How much do the in-laws matter?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think you marry a man’s family as well as the man. That said, it doesn’t mean you have to be super close or spend a lot of time with them. It does mean you have to grit your teeth and make it through family functions. It will require sacrifice on your part. I’m not in your situation, so maybe someone who has actually been through this can give you better advice.

Post # 4
3084 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Can you grin and bare it while you are with them? Just suck it up and pretend? Because I think that’s all you really have to do. If you are willing to do that and keep your opinions about them to yourself, you should be ok. 

Post # 5
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

But what are the things your fiance’s family do that you hate them so much?


Post # 6
697 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MsW-to-MrsM:  +1

My FMIL (FH hasn’t seen his biological father since he was around 2) is in upstate NY, so we see her maybe once or twice a year. She’s a nice woman, but I don’t foresee us being incredibly close. Even FH isn’t all that close with her.

Post # 10
4494 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

How much they matter depends on your SO.  If an issue arises where your SO has to have your back and he sides with them instead, this sort of thing can ruin relationships.  As long as he supports you 100%, then they shouldn’t matter too much.

Post # 11
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

What is it about them that makes you feel the way you do?

Post # 12
372 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@ladychatterley:  I know that once you marry a man, you also marry all his family. That is unevitable.. so you can either accept them or avoid them. I used to love my fuure in laws, but recently they became distand and less respectful of SO and I (because we are not married yet). I have enogh of their bulls**, so I just avoid them. I hope they change after the wedding, but in the end the most important relationship is the one with your SO. Pleas also try to never say bed things about SO family. In the end it is his family and they are alwsy connected… Better to not say some stuff, than to say too much.

Post # 15
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Aah, the family. The only bad apple is my FIL (who is verbally abusive, but everyone pretends he’s just joking *eye roll*)

But I once dated a guy who had a HUGE, HORRIBLE family who was involved in his day-to-day life. Not going to lie, I didn’t want to raise kids around them, and we wound up breaking up.

Post # 16
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I quickly looked through some of your older threads. I think some of the issues will get better with time. It sounds ( from the other threads ) like they are polite to you but still haven’t fully accepted the fact that you are their future DIL. Sounds like you and FI are still young ( not too young for marriage, but young enough *they* aren’t quite ready for him to make the step of marriage ) and like the religious difference bothers them. I think once you guys get closer to the wedding/get married, and your FI becomes more independent, things will begin to change. I can’t guarantee that, but it sounds like they need to come to that place of acceptance. They will have to deal with the facts eventually. Since they are kind to you now, hopefully that will grow into something deeper one day. 

Just keep going what you are doing and stay polite. Reach out to your SIL and ask her for coffee once in a while or invite them along with you to go shopping.

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