(Closed) How many relationships did it take to meet your current significant other?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: How many relationships did it take to meet your current significant other?
    1 : (74 votes)
    17 %
    2-3 : (182 votes)
    42 %
    4-5 : (77 votes)
    18 %
    5-6 : (34 votes)
    8 %
    7+ : (67 votes)
    15 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    384 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    We met completely by chance. He was touring the UK and we just happened to randomly meet and get chatting when he was exploring my home city (he’s from the US). 

    Neither of us met while in a previous relationship as we are both the first serious relationship that either of us have had.

    Obviously, I don’t see experience in relationships necessary in order to recognise someone who is right for you. It probably does help to have experience in general, but it isn’t strictly a must.  If you meet someone you gel with perfectly and they are your first proper relationship then there is nothing wrong with sticking with them. You can also gain experience through other people’s mistakes and learn through those.

    My current relationship is easy in some ways. We get on so well and have the same core values. We each get along very well with each other’s family and love spending time with each other’s friends. The difficult part is that we are mostly long distance and so that can be hard at times. Especially just now since he had to go home early to be with his very ill grandad and we spent Christmas apart. Not what any newlywed couple wants. But we will finally be able to make this thing short distance as soon as I graduate this summer.

     
    What about you OP? I’m interested to see how you would answer those questions.

     

    Wow that was a long answer, lol. I suppose it was explaining the long distance that lengthened it.

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    314 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013 - Makena Cove

    @savychic1616:  

    And did you meet by chance?

    Kind of, we reconnected 4 years out of high school, he thought he saw me at a restaurant. (Lets take a moment and thank my doppelganger because it wasn’t me!)

    Did some of you meet while in a previous relationship?

    I had just ended a 4.5 year relationship with my ex about 5 months prior.

    Do you think experience in relationships is necessary in order to be able to recognize “the one?”

    Absolutely. I learned SO MUCH from my failed relationships about my do’s, dont’s, and deal breakers.

    And was your current relationship “easy” compared to your previous relationships? I’ve been told that if you are “meant to be,” things shouldn’t be so complicated.

    Hahahaha, YEAH RIGHT! They lied to you ๐Ÿ˜‰ Love is hard, it takes work, effort, and even if you know that they’re “the one” it wont always come easy. I will say though, we don’t fight. As in, we don’t yell at each other or let feelings bottle up and explode. We are rational, make compromises, and take time to listen and support one another if we aren’t on the same page.


    I put 2-3 in the poll because that was actual relationships with a title. I guess you could round up to 6 or so for the flings or 1 month of attempted relationship failures. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 5
    Member
    966 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    And did you meet by chance?

    Nope. We met on okcupid.com. He messaged me, despite me having an “angry red dot” (as I described it) on my profile, which I stated. I still responded to him, although I don’t remember why. lol

    Did some of you meet while in a previous relationship?

    No, we had already been out of our previous relationships

    Do you think experience in relationships is necessary in order to be able to recognize “the one?”

    Yes, ultimately. To be safe. 

    And was your current relationship “easy” compared to your previous relationships? I’ve bene told that if you are “meant to be,” things shouldn’t be so complicated.

    Ultimately, in comparison, yes. It’s been much easier than previous relationships. Not to say there haven’t been tears or unsettling times or fears or misunderstandings, but we don’t fight or anything, and we’re always good at talking things out. He’s awesome at always know when something is wrong, and he pokes at me until I spill… which I kind of need. lol. If I try not to tell him, it upsets him and he gets sad and starts feeling ill. lol

    And he has been the first guy I’ve really been with that I can trust to actually THINK and not make stupid irrational decisions (in the vast majority of times, lol), be insensitive due to lack of thought, and/or who I don’t feel like I’m raising like a child. 

     


    Why are you asking? ๐Ÿ˜›  There must be a reason. haha

    Post # 6
    Member
    823 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I was only 18 but I was happy with my own company, never felt the need to date before, so he had to be really something to convince me I needed to date him. and he was and now we’re married! I’m also his first relationship, and we both started dating with the intention to marry eventually. it was easy for the first year. then our differences came out in the second year, but we learned to resolve them and now we get along better than ever! we’re still learning things about each other, and it’s been 6 years.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1902 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Did you meet by chance?

    Nope! We studied at university together

    Did some of you meet while in a previous relationship?

    Fiance is the first guy I ever dated, so no

    Do you think experience in relationships is necessary in order to be able to recognize “the one?”

