Post # 1
Darling Husband and I want to start trying right away after our honeymoon. I am creeping on to 30, want more than one child, and have some high risk health issues that play a role. Originally we wanted to be married awhile first, but baby fever has struck and Darling Husband is supportive! 🙂
I have read tons of posts on bee about what made it the “right time” to TTC, but I thought I would add a poll and see what we all have in common in our decisions to try vs. wait. I’m wondering if there are some common themes of what we all wanted or played a role for us.
Vote for items in the poll, then tell us if you are or plan to wait, or are TTC / want to try right away. 🙂
Post # 3
A lot of things factored into our decision. We lived together for almost 2 years before marriage so we were comfortable with that situation (if we hadn’t we may have waited longer to TTC just to give ourselves time to adjust), we both have steady jobs and student loans are paid off (again, we wouldn’t have TTC’d so soon if that wasn’t the case), we own our own home and I have health issues that we know will only get worse with time and we thought it may take us a while to conceive/that we’d have issues.
For those reasons we started TTC immediately after our wedding. We conceived right away but experienced 2 miscarriages before I got pregnant with our (hopefully!!) take home baby. Our first anniversay is next month and I’ll be just barely over 5 months pregnant at the time.
Post # 4
@Running Elley: Our stories sound very similar with regard to the factors/planning!!!!
Post # 5
Our plan is to hold off for atleast another 2 years. We’ve only been married for about 7 months so we want to enjoy our time together before we add someone new into the mix. Beyond just our personal desire to wait, we have some goals that we’d like to achieve first.
For starters, we need to buy a house before having a baby. Neither of us have any interest in renting with children so getting to that point is a non-negotiable. If all goes as planned, we should be able to start the home buying process within the next year. Money is also a huge factor for us. They say you’ll never reproduce if you wait until your finances are perfect, which I agree with, but it can’t hurt to be somewhat stable first (which we are but we want to build up that savings account). Children are stressful enough but add a lack of funds into the mix and that’s not fun for anyone. We want to enjoy our first few years as new parents, not stress over how we’re going to pay for this or that. I’ve seen first-hand what having a baby before you’re financially prepared can do to a relationship and I don’t want to go down that road. Could we support a child now? Yes, but it would be far from ideal and we’d have to make a ton of sacrifices. Perhaps it makes me selfish but I like my premium cable! lol Other than our living situation and the financial aspect, we’d like to do some traveling in the next few years, too. We’re planning a 2-3 week trip to Europe next fall. A baby would obviously side line that until we’re of retirement age.
We’re only 26 and I honestly never pictured myself having kids before 30. I have some health issues that will probably make conceiving a bit challenging so our plan is to start TTC a bit sooner than that. If it happens in a few years then so be it, we’ll roll with the punches. But as it stands right now, baby fever aside, I’m really in no hurry.
Post # 6
Our major reasons for holding off are that 1. my husband is not in a stable job at the moment. He’s looking for something he can be happy with for the long haul and that makes enough money 2. We have some goals for paying off debt and savings that we’d like to reach before TTC and 3. I’d like to pass the exam for my professional certification before we TTC.
Post # 7
We’re going to try right after the honeymoon. We had many reasons for waiting. He’s quite a bit younger that I am, so he wasn’t ready to be a dad yet. But I’m at an age where it will be a bit tougher, so now that we have a house and a wedding in 4 months, we’re going to start TTC right after we say I do.
Post # 8
I’m not sure if we fall into the older or younger category but we were married when I was 31 and he was 26. We’ve been working in our industry since we graduated at 21 and have fairly good job security. Are finance ducks are all in line aslo. I definitely had the baby bug and was itching to start TTC right away, but decided to wait a year and take a few more big trips pre-baby.
Post # 9
We had originally planned to wait until about our first anniversary to start TTC. We have since changed our minds, and talked A LOT about not waiting versus waiting.
Our reason for waiting was basically so we didn’t feel like we were rushing into anything, and because we wanted time for just us. We have traveled a bit, and are planning a big trip for a friend’s wedding in January.
Other factors that would have encouraged us to wait but are already taken care of: I already own my own home, and have paid off my car. We both have stable jobs, I work in healthcare so our benefits package is reasonably priced and quite comprehensive. We both also have family locally so we can always call for help/advice/assistance should we ever encounter a situation with a baby or child that we don’t feel like we can handle.
We also live together, and have been engaged for over a year and a half. In fact, we will be exactly 3 days shy of a 2 year engagement when we get married.
We decided that we’d rather get started since I’m almost 31, and most everything else is under control. What are we waiting for, ya know? We’ll be actively TTC starting this August, so even if we are successful right away, I’ll still be able to travel in January, but if it takes a little longer, that’s ok too 🙂 We’re not in a rush, but we don’t really want to wait!
