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Most of the bridal showers I have been to have been around 50 or so, but mainly because I come from an extremely large family. I would talk to your friend about the guest list and make sure that all those invited are either family or close family friends. No need to pull people out of the woodwork for a bridal shower, however if she does invite a lot of people who she isn't close to I would imagine most would just send a gift and not show up.
@tallgal: I agree, most of them I've been to are 40-60 people
@tallgal: Wow, that is a lot. My baby shower was girls-only, I invited 17 and 15 came. I once hosted a coed shower, and I think the invite list was around 30, several of whom were out-of-town family members who couldn't come but liked being included... I think we had around 20 show up for that one. I also went to another coed shower-like-event (no presents, it was more a casual 'last cocktail party before baby, so come by and hang out' kinda thing) and that was probably about 30 people, but it was co-hosted by 3 or 4 couples and didn't aim to provide that much food since it started at 9 PM.
The ones I've been to have been between 20 and 30. Just tell her that you're sorry, but you didn't realize it would be so big, and that you can only afford to host X number of people.
70 is a little extreme, espcecially considering she is having 5 showers!!! Most I have been to have been around 30 people or so. The biggest one probably was around 40-50, but she had a really large family. It sounds like your friend might just be inviting anyone she knows so she can get "free stuff". Maybe remind her that it should only be family and close friends.
I had 3 baby showers. One was small, only about 15 people and the other two were both large (one family and one work) with about 30-40 people.
70 seems like a crazy number to me but I guess that may only be because I've never been to a baby shower that large! I've been to ones with 40something but never more then that.
"She keeps telling me this is her last chance to get "free stuff""
What you should do is dump this grubber and get a new friend. That really sounds horrible.
In all seriousness though, I think you should do what you feel comfortable with (money and time wise). Are the other bmaids involved?
Just tell her how many you can afford. You shouldn't be put out because she has a huge list. Although if you consider that it's a couples shower 50 people is only 25 couples. I had a list of about 35 for my ladies-only shower so if I'd invited spouses it would have been much more.
I also think that the appropriateness of the size also kind of depends on who/how many are hosting. Feeding, inviting, entertaining 70 people is a very different prospect if you are the only host vs. if you are sharing the duties with 3 other people.
Ouch! I would talk to her and let her know about how many people you can fit (budget and space-wise). Her last chance to get free stuff really shouldn't cost you an arm and a leg.
I have been to a few with 20 people, all the way up to about 85 people. I agree with Lozza; it is unreasonable to host a shower for 70 people by yourself. The 85 guest baby shower I went to a month ago had 7 hostesses. I would either tell her you cannot throw a shower for that many, or find some more people who are willing to help you out.
@lozza: I guess what I thought was strange was there is really no family on this list. Both sets of parents, but besides that lot of just random friends. Maybe I'll ask her if anyone else would like to host with me. I know only one couple on the list.
Thanks for the support ladies, I was just feeling like maybe it was a little odd to have such a large list.
I don't think I'd even KNOW 70 people who wouldn't already have been invited to one of my previous FOUR showers in this case!
We're having a couple shower with about 45 people, although my friend is "hosting" I'm paying for a lot of it because I think it's rude to invite a ton of people and expect someone else to pay for it. However, for a shower you can keep it as simple as cake and ice cream...or even just a bunch of appetizers. 70 people is a lot, where would you even hold it?
Maybe ten people were at the one I went to, that seems normal to me.
@tallgal: That seems really rude of your friend! Oh my goodness. If she wants to just have a get together, that is one thing, but geeze, expecting that to be all about her seems extreme.
I always thought of a baby shower as a few ladies getting together and having tea or wine and opening gifts. What she wants is a huge reunion party. :/
I dont think it really matters but dont invite 70 people to a small 2 bedroom house you know... We had a lot of people at ours close to 60 i want to say.. We rented a hall near us so we all had space and provided a light lunch. `Its really up to you but IMO its easier to do one big one than a few smaller ones :) Happy planning
It really depends on how many women are in the family/close friends with the mom and grandma, I'd say. I said 20-30 but I think the answer is really subjective to who's shower it is. 70 does seem like a lot to me, but maybe she works in a women dominated field or has a lot of female family members? That could increase the number dramatically.
