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I really don't feel that anyone should put a timeframe on something like this. As long you and your SO have talked about marriage at some point and are both on the same page, that really matters.
I don't know why I struggle when I read posts like this but I personally feel that someone's SO will propose when he's ready. If you love someone, are on the same page with that person, then I feel there shouldn't be a time limit. You love them no matter what, right?
I said the same thing but we bought a house after two years together and now we've been together for 3 1/2 and we're in the process of getting engaged. I think it all depends on where your relationship is and the factors of them, whether he is ready, whether he can afford it right now.... I'm glad that I waited this long because now I'm getting the ring of my dreams and more than I could've ever imagined.
It all depends also on how long you are willing to wait. Would you settle for a small wedding, a cheaper ring, buying a house instead of a big wedding... it's all up to you girl. But the wait is definitely worth it! 
I agre with Steph. I was happy with where we were before we got engaged. I knew we were going to spend forever together, and I didnt want to compromise that by having a timeframe for a title. I got an engagement after 3 years together, but I'd have waited if I had to.
And to add, it might not be that he needs 3 yars to decide if he wants to marry you. My now DH and I knew we wanted to marry eachother, it was kind of a matter of when and why and how rather than "if." So dont think that just because it hasnt happened yet he doesnt know (unless he explicitly said that.)
We were together for 2.5 years before the proposal. I didn't do a time frame per se, but our parents wanted us to be engaged before moving in together, and we wanted to move in together...so it worked out that way.
I think you have to be realistic about what kind of guy you're with and what stage of his life he's at. Most guys I know are nowhere near even thinking about marriage; they could be with a girl for 4-5 years and still not be ready. For me, commitment and the desire to create a family with me sooner rather than later (not family in the sense of having babies, but just getting married) was very important, which is why I'm with the rare guy that's ready to settle down at 23.
I personally dont think there is anything wrong with setting a mental timeline for yourself on how long you will wait for BF to propose. Discussions like this can be sensitive because I always felt like I was being judged because I had a timeline on how long I would wait. That doesnt mean I love my BF any less because I have done this but it means that I wont wait for someone who doesnt care enough about me to respect how I feel about the subject matter. Someone might be ok waiting for 10 years for their SO to propose another person that timeline might be a year and their over waiting. I just want to say waiting sucks for however long you decide to do it. LOL
I'm thinkin'/feelin' December 1st. We will have been together two years September 25. We're 48 and 49 so why wait?
As of right now I dont have a timeline...I know its going to happen whenever he is financially ready to do so...and we are on the same page about getting married...BUT there are some stories...especially some that I have heard on here...that a timeline may be necessary. So I think it just depends on the couple and their current situation.
I think it really depends on a few things like how old you are when you start dating, what your financial situation is.
I waited 8.5 years, but at the same time - I was 16 when we started dating and we were not financially ready until that point. We had just bought a house 6 months before we got engaged with the understanding that within the year, we would be engaged.
I'm not the waiting type of girl, so I gave him a firm deadline -- it was our 4 year anniversary, and we had been living together for 3 years.
Guess what? He didn't propose by my deadline. Deadling with the fallout that ensued (showing him that I was serious, his inadequate proposal 3 weeks later, etc) made the first few months of our engagement really terrible. So be forewarned that being true to yourself feels both shitty and great!
But I would do it again if I had to. I'm still not the waiting type.
My situation is VERY similar to magsalot. I always thought "Three years and I'm out!" well...here I am at over 3 1/2 years, a house, two cars, two dogs and no ring. We DO have a date set so I have to throw that disclaimer in there, but it was a recent development. But until then I really couldn't imagine not being with my SO, he is truly who I see myself spending the rest of my life with and me putting an ultimatum or threatening him was just not an option. I of course get frustrated, don't get me wrong! But when I get that way I just think to myself, "Would you rather be with him and be patient, or lose him forever?". I obviously would rather stay with him :) I wouldn't ever want to get engaged and feel like he was only doing it because he felt like he had to. I may have a timeline in my head of how I think things should go but that's not the only timeline I have to consider, I really had to remember that he's a guy, he's a fairly dense guy (I love him, but he is;) and this isn't just about me, it's about us having our "happily ever after". Good luck and try to be patient! :)
I am willing to wait until 2013 maybe even a bit longer we both want to get married it's just a matter of timing. I will only be 26 and it gives me more time to gain experience at work and get financially stable. At the moment I have no job and I'm still in school I won't graduate hopefully until a year from now. I eventually want to go back to school for my bachelors also. SO other and I will be together for six years by that time. Although I think we will get married probably in 2012 because he wants to have kids before his 32. I won't have kids unless I'm married and in 2013 he'll be 32.
I am divided on this. I love my BF more than anything and I really don't think I would actually break up with him if he doesn't propose by a certain deadline, simply because I know I wanna spend my life with him regardless of a ring and a wedding. Although I would like to get married in 2012 (before then I will not be in the financial position to do so), this is by no means a deadline for me. True, I don't like the prospect of waiting five years for the engagement as I am an impatient person by nature, but I actually can't imagine that my BF would want to wait that long either. So I have decided not to set any sort of deadline for this, because I know my BF will propose when he's ready, and I don't think it will take him more than a couple of years max.
