- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Marriage is important to me. I'm giving Mr. J a year which will be March 2010 and if no proposal then I will have to have a direct talk with him and see him less if the talk isn't what I want to hear. Just wondering what your perspective is on how long you are personally willing to wait?
If you want to get married, and Mr. j is the one, why don't You propose to him? Its the 21st century! :)
So you two have been together since March? Have you already had any sort of wedding/marriage talks with him yet? Or do you just see this heading for marriage and are hopeful for a proposal? Personally with my guy, we knew we were going to be getting married early on, and have since chosen when we are going to get married (summer 2011), and I told him I want at least a year of an engagement, so I'm going to be upset if the proposal doesn't happen within the next 6-7ish months.
Heyyy just saw your location -- I'm getting married in Portland (where SO's fam is)!! :-D
i've been with my boyfriend for 5.5 years (we're 26 and 27) and honestly, marriage is important to me, but being with the one person who makes me happy is more important to me than marriage is. yes, i get upset when my friends get engaged, but i know my boyfriend better than any of them know theirs. i know that he is the person that i want to spend the rest of my life with and if that means that we don't get married then so be it. i've realized that it's not like you can't have a family if you're not married (unfortunately his mom doesn't think the same way, yet actively advocates not getting married until we're 40??).
i truly believe that the grass is never greener on the other side, unless the relationship is rotten.
I am already married but I waiting 5 years before he proposed and we had been together 6 years by the time we got married. We started dating when I was almost 20 and he was 21, both of us still in school. It wouldve been unrealistic of me to push marriage so young, even right when we got out of school. We never talked about much but had a clear understanding that we both wanted to have "real" jobs and a good source of income before we got married. Plus when he was at school we were long distance for 2 years so we didnt have a ton of time together as a couple until he finished school.
For me, it was a matter of age and the reality of the biological clock. I met my FI when I was 34, so I gave him 2.5 years then it was s^&t or get off the pot. Using that timeframe I would be engaged by 37, add in another year for engagement and I would be pushing 40 to start a family.
I knew it was a calculated bet because if things didn't work out with him after the 3 year mark my "marketability" would go down (ability to have kids, collagen regeneration, wrinkles, white hair) making it difficult to find someone to have a family with.
If you are younger, you have more time to "play the field" but when you get older that window of opportunity starts to close fast!
You may know in your gut if he is looking to settle down and when you approach your one year anniversary, see what he has to say!
I'm willing to wait two years from now, but would rather it be a year...not expecting it any sooner than that.
We are still young and in college so more time is appropriate.
I definitely agree with age being a factor. If you're 19, I don't see the rush but if you're in your late-20s or 30s yeah you need to step it up especially if you want to have kids. My time line got smaller and smaller as I grew older. It was 5 years when I was 19, then it became 3 years when I was 23 and then it became 2 yours when I was 25. I though I think no matter how old I got I would have wanted to date at least a year because you have to go through all the seasons together and see what that's like ^_^
good luck to you! I hope mister J is the one. ;-)
I told Mr. RB when we first started dating that I'd never wait more than 3 years for a guy. He proposed right before our 3rd anniversary.
However, looking back I think that was a b*tch thing for me to say to him. I know he felt pressure. :( I feel like I damaged his engagement experience with this "deadline". At the same time, he's always been a slow mover. He was with his ex gf for 7 years & he never thought about marrying her... Ugh! It's so difficult to say what's right & what isn't.
Really, what's a few years in the grand scheme of life.... especially if you're going to be married for 50 years? I think its better to make sure the guy is a good match for life instead of worrying about the timeline. :)
I'm not giving him a deadline, really, but he knows if we're not married by next August, I won't move with him anywhere. It would be too hard and too expensive for us to maintain living apart in a new city with him in school. I won't live with him til I'm married... wel, I would, but both sets of parents would flip.
I would give him another year to propose. But that would depend on where we are in life. If something happens that is beyond our control then I would wait. But if he just wants to take it slow, then no. I told him that I refuse to go to our class reunion in 2014 and we still have the same relationship title that we did in high school.
I doubt that I will have to give him a real deadline because he is just as anixous as I am. I are hoping to get married next summer, winter or spring 2011 at the latest.
