- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
My fiance and I met in high school, and we dated for quite a while before getting engaged. We dated all through college, and 6 years after college before getting engaged.
In the years before our engagement, we had so many people, from friends to coworkers to family members ask us when we were getting engaged.
"So, when are you two going to get married?"
"Any plans to get engaged?"
"Aren't you two going to get married already?"
I even had someone explain to me that perhaps my FI wasn't proposing because we already lived together, and as the saying goes, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" (Meaning why would my BF at the time propose, if we already lived together and already acted almost married, so he gets all the good stuff without that true commitment.) Don't worry gals, I replied to this obnoxious comment by saying, "Yes, why WOULD I buy the cow when I get the milk for free? Maybe I'm happy to get all the good stuff without that commitment..." While that wasn't necessarily true, I was appalled that this person assumed that I wanted to get married and my boyfriend didn't-- rather than realizing this was a mutual decision!
The thing is that my FI and I started dating when I was 17. So if we had dated for 2 or 3 years before getting engaged, like most people deem "typical," we would have been engaged at 19 or 20! I was way too young and immature at that age to get married. I am SO HAPPY that my fiance and I took as long as we did to get engaged. We went through many life changes together, and we have realized that we are able to change together and grow together in the same direction, without hindering each other's growth. I think this is an important test for a relationship, so I'm happy that we dated such a long time. Plus, again, it makes sense to date so long when you meet so young. I understand that if you meet your FI at age 25, you don't necessarily need to wait 10 years!
So for those of you who dated for quite a while before getting engaged, did you always have people questioning your decision to wait so long? Are you happy you waited & did you both feel the same way?
We dated for 2 years 4 months (not that I was counting ;) I read a study in the last six months that marriages where the proposal was 2 years after starting to date were most successful. They didn't spend much time discussing the reasons, but did hypothesize that 2 years give time for appropriate bonding and progression of the relationship. The mean was actually 2 years and 4 months! Oddly, that statistic makes me so happy.
I couldn't respond to the poll because there was no 2-3 year option.
And BB- I agree in your case, waiting was entirely appropriate!
We dated for 1.5 years before getting engaged. It was the perfect amount of time for us because we had been through so much. I moved, my grandfather passed away, he purchased his first home, etc, so we were really able to see each others emotions before the engagement.
We were together for just shy of 4 years when we got engaged. We have lived together for almost 3 years at the time, so that amount of time was just perfect. We'd been through a lot in those 4 years. Now about a month and a half from the wedding, I couldnt be more at ease. We will have been together for 5 years within a few weeks of the wedding and I think that's provided us with a great foundation.
We dated for 2 years and 9 months before getting engaged ;)
Although we were sort of unofficially (no ring) engaged at 2 years 6 months! haha
2 years 2 months for us! I think it was perfect! We had been living together for exactly a year. My mom had somewhat joking/somewhat serious given him a years deadline when we told them we were moving in together without being engaged ... looks like he listened to her! :)
Engaged after 5 months, married at 1 year, 4 months. It was perfect for us, although I know some wouldn't want to move this fast.
Christos_lace.jpg (88.5 KB, 276 downloads) 1 year old Carolina_Herrera_Eyelet.jpg (147 KB, 172 downloads) 1 year old
I think there are so many different reasons to factor in, so that no one length of time would be right for everyone. It's really great to see that everyone is happy with the length of time they were dating! I would have started getting antsy after too much longer!
Two years and two months for us!
@Doctorgirl -- I read that study too! It said that the most successful marriages come from relationships where the couple got engaged after about 2 years. It also noted that the chance of a couple getting engaged goes up and up until about 25 months, peaks, and then starts going DOWN. In other words, the chances that the guy will propose to a girl actually go down the longer they're together (without being engaged) after two years. Wild.
2 years and 6 months :o)
We both knew that we wanted to spend our lives together and it was the right time. I'm happy with the amount of time we were dating first.
