How long were you together before marrying (and more!)

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: How long were you together before your wedding day?
    Under 1 year : (5 votes)
    3 %
    Over 1 year : (13 votes)
    8 %
    Over 2 years : (21 votes)
    13 %
    Over 3 years : (25 votes)
    15 %
    Over 4 years : (27 votes)
    16 %
    Over 5 years : (23 votes)
    14 %
    Over 6 years : (15 votes)
    9 %
    Over 7 years : (10 votes)
    6 %
    Over 8 years + : (27 votes)
    16 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    268 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    How long did you date before you were officially married?

     

    As of our wedding date next October, we will have been together officially for 8 and a half years, and it will have been 9 years since we began seeing each other! 

     

    But to add a twist to it…

     

    How much longer do you think you could’ve waited to officially tie the knot?

     

    Because I still have grad school for another year, I guess I could have waited one more year….but I’m so glad he didn’t!!

     

    How much earlier do you think you could’ve married your SO and still fully made it work?

     

    My SO and I were living two hours apart for 4 years up until 2011 and then we moved to South Korea for a year, that would have made it difficult to get married. I feel like emotionally we were ready, but technically it probably would have made a lot more sense in maybe 2012 at the earliest! 

     

    At what point in the relationship were you pretty sure it was heading towards marriage?

     

    I know this sounds corny, but I have known my SO for 10 years, we had known each other for 3 years (as very close friends) before we began dating. After 4 years of knowing each other and 1 year of dating (we were still so young; only 17 and 18) we talked about the fact that we WERE going to get married, and that we just needed to get an education first. Maybe we were naive then, and it just worked out, but either way; I think a small part of us knew we would end up marrying each other.  

     

    Thanks for this topic post! I love it! 🙂 

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    3813 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

    Hmm we were together for 6 years before getting married.  I could’ve waited maybe an extra one or two years (I was getting antsy!).  I think we could’ve gotten at year 4 when we’d finally been able to move in together (I changed jobs making the commute more convenient), it just reaffirmed everything.  Aaaand I think at around year 3 I was pretty sure it was heading towards marriage, but at the time I had no idea how it would work because we were semi-long distance and neither of us was willing to give up our jobs.

    Post # 5
    Member
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @mscuppycake:  

    How long did you date before you were officially married? Under a year

    How much longer do you think you could’ve waited to officially tie the knot? I didn’t care about marriage, so I would have waited forever as long as he was fully committed and invested

    How much earlier do you think you could’ve married your SO and still fully made it work? We were pretty fast already. We were engaged after 3 months, so I don’t think it could have happened any faster

    At what point in the relationship were you pretty sure it was heading towards marriage? 3 months in when we got engaged, lol. I didn’t know it was coming

    Post # 6
    Member
    1864 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @mscuppycake: 

     

     

     

    How long did you date before you were officially married?

    It will be three years and two months when we finally tie the knot. 

     

    How much longer do you think you could’ve waited to officially tie the knot?

    I was starting to get ansy to be honest. I would’ve waited for however long it took, but my fiance knew that I wouldn’t have been a happy bee. We took forever to set the date, too, so we made sure to make it a priority at one point and start saving for the wedding so when we booked a venue, we had cash money to put down for a deposit. We are trying our hardest not to have to use too much credit and anything we do charge, we know we will be able to pay off right after the wedding. 


    How much earlier do you think you could’ve married your SO and still fully made it work?

    One year in. 

    At what point in the relationship were you pretty sure it was heading towards marriage?

    10 months in.

     

    EDIT: Ten months in is when he has brought up marriage and confirmed to me that he wanted to marry me in the future. So I knew for sure at that point that he felt the same. If it’s based off of my feelings alone, I knew the first week of dating him there was something different about this guy. Did I know at the time it was marriage, I don’t know about that because I don’t like to jinx anything, but I knew there was something so special and different about him. It was a feeling I’d never felt before. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    825 posts
    Busy bee

    How long did you date before you were officially married?

    3 years and 7 months when we tie the knot. We started dating dating October 11, 2011 and will be getting married on May 16, 2015.

    How much longer do you think you could’ve waited to officially tie the knot?

    I told him a year after we started dating that he had until I turned 30. I’m 25 now and 23 when we started dating so… he had time.

    How much earlier do you think you could’ve married your SO and still fully made it work?

    We could probably have gotten married after a year. We’ve been living together since July 2012.

    At what point in the relationship were you pretty sure it was heading towards marriage?

    The 4th or 5th date.

