how long is too long to set a date?

posted 1 year ago in Logistics
Member
351 posts
Helper bee

It’s not unusual for couples to prolong their engagement for a bunch of reasons – money, school, etc, but it sounds like you need to talk to your FI and make sure you are both on the same page about your future.  If you’re ready to move forward and he’s truly not, then you both have some soul-searching to do.  Hate to be a bummer, but I want to be as honest with you as I would with my own girlfriends.  Good luck sweetie!

Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee

my friend’s sister was engaged for 6 years before she got married. :) every couple is different.

Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee

I have been engaged 3 years! LOL Money has always been the problem here. Talk with your fiance and tell him how you feel to make sure you are on the same page.

Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

we were engaged for just over 2 years before we set a date and started planning.  our lives were busy and there were things we wanted to do before getting married.

perhaps your fi wants to be a bit more established before he becomes your husband.

Member
3733 posts
Sugar bee

There’s no set rule about when to set a date, so you’re okay there. I it’s concerning that he seems to avoid the question, though.

Member
2122 posts
Buzzing bee

My personal opinion (which a lot of people disagree with and that’s ok) is that there is no point in getting engaged if you don’t plan on setting a date and planning a wedding. An engagement is not the next step in a relationship unless you want to get married. To me, an engagement is a time to plan a wedding. There is a reason a man typically proposes by saying “Will you marry me?” Not “Will you marry me someday, eventually?”

It sounds like you didn’t want an engagement with no end in sight. If he won’t talk to you about it, then you’ve got bigger issues than the wedding. 

Member
403 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think that it is unusual that you have not set a date.  But I do think that it is unusual that your FI gets uptight everytime that you talk about marriage.  You are engaged to be married.  So that does not give him reason to get upset if you talk about marriage.  I think that you need to talk to him to find out how he really feels about settling down.  Try and find out his reasoning behind why he gets uptight when you bring up the topic of marriage.

Member
4977 posts
Honey bee

I don’t think it’s too unusual, though to me (personally) I do find engagements over 2+ years a bit odd.  I do think the point of being engaged is to give you time to plan a wedding.  But it sounds like you really need to sit down with him and have a talk about what date/season he would envision getting married…because it’s concerning that he doesn’t want to talk about it.

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