    I hope not, or I’m screwed! Personally, I just think experience in life is what you need to recognise “the one.” I’ve had a lot of life experiences, despite not dating anyone (other than primary school “dating”), and I think they taught me a lot about what I wanted in a partner.

    And was your current relationship “easy” compared to your previous relationships? I’ve bene told that if you are “meant to be,” things shouldn’t be so complicated.

    Obviously, this doesn’t really apply to me, but personally, I don’t believe in “meant to be,” I believe a relationship can work with nearly anyone if both parties are respectful of each other and willing to make it work.

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    4803 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    And did you meet by chance?

    No, we met online (also on OkCupid, like yanamari). I had been single for about 6 months and was so busy with working fulltime while taking a full online load of classes that I never had a chance to meet anyone. I was very resistant to the idea of online dating, but a friend talked me into it, saying to just go on ONE date and if it was horible she’d shut up about it…and that one date was with my now DH.

    Did some of you meet while in a previous relationship?

    Nope, like I said I’d been single for about 6 months.

    Do you think experience in relationships is necessary in order to be able to recognize “the one?”

    I don’t know if experience in relationships is really necessary, my parents are HS sweethearts who have been married for over 25 years! However, I do think that some life experience is necessary. If you’ve always been living with mom and dad, where you don’t have to deal with the realities of adult life such as budgeting and paying many bills, upkeep on a home, and generally being responsible for your own life, I think that can make things difficult for your adult/mature relationships, especially when you get married or move in together.

    And was your current relationship “easy” compared to your previous relationships? I’ve bene told that if you are “meant to be,” things shouldn’t be so complicated.

    That depends…what do you mean by complicated? Honestly my one other serious relationship was easy compared to the one with my DH – but that is for the reasons listed above about life experience. In my other relationship we were high schoolers, then college students, without a ton of responsibilities to stress over. With DH there’s finances to figure out and chores to divide, so little arguments (though I’m not really sure that’s even the proper word since it’s usually more of a discussion) are bound to be more common. But if when you say difficult you mean the two of you fight a ton, are on-again off-again, have had issues with trust or cheating or something…then no, I’m sorry but that sounds like a relationship that is more about the drama and it doesn’t sound ‘meant to be’ at all. I think it’s key that your partner never causes harm to you on purpose (that could mean a lot of things, from intentionally putting you down, to cheating, to abuse) and that they make you a happier and generally better person – perhaps not all the time, but most of the time.

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    2143 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    We met in the 7th grade and have been together ever since. Because of that, neither of us have been in previous relationships. I don’t believe that experience from other relationships is necessary. Why should I (or anyone) have to experience other relationships in order to realize that they have found the one? Every relationship is different so there will always be things to learn. Seems silly to me, but to each their own! 

    Post # 10
    Member
    11354 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I absolutely do not believe that we met by chance. Although we met on eHarmony, I believe that God definitely brought us together.

    Neither of us was in a prior relationship at the time we were matched. DH had only very recently become available following a lengthy divorce, which he did not desire or choose and which he had contested for as long as he was able to practically do so. I had never been married and had ended a previous relationship about two months prior to being matched with DH.

    Since we were both in our mid 40s when we met, I definitely had a number of relationships prior to meeting him. He had only had a couple of girlfriends prior to his first marriage, because he and his first wife met while they were teenagers and married while they were still in college. I cannot say that prior experience of having been in other relationships is always necessary before meeting “the one.” I have heard some sweet stores of other people marrying their childhood sweethearts. However, in DH’s case, and in mine, I believe that we both would not ever have wanted to marry each other until we were the age that we were, and until we both had experienced a lot of what we had experienced in life. In other words, in our case, I don’t think we just “met” the right person as much as each of us had BECOME the right person by point in our lives. We were able to not only desire but also look for and truly appreciate the traits and characteristics that each of us had developed as a result of God working in us and teaching us, in great part through experiences that we had each been through over the totality of our lives up to that point in time.

    It’s interesting that you asked about whether or not my relationship with my DH was easier than my other relationships had been. The answer to that is yes AND no. ๐Ÿ™‚ It was much easier in terms of discerning that he was very different from the other men I had dated and that he possessed the traits and virtues the Lord had painstakingly taught me to value and seek out in a spouse. However, the circumstances involved in my choosing to enter into a long-distance relationship with a single dad with multiple kids, who made far less money than I did, and who lived in a very small town in a very rural area of another state, and whose lifestyle was significantly different than mine was absolutely daunting. YET, everything seemed to fall into place. Every obstacle that we thought would make us decide that we couldn’t move forward seemed to be easily overcome.

