Post # 1
Reading all of these posts constantly and my wedding being past last year I’m still here. DH and I were both still in school when we got married and paid for our own wedding. It was a budget wedding and we spent total around 8k. It was nice and we had a great time but nothing went the way we envisioned it.
I wanted a 50s style tea length wedding dress with cap sleves and lace. Instead since my mom did pay for the dress I got the one she liked. A line, sweetheart dress with a long train and not lace.
We wanted a waterfront wedding but the location we wanted wanted 5k just for the spot so we couldn’t afford it at the time. We booked a cheaper venue and three months before the wedding it was cancelled on us, we had to have the wedding in our modern church which wasn’t pretty and we couldn’t have alcohol.
Our photographer also cancelled last minute and the photographer we got ended up not getting any good photos at all. I was so disappointed.
I wantes to DIY my makeup and stocked up. Silly me for some reason brought my makeup bag to my bachelorette party the night before the wedding and lost it so I had to just do the normal makeup. Spending so much time the morning of the wedding looking for my makeup I had no time to do my hair.
Our caterer got mad at me (family friend) and also cancelled so we ended up with a cheap buffet.
Our wedding was still great but DH and I agreed to one day have a vow renewal. So I’m curious when it should be? I figure if I start planning now that things will hopefully go more smoothly, especially since we eill have more money.
I’m thinking for our seven year anniversarry. Since that’s the magic make it or break it number with marriages (7 year itch myth), or maybe for our 10 year anniversarry? Or if it was not too soon our five year anniversary which is less than four years away? When would you do it? Or is it tacky to do it ay all? It would be fancy and nice but more of a celebration with friends and family over an actual wedding. Maybe write our own vows and what not? How would you do it?
Post # 2
Mrslovebug: It sucks that your wedding wasn’t exactly how you wanted it to be. But I think rather than focusing on planning a vow renewal, I would try to focus on moving on. Wait a few years before even thinking about planning another ceremony. Use that time to just focus on your marriage and stop being preoccupied with the wedding.
Post # 3
I’ll be honest, I would roll my eyes if I was invited to a “vow renewal” very soon after a couple got married, and would probably decline the invitation if I went to the actual wedding.
I really don’t understand a vow renewal anyway; since it’s a “vow”, you should not have to renew it. I would just throw an anniversary party but not until a big number like 20 or 25.
Post # 4
I would think 10 would be the soonest. You could always have an anniversary party though.
Post # 5
In my opinion I think it would be best to do a vow renewal in the form of an elopement because honestly, no one cares about your “wedding dreams” or marriage for that matter, as much as you and your spouse. So, make it an intimate moment with the two of you. Go get that tea length dress, save up for a fab photog and get those dreamy wedding pics you want, splurge a bit on a beautiful bouquet, got to the salon and get your hair and makeup done! Seeing as you won’t have to budget for guests all the money can be spent on the two of you creating the moment you had imagined!
Post # 6
I just went to a vow renewal two days ago, and it was for 50 years..
I would save your money for babies.
Post # 7
I agree with NikkiKillpretty: Save up and at some point down the road, just the two of you get all dressed up and hire a photographer to take some photos.
Post # 8
Yep, NikkiKillpretty is right… I will say that YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE! If you want to have one in 2 or 3 years, you can. Will everyone from the original wedding show up, probably not… Is it about them, no! You are the two people who feel like you missed out on a lot of special moments. So, you two could easily have a vow renewal elopement!!! You could go practically anywhere in the world (especially with the bigger budget) and do it ALL over again, just the two of you. You can make new memories, have the best photog that your money can buy and do it BIG! No other people to cause problems, make snide comments, etc.
I think that I might do this with my FI, when we have our second honeymoon. That will hopefully happen in 5-7 years. It would be just he and I, and God willing we will be in a better place financially so that no expense will be spared!!! We might do this in Japan or some other dreamy place that we could afford then. Congrats on moving up in the world by the way!!! The possibilities will be endless…
Post # 9
Mrslovebug: I agree with PP about having an intimate “elopement”. Since you had an actual wedding the first time around, most people would find it strange if you did it again in just a few years. I wouldn’t do it any sooner than 10 years if you go that route.
Get that dream dress and go somewhere awesome!
Post # 10
To me a vow renewal is something you and your husbands to do reaffirm your love commitments ect. I love the idea of this on a beach just you and the officiant (some couples resorts actually offer this type of thing). Public vows have already been made and I can’t see getting a ‘do over’ (essentially) bc you didn’t like the first one. However if you are paying do it whenever you want/can afford in the way you want it. Like pp suggested anyone turned off by the idea is likely to decline anyways!!
Post # 11
I am renewing my vows this year it’s been 5 years 🙂 and we are doing it at our church then taking off to the honeymoon we never had …I say if you want to renew your vows go for it save up for what you want an go for it if people dont come because there offended then you dont want them there !!! If this is important to you n your hubby then you need to do it !!!
Post # 12
I voted never. Although I see some beautiful vow renewals nobody I know personally has had one. all the older adults in my family have been married 30-40 years and have never done one so that’s why I wouldn’t consider it for myself.
Post # 13
Mrslovebug: If it were me i’d wait quite a while – given you’re still only fairly recently married, I wouldn’t make a decision just yet. Give it 5 years and see how you feel then – it may not bother you anymore, or you may have a clearer idea on what you’d like to do if you did do one (and more time to save up and do the things you missed out on!)
I don’t think i’d ever have a vow renewal in the form of a wedding re-do but i’d totally be up for one in a tacky vegas chapel just for fun! 😉 – in saying that though I’m lucky enough to be getting my dream wedding, I would probably feel similarly to you if I was in your situation!
I think a lot of the stigma attached to vow renewals is the second gift thing – you’d probably get a lot more support in doing one if you specify no gifts and just throw a big party to celebrate 🙂
Post # 14
An old coworker of mine went through the same type of things with her wedding… so what they did was have what they called an “open house” reception on their first anniversary. They had set up cake, punch, champaign and invited everybody to come out to have a good time. It was a success for them, and they said it more than made up for their wedding disasters. They also plan on doing a vow renewal for their 5th anniversary to get a second shot at a ceremony. 🙂 I hope this helps!
Post # 15
I think of a vow renewal as just a small ceremony between you and your hubby (at least that’s how I’d do it). I agree with the PP who said to do it like an elopement…go to a destination you want, get that dress you want, and the photog you want and just have an awesome intimate ceremony between you two. I personally probably wouldn’t attend a vow renewal unless it was my own, or someone’s for a significant number of years (25 or 50 yr anniversary).