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I was in a wedding a month ago and I spent about $500 but we didn't even do a bridal shower or bachelorette party.
For my wedding I am also planning on not doin those things, maybe just a dinner or something and am hoping my girls will not have to spend nearly close to the $500 I spent.
The most my bridesmaids spent was $400.00. It was expensive for them, I decided to pay for their make-up and bought them earrings.
I spent a lot -- over $1k -- even though the bride paid for our dresses, hair, and makeup.
I paid for most of the bridal shower, bridal shower gift, bachelorette party in Vegas, and wedding present. But I was the MOH and it was totally worth it - she had the time of her life. 
if you count the time i have spent taking off work to drive to california to throw a shower the most was probably close to 1300. the travel was the most expensive though.
I set a budget of $300 for each wedding i'm in. Local wedding. I don't have a lot of money to spend, and if their main incentive is so i can throw them lavish parties beyond my means (which none of us are like that, all kinda young and starting out in our careers) then i'm not the BM for them. I can make $300 go a long way.
omgosh that is so much, with the given economy nowadays i dont know how ppl can be spending that much money... i have another upcomin wedding that i am a BM in, and they are planning an out of town bachelorette trip and i feel bad that I am so worried about the cost that I feel like i am being a bad friend if i dont end up going due to finanical cost
It has depended on the wedding - but the one I'm in this coming July will be about $700 - $800 including shower/bachelorette/wedding gift, dress, shoes, make-up, hair. It would've been a lot cheaper, but the bride asked we get the same (ugly, only wearing once) shoes and our make-up professionaly done. So to make her happy, which I would hope my BMs would do for me, I am without saying a peep! And we're going to be SILs, so I want to start our life as sissys on a good note!
Wow Mrs. Bee, you are an awesomely generous friend! These wedding events are truly once-in-a-lifetime (hopefully), so I always try to remember that when I get grumbly about spending lots of money as a BM. I have been a BM 8 times and I guess I have spent over $1k a few times when the wedding was out of town. That included travel (by car), lodging, throwing a shower (at a restaurant), chipping in for the B-party, shower gifts, wedding gift, and a BM dress. Luckily, for some of the more expensive weddings, my mother was also close to the bride so we shared some expenses.
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@AbbyM: You are smart. My SIL was a dream BM, helping with all sorts of tasks and always had a happy attitude. The whole family loves her for it. :)
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I have also been MOH 3 times in the last 2 years! It adds up! At least one was mostly local. but we got a huge speeding ticket on the way home so it was expensive too :(
holy crap that's an insane amount of money to spend! I've been a BM once, and I spent less than 200! i still thought that was a lot.
You guys have been lucky ... without any travel, the last wedding I was in I spent well over 1000, 400 dollar dress, on-location hair and makeup was like 160, we all "had to have matching shoes" that were over 100, gel nails and pedicures (also insisted on), plus the bachelorette (her family chose to throw the shower thank GOD)
i was a BM about 2yrs ago and it cost me about $1300 for the dress, hair, makeup, trials, shoes, clutch purse, jewelery, wedding party hotel accomodation
i could have gone to a tropical island for a week with that money but oh well..... love her, dislike him. you can choose your friends but not your friends partners
my bride was kinda high maintence & the groom a self indulgent idiot. i even drove all the BM's to the church in my white sedan to save money on a car for us (did i mention her idiot groom arrived in a helicopter so the 4 BMs drove themselves so he could chopper in)
not inc food/decorations/favours ect for the shower & hens party and gifts and i would hate to add in the value of my time for all the DIY invites/programs/favours i worked on
I have been one three times (if you count my MOH's wedding which is in two months)
First time I spent about $600
Second time I spent about $400
Third time I am likely to spend about $500
I have been very fortunate that none of the women I have stood up for have asked me to do things too far outside my comfort zone (like spend more money than I can afford) and they have all been local weddings so no travel costs! My sister is now married and so are my very best girlfriends, so I can't say that there is really anyone left that could ask me to be one in the future. I've loved being one, but I'm pretty happy to close that chapter so I can stop ear-marking money annually for someone's wedding!
