(Closed) How many of your SO's look at…

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: Does your SO look at porn?
    Yes : (159 votes)
    62 %
    No : (63 votes)
    25 %
    Not that I know of : (33 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3626 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    It sounds like the real issue you have is with him cheating. You have to decide if that’s something you can live with. Either forgive and forget or break up, but don’t let his cheating eat away at your relationship. It’s only fair to yourself to move on, either through forgiveness or breaking up.

    Post # 4
    Member
    9620 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @redheadem  :  +1.

    I didn’t vote because we watch it together.  Neither of us watches it if the other isn’t there.  That said, we rarely watch it because we’re aroused enough all the time without it.  For us it’s an occasional fun, rainy-Saturday-in-bed thing to do.

    Viewing porn and cheating are two entirely separate issues.  Not all porn viewers cheat.  And not all cheaters view porn. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    429 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    You said it, watch it together, we do and we make games out of it, like who can last longer without breaking to jump on the other haha (TMI I know) but honestly theres nothing wrong with porn, I understand why it bothers you because of what happened last time but as long as nothing more is going on then I would embrace it as part of your relationship!

    Post # 6
    Member
    2420 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I used to have a problem with my SO watching porn. But after we sat down and talked about why it bothered me, I realized that he was with me. Porn is just something he watches when he is bored. I think many of your concerns with porn are stemming from his cheating. Have you completely forgiven him and moved on from that? If not, you may want to try going to counseling as a couple.

    Post # 7
    Member
    275 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    We both watch it. Sometimes we watch it together. Sometimes when we are apart (like his friday off, or when for me, when he works nights). I wouldn’t say I don’t care that he watches it, but I don’t let it bug me because I watch it too. It would make me hypocrite.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1731 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I’m pretty sure he does but we haven’t talked about it and I haven’t seen evidence of it. Not a big deal to me.

    I agree with Sunfire – cheating and porn are separate issues, completely.

    Post # 9
    Member
    4415 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I have told DH that he better have sex with me the same day if he decides to look at porn, because if he’s going to get all hot and bothered by it, I should get some fun out of it too.  But if he’s not prepared to have sex with me the same day, like if I have a busy schedule or there isn’t going to be time for sex, then he better not be looking at it.  Also, if I find out he watched porn on a day I didn’t get sex, he can expect me to make his life miserable for at least a week. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    2009 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Agree wth PP.

    But, am I correct in reading that after hes viewed porn he doesn’t have sex with you for a couple days?

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    420 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    As for the cheating… you’re not crazy for feeling the way you feel.

    As for the porn… sorry, hun, but you’re crazy on that one.

    Porn and cheating do not go hand in hand.  My FI and I watch porn together, I like it just as much as he does.  He’s never cheated on me, and I’m positive he never will.  Same on my end, no cheating.  Maybe talking to a therapist will help you seperate the two?  It’s worked for a couple of my friends.  Porn can actually be a very healthy part of a relationship.  However, I think that since there’s cheating in your relationship, or at least has been, some kind of therapy would be good.  Couple’s therapy or individual therapy, either is good.  I would probably be looking at both if I was in your situation.  I do wish you luck though.  Try to remember that porn isn’t the problem, cheating is the problem, and they definately do not go hand in hand.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1249 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    DH does when I’m not home.  I don’t mind – I read erotica all the time!  It’s the same thing.

    EDIT:  And neither of us have cheated on each other.  🙂 

    Post # 14
    Member
    3626 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Ohh I just noticed he’s watching porn instead of having sex with you. THAT is definitely a problem that needs to be addressed. Porn only is not a problem if both people are sexually fulfilled by the relationship.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1079 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Not that I know of… and I like it that way 😉

    Post # 16
    Member
    420 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    @redheadem:  The way I read that part is that they’re going days without sex and as a result he’s watching porn.  In my mind that translates as she’s not up for it so he turns to porn rather than be sexually frustrated.  Rather than him turning down sex to watch porn.  

    Either way, I think it’s something that should be addressed though.  Both partners should be satisfied sexually in any relationship.  I think that if she’s fine going days without sex it’s no problem for him to view porn and vice versa.  It’s only an issue if one person isn’t satisfied sexually, and it’s not clear to me in her post if that’s the case or not.  Hopefully that makes sense lol

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