    It truly was amazing to see God’s hand in bringing everything together for us at the right time, especially the circumstances involved in having his children love and accept me, in working out the timing and issues involved in the enormous transition of my relocation. It was MUCH more challenging and overwhelming than I had ever fathomed, and, yet, I definitely felt that someone much greater than DH or me was behind the scenes orchestrating it all.

    Post # 11
    Member
    81 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    And did you meet by chance?

    We went to the same (very small) school for middle and high school.

    Did some of you meet while in a previous relationship?

    I did date a few people while we were friends at school, but it was just a few fleeting high school romances.

    Do you think experience in relationships is necessary in order to be able to recognize “the one?”

    I don’t think that relationship experience is always it, for me it was more like I needed time to mature a bit. I was a fairly wild person that always wanted to head somewhere new (and hang out with someone new). My FI is a very calm man who has wanted to settle down with someone special since he was a high schooler. It took me years to join him in that thought, but I’m just happy that I found him again when I was ready.

    And was your current relationship “easy” compared to your previous relationships? I’ve bene told that if you are “meant to be,” things shouldn’t be so complicated.

    As easy as anything in life can be, yes. There are still struggles and difficult times but this relationship has been so smooth. When we reconnected so many years after being only friends it just clicked and immediately we started dating. Since then everything has been easy and better yet comfortable. I think the fact that we’ve known each other for more than half my life makes a big difference on how easy it is.

    Post # 12
    Member
    4660 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    And did you meet by chance?

    Yes, we met because his school had never sent someone to study abroad in Japan before, and they happened to partner with my school that had a campus there — we met because we were in the same dorm for the semester.

    Did some of you meet while in a previous relationship?

    Yes, we met while I was with the previous boyfriend, who I had actually thought I’d marry before I got back and uncovered his web of lies, to put it as briefly as possible. He pursued me anyway though.

    Do you think experience in relationships is necessary in order to be able to recognize “the one?”

    Not really.

    And was your current relationship “easy” compared to your previous relationships? I’ve bene told that if you are “meant to be,” things shouldn’t be so complicated.

    Not in the least. There was the issue that I was with someone when we met, there was the fact that after that brief semester we lived hundreds of miles away from each other had another year of university left (on top of which he was one of those anti phone guys), that we were both broke and hard to employ after university…

    Even now we misunderstand each other all the time and our amount of fights is probably slightly above average, I’d guess. It’s not always easy but it’s very rewarding. Tons of stuff got in our way at pretty much every stage, and I still think we’re meant to be, as much as I believe in such things. I don’t, really, though. I don’t really believe in soulmates either.

    Saying things like “you’re not meant to be if it isn’t easy” is silly moviespeak. If you love each other and you want to stay together forever, and you’re willing to sacrifice and endure hardship to do so, bam, there you go. It’s not easy, but it is fairly simple.

    You make your own “meant to be.” There is no destiny, no soulmate, no “one,” just “one of many ones who would have worked out fine, but you chose this one” (and that’s what makes it special in my opinion.)

    Post # 13
    Member
    1685 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    EDIT: I’ve tried replying to the last question 3 times and it won’t let me.  I’ll just say, it’s easier being with FI than without him.  When we broke up for a year, it was possibly the hardest year of my adult life.  Being with him is like breathing.

    And did you meet by chance?

    Yes.  I spotted him at  party, and in a stroke of boldness, introduced myself.  We then saw eachother, by chance, at least a few times a week on campus

    Did some of you meet while in a previous relationship?

    I met him while I was dating another guy.  The other guy and I weren’t very serious and we broke up soon after. 

    Do you think experience in relationships is necessary in order to be able to recognize “the one?”

    It was necessary for me, because I wanted that experience.  I don’t think it’s necessary for everyone.  I do, however, think it’s necessary to live on your own and be single for a little while in your 20s.  I learned so much 

    And was your current relationship “easy” compared to your previous relationships? I’ve been told that if you are “meant to be,” things shouldn’t be so complicated.

    Post # 14
    Member
    5011 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    And did you meet by chance?

    Not really. We knew each other for three years before we got together and had chatted on MSN before things started happening about how we were both going to the same club night.