The one time I was a bridesmaid, I spent:
$170 on the dress, but $50 on alterations. Shoes $60.
About $60 on the bachelorette party/bridal shower.
Hair, mani/pedi were free as a gift from bride/bride's mom.
Did own makeup.
Flight, about $300 (and a snowstorm hit, cancelling my flight. I was super lucky to get another one, but I nearly gave my bride a heart attack asking her how late could I be before the wedding!!)
Accomodation was free because I stayed at my parents' home.
Gifts about $225. (one at the wedding, one at the batchelorette/bridal shower)
So the total was $865. Wow, that's a lot. I didn't really see it as that because the costs had been spread out. And I doubled the wedding with getting to see my family. I still wear the shoes, but I'm still trying to find a time/place to rewear the dress.
For my girls, I'm trying to keep it as cheap as possible: dress for less than $150, DIY own hair/makeup, wear own shoes. No obligation for a bridal shower or bachelorette party or gift. 2 of my girls are in Europe, 2 are way out of town, and 2 are local/semi-local; so I know for some of them the flight is going to be a killer. I hope they'll let me know if the costs are a burden...
I would never spend $400 on a dress WHOA! That's what my wedding dress cost! But my friends all respect the fact that we don't have that kind of money (we're all practical, frugal engineers basically) and have kept them to under $160 which I can swing. Nobody's making us get hair/makeup done, and I'm perfectly adept at doing my own makeup. I guess it helps my FSIL is a stylist though b/c basically she just does my hair for me =].Otherwise i'd be hitting up the hair school for $25/updo I'm not the MOH though...then I'd probably figure $200 more. And any bachelorette party that is a distant one (like a lake weekend) i don't really count as a "wedding expense" because I'm there having a ball, too!
And this is why I think we should buy our BMs nice gifts!!! Look how much they spend on us!
My girls are spending...maybe $20 for the wedding? LOL. On whatever shoes they wanted. And the of course they spent what they could on the shower/bachelorette party. And they are all really really thankful I respected their budgets!
I think it's kinda bridezilla to require matching EVERYTHING nowadays....really? telling your girls they HAVE to have their nails done and hair and makeup and this and that? Wow.It's like telling them they aren't pretty enough on their own, grr
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I'm just wondering, when people count travel expenses as a bridesmaid expense, is that travel for the wedding or the shower? I feel like real BM expenses are the costs over and above the expenses of a regular guest. For example, If you say that you spent $200 on a dress, $60 on hair, $50 on a mani/pedi, $250 on a flight, $250 on hotel, and $100 on a gift, is it really fair to say that they are all BM expenses? If you were just going to the wedding as a guest, you would still have to pay for the flight, hotel and gift and I usually get a pedi if I'm going to a wedding. On the surface, that looks like $910 in BM expenses, when in reality it only $410 above what you might pay if you were just going to the wedding as a guest.
I have spent close to $1K between:
220 - dress
50 - alterations
80 - shower gift
150 - wedding gift
330 - hotel stay for wedding
150 - transportation to shower/wedding
it REALLY adds up!
I think you have a point DaisyBride. I just added up all my costs. I forgot that the bridal party specifically scheduled the shower/batchelorette during the time I was in the States rather than England, so again, that flight also doubled up as a trip home. These flights weren't specifically wedding related. If I take out the flight to the wedding, then my costs are about $565. Ouch...still a lot of money to me!
However, if I was just invited as a guest, I would have the option of declining the invitation (in this case I would send a gift, but I haven't with other invites I've declined). Being a BM means that I'll show up the best I can to showers, batchelorette parties, while definitely showing up for the wedding, no matter where it is. I know 2 of my BMs (the ones in Europe) would seriously consider declining the invite due to costs of travel/lodging if they were just guests (I guess it helps that we're having a reception in the UK to go to!). I had told all the girls point blank that as a BM that they were responsible for flights, accomodation, getting to the getting ready location/ceremony, and the dress. Everything else was not necessary or would be taken care of. If that wasn't possible, then I would not be offended in any way if they declined being a BM. When they said yes, they knew what they were getting into.
