Post # 1
First off, I’d like to say that I know that there is no real answer to this question. I know that it varies from person to person and that only YOU can really know the answer to that. I know that….
I suppose what I’m really asking is how many men were you with before you felt comfortable settling down? OR how many men were you with before you figured out what it was you liked/wanted (in a partner and sexually).
What’s prompted this question is the scene in Bridesmaids where they’re on the plane and the one newly wed bridesmaid was saying that she wasn’t sure she knew what she wanted. So…how do you really know for sure?
Personally, I’m not really sure. I’ve only been with 5 guys, and I don’t know if that’s enough to know if I REALLY know what I want. I’m not religious, so I don’t believe in staying a virgin until marriage (that’s my personal belief, and you are entitled to your own, please don’t judge me), but I also don’t consider myself “promiscuous.” I’ve dated a lot of guys, but have only slept with 5–most of which, honestly, have been less than thrilling.
Now, my boyfriends no bedroom God, but he certainly is better than the majority of men I’ve slept with. In fact, I’d say there is only one other guy who’s [er] “style” I liked more than BF’s.
So that’s where I’m at.
Do any of you “wonder” what else might be out there? Not that you’d go after it, but just wonder…?
Post # 3
My husband and I have only been with each other. We were intimate while dating (we waited about 9 months because that’s what I was comfortable with). I’m happy with my choice. I think you (aka people in general, not you directly) definitely have to make the choice that’s best for them.
Post # 4
@EvaBostonTerrier: Oh I’m not looking for advice, I’ve already made my choice, I guess what I'[m saying is that I’m not really sure I’m “qualified” to make a decision like that if you know what I mean. ‘
So, only having been with your husband, you’ve NEVER wondered what it might be like to be with another man? You’ve NEVER ever wondered if there might be something someone else has that you might like?
Post # 5
I agree that it is a very personal decision. The only thing I will say is NOT THE FIRST ONE. I really have no idea why, but that just never seems to work out.
After that, if you really have a solid, mature relationship you can usually work through the intimacy stuff as long as there are not major issues there.
Post # 6
@Georgia Bee: I agree. I couldn’t imagine marrying the first and only guy I’ve slept with (no offence to anyone who has) there’s just SO MUCH out there. Like I’ve said, I’ve only slept with 5 and I don’t think that’s enough!
Post # 7
@AltarEgo2: For whatever reason, I’ve never really been interested in wondering what being with another man would be like. In some ways, it’s maybe been easier for us. Because we were both inexperienced, we were both able to go through the process of learning what we each liked together. In addition, I really have no experiences to compare to…. so, if I’m happy with the amount/type of intimacy in my life and don’t have anything to compare it to (other than in my imagination I guess), I feel happy with my choice. It’s been over 5 years now, and it’s working out well.
Post # 8
DH wasn’t with anyone before me and me.. well I have a pretty colorful background.
My stance is to be with as few as possible. Every relationship creates emotional ties and everytime it’s broken it creates emotional baggage… even when you’re the one that’s doing the breaking it off. I had alot of things that I had to deal with heart wise before really being ready for the relationship, now marriage, that I have. DH didn’t have to worry about alot of that… which I’m very thankful for.
As for “experience” I can honestly say that my DH is the best intimate partner I’ve had and now realize that “test driving” isn’t as necessary as everyone say…. and how I once thought. Open communication is what makes good sex… not “finding” a good partner… because you could be with someone who is great in bed but if you can’t be open with them completely and communicate through things and changes that will occur through the course of a relationship (or marriage with children & careers) then ultimately it won’t hold up and won’t be worth it.
Post # 9
It’s not quantity, it’s quality. Some people luck up and find a physical chemistry with the first guy. And it may not be that he has all the moves, but just that he is willing to learn them. Some people don’t find that guy until later. Some people never find that guy. What would be silly IMO is if you’ve got some number in your head of how many guys you should be with, you dismiss a great guy because he showed up too soon in the rotation and you’re out there seeking something better.
Post # 10
No. FI was and is the only one for me…I wouldn’t let any other man get close to me intimately because they weren’t the one and I did not love them. FI was the only one I ever fell in love with and the only one I gave myself to and I suppose I got lucky because he felt the same and we are getting married. We learned with eachotehr and grew together. We waited a year before diving in and have been together for 5 1/2 years now. He’s always satisfied me and we always have an amazing time together so I have never felt like I needed more than him. I’m glad I didn’t waste my time with any others and feel better being with FI because he knows he’s the only one. But again I know I’m lucky and if I’d have fallen in love with anyone else I suppose mistakes would have been made that I’d regret later when I got married but I’m glad I don’t have to worry about that and that I have always been and will always be FI’s. I know many women are different in their sexuality but for me I do not wonder about any others because I already have what I want. 🙂
Post # 11
I have been with more then I would have liked. FI has only been with 1 in addition to being with me. We came from two different intimate backgrounds but that’s ok. He wasn’t as experience as me but that didn’t mean what we have wasn’t/isn’t perfect. I never even thought about if I’d “been” with enough men to want to settle down with him. Just not something that I was concerned about I guess.
Post # 12
@runsyellowlites: I think this is very true. I will add that my BF is the most “intimate” I’ve been with someone. He’s the closest I’ve felt to anyone sexually and I think that’s because our relationship is so good. You can’t find that with anyone. However, BF doesn’t get rowdy and sometimes I wonder how fun it would be with someone who isn’t afraid to slam me up against a wall. Yes, I’ve communicated to BF that I think I’d like it, but he’s too embarrassed to do it because it’s not him.
Post # 13
I would say dating wise as many as possible. I fully believe in the funnel theory, in that the more people you try out the better you know yourself and what you like and don’t like in personality.
But in terms of sex, less is more to my mind. I haven’t been with many people, and only one I actually regret, BUT it drives me insane to think of FI being with anyone but me, (yes totally irrational I know) so I hate to think that he thinks the same thing about me, even though he swears he doesn’t care.
Post # 14
I was a late bloomer, well a late bloomer compared to my friends back in high school lol I do have to admit, I went from guy to guy pretty rapidly in the early years.
Lets count… I would say 6 or 7 (my mind slips me in my old age lol) or.. maybe I just prefer to forget hehe
I knew my SO was it a few months after dating 🙂
Post # 15
I suppose it’s different for each person.
I’ve been with several partners before SO. It was a time in my life where I was what you might call “promiscuous” in my late teens and early twenties, and it was before I felt ready to settle down. I had no idea what I was looking for in a partner, so I dated lots of different guys. When I met SO, I knew within a few months that he was The One. I probably wouldn’t have known that so early if I hadn’t had my previous experiences. None of my previous boyfriends can compare to him in any way 🙂
Post # 16
J and I have only been with one other person sexually. They were our long-time relationships before each other. Other than that, we both were interested in a few people in between our meeting one another.
The two of us never really cared much about going out and pursuing a relationship with anyone though. We enjoyed talking with people, the flirtatious/attention part of it, but it seems neither of us wanted to take the next step. Then we happen to meet each other and everything fell into place. Fate? I think so.
It’s amazing how alike we are when it comes to this. Granted I talked to more guys than he has girls, but at one point in my life, I was very cocky of myself. I took advantage of certain things and had fun with it.