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One of my friend's roommates just got engaged to a guy she met 2 months ago, and they are getting married in 3 months. We got to talking about how a lot of Christians date/are engaged for short periods of time. I'm Catholic, and the Church requires a minimum of a 6 month engagement period so the couple really has time to discern/pray/prepare for marriage. And then on the other hand, I know a lot of Protestant churches encourage short engagements so that the couple doesn't hit the hay because they're "almost married". I know a lot of LDS couples have really short dating/engagements because they often meet someone with very similar goals and values.
What do you think are the benefits/drawbacks of short engagements? Does your church encourage one over the other? Did your faith enter into how long you decided to date or be engaged for?
We were dating for 5 months and engaged for 9. We're both older, he's 42 and I am 32.
@jedeve: i had a friend just recently do the same thing - dating for 2 maybe 3 months and got married 3 months later.
Im Catholic too :) we had been dating about a year and half when he proposed and i was actually engaged exactly 7 months and 2 days on my wedding day BUT i didnt inquire about chruches until 5 months out - they did tell me about the 6 month rule but they didnt seem to mind as long as we got all our meetings and pre-cana in before the wedding day - I personally wanted a spring wedding so i thought i had ample time to figure it out but i found out my brother was deploying to afghanistan at the end of february and it was important for me to have him there so by the time i started planning i had 5 months not 6. eek! but it all worked out - we had my husbands uncle fly in from tulsa and marry us and were really fortunate that the deacon at our church was willing to do a meetings with us.
as far as my relationship with my husband - i dont know that it really would have mattered if our engagement was longer or shorter but im glad we had a shorter to average engagement, i was ready to get married by the time the wedding day got here. I'm also glad for the amount of time we were dating, at first i thought maybe people would think we jumped into it too soon but i knew long before he proposed that we would marry, i just wasnt sure when and looking back i think it was the perfect amount of time - i truely believe that within a year of dating you kinda know if its going to work out or not.
FI and I dated for 11 months and will be engaged for 7 months before the wedding. Time sure flies by when you're having fun.
We belong to a nondenominational Christian church. Our pastor encourages dating with the intent to marry (not just hang out with no goal in mind) and if the person you're dating is not marriage material for you, then he feels you should stop dating that person and date someone who is. There is no hard and fast number like 6 months but he says it shouldn't take forever. Most couples at our church dated for about a year on average but the engagements are pretty short - a few months. We dated for 16 mos. and were engaged for 7 months. Good friends of ours dated about 1 year, got engaged this past February and are getting married this October.
We dated for a little over 2 years. We knew we wanted to marry each other like a month into dating (if not sooner). But we wanted to have fun dating. Plus, we both had school to worry about... and I wasn't about to be married in school. So that's what dictated our 2 year dating period. (That and my dad & mom would've freaked if it was any less than a year... even though they only dated for 4 months).
We got engaged and had a little over 6 months to plan. I told him that I refuse to spend more than 6 months being engaged. There is no need for me to plan a wedding for longer than that, and we already know we want to get married. So I'm the one that dictated the engagement period :) Baha.
I'm not sure if religion influenced the time lengths for our dating/engagement. I know a lot of my Christian friends dated and got married within a year or two. I would have loved that, had I been ready to get married after a year of dating. However, like I said I was still in school and didn't want to get dropped from my parent's flow of money... and who wants to be married in school? (HE will be btw, but not me, haha). I think every couple is different, and although you need to be cautious, I don't think time limits should be considered when entering into marriage. You would think that matters, but I've seen more couples stay together for life while they dated & got married under a year... and tons of couples get divorced having dated for years and years beforehand.
We dated for 3.5 years and were engaged for 1.5 years before we got married; it was somewhat common at our Catholic college to date throughout college and get married pretty soon after graduation, though, so we had several couple friends who married after 2 - 4 years of dating/engagement.
DH and I are Protestant non-denominational Christians.
