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I happen to love charades :)
She sounds awful. I had a kind of similar problem with my FMIL- I didn't want her too involved because she wanted things HER way and when I let her do something, she'd ignore my suggestions and just do whatever she felt like. She just kept nagging and nagging to be more involved.
I just picked something (blocking hotel rooms) that I didn't care much about and let her have it. She got to do everything related to the hotels, and that kept her busy enough. Of course, she did it wrong- the hotels she booked were way out of the price range I gave her, and my guests were calling ME all the time right before the wedding asking for other places to stay, but it was worth having her off my back. That's my best suggestion- just pick the thing you care about least and give it to her.
ugh she sounds like a nightmare.
Don't let her take over! The wedding is about you and your FI, not her throwing you a birthday bash with a magician. I can see it now.....and i want to cry for you =(
And then kidnap her to a back room to hide while you throw a REAL wedding 
FYI my FMIl is not involved at all. My wedding, not hers. She did suggest Pasta House for our rehearsal dinner....I politely said I'd like to have it at a unique (not chain restaurant) location and found an italian place that was just as cheap but way nicer. THe PH down the street from me is a really nasty location, not one of the nice ones unforutnately. It looks like a drug hole! So, that's it really =]
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I can relate to having a "difficult" fmil. That said - my fmil is not helping with the planning at all. Sure she can have opinions, but that's all they are - opinions. FI has put his foot down with her right from the get go so she doesn't have too many "helpful" ideas or suggestions. FI and I agree that the day should be about us and not about a group of people telliing us what they think is best.
Good luck!
Sorry about the difficult FMIL.
My FMIL has not helped at all. She is also not attending the wedding. Long story short, but she can't get over her divorce with FH dad and the events that happened with his family during the divorce. Now FH's dad has passed away, but she still can't come to our wedding with the other family there. Ugh! Drama!
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I love my FMIL! She's great. She wants to be involved and makes suggestions, but always always acknowledges that we are the decision makers.
I am however a little scared about my future SIL. She's really nice, just really opinionated. And since I will be doing this a tad out of line with tradition and love to DIY, I worry. Like I have made ribbon corsages and boutonnierres and am worried what she will say since there won't be any cut flowers (and that's just not what people do).
Oh well!
I tried really hard to get my MIL involved, I wanted her ideas and input. But it just wasn't her thing...
ALTHOUGH, later there was a little hubbabooloo because she got upset as we didn't invite as much of their side of the family as mine. Not my fault, I asked for weeks for a guestlist- what I could get out of them I invited. grrrrr.
Please do not let her get what she wants. She is obviously trying to live out some 5 year birthday party that she never got to have! My FMIL is the one that bought a champagne wedding dress!!! You might have seen the post on here! After she did that I have not been taking her on my wedding outings or involving her. Until she wakes up and realizes what a fool she will look like in a wedding dress i am keeping her at arms length. Good Luck :)
Eeek! That's crazy. I have the opposite problem: I wish my FMIL cared enough to offer an opinion (unless it involved clowns or board games...). She's supposedly happy about the marriage, but getting her to do anything or sound excited is like pulling teeth. It took me 3 months to get the guest list out of her (our engagement is only lasting for 7), and even then I was still asking for a couple of addresses the weekend we mailed the invitations.
MVP Bride - me too!!
I feel like my FMIL could truly care less. I have not had any help from her and I don't know why. We get along great but she just shows no interest in the wedding. I think it may be because it is going to be a large formal affair and she is a more laid back person who would rather not "dress up." Where as I am the insane girly girl who can't wait to play dress up in my ridiculously over-the-top wedding dress!
I have not got a full guest list to this day and now the invite list is very VERY lopsided towards my family who is inviting evryone and their brother. My FSIL is my only BM therefore my MOH. So she and FMIL are going to "plan" my shower. Well...nothing has been done yet, they just say.."well what were you thinking about doing?" If I knew it was going to be like this I would plan my own dang shower, which is what I wanted to do in the first place.
I'm just kina hurt that they don't show much interest in helping.
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Your fiance's family is throwing you a shower, Jaydee? That's a good sign! We live in state A, his family is in state B, and my family and the wedding are in state C. Guess which of these 3 is the only one that hasn't offered to host any kind of pre-wedding festivities? My fiance says that his mom just doesn't know what to do because this is the first time one of her kids has gotten married, but it seems to me that if they were excited they would be asking more questions and offering more instead of balking at even the cost of putting an engagement announcement in the paper. This is the ONE part of my wedding that has really stressed me out...
Mine is helping out 0%. And no, that's not a typo. It was my own choice. It was easier to have my FH ask them for some $$ than to have to listen to her "take/opinions" on things. So far, working out fine. Let's just hope that they follow through on that check.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. A clown? Yikes. My MOH would run away if we had a clown at our wedding! I get along very well with my FMIL. She isn't helping much with the planning mainly because she's never been to where I'm from. We live two hours away from there. I do include her in what's going on, but that's it. FI's family is mainly contributing to the honeymoon and RD, so there's no real need for her to be involved at all, but I like to include her.
