Post # 1
I know there are several threads like “how long were you dating before you got engaged” and “how long were you dating before you moved in together” but I haven’t seen any asking how long were you living together before you got engaged, so that is my question!
This is especially applicable for those couples who moved in together having already discussed that they wanted to get married down the road.
I’m trying to feel out my boyfriend a little bit. Here is my story (warning, it is long).
We’ve been together for 2.5 years (international long distance the whole time..I’ve known him for ten years though!). I’m 27 and he’s 26. About a year ago, we were at a crossroads in our relationship. I was ready to be done the distance and move to be together; however, I made it clear I wasn’t willing to move to another country for him unless we were engaged. He told me he wasn’t ready to get engaged, didn’t know when he would be ready, end of story. I changed my tune and said I would be willing to consider without an engagement – he still said no, he didn’t feel I should move there at that time (I think he knew I deep down wanted that engagement and he genuinely wasn’t ready and didn’t want to lead me on). I told him we needed to take a break and figure out what we both wanted. After a month of no talking, we got back together with the agreement that with the next work promotion and move he got, he would at least come up with a timeline to be in the same place – a concession on both our parts.
Last October, he officially asked me to move countries to be with him. I made it very, very clear that I would be happy to do so as long as we were both on the same page that we wanted this relationship to lead to marriage someday. I didn’t put any timelines on it, though. We agreed we were on the same page. In January, he got his promotion and relocation, and I wanted to stay where I was until the spring to finish up some work projects, so we agreed I would move in June. In two more weeks it is finally happening!
His entire attitude has changed completely in the last year. He has been much more attentive to me, he goes out much less, he has become much more serious within his job, etc. I hear him talk in future terms a lot “our kids…” and discussing kids names. We talk about where “we” want to live. He has been making a lot of weird comments lately…i.e. we were watching that movie Bride Wars and he asks me if I would go searching for a hidden wedding ring…or if I want a Tiffanys ring…when I say something about being anti-blood diamonds he asks “well what DO you want”?. I don’t know if I am psyching myself out though!!
Anyway I just feel like he does realize what a huge decision and leap I am making by moving countries to be with him and how serious I am and I feel like he is on the same page and I don’t want to get my hopes up at all…..SO……for those of you who did live together with your boyfriend, knowing full well you both saw marriage SOMEDAY in the future…did your SO wait 6 months or two years after the move in!??!
Post # 3
We got engaged 1 1/2 years after we moved into together. HOWEVER – we moved in together after only a month of dating (what can I say? we both just “knew”).
We also bought a home 1 year after we started dating, about 6 months before getting engaged. Purchasig a home was higher on my priority list.
Post # 4
My SO barely waited 3 months after moving in.. we were dating for 1.5 years, moved in together, and were engaged 3 months later. I had told him that I wanted to be sure we could stand each other living together before we got engaged. 🙂 Needless to say, I can stand him!
Post # 5
we been living together for 8 years. have a daughter and a house. he asked me to married him for the third time on december 2009 and i finally said yes. this year on october 31 it will be 9 years living together.
Post # 6
my fiance and i were long distance (across the country!) for 1.5 years before we moved in together. we then lived together for another year and a half before we got engaged. we were both really glad we took our time to get used to living together after being long distance for so long before we got engaged.
Post # 7
We live as roommates, separate rooms.
We had dated for 6 months and best friends for years when we moved together, and waited another year to get engaged.
Post # 8
We’re not living together till we’re married. 🙂 After six years of being together, it will be so amazing to finally share a home!
Post # 9
We moved in a year after we started dating (bought a place together actually, so there was definitely understanding of proposal in the not-so-distant future), and then 8 months later, he proposed. He would have probably waited longer (I think he wanted to propose around 2-year anniversary, 1 year after moving in) but I was in a bad mood one night about work and in my crankiness made it clear I want the damn ring.
Post # 10
Moved in after 6 months, 16 months later he proposed (almost two years together total).
Post # 11
We moved in after 2.5 years of non-long-distance dating. At the outset of moving in, he was made aware that I wanted to be engaged within a year of living together, but it still took 1.5 years for him to actually do it. Those 6 months were not pretty! I was pretty cranky about it.
I think you have to mentally prepare that the engagement may not happen for a while (probably not in the first few months or even first year) since your guy is relatively young and has been hesitant in the past. And even if you set a timeline, he may not stick with it! However, I would suggest you have a general timeline discussion w/ him before moving in just to be sure the 2 of you are, if not on the same page, at least in the same book! Otherwise you could be thinking it’ll happen in about a year, and he’s thinking Hmm, maybe it would be nice to get engaged once I’m 30 (or whatever).
Post # 12
we were dating almost a year before we moved in together. then after our lease was up we boved back to our respective homes to save money to buy a house. and then after two years we moved in together again in another rental and 1.5 yrs later we bought our first home (which is where we live now).
Post # 13
We were dating for 9 months before we moved in together then he proopsed 3 months later. But he was very clear to me that when I moved in, it was only with the intention of us getting engaged and married soon. So I knew I wouldn’t have to wait long for a proposal.
Post # 14
I dont think we are a “normal” situation. He spent the night on our 1st date and pretty much never left!
So we’ve pretty much been living together since our 1st date. We were living together/ dating for about 3 years before i got the ring.
Post # 15
4 months.. but we’ve been together for a year and a half. I wanted that ring… and I was cranky about it too. What is it about women and getting pissy when they haven’t gotten their ring? lol and more importantly why does it work? haha
Post # 16
We lived together 1 year and 3 days before getting engaged.