We dated 4 months before we got engaged, and got married 6 months later. We had been friends for 4 years before we started dating and we definitely began dating with the intent to marry, so it didn't take us a long time to know this was it.
A lot of people were surprised by how fast we moved, but our family and closest friends were fully supportive and we're super happy!
We are both Catholic (but me only recently) and had been together 4 1/2 years by the time we were engaged- it will be just under 6 years by the time we marry next summer and engaged for 22 months in total!
DH and I are both protestant or Non-Denominational Christian.
Yes it did play part into our short dating/engagement period as we could've NEVER waited all that time to live together and have sex.... we had enough trouble in the total time we did have! lol
Our pastor jokes and has said that he believes in long dating and short engagements. lol... guessing that goes into once the engagement comes it's "harder" to wait. lol
DH and I were friends in our Young Adults group for a couple years before we ever dated. We were dating a month when we got engaged and only b/c of having to push back our date we were engaged for right at 18 mths.
I take very much into account our long friendship having a huge part of our short dating... we pretty much knew everything about each other already. lol
And I think short engagements are good so long you and your SO are submitted to God and take steps to grow individually and together in what He says about marriage and the things that make it up.... then again I believe that if you two aren't like I said above that it really doesn't matter the length you're likely to still not be prepared. lol
My friends that all were married within a year of meeting have all faced major issues in their marriage, because they simply didn't know each other as well as other couples that were together longer.
I think if you get engaged quickly, the engagement/wedding planning tends to take over, and all the other stuff you'd normally go through as a couple are put on the back-burner.
That's not to say it's an fool-proof theory, but I do think there is value in going through each season with someone without the 'pressures' of wedding planning, to see how they handle life-situations, etc.
Personally, we dated for 3 years, 8 months and were engaged 14 months before marrying. It was WAY too long dating, IMO - but DH wanted to 'be sure'. I would have been content with 2 years max.
ETA: I come from a non-denomination Christian background and I think there's an unspoken 'marry within a year' thinking. Many people asked us why we were waiting so long and advised us against it - but it was nothing formalized.
We were quite unusual and dated for 4.5years before he proposed.. and have seen so many of our christian friends and family get together, get engaged and get married in that time! One friend who started dating her husband the weekend after us, is celebrating her 3rd wedding anniversary the month we get married haha!
We met really young though, i was 16 when we started dating so that had a lot to do with it. I also really wanted to respect and honour my parents feelings (they aren't christians) and so wanted to wait until i was finished with college.
When we are married, we will have been engaged just under 10 months - so we're on the home stretch hehe :)
I was raised in a (strict) Christian home and was taught that only "Courting" was allowed (after the age of 16), with parental supervision and permission of course! I soon broke that rule...and then was asked to leave home for it. My parents took this very seriously. And it didnt help that he wasnt an active member of a congregation. **EYEROLL**
We arent a "good example of a Christian relationship" but we Dated since 2003, Engaged Summer 2010 and going to be Married December 2011. =)
My cousin, kept with our family's teachings and was married after meeting the guy only a few months prior to being engaged, then a couple months later married that fall (2007). They remain pretty "private" with their relationships, but I can only imagine the struggles/hardships that new couples face knowing very little about one another. This same cousin's sister is now 18 going to be graduating HS tomorrow actually, and her parents told her she could court this young man but after a year of courting they would need to get married. I personally just dont get it?! How could you rush/influence such a HUGE decision in your daughter's life!? I too went through the same "pressure" from my parents for the past 6 years, but I knew better than to "give in" and knew that this decision was only to be made for my FI and myself when the time was right.
Im very grateful for the way everything panned out for us and Im very glad to have waited as long as I had, just wanted to make this decision ONCE and for good!
So I dont mean to sound like im "knocking" anyone that had a short relationship and/or engagement. To each their own! Thats the beauty of the world! xo
@jedeve: Me n FI dated for 2 1/2 years and will be engaged for 8 months by the time our wedding day hits.
