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I kind of think moving to Savannah for a better job is best for you personally as well as you as a couple. You get the satisfaction of having a good job once you graduate doing something you like in your field, and having a real job vs. a McJob will enable you to contribute more to the household. Once your FH graduates he can move to Savannah where you will already be established. I say go to Savannah! It's only an hour; surely you could see each other on weekends and some weeknights, or meet halfway for dinner?
(BTW are you graduating from Georgia Southern? Not to be creepy, but I did and it sounds like that could be your school!)
I spend six straight months a year, every year, alone so he can have his dream job.
I would say take a job in Savannah...Could you both move somewhere in between so you have an equally icky commute (him to school, you to work)? I commute to graduate school 45 minutes each way.
1 hour is nothing!! I spend over an hour in traffic everyday! It's definately better for both of you to go for a job...financially and emotionally. If you stay, you'll resent him, your job and yourself.
OMG, one hour away? That's it? Commute for a year. Or let him commute for a year. Or live in between. Don't derail your career before it even starts over an hour drive. :(
I agree. Go to Savannah and establish yourself. Zeb and I went to colleges an hour away from each other and we saw each other on Wednesdays and weekends. We alternated the travel. It makes being together that much.... ummmm... how do you say it.... exciting. ;0)
I did a 3 hour daily commute to my job to stay with my FI while I was searching for a new job. I did the 3 hour daily commute for 8 months. Talk about a sacrafice! I was tired allllllll the time. He definitely appreciated it though and still comments about it.
I agree with others! An hour commute is not that bad. I commute 45 mins, it was annoying at first but now it's kind of relaxing. 45 mins to think about nothing but driving! I think moving in between is a perfect compromise. Neither of you needs to sacrifice!
We moved in with my husbands parents which was a 45 minute commute and that was tough (leaving by 7, not coming home till after 7) so we didn't have a lot of time to spend together. However, it was totally worth it because we saved up a good chunk of money to save as a down payment.
@ohheavenlyday: Yeah it is GeorgiaSouthern! XD yeah...its smallness is well known:P
Scotts just upset because me moving in was going to help us both with paying rent and he was really looking forward to finally moving in
Hmm I've been considering the 1 hour commute thing.. I guess it does sound a little silly when you break it down like that. Thanks ladies :)
LOLOLOL. Small world. I was just back in town a couple weekends ago for the FAIR!
Also, if you add it up and think the gas money would be doable, an hour commute each way wouldn't really be that bad and you could still move in together. When my FI and I lived in Austin, we commuted into the city each day for work. Without traffic it was only about 20ish minutes away but with traffic, everyday was an hour commute each way. The good thing about going from the Boro to Savannah is there is no traffic on I-16, and an hour commute isn't TOO terrible. Something to consider.
But in the vein of your original question, I gave up a job I LOVED in Austin when we had to move to Florida for FI's job. It paid about $40,000 more a year than his job in Texas and gave me the chance to be able to stay home with our baby, so I did it, but I hated and still hate that I had to leave that job.
I have to disagree and say you should NOT sacrifice anything right now. You're just starting your career, and you don't want to put a void on your resume for a year. Employers will ask you why and your reasoning won't necessarily fly with them. You should move to Savannah and visit him/your family on the weekends. Commuting is a big commitment (and that's coming from someone who lives in L.A.!) Hope that helps and good luck with your job search! :)
For an hr drive, why do you have to move? I am only 30 miles from my job, after traffic, I am spending 45-1hr one way in the car. The communte smucks......but hey.
@Lindsay12.31.2010: same, except we spend 12 months a year apart. he moved away to get a dream job and i was cool with it. he also graduated 6 months before me. i have no qualms with how that worked out, it was a great opportunity and he's happy doing what he's doing. i graduated last year and got a great job in town immediately so we're simply having a LDR while we make some good money and get amazing job experience. in the long run, it is the best thing for us as a couple since we'll be more financially capable and be able to get better jobs. If Savannah's only an hour away then yes, i say "pack your sh*t" and get a real job or just commute lol. really, if you do decide that you HAVE to move, then you can see each other anytime you want - an hour is nothing! we live 9 hours away from each other and only see each other once a month at best. you can easily spend every weekend together and even select weeknights.
I think try the commute- if it doesn't work you could always find an apartment or something! Who knows, if you start off commuting, you might meet someone in Savannah who has a room or something you could rent which would let you save money and still help with the rent for your weekend place with your fiance. Don't put your career on hold, I would just give it a try and see how it goes. Nothing is permanent unless you want iot to be, just don't sign any year leases!
I totally agree to move somewhere in between and both of you can commute. I think that'd be the easiest choice and I don't think you should settle on a job. I actually graduated in May and my fiance doesn't graduate until this upcoming May. I have a job that is great experience, although not a lot of money and not super fantastic, but I still live here with him.