    Did some of you meet while in a previous relationship?

    No, we were both single. I’d been having a lot of dates but none going past a second date.

    Do you think experience in relationships is necessary in order to be able to recognize “the one?”

    No. I think it’s helpful sometimes, but it’s more important to know and have confidence in yourself.

    And was your current relationship “easy” compared to your previous relationships? I’ve bene told that if you are “meant to be,” things shouldn’t be so complicated.

    It was easy. Really easy. We barely fight, we barely fought, we were open about the fact that we wanted to spend time together, even a fairly long distance and both living with parents didn’t cause any major obstacles. We are just as happy now as we were to begin with.

    Post # 15
    Member
    10714 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2012

    And did you meet by chance?

    Yes. We met at a party neither of us were going to go to but we did. I was supposed to go with my FI but we broke up a week earlier. 

    Did some of you meet while in a previous relationship?

    I had just gotten out of a relationship with my ex FI a week earlier.

    Do you think experience in relationships is necessary in order to be able to recognize “the one?”

    Definitely. I would have never known all the things I do now without a couple bumps and learning along the way.

    And was your current relationship “easy” compared to your previous relationships? I’ve bene told that if you are “meant to be,” things shouldn’t be so complicated.

    It’s so easy and things come so naturally. I always had to try so hard with past relationships.

    To answer the main question I had a lot of realtionships before I met my DH. 6 big relationships but only 3 very serious ones, including my ex FI and my sons father. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    5310 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2010

    How many relationships?

    7 serious/longer term relationships, little more than that if you add in the shorter term (i.e. 1-4/5 months relationships). I was 29 and my husband was 34 when we met.

    And did you meet by chance?

    No, we did meet on eHarmony. We knew basically within the first exchange (guided communication) there was something very different about each other though and we wanted to meet. I believe there was a lot of great fortune and lucky timing involved.

    Did some of you meet while in a previous relationship?

    No. We were both at least a couple months + out of our most recent relationships. We were both actively dating though.

    Do you think experience in relationships is necessary in order to be able to recognize “the one?”

    Well, I don’t know as my only context IS having had previous relationships. However, I will say that my husband and I are both very grateful for our previous relationship (and life) experiences as not only did we learn about what we wanted in a relationship, we also learned a tremendous amount about ourselves both during those relationships and when they ended.

    Those experiences encouraged and inspired personal growth and some self-discovery (through counseling for example) and I do believe those experiences are part of what made each of us the “one” for each other AND allowed us to really develop what was important to us in a partner and be on the lookout for it.  We have both been very honest with each other that if we had met ten years ago, we likely would have overlooked each other as we would not have been as well matched as we are, or just not been what the other was looking for (or known what we were looking for!).

    And was your current relationship “easy” compared to your previous relationships? I’ve bene told that if you are “meant to be,” things shouldn’t be so complicated.

    Yes, I would say our relationship IS very easy. But this is also because of the growth and so forth we had before we met, and the people we are. We are committed to completely open and honest communication, share complete trust, have a very strong emotional connection, are best friends, and so forth. More importantly, we are completely our true and authentic selves with each other. It is easy to be together as we are wholly accepted for who we are. We also practice self-responsibility for our emotions, feelings, needs and wants.

    This does not mean we NEVER disagree. We are independent individuals and while we really do find ourselves on the same page almost all the time, there are times we get a little off our wavelength and struggle to communicate and misunderstandings happen. However, we always approach these times as a team, not as one against the other. We ARE a team, and disagreements are problems to solve together, not to attack each other for, or blame each other for, and so on. We engage our communication/conflict resolution skills and work through it. I always feel we finish up having learned even more about each other.

    In past relationships, in hindsight, I was often trying to “make” something work, or was being someone I was not. I was hiding parts of myself; and/or they were hiding parts of themself. The communication was often lacking, and we were both “pretending” or “acting” the roles we thought we were supposed to act rather than just being our authentic selves. This was for many reasons, fear of rejection, immaturity, insecurity, incompatibility, fear of being alone, believing drama and ups and downs were inevitable, and so on.  I also do believe it was because we were not right for each other and the “struggle” was an inevitable outcome of that. I should say these relationships were not “bad” or “toxic” or “unhappy”. They just were not right in the way that I experience with my husband.

    The topic ‘How many relationships did it take to meet your current significant other?’ is closed to new replies.

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