    Post # 8
    Member
    896 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    Got engaged 1 year and 11 months after we started dating; got married 8 months later. I could have waited  a lot longer to be married. I do not think I was in any way anxious to get married.  However, I doubt our relationship would have survived law school had we not been married (I did not want to live together until we were married or shortly before that) I was extremely busy and stressed during law school, and it put stress on the relationship, and I seriously doubt I would have seen him much had we not been living together. 

    I do not think we could have married any earlier because we were not financially ready for it. I got married shortly after turning 21 (he was 28).  We started discussing marriage maybe three or four months into the relationship. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I VOTED – OVER 7 YEARS

    Mr TTR & I are both Encores, who had long term relationships behind us (both of them in the 25 year range)

    I was very apprehensive about Dating when we met (he pursued me).  Marriage was something we had a chat about in the early days as in “Would you ever consider doing it again”

    Lol, he said “She’d have to be a really special girl to ever make that happen again”

    I was ok with that… as we were both quite wounded, and therefore naturally gun shy

    I think tho part of us knew very very early on that our relationship (and the other person)were extremely special, unlike any others we had ever met.

    Just before we got to our 6th Anniversary, I knew I was ready to give Marriage another shot.

    So I told him, that I’d like to be married by the end of 2012 (just over a year away).

    He said he was onboard with that and would propose in his own way / time… like most Guys want to do.

    I waited over 4 months for that Proposal… and he did as he promised, did it in his own way.

    What surprised me was he was so organized about the vision for the Wedding when he Proposed… he had obviously done a lot of thinking, and knew exactly what he wanted (to Elope to a Destination Wedding… a place we love & means a lot to us… to say our Vows to each other alone on the Beach at sunset).  It was a perfect choice.

    And what we did over the Christmas Holidays 2012.  No regrets.  It was everything I hoped for and more.

    Could it have come any sooner in our relationship and worked.  Ya probably.  But psychologically I just wasn’t there yet… it took me a lot longer to work thru my trust issues than him (my being divorced a shorter amount of time than he was… and my first marriage was an abusive one, his didn’t have that sort of baggage).  His greatest issues revolved around having a partner who was onside in the relationship, and being honest, trustworthy & faithful.

    To be honest, I think that looking back now (with 20/20 vision) I would say we both knew within the first year in some way that this was a very different relationship… and marriage material.  I definitely had “pangs” of that a month or two in that I was seriously falling in love with this man… and he knew sooner.

    I mean even tho I wasn’t thinking marriage when we met, I am the type of girl who after my Divorce was not into wasting my time with any more horrible men.  So we began as friends, and moved onto Dating & Lovers.  And altho I might have said I was out for a bit of fun… I also wasn’t being stupid… I did ask him a lot of Questions in the early days to determine if he was a guy “worth dating”.  I distinctly knew what kind of men I wanted in my life and which ones I didn’t want, having been around too many losers too long

    (Thank Yous to authors Greg Behrendt & Dr Phil for opening my eyes to how men think !!)

    As for waiting…

    To be fully honest I was 99.9% comfy with Mr TTR from the get go.  We were already living together the majority of the time (altho I retained my own space ala Carrie Bradshaw from SITC as a “safety net”).  Realistically we could have done that forever *… but then at some point in time I realized I wanted to be married again… I wanted us to be more than just Common Law (which in Canada is virtually the same as married anyhow).  BUT I wanted that legal commitment, those Vows to one another before God, the recognition that goes with being married vs anything else.

    * When I first was divorced, I honestly thought I’d be THAT WOMAN who never remarries, the woman who has her own place & space, and a guy that she is has a longterm ongoing relationship with… (10, 20 years long) but never marries

    I don’t truly know what all changed… it was something inside me for sure.  I suddenly realized I was very safe and there was nothing to worry about / fear any longer about marriage.

    Now if Mr TTR hadn’t said YES to getting married, or wanted to do it different from my Timeline… as a Gal her KNOWS HER OWN MIND… I realize that the choice would have been mine… to Stay or Go.

    Not 100% sure what I would have done.  BUT I DO KNOW that I would have had to own it.  If you don’t go, that means outright that Marriage would have been off the table, and I’d have no reason to complain etc.

    Thankfully, I’d done my research (again thank you men who write books about how men think) and was pretty aware of the fact that I had “sewed the seeds” of respect all along in our relationship, and chances were quite high that he’d be able to step up to meet / exceed the bar I had set for our relationship.

    And he did.