I think I made it a point to set clear expectations from the beginning to all my BMs because I know the things are different in England and Europe. It's common for the bride to pay for the dress and accessories for the BMs (at least from what I've experienced...) there while it's not necessarily in the States. I couldn't assume that they would know what their "duties" are. This way we are all on the same page. Again, if problems arise, I would really hope that they would come talk to me about it!
I have been a BM several times and each time I spent close to or above $1k, except for the first one when I was unemployed and the bride was my sister. All the other, the expenses added up quickly. The bachelorette trip probably took up 25% of the expenses since we usually take the bride out of state for that.
I'm in a wedding next weekend and I've already spent or allocated $900. I'm really not happy about spending this much. But the bride is one of my closest friends and has been for 15 years, so I felt I couldn't say no.
This does not include my $200 plane ticket or $80 gift, because I would have spent those even if I just attended as a guest (actually I probably would have spent more on the gift, in that scenario). But it does include my hotel room, because if I wasn't in the WP I would have stayed somewhere cheaper and probably only for one night, instead of the three nights I'm there now.
My real concern right now is all the extra expenses I will incur while actually on the trip. The bride promised me her fiance's brother could pick me up from the airport. But now I can't get in touch with her to confirm, so I'm guessing I'll have to cough up a $35 cab ride. And it doesn't include any of the meals I'll have to pay for over the three days I'm around -- so far I know this will include one dinner and two lunches -- or any of the post-wedding drinks at the hotel bar.
Being a bridesmaid is EXPENSIVE.
I spent around $500 for the last wedding I was in. I say "around" because I am not really sure what the exact total was. The biggest chunk was the dress, and then I spent the rest on her shower. I did cut corners and it caused some problems. 1. I decided not to get the shoes she asked us to buy. The shoes she wanted us to get were around $100 while the ones I got were $19.99 (Isaac Mizrahi for Target mmm). 2. I had to skip the bachelorette party weekend because it was an entire weekend in Newport, RI. I wasn't being cheap, I just couldn't afford all of it. I just graduated college and didn't have a job yet. If I could do it all over again I wouldn't have skipped those things, although I would be sad with out my cheap shoes. They're fabulous and I wear them all the time!
I think all said and done it will be $720. But I'm the MOH and it's my little sister. Thankfully my mom helped with the bridal shower or else it would be another $150 on top of that. The other bridesmaids are not helping out financially so far with the parties. I requested that each of them contribute $20 for the bachelorette party, which will have to be at my house since I cannot afford to do it on my own and that's still a strong possibility. Two of the bridesmaids did not attend the bridal shower and the same two do not think they can come to the bachelorette party either. Grrr. I do understand they don't have a lot of money and they do live out of town. However, they've had about a year to plan for this stuff.
I did do some things cheaper though! I got my dress on sale so it was about $126 and only paid $33 for Guess shoes! Thankfully we don't have to match shoes and dresses just colors. Although I will never wear the dress again the shoes I will wear again. Invites for the bridal shower I did myself as well as the flower arrangments and food. I had a friend make the cake for it too so that saved some money.
It's very expensive. Add on top of that I'm helping her pay for her wedding. Our parents have cut back her already tiny budget ($3000 for 80-100 people!) so I'm helping her pay for the things that are important to her. I will not be able to buy her a wedding gift because of this but she said she'd rather have it this way.
Look at that, my costs for this are almost 1/3 of what her whole wedding will be. Plus I'm her wedding planner and flower arranger. Good thing I like planning weddings!
I only spent $120, for my dress, I was 3 hours away and wasn't involved in the shower; we're Filipino, I think they did a simple shower in someone's home, nothing extravagant; I did my own hair and make-up I just piled it on, turned out great in pics!oh< i also bought shoes but they were only $25, black strappy shoes- I remember they werent expensive but black pretty satin ones
I spent more as a guest for a childhood friend in california, $600 for airfare, 170 for hotel, $100 for car rental, I spent a good $900-1000--whew!