That being said, 70 women would be pretty expensive. Perhaps you can rent a tent and have a mimosa and appetizer shower in the back yard? Also, find some more people to host the shower with you. There are definitely ways to keep these things less expensive even if the crowd is rather large.
Everyone I know lives really far away from their familes (left home for grad school, etc) so they have been smaller affairs. Plus, nobody here can really afford more than a two-bedroom apartment, so there's definitely a limit on how big things can get!
I think that there are about 45 ppl on my shower invitee list.
This includes all friends, all family and all co workers :)
The bridal shower I threw for my FSILs had about 40 people or more... it was way big! And my FMIL kept trying to invite more people (the invite list was probably 60 or more). We had a fun time, until it was time to open presents. Then everyone got bored after ten minutes. Unfortunately, it took a lot longer than 10 minutes to open up presents! Geez!
@tallgal: Wow. I feel she is very greedy and that would bother me a lot. It's very unreasonable for her to expect you to host a 70 person shower (by yourself!) for her when she's getting 4 other showers.
Personally, I would find a way to get out of it because I would feel that she was taking advantage of me to "get free stuff".
My friend just had a baby shower about a month ago and she invited about 100 people. Almost 10 people assisted with planning it. I told her it was toooooo many people, but she wanted to invite coworkers, friends, and both of their families.
I probably wouldn't invite more than 30 people to my baby shower. I feel similarly about weddings, though--that you should only invite the people that you want to go on a lifelong journey with you.
You should tell her how many. For one of my showers, I sent my aunty a large invite list but she had to hint to me that it was too many people. However, she didn't want to say how many exactly to be polite. But then I was left guessing she was expecting about 30 as a reasonable number . That's what I limited it to anyway and everyone came. I also saw why she got nervous about my initial invite number...she went all out with everything and made these really intricate flower favors, which are her artistic specialty. At my other showers we had about 15 people at each of the others...one- I knew who would come, another- I didn't have a clue, and another -I sent a specific invite list to the host.
Oh and we split the invites up by social groups. You could offer to host a specific group, like just your coworkers or just the family or just the couples you know.
I read the title to the post and laughed as I just got off the phone with my mom who attended a baby shower with 75ish guests on Sunday. Her first comment was it was sooooooooooooooo long. I would say 75 is too many. In general, I think more than 20 people at your house is a lot. As far as hosting, if you feel overwhelmed by the number of guests on the list, I would suggest talking to your friend and suggesting she find someone with a bigger house to host if she insists on maintaining a large guest list for the gifts.
If you're throwing the party for her, you get to call the shots. It's your gift to her, so she in no way gets to dictate it.
I'd just write back and say that you had in mind inviting about 20 guests (or whatever you were thinking), and ask her to narrow down her list. If she balks, she balks, but you're totally within your rights to ask her to do that.
Btw, the only baby shower I've been to had about 70 guests, and it was waaaay too many people! Too long and not intimate.
Unless she's planning on kicking in some money and doing a lot of the prep work herself, presenting a friend who is hosting alone with a 70 person guest list is really presumptious and kind of self centered, if you ask me.
It's not just the cost of food and drinks, it's also sending out invitations to 70 people, tracking down those who do not RSVP, cleaning and rearranging your house to accomodate 70 people, possibly cooking and assembling enough food to feed 70 people, etc. It's not just the money- it's a whole lot of work. I would never feel comfortable asking someone to do all that. And to further say, 'so I can get free stuff' is really obnoxious. I would tell her sorry, she either needs to cut her list in half, or find you another co-host willing to shoulder half the expenses and the labor.
We're having a pretty big shower. We're sending out 50ish invites, and it's a couples shower so it'll be about twice that many people. But my mom's the one paying for most of it, and it's mostly her friends. I told her she could cut the list if she wanted, but instead she added more!
I would just make it at a time that you won't have to serve a big meal, maybe just desserts.
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I offered several months ago to throw a baby shower for an old college friend and husband. She was interested in a couples shower/BBQ since they are having several other showers in two states (a total of 5 showers). She sent me a list today of 70 people! Ok, I realize not everyone will come, but even if 50 show that's a big group. She keeps telling me this is her last chance to get "free stuff" and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by having to feed soand plan for so many people.
Any advise on how to handle this situation? how many people did you invite to your showers?