Post # 1
One of my friend’s roommates just got engaged to a guy she met 2 months ago, and they are getting married in 3 months. We got to talking about how a lot of Christians date/are engaged for short periods of time. I’m Catholic, and the Church requires a minimum of a 6 month engagement period so the couple really has time to discern/pray/prepare for marriage. And then on the other hand, I know a lot of Protestant churches encourage short engagements so that the couple doesn’t hit the hay because they’re “almost married”. I know a lot of LDS couples have really short dating/engagements because they often meet someone with very similar goals and values.
What do you think are the benefits/drawbacks of short engagements? Does your church encourage one over the other? Did your faith enter into how long you decided to date or be engaged for?
Post # 3
We were dating for 5 months and engaged for 9. We’re both older, he’s 42 and I am 32.
Post # 4
@jedeve: i had a friend just recently do the same thing – dating for 2 maybe 3 months and got married 3 months later.
Im Catholic too 🙂 we had been dating about a year and half when he proposed and i was actually engaged exactly 7 months and 2 days on my wedding day BUT i didnt inquire about chruches until 5 months out – they did tell me about the 6 month rule but they didnt seem to mind as long as we got all our meetings and pre-cana in before the wedding day – I personally wanted a spring wedding so i thought i had ample time to figure it out but i found out my brother was deploying to afghanistan at the end of february and it was important for me to have him there so by the time i started planning i had 5 months not 6. eek! but it all worked out – we had my husbands uncle fly in from tulsa and marry us and were really fortunate that the deacon at our church was willing to do a meetings with us.
as far as my relationship with my husband – i dont know that it really would have mattered if our engagement was longer or shorter but im glad we had a shorter to average engagement, i was ready to get married by the time the wedding day got here. I’m also glad for the amount of time we were dating, at first i thought maybe people would think we jumped into it too soon but i knew long before he proposed that we would marry, i just wasnt sure when and looking back i think it was the perfect amount of time – i truely believe that within a year of dating you kinda know if its going to work out or not.
Post # 5
FI and I dated for 11 months and will be engaged for 7 months before the wedding. Time sure flies by when you’re having fun.
Post # 6
We belong to a nondenominational Christian church. Our pastor encourages dating with the intent to marry (not just hang out with no goal in mind) and if the person you’re dating is not marriage material for you, then he feels you should stop dating that person and date someone who is. There is no hard and fast number like 6 months but he says it shouldn’t take forever. Most couples at our church dated for about a year on average but the engagements are pretty short – a few months. We dated for 16 mos. and were engaged for 7 months. Good friends of ours dated about 1 year, got engaged this past February and are getting married this October.
Post # 7
We dated for a little over 2 years. We knew we wanted to marry each other like a month into dating (if not sooner). But we wanted to have fun dating. Plus, we both had school to worry about… and I wasn’t about to be married in school. So that’s what dictated our 2 year dating period. (That and my dad & mom would’ve freaked if it was any less than a year… even though they only dated for 4 months).
We got engaged and had a little over 6 months to plan. I told him that I refuse to spend more than 6 months being engaged. There is no need for me to plan a wedding for longer than that, and we already know we want to get married. So I’m the one that dictated the engagement period 🙂 Baha.
I’m not sure if religion influenced the time lengths for our dating/engagement. I know a lot of my Christian friends dated and got married within a year or two. I would have loved that, had I been ready to get married after a year of dating. However, like I said I was still in school and didn’t want to get dropped from my parent’s flow of money… and who wants to be married in school? (HE will be btw, but not me, haha). I think every couple is different, and although you need to be cautious, I don’t think time limits should be considered when entering into marriage. You would think that matters, but I’ve seen more couples stay together for life while they dated & got married under a year… and tons of couples get divorced having dated for years and years beforehand.
Post # 8
We dated for 3.5 years and were engaged for 1.5 years before we got married; it was somewhat common at our Catholic college to date throughout college and get married pretty soon after graduation, though, so we had several couple friends who married after 2 – 4 years of dating/engagement.
Post # 9
DH and I are Protestant non-denominational Christians.