A clown? Seriously? Oh my. If you were having your wedding at a carnival, that would be cool for the kids. But I don't take it that's where you are having it at :)
Here's what my FMIL has done:
-she didn't want to be involved in planning, then got pissy because she wasn't involved, then she didn't want to be involved when we tried to involve her and then she got pissy because we didn't include her, then we include her and she seems to have better things to do.
-she finally did something wedding related with us and expects her opinion to be what we go with...she's like this in other situations so I was expecting this.
-she refers to the wedding as 'ours' or 'we'
-she thought it was a good idea to forgo RSVP's and use the $ for stamps elsewhere
-I sent her our e-pics and pics of my dress and not one word has been said and that was over 5 months ago.
-she's threatening to leave the wedding if she's not recognized enough, which has turned in to "get my way". Thankfully both FI and I are on the same page about this.
A clown! Oh no. I hope everything works out okay SouthernMagnolia! My FMIL is halfway around the world, so her involvement in planning has been minimal. However, we are having a smaller reception in my FH's home country the week after our NYC wedding, and FMIL and FFIL are fully planning that!
Yikes! A clown? Seriously?
My FMIL is pretty involved. First, she knows a ton of people in the small town where we live and she's got connections. Second, my mom died 5 and half years ago so I need a mother-figure to bounce ideas off of. And third, I love my FMIL! I'm a lucky bride!
Ugg...I just can't get over the clown.....
She always throws in her two cents, but thank goodness she's not really involved with decisions, so I just tell her what i'm doing, she makes a snarky remark, and I don't bring it up again.
Who knows, that's just what I do, she's so not encouraging ever so it's so obnoxious when I have to include her.
My FMIL is so great :) She has been very proactive in working on contracts and the kind of details that only a local can take care of. She's been true to our vision, but gently suggests things that might make the wedding better. We're trying to be very careful with our budget, and she is doing things like upgrading the dance floor or picking out a nice wine and buying several cases.
She did, however, sit FI and I down one day and say, "You know this wedding is not about you. It is about us". She's paying, so I suppose she's right... We just laugh about it. I hope we throw a great party that her friends really enjoy (and that we enjoy in the process)! So far she's made it very easy :)
Well, mine would rather we not be getting married, so her involvement is kind of weird - sporadic, but always insistent. We are having a small wedding of fifty people. She decides we need to invite two hundred more people, including the person who owned the dog my FI dog-sat for when he was a teenager. (FI has never mentioned this person to me ever). I gently pointed out that we couldn't afford to feed 250 people (FI and I are paying for the wedding ourselves) and she said that we could, and I quote, choose to feed people or "be surrounded by love." She honestly wanted us to serve punch to 250 people for 7 hours. Punch and only punch. Did I mention that it was going to be non-alcoholic punch? And FMIL's demands never have once included any offer, even a token offer, of financial assistance.
I'm pulling rank as bride. It's MY day 
So ridiculous, so much to say, but where's the cash to back it up.. so sorry cheerful
I'm stuck between laughing and gasping in horror. How awful!
Yeah, I probably just wouldn't talk to her that much. Or involve her only in stuff that doesn't matter to you (maybe choices of glassware/flatware/china, linens, etc. where she can't go too wrong -- she has to stick to your colour scheme, after all!). You are going to have to deal with here, and she's going to be a grandmother to your children, so it's best not to drive her away. But she does seem rather petty/childish.
My FMIL isn't involved much, but we're not too deep into planning. Sometimes we'll ask her opinion, and she'll DEFINATELY be involved in the creation of the guest book and all other paper crafts. =) She had a really negative experience when she was planning HER wedding. Her mom is bipolar, and basically her wedding was the wedding her mother wanted, not her, so she's trying to be as hands-off as she can with our wedding. So far. =D
Wow, a clown, that's...one way to go. My MIL was pretty difficult during the planning process. I think she was basically being really passive-aggressive in response to the fact that the wedding wasn't going down the way she wanted it to. We paid for everything, so I think we had every right to make the choices we did. She was mainly unhappy with the guest list--I think if it were up to her, we would have invited triple the amount of people. The big problem I had was the passive aggressive stunts. I asked her to wear a dress in any color other than pastels...she chose a baby blue dress. She called multiple times to ask what kind of cake was my favorite for the shower she threw me. I told her white cake...she served marble cake.
Is there any small way that you can include your FMIL in the planning, like say in an area you care less about? Maybe she can help choose the napkins or flowers or something? That way, she'll feel like she's contributing (and getting her way) but you don't have to compromise your vision of the day. I think my MIL was such a brat because I didn't get her input on anything.
my fmil isn't speaking to me. Seriously. I think we have reached the "middle school" part of our relationship. What is it about having a son that makes women nuts? good grief!
