How long have you gone without while in a relationship?

posted 2 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
Member
403 posts
Helper bee

I am currently in a relationship where we have not had sex together despite being together for over 2 years now. It can be very difficult at times! But I am sure that I do not want to until I am engaged/married to him (personal choice, not for religious reasons). I don’t really have any advice, sorry, but I can certainly say I understand how you feel!

Post # 3
Member
8706 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Three years.<br /><br />My husband deploys often, so usually it’s around 3 weeks, but sometimes it can be up to six.

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Post # 4
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I also have been dating my fiance for 20 months and we have not had sex either since we are waiting for our wedding night.  It’s tough and I totally understand the emotional side but it does get somewhat easier in time to wait.

Post # 5
Member
577 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Mattyfeets:  I’ve been in a LDR so I feel you! My marriage is technically still a LDR, with my husband traveling for work 4 days a week. The longest we’ve gone without being together was probably about 6 weeks. I’m also a “physical touch” love-language person (as it sounds like you are) so I understand how not beng physically intimate makes you feel not as emotionally intimate. There’s no easy way around that, and I really don’t think people with this love language are cut out for LDR’s. You just have to hit all the other love languages hard. Talk to each other often, write love letters/notes, send gifts back and forth, etc. And tell your partner what you need him to do to make you feel loved and close. One thing that helps me is having a shirt that he’s worn that I take to bed with me, it smells like him and reminds me of his physical presence. Nothing really takes away the pain of being without him, though.

Also, if you’re feeling a lack of physical touch in general, try to get more cuddle time with family, friends, and/or pets, or go for a massage. 

MTmom:  Aqua59:  I have complete respect for choosing to wait to have sex with your SO, but there is a huge difference between that and what the OP is talking about, which is when you have had an active sex life with him but are physically separated from each other for a long time. It’s very different from having never had sex with your SO before, because it takes away a tool for emotional closeness. 

Post # 6
Member
290 posts
Helper bee

About two months due to our busy schedules… we would get home and have just enough energy to throw something quick together for dinner and colapse on the couch haha

Post # 7
Member
4772 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

about 2.5 months. I was studying abroad for 1.5 months and since I’ve been home I’ve been taking care of my grandfather and he’s been working all the time so we just got carried away. 

Post # 8
Member
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Mattyfeets:  8 years. My DH and I didn’t sleep together until we were married. Now that we’re married, 5 days.

Post # 9
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Probably about 2 weeks. We both work long days and far from home, but we try to get it in whenever we get a chance 🙂

Post # 10
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

A few months. I had an injury at the time. I was all for it, but he was afraid he might hurt me.

Post # 11
Member
2578 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Just over 2 months. He had surgery which put a kibosh on things, and he was/is also very self-conscious with his appearance (despite me telling him multiple times a day how sexy I think he is, trying to initiate, etc.). Funny thing is, we’re now in a LDR due to his work situation over the summer, and we’re more intimate than we have been in months, despite getting >24 hours together each week.

Post # 12
Member
13020 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

With my ex bf of 7 years, we went months without regularly.  We might have had sex at best 10-15x a year.  We both lived at home with out parents with no privacy and just never really had a strong sex drive.

Post # 13
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee

I SO sympathize. Right now my partner lives in the UK and I’m in the US, so we’re really far apart. The longest we’ve gone is 5 months. It was terrible. After about 4 months of no sex I get more easily stressed and annoyed with everything, so much pent up energy! I find that running REALLY helps, but mostly it just sucks and I just deal. I miss both the actual sex as well as (and more so) the intimacy and closeness. Sorry I don’t have better advice! You’ll make it through this and then the first time back together will be SUPER awesome! Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
851 posts
Busy bee

I went about 4 months once, when I was on bc pills and they murdered my libido. That being said, I don’t think my fiancé has ever gone more than a week or two. Have you considered some kind of open relationship? My advice is to find a friend/someone you’re comfortable with so you have someone to make out with or have sex with while you’re apart. It’s not for everyone, but it works really well for us and it’s kept us from going crazy when we’re not around each orher.

But if that’s not your thing I suggest a good vibrator and some ethically sourced porn.

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