FI and I started talking seriously about marriage after four years together and got engaged around the five year mark. When we did get engaged, we were at a point where we both really wanted to get married.
Picture_5.png (915.9 KB, 214 downloads) 1 year old Picture_1.png (341.4 KB, 83 downloads) 1 year old 
i agree with doctorgirl -- there really isn't a one size fits all time scenario, IMO. FI and i dated for about 5 years before he proposed for practical reasons -- we started dating shortly after high school and we didn't feel like we'd be ready for marriage until we were done for school. if we started dating after college, that probably would have been a different story =). i do appreciate that we've had so much time to get to know each other and be with each other...some of the later years already felt like we'd reached that level of commitment anyway so marriage now is just a natural continuation of what we've been nurturing and growing all this time.
100_2440.jpg (942 KB, 67 downloads) 1 year old 100_2428.jpg (803.2 KB, 37 downloads) 1 year old 
oh my gosh BeachBrideT we've got alot in common... he proposed on our 10 year anniversary (we started dating my sophmore year in high school ) and i swear EVERYBODY kept asking those exact same questions on when we'd get married.. it was so annoying!!!
we knew we were getting married at some point but want to wait till he graduated from school and his residency. we'll be together for 12 years when we get married and i'm so happy i was able to basically grow up with my future husband!!
I admire those who have been with their SO for so long...Both me and my FI were in serious relationships prior to getting together, so by the time we actually did start dating (we were friends before dating), we knew exactly what we wanted, and knew that we could give each other that. I definitely agree with doctorgirl- everyone has to make their own choice, no matter how long that might be. My grandparents met and married within 6 weeks of knowing each other and they have been married for 52 years. Sometimes you just know- sometimes time will tell more than intuition can. It depends on the person. Almost immediately after Mr. Lytical and I started dating, we knew we would get married. We knew each other so well already, and everything just fit. We got engaged 4 months after we started dating and will be married in a year. :)
We were a little over 5 years - and I knew it was in the future but he actually surprised me by asking before I finished grad school. I'm so glad he did because the surprise (even at 5+ years) made it worth it. Also, we've now been to a lot of weddings and been able to pick and choose from what we liked and didn't - it's certainly made planning easier as we both have some common frame of reference. Best of all, I've enjoyed the 6 years of non-wedded relationship so much that I know it will get even better when we're married but I wouldn't trade it for the world - it allowed us to grow up, grow closer together and get pumped to get married!
we dated for 13 months before getting engaged and will be married after 21 months.
We were both ready and when you're in a long-distance relationship, any amount of time seems too long!
I'm so glad everyone feels confident with their own time frames...we all did things differently and thats ok! (i get frustrated with both sides etiher "What?! You're already engaged?" or "seriously? are you guys ever going to get married?")
I had always said that in order to truly know if you can marry someone you need to spend all the seaons with them. Although I knew my FI was "the one" long before our first anniversary, it was important that I lived through each season and holiday with him.
We were engaged after a year and a month, but experienced every season and holiday together :-)
Boy and I were together for almost 4 and a half years when we got engaged. Looking back, it seems like the perfect amount of time. At the time... I'm not going to lie, I got impatient.
I wouldn't have given him an ultimatum, but by the end of our pre-engagement relationship, I just didnt' feel like his "girlfriend" anymore. We had been living together for 2 years, and it was definitely something more.
I'm glad that I let him come to it on his own terms. It was definitely annoying having to deal with "Are you engaged yet?" every time we saw extended family and friends, but it is worth it now!
BtdOeYgmkKGrHqEH-CcEvpdgeBL8EFqL-_12.JPG (33.6 KB, 77 downloads) 1 year old BtdOeYgmkKGrHqEH-CcEvpdgeBL8EFqL-_12.JPG (33.6 KB, 38 downloads) 1 year old 
We got officially engaged about year after dating. But we'd been talking marriage pretty early on, within a few months.