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Wow. A Clown?! Thats unique... :)
My FMIL isn't a my way or the highway type, but she has more or less insulted my dream of a small, intimate wedding more than a few times (which by the way isn't happening... its going to be huge). I think she thinks that she should be more involved since we lived 15 miles from FI's parents and about 650 miles from mine. She was insulted when I went dress shopping with my MOH rather than her. She's going to be more insulted when she doesn't get to help me pick out flowers or go with for day-before mani-pedis. Sorry FMIL... That's mother-daughter time. Thanks goodness FH has a sister thatsalready married so FMIL can hopefully get over all this.
I'm dreading the day when we have to tell her that on the most special, wonderful day of my life, I would rather be surrounded by 100 people (yeah, big families!) who know & love us than 300 people, some of whom I haven't met, that are hoping to hit the kegs before they run out. I think part of the dictatorship she seems to be running sometimes is because FSIL was 22 when she got married. I'll be 27 at the time of the ceremony & don't me why I think that makes a difference, but I think it does - I guess I feel like I know whats important to me & FH, and unfortunately they don't totally coincide with what's important to FMIL.
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my violinist wanted to show the rubik's cube...uh no, a clown...uh-uh
Haha. That made me laugh. Now i'm kind of happy my FMIL doesn't even seen to care that we are getting married. The most that she has contributed, and is most likely going to contribute, is the number to a travel agent
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I let my FMIL have the rehearsal dinner. It's the one thing she's paying for in the wedding, and as far as I'm concerned, that entitles her to a good deal of input. I figure I'm better off just letting her run with it, because it's not that important of an aspect of my wedding to me ... more like a formality. I'll be happy with anything ... I'm busy enough planning the wedding.
In addition to that, she's been pretty helpful. Our wedding is in Colorado, because that's where FI grew up and that's where she lives, so we have had tons of wedding crapola sent to her house so we wouldn't have to fly it all. She even went and looked at the location for us before we booked. I'm pretty grateful.
My FMIL isn't involved at all. The FILs will be throwing some type of dinner or something for us when we get back from Jamaica. She recognized that my fiance and I needed to do things our way...actually both sets of parents did.
I haven't even asked my FMIL to be involved at all. Her and I just don't get along, and they aren't overly supportive of the FI, so there's just no point. The way she sees it is he's stubborn and he's going to make the mistake of marrying me no matter what she says, so we just don't talk.
I haven't asked my FMIL for any input, but that doesn't stop her from trying to give it. She's very very opinionated and domineering, and I think if we gave her any kind of opportunity she'd completely take over. For example, about a WEEK after we got engaged, I didn't ask and I wasn't even sure yet where I wanted our wedding but my FMIL called venues and florists for us, for a date that SHE wanted. We got engaged in March, she REALLY wanted us to get married in APRIL -- not a year later, a few weeks later! She kept saying that the wedding wasn't that important because we should just try to have kids asap, since I'm already "getting really old"/"past the age I should have had kids" (just turned 30)... The venues she called were all local golf courses/clubs that are close to her house -- nothing wrong with getting married at a place like that, but it's just not what we wanted...it's what SHE wanted. Just the type of woman she is -- somewhat abrasive, way too domineering, and when it comes to the wedding the only thing she seems to care about is her convenience and how everything will reflect on her (although she's not contributing at all -- if she was, I think that would give her more of a right to be as demanding as she is).
Sometimes I feel bad because I'm not involving her at all, but I don't think I could stand if she was involved!!
My FMIL is awesome. I love her. She isn't trying to butt in at all. She just politely asks how my plans are going. That is it. She would never try to tell me how to do anything.
I'm in the early stages of planning, but so far it's been really smooth sailing with the in-laws. I hope I'm not reporting about a clown in a few months! A CLOWN!? I'm so sorry it's actually happening to you, but that is really really funny to me. Could you even imagine?? I'm kind of digging the games idea, though, but we're game people :)
Wow - I'm so sorry you're dealing with that! My FMIL has been pretty great so far. She isn't really involved in planning, but she's still interested in what's happening. She's had a few suggestions but she ALWAYS follows with "but it's your wedding so you do what you want!"
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My FMIL and I have never gotten along. We are civil in person, but get us apart, and DF is constantly having to choose sides, which as we move closer to getting married, is obviously not a choice anymore. So, she can be VERY controlling, happy if she gets her way, the complete opposite when she doesn't.
She's trying to make my wedding into a child's birthday party. She suggested a clown and Pictionary and Charades. No, I am not kidding.
She keeps wondering what we will "do" at our wedding. Honestly, we are having a party of 30 and we have our small hall for 4 hours which we are having the ceremony at. We won't have music or dancing, but what we will DO is have the WEDDING, then we will eat, then we will have cake, then we will drink and be merry!
She also offered $300 towards alcohol, but only for beer. She is mad because she isn't being included in any other planning, but when she asks, she wants to do it HER way or the highway, so I don't talk to her anymore.
How about you?