Post # 10
I don’t get the wanting to take trips before having a baby. You can travel with a baby. 🙂
We’ve been married, ohhh 3 weeks? Haha I want babies like yesterday. We rent an apartment, but we would like to either be renting a house, or owning a house by the time baby comes around. We’re going to start house shopping in December.
Darling Husband and I make the exact same ammount of money, to the penny. In order for me to feel like I was doing a good job raising my kids, I would at MOST want to work part time, or not at all. So we just need Darling Husband to make twice what he makes now 🙂
Literally the day that Darling Husband gets a raise (we get pretty big raises at our job), we’re going to start TTC. If I get pregnant before then, i’ll be so excited, we’ll just have to live on a reeeallly tight budget.
Post # 11
IMO i think that waiting to “try to conceive” is a little silly. is there seriously a reason to have ALL of your ducks in a row before? you have already married the man of your dreams? life is very unpredictable. jobs can be lost, you want to live alone a while before, you want to travel, etc. etc. next thing you know you’ll be waiting to get that last penny in your savings THEN you start trying to conceive and you try for years to have a baby. then you have trouble cause you’re older, and then you find out that you cannot have children anyway? then what?
Post # 12
We got married about a year and a half ago and will start trying just before the two year mark. We are at an age where we don’t feel like we need to start absolutely right away but didn’t want to wait too long, either (31 now). Our reasons for waiting were one, spending time together married without adding kids to the mix– our relationship really has evolved and gotten stronger since the wedding, even though we were together for 6 years before that, so I’m glad we had this time; and two: finances. I want to stay home for at least a year with each kid, preferably until they are at least in preschool, so it was important that H was making enough to support all of us. Personally, I’ve been totally ready since the beginning of this year, H got a raise that to me made our finances all set, but he feels more comfortable waiting until the end of the summer. I came off the pill and am charting my cycles now and it looks like there aren’t any health issues happening (I was really nervous that the pill was masking problems I woldn’t find out about until we wanted kids).
@persianprincess: I have thought about that a lot– what if we spent all this time preventing only to find out that it’s going to be really hard anyway. But I feel that it’s more important that you are ready– not everything 100% in its place, but emotionally ready for a kid– even if that means possibly pushing it off too long.
Post # 13
I’m a grad student who has to get through qualifying exams first (prep plus exams), which is going to be among the most stressfull six months of my life. After that, we are trying to time TTC so that I can reasonably expect to finish the diss, but give birth before I graduate so I am fully insured, have access to subsidized daycare, etc.
Depending on timing, I might even wait to file and slow my progress down by another year or more if it would let us have our second and likely last child before heading back onto the job market.
There are so many moving pieces, and so many uncertainties that it is an ever evolving caclulation. We’ve accepted that planning is not going to be an exact science.
The clock is not on our side, and we have been together for almost a decade, but I do sometimes worry about the loss of our freedom, and the changes to our lifestyle a baby will mean. Most days I have total baby rabies, and other days I just feel nervous. We would love to do some final travel, but we just can’t afford to spend all that money on a vacation and still have the savings we want for a baby. Plus we need to buy a new car.
I live in So Cal and am not 100% certain where we will end up after I graduate, so waiting to buy a house is a no go. That is not a luxury we enjoy on the coasts.
Post # 14
I’m 34 and he’s several years older than me. Everything is not perfect. We still have car and student loan debt (though his will likely be paid off w/in 1- 1 1/2 years). We are renting and will be for at least another year or two (though I’m not sure renting is actually a bad thing). So forth and so on. But we’re older and I’m not willing to risk the ever-increasing complication risks to get those other things settled. Babies don’t know that they are in a house vs. an apt anyway. We are both gainfully employed and emotionally stable, and that is enough. Rings go on, condoms come off . . .
Post # 15
@Kkaattii: We didn’t travel much before getting married. We took our honeymoon six months after our wedding. Six weeks after getting married we closed on our condo. We simply didn’t have the money for our honeymoon let alone thinking about TTC. It really wasn’t on our radar at that point. Also, our new condo is perfect for entertaining and we wanted to entertain a bit before trying. For us, trips and hanging out with our condo were priorities to starting a family right away. Yes, we’ve been together awhile and are stable in our jobs, but it doesn’t mean that we didn’t want to enjoy ourselves a bit. By the time that we started trying, we saved up some money and taken some trips. We started trying before our second wedding anniversary and got pregnant in November, due next month. For us, trying right after getting married was too soon for us. Trying two years later worked great for us.
ETA: We’re on the “older spectrum” at 32/33-34 years old.
Post # 16
We were originally planning to wait 2-3 years but I got serious baby fever and we kept moving it up. There are tons of things we could be doing like making travel a priority, finishing the basement, paying off student loans, etc. but we make a comfortable living, own our home, and feel as though a child would be a welcomed and loved addition. We also have an 11 year age difference so that came into play as well.