Sorry but I would never propose to a guy. That is up to him.
I know he is the one and we've told each other that. I also know he is slow. I'm 32 years old now and he is 36 and I've had many long term relationships and also lived with some of them. I was single by choice for 2 years before I met him. When we have our talk marriage is not going to come up. I will simply tell him I enjoy what we have now but that I would like more and if he doesn't get it then I may have to move on. Men know just as quickly if you are the one or not and I don't think it's fair to make you wait. BTW he has steady work, great degree and is buying his own home and I am in a good position as well so there is nothing like that holding us back.
I know it sounds bad, and I love Mr. Papa Bear, Lord knows I do, but I'm 28 now. We have been together a year. By my 30th birthday, if there is no proposal or wedding, then we might have a talk.
I want kids, badly. He does too, so I don't think it will be a problem of him proposing before then, but it's the kids thing that makes it come up to be a maybe problem. If I were 24 and he 27, then it would be a different story.
I am younger, (23,) but want to have kids early and have two years between them. My first LTR lasted 2 years, and I finally figured out he wasn't going to marry me. I'm almost 2.5 years into this one and am ready, I know he is too. He asked my dad, so hopefully that is a good sign. I would give him another year from December before I moved on just because his brother is getting married in July and I know he doesn't want to take the spotlight away. I think that if he proposes around Christmas, we will not be stepping on their toes... but we are the MOH and BM in their wedding :)
I'm with Miss Chitown! Your marketability does drop but only if you allow YOUR own market value to decline..(giggle). I know. I'm 40. Market value high for that age, but still..I want OPTIONS. Like I'm still able to have kids. I may want one more possibly.
It's not waiting a year for me..it's a matter of weeks or months at this point now. He knows if we're to marry next year, he has to do it NOW. Really like yesterday in fact.
We will have a discussion on Jan. 1 if it's not done. Not just any talk. But a talk that a guy doesn't like to hear. All actions show however (and his words) that he's going to take care of this unfinished business very soon. But I'm actually in a little way sad he's made me wait this long knowing when our time for a wedding and the whole timeframe needs to happen.
I have to say..he is taking the wind out of MY sails. His sails are fine. I don't even know if he's aware of it though. But come Jan. 1 and no ring, the wind will 100 percent be gone from mine. I seriously dread going home for the holidays if it hasn't happened by then b/c my family is a bit miffed at this very moment because it hasn't happened yet. Heck, my sis is so miffed about it, I wouldn't be surprised if on Jan. 1 I am still not wearing the rock, she calls him up and gives him the talk of all talks all by herself!
Awww Bellenga, I know how it is. I was a bit like "finally" when my husband proposed. It had taken so long and had been so painful to me that a lot of the excitement had just deflated. I know my husband wanted to be C-E-R-T-A-I-N before proposing because he was terrified of divorce. (lots of convos about that one, let me tell you) Do you know any reason why T hasn't proposed yet? It's beginning to seem a little strange.
Bellenga you poor thing! I totally understand everything you are saying. The TALK doesn't have to be too painful though. Seriously you don't even have to bring up marriage, he should know by now. You just make yourself scarce if he doesn't say what you want him to. That is my plan. It should be his idea and he should come up with it on his own. Guys just don't understand the biological thing do they? Keep us up to date on what happens and I will def keep posting my progress hehe
@cheerful: i think t's saving and paying for that big ole rock my girl wants! i guess the best thing about waiting until you are older is that the rocks get bigger? lol!!
I'm 29 so age definitely is a factor. Last year (about six months into our relationship) we had a talk about the end of next year and we both agreed. i have mentally moved it up and can hear the clock ticking lol... but realistically i think we'll egt engaged at the end of next year.
Apparently 5 years! LOL Well I was giving it until our lease is up but since I know he has bought a ring and simply waiting until it is ready. Marriage and kids are also very important to me but I love him so much that its easier give an ultamatum (or set a timeline for yourself) than to follow through. Not being an older mom is important for me if it wasn't I don't think i'd feel so...umm i guess impatient with the whole marriage thing.
