Weddingbee boards

I would love to have one wedding and one reception. That would be just peachy. But at this point, we're looking at three. Maybe four. Eeeek!

I'm from the U.S., and he's from Costa Rica. We both live in Bloomington, IN, where we work/attend university. So our first plan was to have our wedding in a non-denominational chapel on the university campus, followed by a reception at another location in town. Then we would have a vow renewal of some sort (months later) in Costa Rica, because he has a huge, supportive family there, but only his parents, brother, and maybe one aunt would be able to travel to our wedding in the U.S.

Problem: My family is Catholic (most importantly, my parents are Catholic, as in they sing in the church choir and don't miss a single Sunday or holy day). My parents have told me over and over again that I shouldn't let them pressure me into anything and that I should just tell them to bugger off if I feel the need to. While this is great of them, they're also putting huge pressure on me to have a traditional Catholic wedding. FI is baptized Catholic but not confirmed, but for the Church, that's good enough to mean that we're not allowed to marry in any location other than a consecrated space (i.e. a Catholic church).

We don't want to marry in a Catholic church. Why not? Well, for starters, neither of us is particularly devout. Sure, we believe in God and all that good stuff, but I have issues with the Church's position on same-sex relationships, birth control, sex before marriage... you know, all that liberal stuff that the Vatican is never going to change its stance on. Plus the FI isn't big into organized religion at all. Strangely enough, he's more open to a church wedding than I am... Also, we want no more than 75 people there. Churches are big. I don't want my wedding to be empty and depressing! The on-campus chapel holds 65 maximum and would be perfect!

Another thing--stay with me here--we're considering going to a JP and getting legally hitched ASAP, because his student visa expires in December, and although it's possible to renew it for a year (probably), that's way more expensive than the paperwork for changing his residency status via marriage. However, we want to marry in September, but the paperwork usually takes months, and we don't want to risk him getting deported!

So at this point we're looking at... maybe four ceremonies?

1. legal JP marriage; sign and drive wed ASAP

2. quiet, us-only (or immediate family-only) Catholic ceremony on Sat. night, in the church

3. a real wedding (although it'd technically be a vow renewal?), complete with wedding party, gown, all that, on Sun. afternoon at the chapel, in front of about 60 of our closest family/friends

4. vow renewal (or something like that) later on, in Costa Rica, with his family/friends there

I know you're going to tell me to just nix the Catholic wedding and go back later for a convalidation (i.e. "blessing" on our marriage) through the church if we decide we want it... but I respect my parents' opinions and wishes, especially because they're financing a big chunk of all of this!

So... give it to me straight. Is this reasonable? Is there a better solution? Or am I just crazy?

Yeah, that's the issue... we're not 100% convinced that it will work best for us! Just haven't found that better idea yet, I guess.

@hotchildinthecity:

Regarding 1), we were pretty set on not telling anyone except maybe my parents.

2) I spoke with them about that, and they seemed fine with it as a last resort... like if the priest refused to marry us because we're living together, or something. (From what I hear, that's not likely. We talked to him briefly, and he seemed eager to perform our wedding and work around potential obstacles.) I've actually considered telling my parents that he wouldn't do it (i.e. lying), but I can't believe that lying is a good way to start off a marriage, even if it is to my parents instead of to my FI.

3) I like this part!!

4) This is something we've definitely considered. Our original plan was to marry at the ruins of an old colonial church in Costa Rica, but we nixed that due to logistical reasons. As we were still hoping to incorporate that site somehow (it has special meaning to us), but it wouldn't be a good reception location, we figured we could do a quickie vow renewal there and reception after. Should I just let the ruins thing go, skip the vow renewal, and have just a reception in CR?

@daydreamwanderer: We'd have to wait at least 6 months to go through all of the Catholic marriage prep stuff, putting us right at our intended date! (The church is serious about this marriage stuff! Guess I don't blame them, though.) Hence the JP first/Catholic ceremony later thing.

2) We already asked him specifically about the chapel (I think he gets asked about it a lot), and he was very clear that since we're both "Catholic" (FI is only baptized, not confirmed, not practicing, but whatever), we absolutely MUST be married in a consecrated space... and the chapel is not consecrated. I know, that would have been perfect, right?