I really dont believe the studies that show how sucessful some marriages...and so not so much. I got engaged after 2yrs. We have a son together, we were just not in a rush to get married or jump on the bandwagon of engagement...i do believe however that the marriage will fail or work depending on the people who are involved. I like having the fact that we do have son togetber and to me, that doesn't mean we have to get married. I want to marry someone because they love me and want to build a life together. Im more than happy of being a commited partner w/ him...but everygirl dreams of weddings...im excited this is the path we choose..we've lived together for 2 yrs and am more in love now than ever!!
@LatteLove Great point! it goes both ways... whether you've been dating 3 months or 13 years, when you know you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you just know despite any certain time frame! i find it so interesting reading these kinds of threads :)
We were at 40 months when we got engaged... Ugh, it felt about 24 months too long! (haha, I kid, I kid)
It was worth the wait. I told him if he wanted to wait any longer though, he'd have to get me a carat per year. :) It was pretty fun to tease him about it.
Going on 11 years here, although we did split for two in the middle. We began dating in high school and stayed together through most of college. We took some time apart, and we learned that we just were meant to be. I think life happens for everyone as it should. People will ask and annoy you (they have and still do), but getting married doesn't actually change you and your man. You'll still have the relationship that you make together.
photo(8).jpg (127.2 KB, 117 downloads) 1 year old 
9 months.. we were young.. and still are young...
we decided on a long engagement. September will be 2 years engaged and we will be getting married in Oct.
We were dating for about 3.5 years when he proposed. We'll have been together just over four years once the wedding rolls around.
We'd been together about two and a half years before he proposed. He's a bit older than I am (he's 30, I'm 22), and I was in college for most of the first 2.5 years. I reached a point where many of my former high school classmates were starting to get engaged and married while still in college or immediately after graduation, and that was never something I wanted to do. I wanted at least a year or two between graduating from college and getting married.
I graduated in August '08 and he proposed on Christmas. Of course I said yes, but it was more like, "Yes!...but not right away." And he's fine with that. We haven't had the opportunity to live together yet, but we're moving in together this fall and I think we both wanted to do that for a while before jumping into wedding planning. So yes, it is right for us.
Mr. Norris and I will have been together for 9 years when we get married with a one year engagement. We were also young when we started dating (16 & 17) so it would have been weird if we got engaged in the first year or so (or would've had a record long engagement!). We definitely got the "when are you getting married??" questions but whatever, like everything in life Mr. Norris did it at his own pace :) And sadly now that we're engaged we're already getting the "when are you guys going to have a baby??" --honestly! :) Can't a girl have a little fun first?
7 years 4 months. Eek!
We started dating in college and then both went to grad school. He proposed 5 months after graduating from med school. It made sense for us to wait because we were long distance for four years and then just needed time to be together and actually date. And, I think dating so long gives us the confidence that we have already been through pretty much everything together and know we can flourish under any circumstances.
However, I would say that he waited 5 months too long to pop the question. I started to get antsy after he graduated and had the "any day feeling" all the time. I think I must have been pretty annoying to be around during those 5 months. Looking back though, he needed to feel "grown up," (ie, not reliant on his mother financially) before popping the question.
From years 5-7 we got many many questions about when we would be getting married. And a lot of "FINALLY!" reactions when we told people we were engaged.
We ere together about nine month, Before we got engaged, however the first few months we were both still dating ther people. We are both in our mid-30's. I think I would have liked to wait a few more months to get engaged, so to side step everybody's questions.
We met and started dating and were engaged after 11 months, married at 1.5 years. We both knew almost immediately we were going to get married. We started talking marriage after about 2 months of dating. I think no matter what sometimes it just feels like it can't happen fast enough! Mine was so fast and I was still very impatient when it was all happening.
Erindesmar- that's very similar to our situation!
We got engaged at 7 years. For a year or two before that everyone kept asking. At year 6 I was growing impatient, but I'm soo glad he waited that extra year. It was perfect timing!
