Post # 1
I’m just wondering … where I’m from, it’s almost unheard of for someone to RSVP “no” to a wedding and NOT send a gift, even if you are not close to the couple. I’ve never done it. I’ve once sent a small gift and felt incredibly rude afterwards for not sending a bigger one (it is 2 years later and I still am embarrassed). People here aren’t rich, I think it’s just the culture.
I think it is different where you go, and it’s perfectly normal to RSVP “no” and not send a gift at most places. Just wondering what is “typical” around the country…
Post # 3
I always send a gift when I RSVP no. So far we’ve gotten 1 gift out of 9 no responses.
Post # 4
I always send a gift when I RSVP no. I actually have no experience in being invited to a wedding of someone I’m not close to however.
Post # 5
I always send a gift when I can’t attend as well.
Post # 6
Wow! More than I expected! For all of you who said you send something even though you are not close to the couple, can you send your addresses to me? 🙂 Just kidding.
I’m not irritated that I haven’t been receiving gifts or anything because I didn’t think it was the general practice for most places. But what irks me is when people receive the invite and then don’t send back the RSVP card but call to say “no” or e-mail. There’s a stamp on it for a reason — if my fiance doesn’t tell me which of his friends told him “no”, I won’t know.
Post # 7
Whether or not I send a gift to a couple has little to do with whether or not I accept the invitation — or even whether or not I get an invitation — and more to do with why I was or wasn’t invited or did or didn’t accept.
I send gifts to people whose wedding I wish to celebrate. If I believe they invited me in the secret hope I would decline and send a gift anyway, thus increasing their net return on expenditure for the wedding, I won’t feel generous toward them. If I love them but don’t feel entitled to the invitation I didn’t receive, I’ll give a gift regardless. I’m unlikely to attend and not send a gift, but not because I feel obligated or worry about “showing up empty-handed” (which I would do anyway because the gift should be sent, not brought). It’s more that, if someone’s friendship isn’t worth the effort of choosing a gift for them, it really isn’t worth me spending my time on.
Post # 8
I wish there was an “other” option. I would always send a gift if I wanted to attend but was unable to. But I wouldn’t send one if I never wanted to attend in the first place.
Post # 9
I have attended every wedding I’ve ever been invited to and always brought a gift, but if I was invited and couldn’t attend and was close to the person, yes, I would definitely send a gift.
Post # 10
I always send a gift, even if it is small. Now that I think of it, most of my “no” responses did NOT send a gift.
Post # 11
I was once invited to a wedding in South America a few weeks before the wedding. I know for a fact that others were invited months before I was, so I guess I was on the C (or even D) list. I did not go. I did not send the couple a gift.
If a good friend of mine was getting married and I couldn’t make it, I would definitely send a gift.
Post # 12
I always send a gift, but as a PP mentioned, I have never been invited to a wedding of someone I was not close to.
Post # 13
I get invited to plenty of weddings of people I don’t know. My Fiance grew up in my city, but I moved here six years ago.
I always send the gifts. The first time I did it, one of his friends flipped out with excitement the next time we saw her…which makes me think that is not common in this area.
Post # 14
Having never been through the wedding process myself, I’m kind of curious to see if people who WE invite but rsvp no end up sending gifts.
Post # 15
I usually send a gift. The only time I didn’t was for a girl I was not close to. I rsvped no and did not send a gift. I havent heard from her since.
Post # 16
I had never heard of it being customary to send a gift if you weren’t attending until our wedding – and I still didn’t hear it, so to speak, but was really surprised by the amount of gifts we received from non-attendees.
We’ve both agreed that from now on any time we’re invited to a wedding we’ll give a gift item if we’re not attending, and gift cash if we are attending. Basically all of our gifts from non-attendees actually felt like fun surprises! I just received a parcel this morning, from my aunt in Arizona, and it was a wee bit like Christmas getting (more:)) picture frames and candle holders!