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We are going to a NYE wedding in our hometown and we are strapped for cash. I moved to a new city to be with my fiance and I have been struggling to find a job. We are slowly getting behind on payments, and eating lots of spaghetti. It's embarassing but it won't last forever. The couple that is getting married have said they do not want gifts...however IF we feel we want to, they want a gift card for Home Depot or money to go towards their basement renovations.
Having said we are strapped for cash, is $50 too little to give to them? FI is usually very generous for gifts and gives $100 minimum. I will have to try to convince him that we are not obligated to break the bank to give them a gift. What should I do?
$50 is fine. Anyone who complains or judges you for that is just an a-hole.
I don't think $50 is too little; maybe you could get them a gift card and offer to come help them with their renovations one weekend?
That is plenty. I know when I was in college I actually went in together with someone for a $50 gift card so I don't think its terrible. Plus you are traveling to see them to be at their wedding!
For a couple that asked for no gifts I think thats fine. If you still feel uncomfortable what about the $50.00 gift card and then put something in the card about in leiu of a gift you'd like to help them with their basement such as painting or moving furniture.
I want you to know that we have struggled financially too and you will get past it ! That said, $ 50 is more than enough. A family of 5 gave us 5 bucks each for a total of $25 at our wedding. I still can't get past that.
DISCLAIMER: I said that I still can't get past that and I am not interested in what the etiquette police have to say about gift giving. My hubby is godfather to the child of one of the members of this family and even when we were eating spaghetti, bought him a $ 70 first year birthday present.
Whew! Thanks you so much! Now I won't feel so bad thinking $50 is too little!
@gloss: Oooh good idea!
Nothing wrong at all with $50! We have had some people give us $25 gift cards and gifts that are less then that and either it is the thought that matters.
@MissBabeski: You give the gift you can afford whether that's just a congratulatory card, $50.00 or somethng else.
We got several checks for $50 and several gifts that probably cost that or less and they were all wonderful and appreciated.
Any bridal couple that thinks you "owe" them a certain amount (don't get me started on couples who think guests are obligated to "cover their plate" *shudder*) are wrong and rude.
@lisa105: Give it up already ! WOW ! I think you are the one who is wrong and rude !
Wedding bee has become awful lately because of you !
Giving enough to cover one's plate (and then some) is our tradition. I expected the same at my wedding. I guess I am wrong and rude ! YAY FOR ME !
I think $50 is generous! Don't feel bad at all!
And to answer your question, to me, "too little" is no card. Even if you gave the bride and groom a hand written note, that would be very special and much better then not giving anything at all.
Please don't hate me! But, I'm gunna give you my honest opinion. That's what a good debate on WB is all about, right? =)
Honestly, I think it depends on the venue and what's "custom" for your circle. Needless to say, and outdoor less formal wedding will cost less than an indoor formal wedding. Many venues are crazy expensive and charge $25-$30 a plate. I've always thought it was a given that you should at least cover the cost of your food. We're having a large ethnic wedding, so for us, it's a sort of "given" that you give approx $75-$100 per couple, and more if your close to the bride and groom. And let's be honest...the polite thing to say is "oh no, we don't want any gifts" when we're all REALLY thinking...CASH...we need CASH to pay for everything!!
That being said, I know you said your on a tight budget (as most of us are). I really like the idea of offering some of your time. That really is a cost effective and heartfelt gift. Time is money!! Good Luck!! =)
@ItalianLady: "Giving enough to cover one's plate (and then some) is our tradition. I expected the same at my wedding. I guess I am wrong and rude ! YAY FOR ME !"
Yep, you were wrong and incredibly rude. And no, that's not part of any Italian tradition.
I'm sure your guests were unaware they were attending a fundraiser. Why don't you send them an invoice for what you thnk they owe you?
Everyone I know who has gotten married would be happy with that. I had never even heard of wedding gifts bigger than that until I came on here. I have had a lot of friends get married, in a lot of socio-economic circles and none of them would have thought that was to little.
@lisa105: You're incredibly sad. But I have better things to do then fight with you. I stuck up for you in other threads, namely the one about women who demand a certain size/style e-ring from their boyfriends, but now I realize that you would rather attack anyone with differing opinions and traditions then you and that's not cool.
@lisa105: Let's let the "Rule Police" die today. I'm tired of opening every thread on this site and seeing you going on and on about how rude people are. Let it die. Seriously.
I'm sad that you have little to offer this supportive community besides telling people how wrong they are. I hope you have more than judgement and "rules" to offer in your offline life.
Alright let's act like adults here and not turn an innocent thread into a fight. GET OFF IT. Seriously it is getting really effing annoying to see a fight blow up in almost every thread and the OP shouldn't have to sit here and read all these posts of people being rude to eachother. There are all different kinds of people here so obviously everyone will disagree with each other about something. Lisa I think we are all at a point where we know you are a stickler for etiquette which is fine, but some people may not be and just because they aren't doesn't mean we have to start a fight about it every time. I think it would really do some good if you could respect other people's decisions regardless if it is "right" or "wrong". At the end of the day none of the things people have been bickering about lately matter. I also don't think we should openly be rude to people (even though I am sure it is your last nerve, trust me I REALLY get how frustrating it is) it just brings you down to their level and that's not worth it! If ya'll wanna keep fighting just open a thread purely for that cause this thread should not be the place for it.
@ustechie: I've always thought it was a given that you should at least cover the cost of your food.
