(Closed) How involved should my fiance's mother be in the wedding planning? Help!!

posted 5 years ago in Family
  • poll: Should I bring my FMIL dress shopping?
    You should bring her : (8 votes)
    28 %
    Don't bring her if you don't want to : (21 votes)
    72 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2961 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    My FMIL is not really involved at all. I bounced a few ideas off of her and she was polite but didn’t seem that interested. They are paying for the rehearsal dinner but other than that, I am paying for the wedding and FH is paying for the honeymoon.

    Post # 4
    Member
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    You could talk to her about what she feels comfortable with, or you just invite her to the dress shopping so you CAN build a relationship with her.  If you want a closer relationship with her, bonding over something like dress shopping( or she can go tux shopping) could be the start of it all.  Remember she doesn’t have daughters so she might try to not to overstep.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1880 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    My FMIL is not involved at all, period. They aren’t even involved in the planning or paying for the rehearsal dinner.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1583 posts
    Bumble bee

    @chrissyb464:  My approach is to let her know when anything is happening and leave it up to her to participate. This is your second mother now so it’s best to be gracious!

    Post # 7
    Member
    1710 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

    @distracts:  Same here. They just don’t seem interested and couldn’t offer any money even if they wanted to. I didn’t really feel an obligation to invite my FMIL to go dress shopping with me. It was just my mom and niece and it was perfect!

    Post # 8
    Member
    252 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    My FMIL isn’t even attending our wedding, so I guess you got my answer right there lol

    Post # 9
    Member
    899 posts
    Busy bee

    me and my FMIL aren’t very close either but she mentioned that she wanted to go to a specific place so we did and i’m really glad we went and i invited her, she was very happy that she went and it was nice having time with her with out my fiance around

    Post # 10
    Member
    2359 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    my mother in law came dress shopping But we already had a pretty good relationship.  She has no daughters and he’s an only child so I thought it would be great if she came.  Also to meet my mother, sisters, and my 2 best friends.  

    She didn’t say much or voice her opinion until my family did first but she cried when I came out in the dress and I think she truly appreciated the opportunity To share that moment.

    like someone said, you can lay the invitation out for her and she can decide.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1102 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I didn’t invite my FMIL to go dress shopping with me. My FI is the oldest of 3 boyd, so my FMIL doesn’t have any daughters.

    I actually have not involved her in the planning at all thus far because A) she doesn’t seem interested B) when I have tried to talk to her she goes on a tangent (usually about herself)

    Post # 12
    Member
    416 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I said don’t bring her if you don’t want to.  I wasn’t that close with MIL when we were engaged, but I liked her a lot, and we lived in the same town.  My mom came in to town for dress shopping, but when my dress arrived and I went to go try it on, I brought MIL with me so she could see.

    And on a more general note, I think it’s a nice gesture to involve your FMIL, but you don’t need to include her in particular things unless you want to.  And take cues from her of how interested she is in things.

    Post # 13
    Member
    4352 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I planned on inviting mine, but when I found out my mom couldn’t go I didn’t invite her. I know she wanted to be there, but I didn’t want her there unless my mom was. If my mom could have made it I definitely would have invited her since I know she would have enjoyed the experience (FI is her only child so this is the only wedding she gets to help plan for one of her children). We involve her in other ways. When I bought my dress online (the plan all along) I sent her a link to the listing to get her opinion before I finalized the sale (which I would have done even if she didn’t like it).

    Post # 14
    Member
    2902 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I’m going to ask my FMIL. FI is one of 3 boys and I know she wanted a girl. I would love her to a part of the experience, I know she will enjoy it and feel it will bring us closer together 🙂

    Post # 16
    Member
    2878 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 1996

    I think taking her to the fitting makes more sense. The reality is, if her opinion during shopping doesn’t agree with yours, it’s going to make things tense, so why put either of you in that position? Better to let her see it once you’ve already bought it!

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