Post # 1
Bees….we just argued again. over the same issue that keeps lingering around, casting a dark cloud on our relationship, a financial issue between my fiance and his parents. His horrible family! i just wish it would stop affecting us! But there i go, i admit, again….giving back the ring, yelling that i dont want it, for him to keep it until he takes care of this problem.
Honestly ladies, i know this is wrong of me to do, to so easily ‘call it quits’ say ‘I’m done’, we’re over, this tiime ‘for reals’ when in reality i know its not the case, and when in reality i know he’s not going anywhere. Foolish of me in part, yes. It may bite me in the butt one day…i know.
But i really am just tired of his family, WHY did i get stuck with one of ‘THOSE’ not so great family in -laws! so depressing, because i wish we were able to be happy with both of our families. I have reeeally thought about whether im willing to stick it through, if loving him is enough to stay and work through everything else, BUT how do ladies make that very difficult decision of possibly having to MOVE ON. My fiance is the BEST man (personality wise) in the world. kind, sweet, spiritual, innocent, loving, everything i would have wanted. However, his lack of initiative is killing me!
Lonely night. yet again.
Post # 3
It sounds to me like you need to spend some serious time apart. I don’t want to make you feel too bad but I just really don’t think there is any excuse for giving back a ring, calling it quits, etc… to someone who you profess to love forever. If you have issues with his family, you need to get him on the same page as you or accept the situation. It will not change and you need to get this worked out before marriage.
Post # 4
You guys need to solve your issue. Without arguing. Possibly with a counselor.
Cycles like this will keep repeating unless you BREAK the cycle. Trust me, I’ve been there. And it’s hard, but I work at it because I don’t want to keep arguing and fighting. I want to be able to discuss things nicely.
I thought long and hard about whether I was wiling to put up with my fiancé’s abusive brother, and we talked about it and figured out that the only times I’d have to deal with him would be a couple times a year. So I deal. I’ve also talked to his brother and we’ve come to agreements to get along for the sake of everyone.
But we TALKED a lot and we figured out everything and now I’m in for better or worse.
Post # 5
I kinda made those threats but i never took off my ring to give it back. I just couldn’t. And i feel ( for me) that its wrong to do to a guy. it is such a big deal ( for most) to go out and pick out and pay for a ring! Listen hun i am so not trying to make you feel bad, like I said ive made plenty of threats (the first 3 weeks), it can be so stressful and we fought A LOT at first, but once we got past it (by putting things in perspective) we have been peaceful and great.
glittermoon is right. chin up chic. my guy forgave me cause he knew deep down where I was comming from. We bees are here for you. and i am really very sorry you are going through this with his fam:(
Post # 6
you ladies are very right. i agree we need some time apart. but everytime i want that time apart we either fix things or just stay one day upset. More than anything like you said glittermoon WE NEED TO SOLVE these issues, before even getting married. relationships are tough. and i do always come to the realization that he IS worth getting through these problems…
Post # 8
I’m sorry you are having such a troubledsome time. 🙁 His family is never going to disappear. And if you are constantly having thoughts of not being able to live with his family/finances/lack of initiative, how are you going to deal with these issues for the rest of your life? You need to seriously re-evaluate this relationship, and you have to stop making empty threats, giving the ring back etc. It’s manipulative, and it doesn’t contibute to a healthy relationship.
Post # 9
@Talishazwi: This! You said it much better than I could.
In answer to your question, I’ve never taken my ring off in that aspect or threatened to give it back. If I did, I have no doubt he would take it back and I wouldn’t see it, or probably him, again.
Post # 10
Sorry you are dealing with this. I think you two need some serious time apart.
To answer the question, I have never asked for a break nor have I taken my ring off and given it to him.
Post # 11
A few times before we were engaged, but never after. You cannot keep doing this to each other, you NEED to come to a resolution. Take some time apart, both of you need to figure out what you think the best compromise will be, and then come back together. Discuss it, and if you find things get heated, walk into another room until you both calm down. If you think he is worth it, you will figure something out
Post # 12
I’ve never given the ring back, but I have seriously considered it. And one time I did throw the wedding binder at him (with all the contracts) and told him to cancel everything. Our fight was over his family as well. Knowing my FI had I given the ring back that time, he would’ve taken it and left. We worked through that fight and we are still going through with the wedding.
I don’t think you should so willy nilly be tossing the ring back at him unless you mean it.
Post # 13
I’m sorry, but taking your ring off or even threatening to do so is completely childish and unacceptable behavior. This cycle of taking the ring off, getting it back, taking it off is terrible and pretty manipulative actually. DON’T DO IT until you are for certain that you want to call off the engagement FOR GOOD. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but it’s the truth.
Post # 14
Not yet, but thought about it! Just think I was not thinking clearly at the time,
Post # 15
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
I’m sorry you guys are going through a rough time. It sounds like he has some issues to resolve with his family, and like you have some to resolve for yourself. You should try not to break up with him again if you don’t mean it… anytime you take off that ring to give it back to him, just keep in mind that there might be a time he won’t give it back to you when you’ve stopped threatening him, and try to find another way to express yourself.
Post # 16
Umm, never. To me it’s pretty immature, childish, and manipulative to do. You need to take some time apart and decide if you are both truly ready for marriage. These issues with the in-laws will not get better with marriage – they will become worse. You and your FI need have 3 choices – you all find a way to deal with each other, FI picks you over his family, or FI picks his family over you.
You’re only going to be able to cry wolf so many times before your FI realizes he doesn’t need to live like that – and you shouldn’t want to either.