How Many Bee's are Doing Pre-Marital Counseling? (Poll)

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Will/Did you have pre-marital couseling?
    Yes : (93 votes)
    54 %
    No : (78 votes)
    46 %
  • Post # 3
    840 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church

    DH and I have a great relationship but we figured it certainly couldn’t hurt to get some advice from our pastor, who has almost 40 years of experience:)

    Post # 4
    3833 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    We did, however it was a little different because i was in an episode for depression so it was focused around that.  The 5 love languages helped us alot with communication.  And i have continued counselling which still helps. I need it more than him i guess : P

    Post # 5
    1366 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I have always wanted to do it but he didn’t see the point because everything had been smooth sailing for us. Well, we recently hit some conflict over expectations regarding socializing and opposite-sex friendships, so now he does see the point!

    We don’t have a ready-made counselor though because I’m agnostic and he is pretty non-practicing in his religion. Recs for secular counselors would be great!

    Post # 6
    1228 posts
    Bumble bee

    @Meant2Bee:  We didn’t have any pre-marital counselling.  I’m sure it has value for many couples, especially younger ones, but for us, being older, and having lived together for over 3 years, I couldn’t see the benefit of it.

    we have been through a great deal together, and a lot of shitty stuff, especially this year.  It was during those times that I could observe first hand how we functioned together as a couple and as a team.  We went into marriage being on the exact same page as far as what our expectations were.  We’ve always had a very solid relationship. We don’t fight. We share chores, and more often than not, actually do them together.  We look out for each other. We respect each other. We discuss things that might be bothering us in a calm and loving manner, and even if the other doesn’t agree, we listen and take it into consideration.  We give each other space to do our own thing, and encourage each other. 

    But again, I can definitely see the benefit, especially for those who think marriage will magically fix a relationship with underlying issues.

    Post # 7
    11242 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Nope. No point. There isn’t a whole lot of non-religious PMC anyway, but we’ve been together for 5 years, lived together for 3, and have already done the whole “figuring out our communication/expectations thing.” I looked through lists of topics that PMC covers and we’d already talked about everything. Our officiants suggested Five Love Languages, which we’d already done the test for.

    /humblebrag, I guess. I was floored that people need prompting to talk about a lot of that stuff.

    Post # 9
    2118 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    We did pre-marital counseling with our pastor and also with the pastor who is marrying us. The sessions with our home pastor were great — not too intense. The sessions with our officiant are INTENSE!!!!!!!!!!!


    8 sessions

    1.5 hours each

    every topic you can imagine

    Post # 10
    2000 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    Actually, we will have to do it whether we want it or not! The catholic church here won’t let you marry without some counseling. They have these weekend “crash courses” most couples attend. Some feel like it’s a waste of time but I think it’s a good idea. 

    Post # 12
    34 posts
    • Wedding: August 2014

    He’s catholic, so we’re required to do pre-marital counseling.  We’ll be starting in a few months.  I’m actually interested to know how many of the “Yes” votes are doing the counseling through religious paths or if they are using a therapist/counselor.  Sounds like an interesting split thus far.

    Post # 14
    3769 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    Catholic church = had to go through it. We didn’t learn anything new, but we did come away from it feeling really damn confident in our relationship. So there’s that!

    Post # 15
    1228 posts
    Bumble bee

    @Meant2Bee:  I’m sure there are lots of people that could benefit, regardless of age. That said, you could be with your FI for 8 years and still only be 24. Or even 30.  He’s 50, and has been married before. I’m 38, and have been around the block enough to know what is truly important to me in life.

    I have nothing against counselling, and if down the road some distance creeps in or we are not reaching our potential as a couple, both of us would be more than willing.  But for now, we are two individuals who don’t sweat the small stuff, don’t expect the other to make us happy or keep us entertained, make quality time together a priority, have an excellent degree of intimacy, quality family relationships, don’t worry about being “right” or keeping score, and maintain plentiful friendships outside of our marriage.  We have always been this way, i can’t see it ever changing, but again, it’s not something I’d rule out if the situation warranted.

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