Post # 1
Just some background info – My FI and I have been together for 7 years, and I’m on good terms with his family, but not super close with them. His family doesn’t get together regularly, except for birthdays, holidays, and the like, so it’s been hard to get to know his parents very well. Like I said, though, we’re on good terms and I like them.
My confusion lies with how much I should involve my FMIL in the wedding planning process. First and foremost, should I be bringing her with me to dress shop? I wouldn’t mind her being there, but I think I would rather only bring people who know me very well and who I’m completely comfortable with, like my mom, step-mom, and MOH. Also, since I’m not close with her, I’m not sure if she would think it was weird that I invite her, if I decide to…? My FI is the oldest of two boys, so I feel guilty considering not bringing her if she really wants to be a part of that experience, not having any daughters. My FI’s family doesn’t have a lot money and can’t contribute very much to the wedding, so I don’t feel obligated to invite her in that respect, I just don’t want to insult her or make her feel unappreciated if I don’t bring her.
Any advice is appreciated!! Thanks bees!
Post # 3
My FMIL is not really involved at all. I bounced a few ideas off of her and she was polite but didn’t seem that interested. They are paying for the rehearsal dinner but other than that, I am paying for the wedding and FH is paying for the honeymoon.
Post # 4
You could talk to her about what she feels comfortable with, or you just invite her to the dress shopping so you CAN build a relationship with her. If you want a closer relationship with her, bonding over something like dress shopping( or she can go tux shopping) could be the start of it all. Remember she doesn’t have daughters so she might try to not to overstep.
Post # 5
My FMIL is not involved at all, period. They aren’t even involved in the planning or paying for the rehearsal dinner.
Post # 6
@chrissyb464: My approach is to let her know when anything is happening and leave it up to her to participate. This is your second mother now so it’s best to be gracious!
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
@distracts: Same here. They just don’t seem interested and couldn’t offer any money even if they wanted to. I didn’t really feel an obligation to invite my FMIL to go dress shopping with me. It was just my mom and niece and it was perfect!
Post # 8
My FMIL isn’t even attending our wedding, so I guess you got my answer right there lol
Post # 9
me and my FMIL aren’t very close either but she mentioned that she wanted to go to a specific place so we did and i’m really glad we went and i invited her, she was very happy that she went and it was nice having time with her with out my fiance around
Post # 10
my mother in law came dress shopping But we already had a pretty good relationship. She has no daughters and he’s an only child so I thought it would be great if she came. Also to meet my mother, sisters, and my 2 best friends.
She didn’t say much or voice her opinion until my family did first but she cried when I came out in the dress and I think she truly appreciated the opportunity To share that moment.
like someone said, you can lay the invitation out for her and she can decide.
Post # 11
I didn’t invite my FMIL to go dress shopping with me. My FI is the oldest of 3 boyd, so my FMIL doesn’t have any daughters.
I actually have not involved her in the planning at all thus far because A) she doesn’t seem interested B) when I have tried to talk to her she goes on a tangent (usually about herself)
Post # 12
I said don’t bring her if you don’t want to. I wasn’t that close with MIL when we were engaged, but I liked her a lot, and we lived in the same town. My mom came in to town for dress shopping, but when my dress arrived and I went to go try it on, I brought MIL with me so she could see.
And on a more general note, I think it’s a nice gesture to involve your FMIL, but you don’t need to include her in particular things unless you want to. And take cues from her of how interested she is in things.
Post # 13
I planned on inviting mine, but when I found out my mom couldn’t go I didn’t invite her. I know she wanted to be there, but I didn’t want her there unless my mom was. If my mom could have made it I definitely would have invited her since I know she would have enjoyed the experience (FI is her only child so this is the only wedding she gets to help plan for one of her children). We involve her in other ways. When I bought my dress online (the plan all along) I sent her a link to the listing to get her opinion before I finalized the sale (which I would have done even if she didn’t like it).
Post # 14
I’m going to ask my FMIL. FI is one of 3 boys and I know she wanted a girl. I would love her to a part of the experience, I know she will enjoy it and feel it will bring us closer together 🙂
Post # 15
@ZoeyGirl: I love that idea! I’m not bringing my bridesmaids shopping either, just because I want to keep the group small and keep the pressure off, so I was planning on bringing them to the first fitting so they could see the dress. I think I’ll do the same with my FMIL 🙂 Thanks!
Post # 16
I think taking her to the fitting makes more sense. The reality is, if her opinion during shopping doesn’t agree with yours, it’s going to make things tense, so why put either of you in that position? Better to let her see it once you’ve already bought it!