Post # 1
I’m trying to select my BM but am having a hard time!! The original plan was to have three but now I’m questioning that even. I’m trying to figure out who are the people who will be in our lives for a long time. I wanted to share the 2 BM I’m concerned about.
BM 1: She is truely my best friend one of the first people I call when I’m in need and vice versa. My only concern was the way she behaved at our mutal friends wedding. She got really jealous on the day. Complained through pictures, left the reception suddenly and gave her bouquet right after the ceremony and refused to wear any make up. She told me later she was out of line. She’s engaged now so she’s happy as far as I can tell. But I still am concerned. She has been my friend since we were in diapers.
BM 2: I love her dearly and she can be so sweet but she can also be a negative nancy and LOVES to talk about people (in not a nice way). We have also been friends for a long time.
I’m not trying to be a perfectionist but these are things that could cause drama at the wedding! I think having them would be ok they are my friends but just don’t want drama. Are these red flags?
How many did you have? How did you decide? Share your experiance..
Post # 2
emilyluwest: I have one maid of honor and one bridesmaid. My MOH is my best friend since 4th grade. She is like a sister to me so it wasn’t actually a decision – we have both always known we would be MOHs at each other’s weddings. My 16 year old cousin is my bridesmaid because she’s the closest female relative I have! We are a smaller family and I’m the oldest and first to get married. I didn’t want to ask my FSIL and don’t have a ton of close female friends anymore.
Nothing wrong with a small bridal party. 🙂
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB
Growing up I didn’t have a lot of close friends. I have four sister’s and I knew at least 3 would be in the wedding. The others are recent friends. So I had a total of 8. I now have 7. My older sister is no longer in the wedding. My FI has 9 groomsmen
Post # 4
Tbh, I didn’t want a bridal party. My FI insisted. I have 6 to match his 6 groomsmen. 2 Long time childhood friends, 3 newer close friends, and my FSIL.
Post # 5
partyplanner83: I can totally relate. There’s a spilt part of me that wants a few and then the other part wants to forget it…
Post # 6
emilyluwest: I have seven maids ( 5 regular, 2 junior), Two are my younger sisters, Three are my close friends and the two junior girls are my neices. I made the choice based on who is really important in my life. I think the people you honor with a spot in your bridal party should be people who are important in your life rather then just people to take up space beside you at the alter.
Post # 7
I would have loved to have had a small bridal party but I have ended up with 7 bridesmaids lol…I literally couldn’t choose between them and would have felt horrendous excluding any of them so, it was all or nothing!
2 are my sisters, 1 is my step-sister, 3 my close friends and 1 is my FI’s (and soon to be mine too) DIL. Luckily it’s been pretty drama free so far and I haven’t regretted my decision for one minute 🙂
Post # 8
I had to make hard cuts.. ppl may be mad at my decision but I didn’t want moer than 3 bridesmaids including MOH — It causes too many opinons and just friction (even in the best of situations)
For you I would say don’t always follow you heart unless you are prepared to deal with the drama later… avoid problems as much as you can is muy advice
Sit down with the two of them (seperately of course) and voice your concerns. Maybe they are even unaware of their behaviour , even though I doubt it
Post # 9
I have 10, and it was STILL hard for me to get to 10! I have a sister, a close cousin, and a FSIL. Add a couple friends from highschool, college, and grad school- well, you get the idea. I ended up selecting people who I knew would be there for me and not cause too much drama.
One girl in particular (though we were really close and our families are close) had to get cut because she causes a lot of drama and is super flaky. She was asked to step down as a BM in my sister’s wedding bc she was being so negative and difficult about dresses, shoes, hair, etc. She is just WAY into her new boyfriend right now (like in an unhealthy way). When I called her to let her know I picked a date, she didn’t call me back and texted that she didn’t have time to talk to me- all of her free time is dedicated to her relationship. WTF? So, yeah, she’s not a bridesmaid. I’m pretty confident it was the right decision, two weeks ago she was so late to my sister’s wedding she completely missed the ceremony because she took too long to get ready (that started 30 minutes late, that her dad was officiating).
My best advice is listen to your gut, if you are worried about it, don’t make them a bridesmaid. If they really are good friends, they will be excited to be there as a guest.
Post # 10
Zero bridesmaids, zero mohs, zero groomsmen, zero bms. No flower girl no ring bearer. No drama, perfect wedding.
Post # 11
emilyluwest: I chose my nearest and dearest female friend as my “Best Woman” and am not having any bridesmaids. FI’s many sisters and sisters-in-law may not have been thrilled but I’d prefer to have them attend as guests than have to deal with the seemingly inevitable drama.
From what you have written BM1 sounds like a strong choice, it seems she has matured and learned. Personally I’d avoid the gossipy BM2 like the plague.
Post # 12
I immediately chose my two best friends of 7+ years, in fact I didn’t really have to choose them, they sort of just assumed they would be and they were right haha. I couldn’t decide a MOH between them so while we had a dinner party for our closest friends to tell them the news, we organised drinking games to determine which one of them would get that honour lol! I thought it was great as they knew I love them both the same and the girl that missed out didn’t get upset. My 13 year old cousin will be a junior bridesmaid. We aren’t super close as she lives in another state, but she doesn’t have much family and I know it would mean a lot to her plus I was a flowergirl for her parents wedding. Now we have changed our style to something a lot more DIY, FI’s family has already offered to contribute lots of time and effort which we really appreciate. To honour that I will have both his sisters as bridesmaids, bringing my number up to something higher than I originally wanted, but I know none of the girls will cause drama. One of his sisters is now pregnant so I will ask her if it will be too much for her to take on and leave the ball in her court as I don’t mind either way.
FI is going to have his godson as junior groomsmen, his uncle who was like a father figure to him (his father was mostly absent) as best man, our housemate, a new super close friend and an old childhood friend as his groomsmen.
Flower girls are my sister (7) and my bridesmaids gorgeous daughter who I’ve been an “Aunt” to since she was born.
Post # 13
I have 6 close friends as bridesmaids. I couldn’t choose between them and wanted them all by my side. I am so happy with my decision as they are all so excited and supportive! 🙂
Post # 14
I had two bridesmaids…. my best friend/roomie from college was my MOH and a good friend/co-worker from work was my other bridesmaid. My MOH was a no-brainer, she’s been with me through it ALL and is a very good friend. My other bridesmaid, my friend from work, I had not known very long, but we had bonded quickly as friends. She was so excited about my wedding, almost more than I was, lol! They were amazing as my bridal party, and the two of them quickly became friends. It was really very awesome.
On the flip side, I ended up not choosing a very good friend as a bridesmaid, despite my wedding daydreams always including her as a bridesmaid. Why? Because she was going through a separation at the time I got engaged, and was distinctly “meh” about my engagement. It took her two weeks to even congatulate me on it, and she wasn’t in a very happy head-space at all. She was hurting from her marriage ending and while I did/do sympathize, I needed someone who was completely on board, excited and looking forward to the planning process and wedding.
So I wouldn’t worry too much about “who will be here with you through it all the longest” as a method of choosing your bridesmaids. Or even who you’ve been friends with the longest. I would definitely choose those who you think will be able to support your 110% throughout the entire process and are excited about your wedding.
Post # 15
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter's Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
Sister and best friend – I was BM for my sis and one of two guests/witnesses at my best friend’s elopement so it was a no-brainer for me. There are a couple of other very good friends I could have included but FI and I decided two was a number we were both happy with. I’ll be paying for their dresses, hair and makeup so less was better on that front too.