The purpose of inviting guests to your wedding is because you ostensibly want them there to celebrate with you - not reimburse you for the cost of your hospitality - otherwise, its not hospitality.
Guests are under absolutely no obligation to provide a gift of a minimum dollar amount (and how would they even know how much their plate was anyway?). I think its rather gross to suggest a bridal couple throwing a simple wedding on a budget should receive lesser gifts because of it.
Guests need only give a gift if they are moved by affection to do so and then only one within their budget. If this isn't good enough, then you're inviting them for the wrong reasons and I'm sure they would prefer to spend their time and money where its actutally appreciated.
"And let's be honest...the polite thing to say is "oh no, we don't want any gifts" when we're all REALLY thinking...CASH...we need CASH to pay for everything!!"
No, we're not "all" thinking that. Some of us have the weddings we can afford and are not expecting our guests to reimburse us or looking to host fundraisers disguised as weddings.
Geeze Louise...does every thread have to contain someone attacking someone else? The OP asked a question and everyone is giving their opinion on something totally different!
OP - I think $50 is perfect considering your situation. The B&G already said that they aren't expecting gifts, and anything that you give them would be acceptable. Go with what you can afford and I'm sure the B&G will be extremely appreciative!
@crayfish: Um, excuse me but if you go back and reread this thread, Italian Lady let loose on me. If you want to bitch at someone for starting drama, I suggest you have a word with her.
@lisa105: Your continued UNWELCOME, RUDE posts on how everyone is doing everything wrong unless it is 100% by the book is EXHAUSTING, and I think she was 100% in the right for calling you out. I think we all understand why we invite people to a wedding. We all get it. Thanks. Take your preaching somewhere else.
And to everyone else confused about why we are jumping on Lisa105, please see her horrible posts in pretty much every etiquette thread this week, especially those dealing with cash or open bars. Her behavior on these boards has flown in the face of the nice, respectful environment we all celebrate.
@crayfish: Sometimes I wish we could go "survivor" on some people.
I just think this thread isn't the place to do it.
To answer the OP's question:
I also think it would be a good idea to ask the bride and groom what they need. Example instead of a gift card, maybe they need some paint from Home Depot and you could buy that. Or some door nobs, light fixtures, etc. Also, you could get the a gift card to their fave restaurant.
One gift that I received that I loved was a honeymoon basket. It included bubble bath, KY massaging oils, etc. It was cute, budget friendly, and it will be very useful.
@crayfish: You need to chill out. I've never said that everyone is doing things all wrong. The OP asked a question, I gave her a reassuring answer that Italian Lady chose to take issue with. I'm not going to take the heat because she's defensive.
OP- I think $50 is perfectly fine.
I am so sick and tired of all this "rude" talk rude this, rude that, rude, rude, rude, rude, rude. I do understand that there is proper wedding ettiquette, but seriously it seems like recently everything is "rude". Lets just drop it.
I think $50 is fine :) These are your friends and they understand where you are right now in life. I like how someone pointed out to offer and come help with the renovations too... thats a fun idea. Have fun on NYE :)
I'm afraid of getting flamed like lisa105 for saying this, but generally I agree with her. You don't invite your guests for their financial status, you invite them because it means something to have your loved ones present at the celebration of your marriage. And if they can't afford to cover the cost of their plate, who cares? If you care more about the value of your guests' gifts than their actual presence, then you've invited them for the wrong reasons.
I guess it's different when you know a guest could easily afford a nice gift and gives you something insubstantial, especially if it's a close friend or family member. I would understand feeling a little insulted then. But I don't think that applies to you, MissBabeski. $50 is not even remotely too little, especially considering that you are new to the city and looking for work.
Wow! I don't know why everyone is jumping on lisa105. I actually agree with her response. You give what you can. I know there have been other threads where I don't necessarily agree with her but there is no need to automatically jump on her everytime she answers on another thread. She gave the OP good advice.
I was happy to get a gift from people period. So to me $50 was a very nice gift! At my wedding things ranged from nothing to $10 to $500!
To me, $50 dollars is generous, especially if you are strapped for cash. Honestly, if I knew your situation, as my friend especially, I wouldn't expect a gift from you and wouldn't want you to stress yourself out to give me a gift (not that I expect them from anyone). I would honestly feel bad if I was the bride and knew that not only did you spend money to come to my wedding, but you went out of your way to get me a gift, especially when we said NO GIFTS please.
But, since you would like to be nice and give something, your gift is appropriate. Honestly, I had to give my one good frined a $25 Target Gift Card for her wedding because I just moved from another state and had no job. And I have to agree with the one previous poster who said she didn't realize bigger gifts were given until getting on the Bee. I didn't either.
There seems to be a lot of fur flying on this thread, however, can we please just agree to disagree? And let's please try to keep this on topic and go back to actually answering the OP's question...thanks!
@sweetkate: hi,
This isn't advice, this is an attack:
Any bridal couple that thinks you "owe" them a certain amount(don't get me started on couples who think guests are obligated to "cover their plate" *shudder*) are wrong and rude.
I think most people expect gifts. Sorry. If you wanna act shocked by this, go ahead. But any time IIII go to a wedding I bring a gift, as do MOST people. So when you are having your OWN wedding, you expect the same in return.
Does this mean you should be horrified when a small percentage don't bring one, or give something small? Absolutely not. It is to be expected that a small amount won't. But that doesn't mean that if the entire wedding didn't bring gifts, that you wouldn't understandably be a bit shocked
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