First wedding I was in: I spent $150 on the dress and shoes, and didn't need alterations. I did my own hair and makeup. Her family threw the shower and I couldn't make it to the bachelorette, so it was just $150 plus shower gift ($35) plus wedding gift ($100). It wasn't so bad, except for the rash that the dress gave me and the blisters that the shoes gave me!
Second is my mom's wedding: she paid for the dress and all I have to do is shoes ($70) and gift (I have no idea what I'm getting for her!). She's taking care of my hair; I'll do my own makeup.
The next is for my soon-to-be step-sister, where I've had to pay $185 for the dress, $50 to shorten the (floor-length) dress to knee-length, and another $55 in other alterations. Plus $50 for the shower gift, plus $50 for my share of the shower (at least there are 8 bridesmaids!), plus a wedding gift. I'm a graduate student right now, so this one is hitting me hard... I have to miss her bachelorette weekend ($200 for the hotel, before any food and drinks).
I'm trying to minimize expenses for my bridesmaids as much as I can, but they'll probably have to pay $200 for the dress plus alterations, and can wear shoes they already have. The bachelorette shouldn't be more than $50/pp and my grandma is throwing the shower, so hopefully that helps a little.
Ive been a BM 3 times and each time was some serious $$$. Not including travel, hotel, or gifts...each time was well over $900...dress, shoes, nails, hair, make up, shower, bach party..it definitely adds up, but these girls did the same for me when they were in my wedding.
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being a bridesmaid can be outrageously expensive if the bride is not thoughtful toward her ladies' budgets.
I have a wedding in about 2 weeks where I have spent over 600 easy but the bride has been pretty reasonable, the only expenses she really asked of us were the dresses which totalled a little over 200 all said and done...the shoes and makeup and hair are all up to what we want so we could cut budget on those if neccessary. She has asked for a simple party but admittedly I wanted to give her a bridal shower that was really special-which being from out of town is a little tough but I think I have something fun in the works. For the bachelorette since we can't go out of town or anything like that I am arranging a pearl party for her (where we can all make our own pearl and swarovski crystal earrings). But the gifts for the shower and wedding add up when you have food, decor, and favors to pay for. But it has been easier to swallow because of how the bride has handled it. I think because she has not made demands or outrageous requests I have gone out of my way and spent more to get her some really special things.
I have another wedding next year, 3 months after my own where I am once again MOH she wants the works, a bridal shower on a cruise boat, a bachelorette in nyc 5 hours away with a play on broadway, and of course gifts for every party. (she is having at least 2 showers and expects me at both...even tho one is being done by family) which is fabulous and all (I mean who wouldn't want glamourous parties) and I would love to give her all that but my budget isn't fabulous...and it really won't be after my own wedding. But this is on top of a 180$ dress, all matching shoes, up-dos (I don't wear my hair up ever!) and the dress is going to need serious alterations, a 60$ bra to work with the dress...and we have not been informed what the extras (hair, shoes, ect.) are going to cost. I guess if her attitude was a little different I would be more excited about it and grumble less...but yeah...I am not appreciating her demands or wants at this point and I feel kind of bad for it.
Then again I altered her dress for her (serious alterations-adding corset back, beadings, bustle) am making the necklaces for the other maids gifts and more other activities then i can count. I think the investment of time for those should I dunno replace some of the other things?
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to galendrien: wow, shower on a cruise ship, bachelorette party with a broadway play, matching dyed shoes; whew! that's a bit much if you ask me
I think bridesmaid's duties are becoming more and more extravagant; before it was just a simple, gown and playing the part, I think the lavish parties and making people shy away feel bad about what was originally supposed to be an honor
My MOH and 1 BM are my sis and niece; I am paying for their gowns and hair and make-up; I made their shawls and they can get whatever shoes they want; I wanted it to be as painless and moneyless as possible because I am mindlful of my sisters family bills and expenses
wish most brides can understand it's not cheap to be a MOH or BM; if they helped them out more thye wouldnt make as many unreasonable demands
Holy cow! this thread is making me rethink a lot of things re: my bridesmaids!