A lot of people say that it's a good idea to have a deadline. I agree that this can be useful in certain circumstances, but I really think it depends on the individual couple. I don't think a deadline is relevant or necessary for me and my BF.
We have all heard horror stories about girls who have been with a guy for ages without ever getting engaged. My BF recently told me that one of his female friends dated a guy for 10 years, and from early on in their relationship he told her that he NEVER wanted to get married. So after 10 years and no ring, they broke up. And the guy is of course dating someone else.... and guess what, he is now ENGAGED. I'm thinking she really should have set a deadline!
My absolute deadline is rather hard to determine since BF will be going into the military this fall. Ill probably set deadline a few months after he gets back from basic training as a starting point (he will have plenty of cash after this for a ring, let alone he has gone without seeing me or talking to me for 2 months, and i will NOT move anywhere without a ring and date and he knows that!),but who knows what will happen after that..it sucks not knowing what will happen in my own life..military life is unpredictable!
I expected it w/in a year after college graduation, but that time came and went. But it was understandable b/c of sudden $ issues. Almost a year later and it will be here on the 2 year post-grad mark. I'd wait another year I guess, but then enough is enough.
I said I wantred to be engaged before my 26th birthday (which would be 4 years of dating)
I'm going to have to agree with StephinPA.. I dont really feel as if there should be a time contraint on when your SO will pop the question.. my guy finally popped the question 8.5 years into the relationship.. we're planning our wedding for this November. However, with that being said, if we were to roll around to the 10 year mark and nothing has happened, I would have seriously had to rethink the situation. But throughout the years, my FI and I have spoken about marriage and the future, so I guess I could say that it was just a matter of time.
I've been waiting for years. I was kind of wishing that it would've happened last week on our vacation, but no-go. I mean I like our situation now. We have been together goin on 6 years (this month), living together for 4.5 years, moved across country with each and back, have cars, credit cards & a house together.
So if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen..I know we are in the long haul for this. It would be nice to plan something and make it "legal"..but we are in MA, so after a few more years of living together, we can claim each other as "common wife/husband" LOL.
But I'm not setting a time-frame, he's not either. We both said from the beginning of the relationship, when it happens...it happens. I think the biggest issue I have is with everyone else giving us the stink-eye when we say that we've been together for so long and theres no engagement/wedding date planned.
I think setting a timeline is based on the individual couple. Personally, I feel as if I need one..... Not all couples do! My timeline is this August... that is when our lease expires. I have told him that if we are not engaged by then I will find my own place. I don't consider it an ultimatum. I would never want to pressure my dude into proposing to me if he is not ready. BUT I have been ready for about 2 years now, and if he is not ready, then I need to move on. I love him to pieces and we have been together for almost 5 years, but marriage is very important to me. If he's not ready that's fine... but I'm not going to give up on the things that are important to me or wait for an indefinite amount of time because he isn't ready to move forward. (also man... I'm not getting any younger ;) )
I rarely venture over to waiting world, as I'm less than 5 months away from the wedding, but I thought I would speak to this one.
I would not have waited forever. Nope. Love FI to death, but if he wasn't willing to, I knew I could find someone else who was willing to make a life long commitment to me. After 5 years of dating, total financial readiness, etc., I gave him a deadline. If he hadn't proposed by then, I would have walked. Probably taken a certain body part with me (jk), but we all deserve to be with someone who wants the same things that we do, and if marriage is one of those things and the practicals are in place, there is an outer limit, IMO. For me at least.
My ideal was around the 3 year mark, although in the end it was at almost 4. I think what made him propose was that I was not going to move to a different country where he was starting school- leaving work/family/friends, unless we were to become family officially- i.e. married. Generally though I think it really depends on the couple. In our case I knew that we were in it for the long haul but FI has a tendency to leave things to the last minute- and he did in this case too, just weeks before he was going to move we got engaged.
Since I know its happening soon I no longer have a timeline but I told him when we first started dating if he didnt propose within the year and 1/2 mark.. I was done.
I think it really depends on the needs of the individual couple. My FI and I knew we were going to get married, we'd even set the date and told our families, but he hadn't actually gotten the ring yet. I was a bit impatient, and told him I'd really like to have it by our anniversary; he didn't meet the 'deadline' and told me right up front so I wouldn't get mad - instead we went out and he let me CHOOSE the ring of my dreams.
Our situation might be a little different... he is my ex-husband and I've know him for 14 years...
A story for another day!
i don't have a firm timeline. we've been together 5 years so far. i'd wait for him because i know we really want to get married. we're just waiting for our current situation to line up so we can get married. we would have married years ago if we could have. i know he doesn't like the idea of being together so long and not being married or even in the same state so i know that as soon as he's able to, we will get engaged.
I've been with my guy for almost 6 years. I've only really been waiting for 2-3 years though. I wasn't ready of looking to marry before then. 2-3 years of waiting is about my limit though and I've let him know. I'm not sure I'd wait a 4th year. At our age, at the place we're at at our relationship if he doesn't know now he never will, and I do want to get married and have a family. Those two things don't really play well together.
