How Involved was your FMIL in Wedding Prep?

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: How Involved was your FMIL in Wedding Prep?
    she split (or entirely paid for) the wedding but did not help with any tasks and/orprepartions : (10 votes)
    9 %
    she split (or entirely paid for) the wedding but offered to help with most tasks and/or preparations : (20 votes)
    18 %
    she did not pay for the wedding at all, she didn't offer to help at all : (57 votes)
    50 %
    she did not pay for the wedding at all, but offered all her time & energy to help get things done : (27 votes)
    24 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3633 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    DH and I planned all of our wedding ourselves with just a tiny monetary contribution from my family. DH’s parents are on fixed income so while they offered to help, the amount they could’ve comfortably afforded wouldn’t covered much. For example, they wanted to cover flowers but if they really heard the amount we spent on flowers, they probably would’ve passed out.

    DH’s mother probably would’ve been willing to help had I offered, but DH and I are kind of type-A control freaks and she’s not really a DIY kind of person, so it just made more sense to make all the decisions ourselves and outsource the work to either professionals or a competent friend instead.

    Post # 4
    Member
    917 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    None of the options feel quite right… My FMIL is footing the bill for the whole reception, but has ceded decision-making to me and FI. She is, however, really interested in our ideas and super excited to give her opinion when asked. She doesn’t live local to us, so being physically involved in the planning/prep is a bit difficult. We’re making every effort to include her in the process, though. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    3570 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    My inlaws did not help with money or anything else.  They were basically guests at the wedding, but they wore corsages.  We paid for our own RD, as well.  

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    11300 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Eh none of the options fit. My FMIL offered a little help (as in, one of her friends offered to do our flowers), went dress shopping with me, and paid for a large portion of my dress, and paid for one of our payments on our reception. I wish she was more involved, as far as being interested goes, but I think she just doesn’t want to be overbearing. Apparently her ex-MIL was very overbearing (and, while I love grandma to death, I can totally see that) and she swore that she would never do that.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2913 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    my parents, my husband and i paid for the wedding. my husband’s parents didn’t offer to contrbute financially, but they helped us set up the day before. as far as the planning went, my mom, my husband and i did all of it. actually, it was mostly my mom and i, haha.

    Post # 8
    Member
    244 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    My situation is probably the opposite of the norm.  My mother really has no interest in the wedding.  She does foster care and is currently overwhelmed with one of the kids she adopted who is a 12 year old nightmare plus she’s never been into the girly stuff like weddings and has no clue about any of it.  

    My FMIL on the other hand is wonderful!  She is very involved but not pushy and I can tell her that I don’t like an idea and she lets it go but almost everyday she emails or texts about the wedding.  If she sees something she thinks we would like for the reception or the honeymoon she sends a picture to see if she should buy it.  My FI is her only child and they are very close so that could be part of it.  She has come to both of my dress fittings for support and took me shopping this weekend to buy my wedding jewelry.  Her and her sister even used two coupons to get me free “bride” thongs at Victoria’s Secret.lol!

    Post # 9
    Member
    1068 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    Our parents are splitting the bill equally, and my MIL seems excited to help.  I definitely talk about it more with my own mom though, since we chat about wedding a little when we talk, and I talk to his mom less frequently.

    Post # 10
    Member
    244 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Oh and financially we are paying for it all.  My dad is giving us a generous cash gift and his parents bought our flights to Hawaii and the hotel.  

    Post # 11
    Member
    492 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2013 - Callanwolde Fine Arts Center

    None of these options really fit with our situation. My ILs live in SC and we were planning a wedding in GA from TX, so they weren’t really that close to the wedding location or to us. My MIL was actually in town when we were getting ready to send out Save the Dates, so she helped me address them, but she wasn’t able to help much beyond that because of the distance.

    The ILs helped us out financially by paying for the Rehearsal Dinner.

    Post # 12
    Member
    67 posts
    Worker bee

    This is a super sore subject for me. My future MIL (and her family) are decently wealthy. My family… not so much. She started helping a lot at the beginning of the planning process, and then dropped the ball on a lot once she started disagreeing with the way I wanted things (i.e. I wanted seated tables, so that families with children would be sure to sit with other families and not left behind with no seats left, and she said that was “very snooty”). I hired a wedding planner 2 months ago when it all got to be too much for me, and then she came back in to help. My dad is helping as much as he can with part of the reception, but the majority of the finances are up to us.

    I think the norm is becoming that the couple pays for most of the wedding, and weddings seem to be coming down a bit from their normal $30k+ stature (thank God.) Traditionally, the bride’s parents pay for the reception, the groom’s family pays for the rehearsal dinner and occasionally the honeymoon, and the couple splits the rest. To be honest with you, I’m not sure there is a “norm” anymore but regardless, I wouldn’t wish an evil MIL on ANY bride….

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    209 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    My parents paid for a lot of it, we paid for the rest. MIL didn’t pay for anything and didn’t really seem that interested. I didn’t mind.

    Post # 14
    Member
    175 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    My FMIL is a word not allowed on weddingbee. She’s a little on the loony side. And I don’t cater to crazy, atleast not her type of crazy. Everyone in my family the FIs family are super happy for us but her. She never even said congrats let alone offer any money or help. Its better that way though. I don’t really want her to be apart of anything really. I get this sick feeling that she’ll do anything the day of to get all the attention on her. I wonder if it’ll happen. 

    I know this sounds dreadful but I never had an issue with my ex’s moms. Ever I used to go on lunch dates with them, or shopping, or come over just to visit. Its just her. 

    So I guess Its the stereotypical monster-in-law ordeal. lol

    Post # 15
    Member
    495 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    My FMIL offered to help with favors (we shall see : )and pay for the rehersal dinner.  And I was thankful for that but Honestly planning the rehearsal dinner is more difficult then the entire wedding has been.  Every place I pick there is 20 questions and huffs and puffs about it, then there is adding so many more people then just the wedding party.  I seriously think mcdonalds dollar menu would be perfect at this point lol. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    629 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Where is the option that she is almost 100% responsible for planning and financing? I am probably in the minority here, but it has been a huge weight off my shoulders to have someone else do the planning and fussing. I’m also not very picky about most things…

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