It's nice to see so many people dating for so long! I felt like the abnormal one in my group of people I know. 3.5 years dating before the ring and 4.5 years before the wedding! I have a LOT of friends in the Under 1 Year bracket. I didn't KNOW until we hit 2.5 years but the fiance got deployed just before 3 years. So I knew a few months before he got deployed, and we decided to wait until he came back for good, but we just couldn't stand to wait that long! So we got engaged halfway during his deployment. PERFECT for me. I'm not spontaneous enough that I would have known that early...I want know....and know for sure...and wait it out just to be sure! ha. I feel like I've waited and it's finally here and it'll be wonderful.
7.5 years and I wouldn't have had it any other way. And we knew we wanted a long engagement. Our wedding date is 3 days before our 9 year anniversary.
Got engaged at 2 years, 9 months... we'll have been together 4+ years on our wedding date.
We've been together almost 9 months now. We both knew this was "it" after about 3 weeks! We started talking about marraige after about 2 months, and started planning for the wedding a couple months ago. We aren't "officially" engaged yet, although we have a lot of plans in the works already!
style_109_SASH_005.JPG (84 KB, 100 downloads) 1 year old style_109_SASH_003.JPG (53.5 KB, 42 downloads) 1 year old style_109_SASH_001.JPG (37 KB, 34 downloads) 1 year old 
We were just around the 2 year mark , and that was perfect for us. I knew less than 3 months into the relationship that he was the one for me and was very pleased with the timing. I hate when people have anything to say about timing "too soon" "why so long" etc. It's no one business , everyone has their own reasons for when , why , how , they do things.
My fiance and I started dating in grade eleven, and he'd bought the ring (and we'd had the marriage "talk") by the end of the summer between grade eleven and grade twelve. I did stipulate to him that he couldn't propose until we were both 18 (which would put us in first year university), and he proposed on Valentine's Day that year, so we'd been dating for 2 years and 12 days. =) I'd love to get married right away (I want to; I'm ready for it) but we've decided, for financial reasons, to stay with our parents until university is finished. So we're looking at 3 years or so before we'll be married (long engagement, but I'd rather have a long engagement than date for that amount of time).
We "officially" dated for almost 4 years before we got engaged, it really felt more like 4 1/2 years, because we dated for 6 months w/ no strings attached prior to becoming "official." I feel like we took all the right steps in our relationship, from the dating with no strings, to becoming official at the right time, then to getting engaged all at the right time. I know my FI wanted to get engaged sooner then I did, I just wasn't ready, but one day I just woke up and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I wanted to marry him. So I literally told him "I'm ready" and a month later we got engaged! Yeah!
I hope it wasn't mentioned above b/c I wouldn't want to repeat a post, but the best rebuttal I have ever heard to "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free"...
"Well, why should I buy the whole pig just for a little sausage?"
IMG_0143.JPG (3305.2 KB, 36 downloads) 1 year old 7321_033_0033.jpg (198.8 KB, 14 downloads) 1 year old 
You know in the movie Enchanted when Patrick Dempsey says that him and Nancy are dating for 5 years and Amy Adams (Giselle) says "And you haven't proposed?!" Yeah, that was my life for 4 out of the 6 years we were dating. It happened eventually and it was something we definitely talked about. So I'm in the 6 to 8 year range
IMG_0143.JPG (3305.2 KB, 44 downloads) 1 year old 7321_033_0033.jpg (198.8 KB, 18 downloads) 1 year old You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Lyndzo | 26 |
| beargoose | 20 |
| his chippymunk | 20 |
| Ms. Salamander | 18 |
| LammChop | 17 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 17 |
| kat2014 | 15 |
| mypinkshoes | 15 |
| aussiebee | 15 |
| pengoala | 14 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Sasha2011 | 2 |
| imageeksowhat | 2 |
| Cady | 2 |
| mightywombat | 1 |
| vlbee | 1 |
| beargoose | 1 |
| Andr0meda | 1 |
| tenacity | 1 |
| misspj3 | 1 |