We dated 4 months before we got engaged, and got married 6 months later. We had been friends for 4 years before we started dating and we definitely began dating with the intent to marry, so it didn’t take us a long time to know this was it.
A lot of people were surprised by how fast we moved, but our family and closest friends were fully supportive and we’re super happy!
Post # 10
We are both Catholic (but me only recently) and had been together 4 1/2 years by the time we were engaged- it will be just under 6 years by the time we marry next summer and engaged for 22 months in total!
Post # 11
DH and I are both protestant or Non-Denominational Christian.
Yes it did play part into our short dating/engagement period as we could’ve NEVER waited all that time to live together and have sex…. we had enough trouble in the total time we did have! lol
Our pastor jokes and has said that he believes in long dating and short engagements. lol… guessing that goes into once the engagement comes it’s “harder” to wait. lol
DH and I were friends in our Young Adults group for a couple years before we ever dated. We were dating a month when we got engaged and only b/c of having to push back our date we were engaged for right at 18 mths.
I take very much into account our long friendship having a huge part of our short dating… we pretty much knew everything about each other already. lol
And I think short engagements are good so long you and your SO are submitted to God and take steps to grow individually and together in what He says about marriage and the things that make it up…. then again I believe that if you two aren’t like I said above that it really doesn’t matter the length you’re likely to still not be prepared. lol
Post # 12
My friends that all were married within a year of meeting have all faced major issues in their marriage, because they simply didn’t know each other as well as other couples that were together longer.
I think if you get engaged quickly, the engagement/wedding planning tends to take over, and all the other stuff you’d normally go through as a couple are put on the back-burner.
That’s not to say it’s an fool-proof theory, but I do think there is value in going through each season with someone without the ‘pressures’ of wedding planning, to see how they handle life-situations, etc.
Personally, we dated for 3 years, 8 months and were engaged 14 months before marrying. It was WAY too long dating, IMO – but DH wanted to ‘be sure’. I would have been content with 2 years max.
ETA: I come from a non-denomination Christian background and I think there’s an unspoken ‘marry within a year’ thinking. Many people asked us why we were waiting so long and advised us against it – but it was nothing formalized.
Post # 13
We were quite unusual and dated for 4.5years before he proposed.. and have seen so many of our christian friends and family get together, get engaged and get married in that time! One friend who started dating her husband the weekend after us, is celebrating her 3rd wedding anniversary the month we get married haha!
We met really young though, i was 16 when we started dating so that had a lot to do with it. I also really wanted to respect and honour my parents feelings (they aren’t christians) and so wanted to wait until i was finished with college.
When we are married, we will have been engaged just under 10 months – so we’re on the home stretch hehe 🙂
Post # 14
I was raised in a (strict) Christian home and was taught that only “Courting” was allowed (after the age of 16), with parental supervision and permission of course! I soon broke that rule…and then was asked to leave home for it. My parents took this very seriously. And it didnt help that he wasnt an active member of a congregation. **EYEROLL**
We arent a “good example of a Christian relationship” but we Dated since 2003, Engaged Summer 2010 and going to be Married December 2011. =)
My cousin, kept with our family’s teachings and was married after meeting the guy only a few months prior to being engaged, then a couple months later married that fall (2007). They remain pretty “private” with their relationships, but I can only imagine the struggles/hardships that new couples face knowing very little about one another. This same cousin’s sister is now 18 going to be graduating HS tomorrow actually, and her parents told her she could court this young man but after a year of courting they would need to get married. I personally just dont get it?! How could you rush/influence such a HUGE decision in your daughter’s life!? I too went through the same “pressure” from my parents for the past 6 years, but I knew better than to “give in” and knew that this decision was only to be made for my FI and myself when the time was right.
Im very grateful for the way everything panned out for us and Im very glad to have waited as long as I had, just wanted to make this decision ONCE and for good!
So I dont mean to sound like im “knocking” anyone that had a short relationship and/or engagement. To each their own! Thats the beauty of the world! xo
Post # 15
@jedeve: Me n FI dated for 2 1/2 years and will be engaged for 8 months by the time our wedding day hits.
Post # 16
Dated for approximately 1.5 years; will be engaged for approximately 2 years before we are married.