FI graduates a year and a half before I will. Even though we would love to be together once he's out of school, we've decided to live in the town where he's been attending school (an hour/hour fifteen from my school location). So he will stay there to find the great job, and once we're married I'll move there and finish out school making the commute. Moving to Savannah would not be just for you, it's a good step for your career and for your life together as husband and wife. Plenty of people here commute the hour +, even in brutal winters, so one of you commuting or moving to a more central location together could be viable options for sure.
@elliestan - wow! It's different, isn't it. After two years I am still working on getting used to it. He works for professional baseball, so he is gone every March-October. It's hard, but seeing him happy is so, so worth it! PM me if you ever need to vent! :-)
If you not married yet, then I think it would be okay to get a better job in the next town. It will be better for both of you if you are making more money. And you can visit on the weekends. I think you should just apply everywhere and see where you get a job first. When I graduated the Mcjobs wouldnt hire me bc I had a degree and they wanted college students working there (yes at 3 diff interviews they told me this). The better jobs wouldnt hire me for lack of experiance. You just dont know what you are going to get. Keep your options open.
I sacrificed the chance to continue my education (and get a PhD or MFA after my MA) in order to move 5 hours to the town where then-boyfriend was living. I didn't even apply though, so I don't really know whether I would have really had that opportunity or not. The first year I moved I struggled because I had only a part-time job and it was hard financially. I also didn't know anyone except his friends, so I had to rebuild a social network. I missed my family too; I don't like living so far from them, but moving was best for our relationship.
After that year, I kind of drifted into a career teaching at the high school level, when I'd really prefer to teach at the college level (again, not sure whether I'd really have the chance to do so or not; I'm sure it would have been hard to find a position like that). My teaching high school makes us a lot more financially stable, even though the job is really hard and stressful for me.
Also, my husband is not Catholic and I am, and it's sometimes kind of sad to think about how he doesn't share my faith. It was kind of a sacrifice to give up the chance of sharing faith with the man I love, but it was worth it.
If it's only an hour away, why not just commute? That's not that bad of a drive.
Or, you guys could move halfway between the city and your town so that you both are reasonable driving distance. There are some very easy fixes to your problem that don't involve you having to give up a career for him (which you shouldn't do, imo, so glad my career was established before I met my husband so that I didn't have to go through this. Hang in there!)
I sacrifice my time with my husband to make more money so we can have a better life. I am working 2 jobs now so that later on, we can retire early and enjoy ourselves, and hoping that my making more money will afford him an easier job so he can actually enjoy retirement (he's a mechanic, a damn good one, but it takes such a toll on your body its ridiculous). It sucks, but it will be worth it in the end. I say, take the job!! Commute at first, and if that doesn't work, find a place that you both can rent with equal commutes. Trust me, do NOT give up your dream. Marriage is about give and take, and you both need to be happy. While it may suck that you don't get to spend as much time together now, think about the future and how much better it will be because of the decisions you make now. It is totally worth it, and if you both work towards the end goal, then it doesn't seem so bad
If you stay and take a job that you don't really want you're running the risk of resenting if you can't get the job you do want further down the road.
my commute is almost an hour... that might be an option? i say especially if your not married you have to do whats best for youu and in the end it will benefit the relationship a. because you wont resent him and be youll be contributing to the best you can
If I were in that situation I would talk to my FH so that we were on the same page about what would happen next. I finished my PhD program when my now-husband and I were living together, but were not yet engaged, and I knew that I was going to have to leave the town we lived in to get a job. He knew this way, way in advance, and we planned then that he would move with me. That worked out just fine, and he actually ended up finding a job in our new town that was better than the job he had in our old town. That being said, I think that as a woman I would have been much more reluctant to follow him than he was to follow me—since historically women tend to follow men to jobs, and it would have made me uncomfortable to follow that trend and do so.
It probably would not be awful for you to get a job in Savannah for a year. Since it is only an hour away, you would have a lot of options: commute to Savannah from where you live now, live in Savannah and still be able to see your FH at least once a week, move somewhere between Savannah and where you live now so that you will be relatively close to FH and job, both you and FH move to somewhere halfway in between, or even FH moves to Savannah with you and commutes to school for a year. Lots of possibilities, none ideal, but all doable for just a year.
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Hello again,
Our situation is that I will be graduating a full year ahead of my FH. Normally, whatever, thats not so bad, but I've come to realize that the (small) town we currently live in would not have a job available for me in the field I want to work in. However, Savannah - which is one hour away - would.
So I'm debating wether I should 1)suck it up, get a McJob, and stay in SmallTown with my soon to be hubby or 2)pack my sh*t and go to Savannah for the better job.
Has anyone else had to make a tough decision regarding whats best for YOU vs. whats best for the couple? Did you have to sacrifice anything to make your fiance happy?
Edit: Nevermind it is kinda silly to be so concerned about something so simple. It's just I've never made a big decision like this: it's scary :\ It's also the first time I've had to consider someone elses feelings over something I do. Just part of being in a serious relationship
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