Dated for approximately 1.5 years; will be engaged for approximately 2 years before we are married.
Dated 3 months before getting engaged, and will be engaged 11 months before getting married.
Total time together just shy of 3 years, engaged just shy of 18 months.
We too arent a "good example of a Christian relationship" as we moved in together about 8 months after meeting....but we were both raised in strong protestant/catholic families.
My fiance and I started dating October 30, 2005, we moved in together July 1, 2006, and got engaged December 25, 2010. We are getting married 29 days before our 6th year together October 1, 2011 :)
Interesting responses! We dated almost a year and a half before we got engaged and were engaged for about 7 months (it was going to be a year, but we decided to get married in August before I started school instead of after a semester).
My personal opinion is that a dating period should be long enough to decide if you should get married. It's harder to break off an engagement than to just break up. And then an engagement should be long enough to prepare for a marriage. I don't think it's really appropriate to use an engagement to decide if you should get married, and then when you are dating its not really the time to prepare for marriage, you know?
Like picking out baby names before you have a ring on your finger (okay though we've all done that) could create some false expectations! And having "are we right for each other" conversations while addressing envelopes can make it difficult to be honest!
So I think its important to have sufficient time for both.
@jedeve: I was raised in a very conservative religious home (seventh-day Adventist) and am still a member of the church. Although the SDA Church doesn't specify an engagement period it is looked down upon to have sex or live together before marriage. After dating for one year my man and I moved in together and it was one of the most difficult decisions for me to make as it went against everything I believed and had been taught. My family didn't take it well at all.
After living together for four years, dating a total of five, we got engaged and are planning to marry in May 2012 (18 month engagement).
There are pros and cons to every engagement period long or short. In my mind we wanted a longer engagement so we could have a bigger budget and not cut corners to speak. While I look forward to our amazing wedding with all that I had dreamed it is hard to wait and a shorter engagement would certainly make the waiting game less intense to speak.
Started dating October 10, 2004, moved in together in 2007, engaged December 25, 2008, married October 10, 2009. So, we're a dating 4+ years, married at 5 years together. October will be 7 years together total. So, we took the long road because we're both cautious and had been burned by previous relationships. I wanted him immediately upon meeting. He wanted the same, but we took it slow with job and life changes in there.
FI and I were friends awhile and were officially dating 6 weeks before he let it be known he had every intention of marrying me. I guess he felt he might as well as everyone introduced me as the future pastor's wife to newcomers lol. He was also making some life changes and needed the input of the one he wanted to marry. (He wanted to join the military but needed me on board first.) He officially asked me to marry him 5 months later. I have no idea how long our engagement will be as we now belong to Uncle Sam and are waiting to find out when we can squeeze in our big day. We will do the whole legal thing before he leaves but continue to live the "engaged" life til the big day.
My childhood pastor was very much against long engagements as he felt that is too much temptation. He insisted on a at least 70 hrs of premarital counseling though so he really prepared everyone.
I'm a Christian and my 3 years, 8 months of dating and 2 years, 4 months of engagement have worked GREAT for me. :)
We were dating for 2 years (living together for 1.5 years) before we got engaged and our engagement will be about 1.5 year
We're definitely not typical - together 7 and a half years and then engaged for 2 years. Many people at church initially assumed we were married (when we joined about 4 years ago). When we (finally!) got engaged, they were surprised that we were having such a long engagement. Now though, everyone is very supportive - I guess they're pleased we're "doing the right thing"!
We dated for almost three years before we got engaged (two years and 11 months) and we will be engaged for 10 months, so I think the grand total officially comes out to three years and nine months. People are always shocked that FI and I are getting married because we're "so young" (21), but they're a little more understanding when they find out we will have been together for almost four years by the time the wedding rolls around! :]
We dated for just over a year before he proposed, and our engagement will be right at 8 months when we get married.