I kind of started us on dating because he was too scared of rejection so out of impatience with hint he just wasn't getting I had to make the first move but once the ball was rolling it was in his court all the way. Call me old fashion but I want him to propose to me. I want it to be sweet and romantic. I don't like it when people ask us our story he jumps right in about how I made the first move its not very lady like. There our somethings I am very independent with but this one thing I want to be more old fashion.
Well, I'm 31 and I already have two children. We have only been together a year, but have known each other for at least 12. I'm not sure whether I want more children, but I know after 35 I will not have any more (Just don't want to deal with huge age gaps). I, for sure, would not have another one out of wedlock, so I dunno...
We do live together and I am very happy, and my kids are happy, and we basically operate like we're married (sharing all money, division of chores, etc.) I would have a hard time rocking the boat and breaking up just because of no proposal. That said, marriage is important to me and I know that as time passes it's harder to find a life partner.
I plan on bringing it up again early next year if there has been no progress. At that point, I'll re-evaluate. I'd easily wait another year, but I don't know how much after that. I've thought about proposing to him next year, but I dunno because I really want it to be his effort, KWIM?
Anyway, I plan on talking to his BFF (also my friend) before the end of the year anyway about my dream ring as a step towards "the big talk."
I didnt mind waiting the first 6 years, that was sort of the plan we meet when I was 18, so I had to finish uni and get a job and we wanted to by a house. By the end of 2006 (age 24 and 6 years together) I finished Uni, We bought a house at the end of 2007 at which point I expected him to propose, The following year my 2 best friend who had only known their SO for less than 2years got engaged (grrr) Then his Brother who had been with his girl for 1 year got eng (grrr) and I was still waiting. After a string of other peoples engagement parties and weddings Fi finally proposed April this year. So I dont feel I waited the full 8.5 years but I def feel I had to wait 2.5. Interestingly we will get married just b4 our 10 year anniversary.
My FH and I got engaged after dating for just over 2 years, but that was pretty early- I know he was planning on proposing around our 3rd year anniversary, but a random, romantic excursion took place and he spontaneously proposed. I think I would have gotten antsy if he hadn't proposed after 3 years, because marriage is very important to me, and I want to have time to be married for several years before we have kids.
I think the most I could handle is 1 more year (and that's stretching it) We have been dating 3 years, and have known each other for 5 and I know I could spend the rest of my life with him. He knows that its up to him to make that step because I have made it clear that I am ready. If he chooses not to, I move on. *sigh*
I was willing to wait 2 year (from start of relationship to proposal). We talked about it when we got together, though, and he said one year... it was 5 months! Haha.
We knew we were getting into something serious though, and we pretty much got together with the intent of marriage, unless we could discover any possible reason not to marry.
We get married March 20 next year :)
Next February we'll have been together 8 years. I'm not willing to wait much longer. BF knows this, but I haven't set a time scale. I'm kind of scared to, though, because I don't want to leave him! Also, I'm worried about spoiling the whole thing by forcing him into it. I'm not going to ask him because I think at this stage he'd say no.
KMSull: I think you're sensible not moving in together until you get more of a commitment. I moved in with my boyfriend this year and now I see he's got nothing to gain by marrying me.
i had in my head that we should be engaged by the 3 year mark. well, that was almost a year ago. i told several of my close friends that this would be my "ultimatum year," that if he didn't propose or start taking some very concrete steps toward doing so, i was going peace out and move on. he has never brought marriage or anything like that, and finally this year, after hearing about engagement after engagement or engagement planning from people together far less time that us, i freaked out and asked him what his intentions were. that was in september of this year. i kind of feel like i'm satisfied with his answers and he's moving in the right direction so i don't know that i have a concrete deadline any more.... but i feel like i'm going to get really pushy if i don't have a ring in the six months (barring any major financial disasters or us losing our jobs or something).
