Post # 1
I’m struggling a little bit with the concept of there not being just ONE love in my life. I fell madly and deeply in love with my ex husband. He was the only man I’ve ever loved.
So now I’m dating again, and I’m really struggling with the concept of falling in love with someone else. I always believed that I would only love and marry one person. This was really engrained when I was growing up fundie/Quiverfull. Yes, I am talking to my therapist about this.
I was just curious how many times you all have been in love.
Post # 3
@fancymichelle: Twice for me. Once with a boyfriend that I thought I would marry. We broke up and I took over a year “off” of dating to recover and then slowly start dating again. It felt weird to start over with new people and do the whole “get to know” thing, but eventually it become more fun and I felt less and less attached to my ex and was more excited about my future than anything else.
The next person is my husband, and the love I feel him is different than the one I felt for my ex. There are some shared emotions, of course. But the intensity and the level of committment I feel for Darling Husband trumps what I felt for my ex. I think you can love different people in different ways and it is OK to address that you loved someone differently in the past then you do now.
Post # 4
- Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN
@fancymichelle: I voted 3 times but looking back at it I was only, really ever in puppy love with my ex husband. I still love him, because of our kids. I am happy for him and his partner and I hope they have a great life together.
After him, before I was in a committed relationship with my Fiance I dated someone very shortly on and off. I fell hard and fast. He decided to marry someone else and it still hurts when I think about that, even though it has been well over 11 years. However, I love my Fiance VERY much and I know that this other man was not the one for me, because my Fiance definitely is. He is my “soul mate” in every way and I love him very much. I don’t think I could love anyone else but him. Even if something were to happen between us or to him.
Post # 5
@fancymichelle: i would have to say one time. I think loving someone and being in love with someone are two different things. Before Darling Husband, I was with a guy for on and off for a year, plus I was very young (17/18), I loved him, but then the relationship started taking a turn for the worst and he was abusive, physically and emotionally.
Then Darling Husband came along, I met him 3 months after I ended my other relationship. And he showed me what real love was, he showed me how a woman should be treated. I experienced things with him that I never imagined. What really took my breath away and the moment I knew I had to keep him was the words he said to me on our first date, he said ” you are beautiful and don’t let anyone ever tell you different”
Post # 6
@fancymichelle: Three times for me,
My highschool sweetheart, he was dreamy, he was blonde, he was sensitive and romantic and to this day remains one of my best friends, so that love never died, just changed form.
My college boyfriend, he was handsome, artistic, talented and funny, sexy, sweet and everything a girl could want for that time in her life, but I outgrew him and left him in the dust, diploma in hand, we’re amenable and friendly, but not overly so.
Mr. 99, my husband. I knew it the moment I laid eyes on him, he was everything I wanted. Honest, loyal, kind and strong, sexy, funny and very sweet.
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2013 - A court...
Twice. First with my first serious bf (serious as in 2 years) so I thought we were going to be high school sweethearts but nope. I broke up with him a few months after graduating and I vowed to stay single. A few months later I started dating dh lol. But it took me a while to fall in love with him even longer to say it.
Post # 8
My first was my first boyfriend. It ended in disaster. I thought I would love him forever. Now just the thought of him slightly irritates me. .
My second was a guy I dated for 6 months. He ended up having to leave for another state. I was in college and long distance was not for either of us. We ended up meeting up for dinner a few weeks ago and he confessed that letting me go was his biggest regret and that he compares every girl to me. We hadn’t seen each other in four and a half years so that revelation was shocking!
My third is my SO now. We have been together almost four years. He’s everything I never even knew I needed in a guy.
Post # 9
@fancymichelle: I get that – I have felt guilty for being in love with someone else (not any more, previously!) that isn’t my husband to be. Just know that you are growing and changing, and one day you’ll find someone new that will fit in with you and grow with you.
Post # 10
I really did love both of my high school boyfriends, although I never had any real illusions that I would marry either of them. In fact, when I started dating Fiance I had no real intentions of getting too serious with him, either.
Obviously, things changed and we grew up. So, while I voted three times, Fiance is the only person I have loved as an adult, and I think that’s what really counts.
Post # 11
Twice for me. Once was my first love, my high school boyfriend. It was CRAZY (in good and bad ways). We were forced to stop seeing each other by his mother because I was 2 years older than him and it was awful. Seriously took me 5 years to “get over him.”
I will always hold a very special place in my heart for my first love, and wish things could have been different (or at least ended differently so we could take care of unfinished business), but looking back I am very thankful for that time and realize there were many different reasons why it did not work.
The second love is my husband <3
Post # 12
Two times, both my only serious relationships.
There are two other times I thought I was in love, but it was more infatuation than anything else.
Post # 13
- Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI
Three times for me…
High School Boyfriend: We were together 2.5…almost three years through freshman year of college. This was the hardest one to get over for me. We even briefly got back together years later but that fizzled out pretty quickly.
College Boyfriend: Together 3.5 years, we slowly grew apart but for awhile I really thought we’d get married after graduation..but we went very different ways.
Fiance : Been together almost two years and getting married in 3 months!
Post # 14
First Husband. We married young and were together about 5 years total.
Serious Relationship. We were together for about 3 1/2 years. The breakup with him hurt worse than my divorce. We were childhood friends and I was madly in love with him. I followed him across the State and Country.
Fiance. We have been together for about two years and we are getting married in September.
I know that post divorce feeling, even though I was young when it happened. You will find it again, give yourself time to get over the marriage. It took me almost two years before I was ready to date again after my divorce, and about a year and a half after the break up from the serious relationship.
Post # 15
The first was my first serious boyfriend, and the father of my daughter. i loved him with absolutely dizzying intensity, let him cheat on me with no repercussion (I was 19 and pregnant, I was too scared to give himwhat he deserved) and was beyond heartbroken when he left me. We had a very messy, drawn out break up, and it took me several years to get over him.
The second is my now OH. I don’t love him in the same way – it’s quieter and calmer, but no less real or precious. I’m a very different person now, I wouldn’t stand for a lot of the shit I put up with before, and I’ll probably never love someone so unreservedly again – even now I feel like I need to protect myself and hold a little part of myself back. I don’t know if that will last forever.
Post # 16
@fancymichelle: Three solid times. The first was a great first-time love, of which ended amicably, because our chemistry faded and we ‘grew up’ and apart. To date, he is one of my very best friends, and so his current gf, and he is a groomsman in my upcoming wedding!
The second time was a different kind of love. It was passionate, full of infatuation, and sadly, completely unhealthy. I was madly in love with him though, and I add him to my number, because without that kind of love, I would not have grown as a person. I would not have realized what I do not want or need, or even traits that sustain a relationship. It was a honeymoon phase that lasted years, and when reality hit us, our relationship went down the drain…unfortunately, I clung onto the passion far too long.
My third, and FINAL love is so far the best, but certainly not my ‘only’ (see above!). He is my one, true love NOW, but I had to experience it before to be the best ME I am now, and (in my opinion), a better partner to him for it. My love now has facets of things I loved about my relationships before; respect, adoration, friendship, passion, compassion, but at a higher level. Probably because as an individual I needed to grow, and I did 🙂 Im glad I experienced different loves, because it led me to something amazing!