While most people feel like getting engaged is just the next step in a relationship, my FI and I have a different view on it... We talked about this pretty early on in our relationship (before we were engaged) and decided 2 things:
1) we knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, so instead of our engagement being "the next step" we looked at it as the beginning of the planning process; and
2) too many friends of ours had long engagements that drove them crazy so we decided the shorter the better!
We dated for right about 8 months then will be married about 8 from the time of the engagment. We were both raised baptist, but both are "liberal" baptist, which is conservative compaired to many, but less ultra conservative than the hard core ones.
There was always the idea of "date looking for someone to marry" not that dating is bad but if you won't marry someone then why date them? And for us, a long engagment would have been torture. We are waiting till marraige to sleep/live together and as my mom put it, once you know you WILL be married, then suddenly it becomes much easier to slip, and that was something neither of us was okay with. Plus, after only being engaged since April I have almost everything planned already. :D Who needs years to plan? Oh and we will both be 21 when we get married.
We were dating for almost 3 years before we got engaged and will be engaged for a little over a year. It didn't have so much to do with religion as it did with the fact we were 16 when we started dating and want to be 21 when we actually get married! I ha. I have noticed though that most of my friends who get married younger are friends that belong to a church.
My fiance are I dated for 8 months, got engaged at month 9 and are getting married in month 14. So thats 1yr 2 months after we stared dating.
In the first 5 months of dating we lived in the same city, and attended the same college, Then he graduated and started working 2 hrs away from our school (i have 2 years left). So he comes down every weekend and stays at a friend's place. So I'm looking forward to 9 months from now when he moves back down to where I am (so I can finish school) and we can move in together! God has been in our relationship every step of the way, and it is so rewarding to have the solid foundating of Christ in our relationship. And in our future marriage! :)
We dated for two years before we got engaged and by the time we get married in May we will have been engaged for sixteen months! I feel like we've been together the perfect amount of time to get married, in our situation :)
My FI and I were dating for 2 1/2 years. We will be engaged a little over a year before the big day!
We were dating for 4 years with a 16 month engagement. We're getting married 2 weeks before our 5 year anniversary.
We dated 7.5 years before getting engaged, then we're having a 21 month engagement, SO almost 9.5 years together before marriage. It's been so long. I'm ready to be married! :)
We dated for 1.5 years and will have been engaged for three by the time we get married. So a total of 4.5 years before marriage.
ETA: We'll both be 24 when we get married.
Before I became a Christian, my first realtionship lasted for almost 8yrs. I met him when I was 19 and was finally decided not to marry him when I was already 27. ( what a very long time trying to convince myself to marry him, but i just couldnt say YES.) Particularly b/c I couldn't get my parents blessings to marry him (well, im very much greatful for that) And then, I became a christian and have known what the Lord's will for me to marry a man of the same faith and who loves the LORD more than he will love me. And so I met this guy, who is soon-to-be-my-husband. We dated for exactly 6mos. before he proposed to me. And we will be 11mos and 25 days engaged on the day of our wedding.
For me, it doesn't matter how long you have dated each other for it doesnt guarantee that you will fully know the person.(none of us will do, until we live in the same roof) The most important thing is you have prayed about it, the Lord ordained it and both of you honor HIM..and things will work according to HIS plan.
We are one in thoughts and hearts eventhough we are of different ethnic backgroud b/c we have only one Head, who the Lord.
@jedeve: My FI and I dated a little over 3years before he proposed, and we will be engaged approximately 1.5yrs. We plan to get married May 2013.
We'd been together over 5 years when we got engaged. We will have been engaged 3.5 years by the time we marry. So, we'll have been together nearly 9 years by the time we marry :-)
I personally would want to be with someone for at least 2 years before getting engaged (unless I was a lot older and wanted children) and have always wanted 2 years to plan a wedding (due to dates and photographers etc getting booked up)
Dated in 2 months - Moved in together - Got engaged this sunday (the 2nd Oct) - 1,5 years. We will try to get married on our 2 year anniversary weekend, 12 May 2012.
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