I suppose my limit was 4-5 years. I had been in a previous relationship for about 4 1/2 years, great guy (we are still very close friends and talk all the time), great job, we got along very well, lived together, yada, yada. By around 3 1/2 years I started to get ancy and subtlely bringing it up. I would get vague responses about it happening someday...around the 4 year mark I got more bold and asked when it was going to happen and he couldn't give me a definitive answer...just that it would but he didn't know when. By 4 1/2+ years we were sitting on the couch one night eating take out and watching t.v. ...I asked him when it was going to happen and he told me he couldn't give me a for sure answer. So, I told him that if he couldn't give me an answer by now, I was going to answer for him and I wasn't going to wait around and that I wanted to break up. I then asked him if I could change the channel, he handed me the remote. We ate in silence. I updated my resume and found a new job in another state and moved out about a month or two later. We've been like best of friends ever since, and now he knows that when I tell him something I really mean it. Hehe.
Worked out for the best, I'm so happy now!
Jaxx317 - I also told myself that if I didn't have a ring on my finger by our third anniversary that I was out............................yesterday was our 3rd anniversary and guess what?!?! No ring!! Now what??
My FI said he knew the first week that I was the one...I felt the same way about him. He proposed 2 months after our first conversation and we will have been engaged for 3 years when we get married next month.
We were dating for about 2 years when my fi brought up getting engaged...didn't propose. just talked about it. i said not ready yet. we kept talking about it. at 4 years i said i was ready to get engaged and at 4.5 years of dating he proposed. we are waiting till we have been dating 7 years before getting married. i just knew we were too young and immature and not financially secure enough before then to get engaged.
boston - have you discussed it with your SO? i find that it's a little unfair to expect something of your SO if he doesn't know that it's expected of him :) i think once you have a real serious discussion about marriage, future planning, etc. then at the end of that, you can verbalize your timeline. i find it's helpful if you tie it to some kind of milestone - e.g. childbirth, purchasing a home, moving in together, etc.
I remember when i was in undergrad a grad student kinda took me under her wing. We were talking about relationships. She said her dad always told her that a man knows within the first year if he's going to marry you or not and after that he is just wasting your time! I don't know how true that is, but my FI proposed 18 months into our relationship!
ok boston! then perhaps you both need a check-in chat? maybe some gentle reminders? :)
Boston Girl...you need to start thinking about if you really think it's in the cards for the two of you. Do you really believe it will happen? Do you think you are okay with waiting a little longer? If you can say yes to both of those, give it some more time.
If you can't....sometimes it's better to cut your losses and move on. It's not always easy, but it may be best. Good Luck.
Boston Girl, I agree with 2010Bride2bee.
Have any of you gals read "Why Men Marry Bitches"? It is by Sherry Argov and I think many of you would benefit yourselves by taking a look. The B-word is not meant in a mean way but a tongue in cheek way of saying you have respect for yourself. Sorry I just have to tell ladies about the book, it's my Bible!!!!
and boston - i was routing for the Phillies! i hate the Yankees, but thanks anyways! my SO is a red sox fan, so we've compromised on the Mets. i wish you could see my facebook ramble about how obnoxious the parade and the fans who were out that day were! urgh!
@Cheerful: Well he's been making some serious noise and I do believe it will happen soon. Really do. We're both divorced so I understand the need to be 100 percent sure. But he's sure.
@VikingPrincess: We've had the talk. Twice. First was from him when I accepted his asking me to be exclusive with him almost 2 years ago. He told me what he wanted (marriage and a marriage for life) and then after our trip to Jamaica in march when we didn't get engaged, i had the talk with him shortly after that in the kitchen as soon as we landed and drove back home. He has 100 percent intent to marry. He just needs to do the formal asking. He's already said he wants to marry me and spend his life with me, just not the ring yet. Wierd.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Lyndzo | 46 |
| funkymunky85 | 26 |
| AshleyR83 | 24 |
| rebwana | 24 |
| mypinkshoes | 23 |
| Ms. Salamander | 23 |
| beargoose | 22 |
| kat2014 | 22 |
| jules28 | 22 |
| Cady | 22 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Scottish_lassie | 4 |
| Lyndzo | 4 |
| pharlap | 4 |
| kat2014 | 3 |
| HeyKaraoke | 3 |
| ColoradoGirl | 3 |
| Regina Phalange | 2 |
| Loribeth | 2 |
| shirasagi | 2 |
| mrspinnyc | 2 |