It really depends.
It depends on you, on him, you two as a couple. Your maturity level. Your financial level. Outside situations come into play as well.
When we got engaged FI and I had been dating for a little over 8 years. But there were lots of outside reasons that made US wait as a couple to get engaged. If it weren't for those outside reasons we are both fairly certain that by now we would have been married for a couple years with 1 or possibly 2 kids already. But hey, that is life, right?
But. It doesn't mean I wasn't anxious to get engaged!! The smart side of me said i know why we are waiting. The romantic side went "WHY AREN'T WE ENGAGED YET!". Hehe. At the end of the day we are both really glad we waited because of those outside reasons.
On the flip side. I know someone who just had her 10 year dating anniversary with her boyfriend. They have talked about marriage for years. He keeps telling her he will propose when he's ready. When he has money for a ring. Oh he's saving money for a bigger ring that he knows she will like. Oh we can't get engaged this year because so many other people are getting married. To me, it sounds like he is just stringing her on. I don't know their personal relationship so I don't know what the real story is. But knowing how much the girl wants marriage I feel like in that case the guy is perfectly comfortable with where the relationship is and doesn't want to do anything to change it. Because he doesn't want to make the extra effort. I feel like if the girl is fine with it then great. But she's not. In that case I think she should have put down a ultimatum long ago. And oh there's absolutely no reason whatsoever they should not be engaged already.
It's a tough situation! I asked the BF last summer (right around our 3 year anniversary) and I was like sooo how long do you think it'll be until you're ready to get engaged? He said 3 years and I wanted to throw up! I discussed
it with him and he wanted to be financially secure before marrying me etc. We talked it out (staying calm most of the time!) and we decided that if we got engaged in 2 years or less, it would be better. We also decided we'd like to marry in August 2012 (so weird picking a month/year before the ring!). Having that timeframe in mind helps me stay sane but gosh I hope it is this summer so I can officially start planning.
Having said all of that... if it doesn't happen in 2 years (I am going to explode) and we will have to have a serious talk. If he doesn't have a VERY good reason for not proposing by then, I'll have to re-evaluate things.
Steph,
Because someone shouldn't spend decades in a seriously unequal relationship. If one party is ready to commit and wants to commit and the other party doesn't... that can last for a little while IMO as they get to know each other better etc. but it is not a good long term situation. I am not willing and have never been willing to be with someone to whom I am more committed than they are to me.
On the other hand if I had been with a different guy we wouldn't be getting married so soon and I can easily envision me as part of a couple that wasn't married by 10 years time. And that would be just fine.
The difference is that in that relationship I wouldn't be craving the commitment - I'd have to feel as if I already had a commitment equal to my own. Or maybe with a different guy a more independant relationship would have worked. But with FI we want to be a family.
I don't buy the idea that a guy truly commited would refuse to get married - that just makes no sense. Unless he is a radical feminist - which most guys aren't. I might be sceptical about a lot of thing involving the institution of marriage but hey the man I love asked so I'm getting married, because I want to commit to him.
I have been waiting 4 1/2 years, I would have done it around the 2 year mark but I'm glad we waited since we've both done a lot of growing in those years. I'm in my mid 20's and he's in his early 30's we live together and are very happy. Even though I am antsy I would wait till whenever because I love him and want to be with him- married or not.
However, we both talk about it seriously and I would be uspet if it didnt happen in the next two years just because he promised it would be soon. That would bring up other trust issues if he didnt follow through. I think its different for every couple but we dont want children so there isnt a huge rush. I could see a girl who wants children putting a timeline out there and I think thats justified. I think the reason its been so long is strictly financial- we've been going to Europe every summer and we are taking a break this year so we (aka he) can save money.
@arachna - I completely agree with you which is why i stated that both people in the relationship need to be on the same page, etc with marriage.
I think it's hard to put an arbitrary timeframe on something like this. As long as things are still moving in a direction that the both of us are happy with I'll be ok. We've been together for more than 3 years and I would expect it'll be another 2 before anything happens. After that point I think it'd be pushing it, but it's hard to say how I'll feel then (or if I'll become impatient before then!).
Despite the amount of time I spend on Weddingbee I'm actually not in a hurry to get married. But weddings and marriage...those are two very different things! :D
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I think I may have asked this once before a long time ago, but I can't seem to find the thread for it.
So, what is the absolute longest that you think you're willing to wait for your BF to propose? 2 years? 3 years? 4 years? Longer than that? Just curious, as I think it will be interesting to see everyone's responses about this.
I always told myself that 3 years was the absolute longest I'd be willing to wait. So, I've been feeling really anxious and stressed the past few months now that our 3 year anniversary is coming up really soon at the end of May. I love my BF so much and can't stand the thought of being without him. So, I can't say that I will definitely end things if we aren't engaged by our 3 year anniversary. However, I feel like I will at the very least be super depressed and disappointed if it doesn't happen by then. Mostly because I feel like 3 years should be more than enough time for him to decide whether or not he wants to marry me.