that can help you? Good luck! 

     

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