Weddingbee boards

Ok so I am new here! :D
 
I am feeling more and more frustrated and I am trying hard to keep smiling.  Met a wonderful man 4 years ago...became super good friends and confidants for two years..(with never discussing any possibilites of a future...either he was involved or I was during this time) after remaining strictly friends for two years the subject of us trying out a relationship was brought up and brought up by him. After alot of thought I decided to risk the friendship for more.   

Its been an amazing ride.  We fell in love fairly soon after this, wasnt a hard fall from friends to something more.  Great friendship, amazing chemistry, we laugh and play together, we hit it off and its been so wonderful.  We lived two hours apart at this time.  A year into our relationship he approached me about living together. He said he was tired of being away from me so many nights each week.   I was thrilled.  He told me he wanted to marry me.  Said he wanted the whole package. That he never thought he could or would find someone who could make him want marriage but he said he found that in me.

So a few months later, we moved in together.  We met in the middle, literally.  My work was in the town I lived in, his work in his.  So we met in the middle.  Both have an hour commute to work but both more than willing to make the sacrifice. By the way, we are in our late 30's.  He has never been married, no kids, doesnt want any at this point.  I have been married, and divorced for years.  My kids are older and self sufficient.  They get along with him.  He is quiet where I am outgoing and very social.  He is a thinker, I am a do-er.

Ok back to my story...we have now been living together for a year.  In the past few months he as asked things out of the blue like "What kind of wedding do you want?"  or  he said he "doesnt intend to have a girlfriend at 40"  so I asked him what exactly was he gonna have then lol and he said "a wife".  :D   However, he is a bit of a procrastinator.  He isnt a go-getter and has a tendenancy to put things off at the last minute.  He has given me every reason to beleive that he wants to marry me.  He took on a second job because "he had things to do" which I took to meant save for a ring.  Then my job went sour and very slow.  He did not want me quitting a job I love, so he told me he would take care of all the household bills to ease some of my worries...however I think the cash he was making for that ring, is now being used to pay the bills until my work picks up.

I see no evidence that he is saving anything for a ring at this point. What bothers me is his sometimes lack of a drive or ambition/procrastination side. He isnt a big goal setter.  He is a very simple man who doesnt need alot to make him happy. If I saw that he was at least making strides towards that goal, I would be okay with waiting longer.  I am ready to not just get married, but BE married.  To HIM.  I am one who believes if you want something bad enough, you find a way to make it happen.  His debt is pretty small, we live in a beautiful condo, his car is paid off.  He has no credit card debt. So at this point, Im at a loss.

My question is, how long do I wait for that proposal? My fear is with his procrastinating side and sometimes very passive, will it EVER happen?  In the last few months we have gotten 4 wedding invites from friends.  I think this has started to feed my discontentment.  I am very much in love with him.  As I believe he is me.  I asked him if he was scared to make that kind of commitment and he told me no. Do I talk to him?  I do NOT want to give an ultimatum, for two reasons.... one i hate getting them myself and two so does he lol.  And it would so push him in the other direction as his pride would ensure that.  Plus he can be extremely stubborn! :D

Any advice would be SO appreciated and I am SOOO happy I found this sight today and see I am not alone out there! 

I am not sure about a timeline...I think perhaps my age is pushing it some? I think also because of how much I love the little brat is alot of it.  And I need to see that commitment from him.  I truly do.  We got into an argument weeks ago and he seems to think the "ring is all I care about"  I told him it was the last thing I cared about, its the commitment I was after.  I am a fairly patient person and have been until now. Maybe its a mood and will pass lol!
 
I just feel we are standing still and as I said, I would be okay with that if I saw he was at least saving each month, trying to make some kind of progress to start our future.

 Congrats you to on your engagement!

Yes he is very aware I want to marry him :)   I went ring shopping online, left a few I liked on his computer, turned off the screen but not the computer itself, so that when he turned on his screen it was there waiting lol.  I even put a sticky note on the screen that said... "just so you know what i like"    

I do feel cherished.  He looks at me like I am the only woman in the world at times.  Right now he is working about 60-65 hours a week so we dont have alot of time together currently.  I miss the fire out of him.   He is a quiet reserved man but sometimes trying to get him to open up is like pulling teeth.  It isnt always easy but sometimes I find myself wondering what he is thinking about things like this.  He isnt an easy man to read so I am left wondering where his mind is at about this.  We dont discuss it often, or at all really.  He just says things like "what song do u want at our wedding"  stuff like that. 

I just dont want to be strung along with no proposal ever going to happen.  I am not getting any younger!

I think I will try to talk to him tonight, as you said, in a lighthearted way.  Just to get a gauge of what his thinking is.  I will say this however...I know that I will not see a proposal coming.  He refuses to give any hints about xmas gifts, birthday gifts, etc...so I dont think I will even see it coming.

But I do feel I need to put my mind at ease.  I like how you put it...not about the ring, its about my future with him.

I so hope he hasnt been filling me with stuff he thinks I want to hear and means what he says.  I feel he is an honest man and I cant see that he would string a woman along.  I just need to see some progress of us moving forward...not getting stale where we are at.

When you say queen...what do you mean exactly?  Cause I have had different experiences when it comes to that...one man bought me stuff ALL the time, sometimes it felt as if he was over compensating for other things cause it was ALL the time...too much.

Then like him, my current...he doesnt buy me alot of stuff (money) but he gives me full hour long body massages...cooks for me sometimes...opens the car door for me every time we go somewhere...will go downstairs and start my car for me on his day off and i have to work when its super cold out, wont let me carry groceries...working a 2nd job so I dont have to quit the one I went to school for and love very much ( just slow right now) and finally after two years of being together, had roses delivered to my work!  Was a first lol.  He doesnt buy me much but I have always felt he makes up for it  in other ways.... is that what you mean?  :)

me too sister... ME TOO.

I have had both sides of that.  Gifts are nice...but do not take the place of genuine affection.  He hugs me like he never wants to let go.  Sometimes I hear him sigh   ( a contented one) during them.  He is never in a hurry to let go.  I have had those kind of hugs too..where the man hugs you then is too busy to continue and you get a pat on the head.  YUCK.