    — — —

    Having married young the first time… and used the “falling into love method” vs a more life plan approach I can honestly see why a Life Plan one works soooo much better to being able to find a better quality of mate (and therefore a better relationship in the long run)

    I spend a great deal of time now here on WBee on the Emotional Boards telling women who don’t have the relationship they want with the Man they love, that sadly it may be a case where LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH.

    There is tons more to a successful Relationhip & Marriage than JUST romantic love.

    When you know yourself, and are the best person you can be (at the time) and meet the right person they will ACCEPT YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE, but also INSPIRE YOU to be an EVEN BETTER PERSON

    (They LIFT YOU UP… not put you down)

    That is TRUE LOVE

    And that is truly what EVERY WOMAN DESERVES

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    200 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013 - Casa de España

    @mscuppycake:  

    How long did you date before you were officially married? 3 years, 11 months!

    How much longer do you think you could’ve waited to officially tie the knot? About another year.

    How much earlier do you think you could’ve married your SO and still fully made it work? Not earlier, now was the right time.

    At what point in the relationship were you pretty sure it was heading towards marriage?: about a year after we got together.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1725 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    How long did you date before you were officially married?

    1 year, 4 months and 10 days 🙂 

    How much longer do you think you could’ve waited to officially tie the knot?

    We definitely could have waited another couple of months, maybe even a year(?) to tie the knot.  But, with both of us working jobs during the school year, it made it impossible to marry then (and I refused to get married around a holiday) and he proposed in April, so it was either late that summer or wait a full year. 

    How much earlier do you think you could’ve married your SO and still fully made it work?


    We would have been fine to marry earlier. We went into our relationship knowing it would probably end in marriage and we were both excited about it from really early on. 

    At what point in the relationship were you pretty sure it was heading towards marriage?


    Like I said, we knew really early that is was the goal of our relationship.  We started officially dating in May and I knew by September that we were going to get married.  He knew in July. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    9137 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    @mscuppycake:  

    How much longer do you think you could’ve waited to officially tie the knot? A few years because I have already been divorced so I was in no hurry to get married again when we met.  He actually agreed to a two year engagement because I was afraid to get remarried so quickly after my divorce.

    How much earlier do you think you could’ve married your SO and still fully made it work? I think now is perfect.

    At what point in the relationship were you pretty sure it was heading towards marriage? Not to long before he proposed but I wasn’t expecting the proposal so soon.

    Post # 13
    Member
    4043 posts
    Honey bee

    How long did you date before you were officially married?

    Almost 10 years! We were 12 days short of 10 years.

    How much longer do you think you could’ve waited to officially tie the knot?

    Eh, I was definitely ready for marriage, but another year wouldn’t have killed me.

    How much earlier do you think you could’ve married your SO and still fully made it work?

    Hmm, I think we would have been just fine around the 8 year mark. I am glad we didn’t get married during or before college. I think that would have been a mistake. Obviously we dated and it worked out, but our priorities were much different. We had very individualistic approaches and perspectives during college. We didn’t hold each other back in any way (did study abroad, played sports, had separate social circles) and I am glad we weren’t starting our marriage at that time. Now that we are 3 1/2 years post graduation, we are much more stable and ready to focus on our marriage/relationship. The 8 year mark would have been about 1 year after college. It would have been fine, but I am really happy we waited. (We were also more financially capable of affording our wedding now).

    At what point in the relationship were you pretty sure it was heading towards marriage?

    Hmm, it was essentially understood it was heading that way after about 3 years. But we didn’t seriously discuss it until 5 years in and then obviously waited until 9 years in to get engaged. We were also growing and developing our relationship/committment to each other, but marriage just wasn’t a priority until recently.

    Post # 14
    Member
    4030 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    When we get married in 2 months (yay!) we will have been together for just over 4 1/2 years. If we had to, we could have waited another year or year and a half. I don’t think I could have lasted much longer than that! I think we could have married 2-3 years into our relationship and still made it work, but it would have been a difficult first year of marriage with finishing grad school and work. My fiance said if we could, he would have loved to become engaged a year earlier than we did. He was waiting for me to be completely ready (almost done with school). We both knew we were going to get married early in our relationship when we decided to move in together. We decided that appx. 6 months into our relationship. At the time, however, we were both 21 and knew we wanted to wait a few more years before marrying.

    Post # 15
    Member
    4540 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2014 - Royalton White Sands

    We’ll be together for 3 1/2 years when we get married. I guess we could have decided to wait a couple more years, but why? We chose to get married at the earliest reasonable opportunity. We have kind of a unusual situation, so we were pursuing marriage from Day 1. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    8707 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Started dating in March.
    Engaged in October.
    Married in December.

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