Post # 1
in writing your ceremony? We are pretty much composing ours from scratch since we’re not having it at a church and this is how our officiant does it, which i love. but my Fiance is not really taking any initiative at all to just browse thru some reading selections or take a look at the sample ceremonies she gave us…. i wish he’d do more. is this normal tho? is anyone else writing their own ceremony and running into this same issue?
Post # 3
We are not building our ceremony from scratch, but we are trying to personalize it as much as possible.
My thought is that your Fiance is not doing much to contribute because you are doing so much. I would ask him to look through reading selections and vows on his own and then agree on a time when you will talk about what you individually liked together. In any case this worked well with my Fiance and I. It was also great to hear about what he liked without my opinion butting in 🙂
Post # 4
What if you gave him a clearly defined way to help?
Our Justice of the Peace gave us 3 different “example” ceremonies and asked us which one was most like the direction we wanted to go in. I gave him the printouts and asked him to read them and tell me which 1 of the 3 he liked most. Turns out we both independently choose the same one, but it we hadn’t, we would have discussed and come up with a compromise.
That seemed to work well for us. Even though I’m still basically coordinating the whole thing, he is giving input.
If I were more vague though (“go on the internet and find stuff you like”) I doubt we would have gotten very far.
Post # 5
For most of the wedding planning stuff, I will do the pre-selection. I’ll do a bunch of research and present the options that I like to my fiance. He’ll go through them, eliminate what he doesn’t like, and then we’ll both discuss what’s still left and decide on a favorite. I envision doing the same with writing the ceremony. The only area where this strategy hasn’t really applied are the invitations. My fiance is more of a font snob than I am, so he did the pre-selection there.
Post # 6
I’ve had the same problem. its frustrating, because I want to make our ceremony as personal and meaningful as possible, and he wants to just make it quick to just get it over with. I’ve had numberous conversations with him about it, and he said he doesnt care what is said.. any words someone could speak about love and how they feel about someone is how he feels about me, and that he just wants to marry me, he doesnt care what he has to say to get us there. So I dont know. Maybe your fiance feels the same way? Guys are just more simplisictic then we are. I put entirely too much thought into everything and hes the complete opposite. My Fiance not carrying was hurtful at first, but when I stop and thought about where he was coming from I understood. Its his personality, so I cant fault him for it. You should just talk to your Fiance and figure out what part of the ceremony is important to him, what he wants and doesnt want to be included. I did research and picked a few options and I read them to him, and he told me what he liked and didnt like and I went from there.He didnt care enough to go do the research himself, but he understood it was important to me, so he at least helped make the final decision. Hope that helps 🙂
Post # 7
thanks for the input ladies 🙂 i think i’ll try the idea giving him something defined to do, which should help him get the ball rolling. he does care, and has opinions, he’s just not taking the initiative since i of course have been doing most of the planning. but this isn’t decor and cakes, this is the ceremony! we should each have an equal input.