Post # 1
My question is how do you ladies cope with it if it bothers you? Sure I’ve heard time and time again that it’s a guy thing and pretty much all men look at it. Thing Is sometimes I’m ok with it other times it really bugs me. We do have a healthy sex life even though I would like it a little more lol. Now the part that urks me about it is how I found out.
SO cheated on me last year and at that time is when I had found porn on his phone. So pretty much since then I’ve been thinking of cheating and porn as hand in hand and have difficulty separating the two. I don’t know if it’s because of the stress of the wedding or what? I guess I’m afraid that he looks at this every day that he’ll find me boring? But wouldn’t that have happened a long time ago? Or will he eventually pursue a girl like the kinds he sees in the videos? I also think of this most when we go a couple of days without sex because I know he’s looking at porn instead of being with me. Then once we have sex those concerns go out the window. I think it’s just my insecurities stemming from the cheating. He doesn’t lie about it and I have talked to him about it and for a while I’ll be ok with it then like I said it’ll bother me again. I’ve also brought up the idea of watching it together and even though he agreed it’s still kinda awkward for me or him to initiate. My MOH tells me to think of it like he’s watching cartoons, he’ll watch it when he’s bored then moves on with his day.
Please tell me I’m not crazy for having these feelings lol. I could really use some words of encouragement and reassurement thanks ladies!
Post # 3
It sounds like the real issue you have is with him cheating. You have to decide if that’s something you can live with. Either forgive and forget or break up, but don’t let his cheating eat away at your relationship. It’s only fair to yourself to move on, either through forgiveness or breaking up.
Post # 4
@redheadem : +1.
I didn’t vote because we watch it together. Neither of us watches it if the other isn’t there. That said, we rarely watch it because we’re aroused enough all the time without it. For us it’s an occasional fun, rainy-Saturday-in-bed thing to do.
Viewing porn and cheating are two entirely separate issues. Not all porn viewers cheat. And not all cheaters view porn.
Post # 5
You said it, watch it together, we do and we make games out of it, like who can last longer without breaking to jump on the other haha (TMI I know) but honestly theres nothing wrong with porn, I understand why it bothers you because of what happened last time but as long as nothing more is going on then I would embrace it as part of your relationship!
Post # 6
I used to have a problem with my SO watching porn. But after we sat down and talked about why it bothered me, I realized that he was with me. Porn is just something he watches when he is bored. I think many of your concerns with porn are stemming from his cheating. Have you completely forgiven him and moved on from that? If not, you may want to try going to counseling as a couple.
Post # 7
We both watch it. Sometimes we watch it together. Sometimes when we are apart (like his friday off, or when for me, when he works nights). I wouldn’t say I don’t care that he watches it, but I don’t let it bug me because I watch it too. It would make me hypocrite.
Post # 8
I’m pretty sure he does but we haven’t talked about it and I haven’t seen evidence of it. Not a big deal to me.
I agree with Sunfire – cheating and porn are separate issues, completely.
Post # 9
I have told DH that he better have sex with me the same day if he decides to look at porn, because if he’s going to get all hot and bothered by it, I should get some fun out of it too. But if he’s not prepared to have sex with me the same day, like if I have a busy schedule or there isn’t going to be time for sex, then he better not be looking at it. Also, if I find out he watched porn on a day I didn’t get sex, he can expect me to make his life miserable for at least a week.
Post # 10
Agree wth PP.
But, am I correct in reading that after hes viewed porn he doesn’t have sex with you for a couple days?
Post # 12
As for the cheating… you’re not crazy for feeling the way you feel.
As for the porn… sorry, hun, but you’re crazy on that one.
Porn and cheating do not go hand in hand. My FI and I watch porn together, I like it just as much as he does. He’s never cheated on me, and I’m positive he never will. Same on my end, no cheating. Maybe talking to a therapist will help you seperate the two? It’s worked for a couple of my friends. Porn can actually be a very healthy part of a relationship. However, I think that since there’s cheating in your relationship, or at least has been, some kind of therapy would be good. Couple’s therapy or individual therapy, either is good. I would probably be looking at both if I was in your situation. I do wish you luck though. Try to remember that porn isn’t the problem, cheating is the problem, and they definately do not go hand in hand.
Post # 13
DH does when I’m not home. I don’t mind – I read erotica all the time! It’s the same thing.
EDIT: And neither of us have cheated on each other. 🙂
Post # 14
Ohh I just noticed he’s watching porn instead of having sex with you. THAT is definitely a problem that needs to be addressed. Porn only is not a problem if both people are sexually fulfilled by the relationship.
Post # 15
Not that I know of… and I like it that way 😉
Post # 16
@redheadem: The way I read that part is that they’re going days without sex and as a result he’s watching porn. In my mind that translates as she’s not up for it so he turns to porn rather than be sexually frustrated. Rather than him turning down sex to watch porn.
Either way, I think it’s something that should be addressed though. Both partners should be satisfied sexually in any relationship. I think that if she’s fine going days without sex it’s no problem for him to view porn and vice versa. It’s only an issue if one person isn’t satisfied sexually, and it’s not clear to me in her post if that’s the case or not. Hopefully that makes sense lol