I was in a wedding last month, this should be interesting because I haven't added the costs:
$140 - dress
$20 - minor alterations
$163 - My Hair and BP makeup (I was responsible for doing the entire bridal party's makeup, so I needed to pick up a few supplies)
$250 - costs associated with bridal shower. It would have been cheaper if more of the BM's would have contributed.
$60 - shoes, pedicure, eyebrows
That comes to about $633. I guess it can be a bit expensive to be a BM! I don't think mine had to even pay half of that.
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I've been in 3 weddings and the amount I amount I spent ranged from $200-500. The first time, I was still in college and didn't have to purchase the dress myself (The bride's parents paid for everything). The most expensive wedding was my best friend's, where I was co-MOH, so I ended up paying for more things (shower, bachelorette, etc).
I spent slightly over $1,000 for FSIL's wedding. That included dress, shoes, makeup, airfare, hotel, and wedding gift. I did not attend the bachelorette party in Vegas, and I did not attend or contribute to the shower. I had just graduated from school and was jobless at the time.
I was in a wedding as a BM one time, for my sister. She bought my dress, I did my own hair and make-up and wore shoes and jewelry I already owned. I lived out of the country, so couldn't attend the shower or bach party, though I did send gifts. But they are gifts I would have sent as a guest, regardless if I was BM or not.
I honestly think, all in all, I spent $0 as her BM!! The only thing that "cost" me was that I cut short living in foreign country to come home for her wedding. It was too far to go home then fly back, so I just went home for good. Now I feel bad because she is spending quite a bit to be in mine! Her dress is around $200, she probably chipped in for my bach and shower (I guess around $200?) and will get a pedicure (although I left this up to them, did not insist, only asked if they were interested). I have not asked them to get any accessories or make-up and I am paying for their hair. Eek.
I've been a bridesmaid 6 times already and never had pay for my gown, hair, makeup, shoes etc. The only thing I did contribute to is the bachlorette parties. But besides that the bride/groom have always put out for the bridesmaid's expenses. I think it is getting ridiculous the amounts that bridesmaids have had to put out. It should be an honor to be a bridesmaid, not a burden.
Brides should be more mindful of the budgets their bridesmaids can afford. I'm getting married July 2010 and I have 10 bridesmaids and Yes I'm paying for everything for each of them. My concept is is that its YOUR wedding, not THEIRs... thats just my though..
My only BM stint was also as MOH, so I spent more than the other girls...not sure of the exact figure, but it was pretty much what I was expecting when I said yes!
For my SIL's upcoming wedding I have already spent about $600 including the dress and shoes, her bachelorette party ($320 for one night at a spa with a massage!) and shower gift. Still have to pay for my hair and makeup (I chose to do this though) but thats another $100+, and for a wedding gift (all the sibs go in together so its probably going to be about $200 per couple). Pretty frustrating considering I made it a point for my BM's not to have to spend so much money. Plus DH is a groomsmen and they are doing a Vegas weekend bachelor party so thats another $300+ for the weekend. Id guess for the both of us to be in the wedding its costing us about $1300!
For my best friends wedding I have spent less, about $500. She is paying for our hair and makeup so I just had to get the dress and shoes, bachelorette party and bridal shower.
As MOH -
Bachelorette party - about $250
Dress & Shoes - $180
Makeup - Free! That was my gift from the bride as she worked for the salon at the time
Gift - $50.00
So about $480, not counting little last minute things like makeup and pre-game supplies to kill time between ceremony and reception.
I didn't really spend as much, since I didn't do a shower (bad MOH, I was young and dumb - but she had an OOT one with family), but the bride was amazing, she knew I was interning at the time and had no income. She had a wonderful time, and so did I.
Are we going to count the $150 speeding ticket I got on the way home? Nah.
$100 for the dress
$60 for alteratiosn
$65 for shoes
$60 for hair
$300 for accomodations
$95 for gas to drive to the wedding
$160 for bachelorette party hotel (but it was my party too...)
$180 for flight to bachelorette party (again, it was a joint party)
$140 wedding gift
Total: $1160 (wow! never added that all up before now...)
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