Post # 1
Quick question… I thought this was a little strange.
So I got a text from FMIL yesterday about MD. She said she has purchased a MD gift for herself, and for us to just give her cash towards it. I googled the item she bought and it’s around $250 dollars! Her daughter then msgd FI and said that the children (3) should all go in thirds for the present stating she does a lot for them. Now FMIL does do lots for the girls, but relies on FI more than he relies on her to do man of the house sort of stuff even though he moved out 5 years ago. I was outraged by this and said there is no way in hell we should contribute more than $50 and even then I think it’s a bit of a stretch. FI passed that on to his sister as our opinion and she got a bit miffed with us and said fine, she will just put in the extra.
Now I think $50 for a MD present in itself is extravagant! I have purchased my own mother a $7 box of chocolates and a card and we will pop in and spend some time with her. I also think it’s rude to just purchase something for yourself and ask for money as I enjoy the process of selecting a gift and gifting it, and I never thought MD was a time to give actual presents. I also want to note that FI and I are really struggling financially at the moment, even though I think if we were wealthy it shouldn’t make a difference.
What do you guys think of this? Whats your budget for MD?
Post # 2
I do a $40 gift card plus a card.
Post # 3
It strikes me as hugely presumptious to buy yourself a Mother’s Day present in the first place! Let alone expect the family to pay hundreds of dollars towards it.
I’m a mother (my own mother and MIL are no longer alive) and I’d say that my sons and stepchildren probably spend the UK equivalent of about $20 on me (card, chocolates, flowers or similar presents) and I find that very generous. I’d not be at all worried if all I got was a card since it is the thought that counts, not the money spent and I’ve never viewed Mother’s Day as a present giving occasion anyway.
Post # 4
DH and I are always overly generous when it comes to holidays. We’re spending about $150 on each mom this year.
It was rude of your MIL to take it upon herself to buy her own gift then expect her kids to pay for it. It would be one thing if this was discussed and agreed on but to just tell you that you owe her $80 on something that you had nothing to do with is annoying. However, I also think that spending $7 on your mother for Mother’s Day is pretty cheap but I guess it depends on your relationship and the dynamic. My mom is one of my best friends and she deserves everything that I’m able to give her and more. I would never put so little effort into a gift for her.
Post # 5
nessdawwg: I think it definitely depends on the situation but I agree that purchasing a $250 gift for herself is excessive! Did she expect you guys to cover the whole thing or just contribute whatever? I don’t mind the idea of someone picking their own gift but i’d prefer to say to someone ‘is there something you want’ rather than just have them pick it out first and tell me later!
His sister shouldn’t have got snarky with you I think its rude to expect someone to fork over cash they don’t have – $50 is more than enough to spend, that’s probably our max each for my mum and FMIL on mothers day!
Post # 6
- Wedding: April 2013 - A court...
I’d be annoyed as well! “I picked out my expensive gift but you can pay for it” wtf. The only time I think that’s okay is if that’s what the gift givers offer but even then I wouldn’t pick out something Over 100$.
It depends, since my moms birthday is close to Mother’s Day so if I give her something less pricy for her birthday I “make up” for it on mothers day But usually in the 50-75. I really only consider birthdays and Christmas as gift giving holidays but I know her love language is gifts so I’d feel like a jerk of I didn’t lol.
Post # 7
I think FI needs to tell his Mom and his siblings that he will not be chipping in for gifts that his Mom buys for herself in the future, that he will determine the contibution from the two of you for any future gifts that are given jointly with his siblings or you will purchase your own gift as a couple.
Families do differ on how they handle gift buying but this is absurd. What if FMIL bought herself a convertible?
Post # 8
Steampunkbride: ilovebacon: Miss_E_xx:
atreyu547: I should clarify I’m not too sure if FMIL expected us to cover the whole thing, or just give her some cash to contribute to what she wanted. It was FSIL who brought up the thirds thing.
I just felt it was a bit cash grabby either way. FI and I are quite generous for Christmases and Birthdays, usually in the range of about $100 a present, though if we think there is something they will really love we will easily go higher. I don’t believe mothers day is necessarily a day to give an actual gift, more just a token of affection such as chocolates or flowers and a nice card and to actually spend some time together. I am doing a charity run then having lunch with FMIL and family then going to my mums in the afternoon (FI has work)
FI and I also do lots for our mums throughout the year. We are currently renovating and cleaning up my mums house and we do lots of work at his mums house as she has a disability such as mowing, cleaning the gutters, helping sand things for her DIY projects, removing rubbish etc. and never ask for the money associated with doing this stuff such as petrol for the mower. His siblings still live at home and don’t do anything and are never asked to. I know it doesn’t matter, but I feel that sort of stuff is a good MD gift in it’s own right.. we never get any recognition for it.
We are also young and unestablished so it is a matter of finances. We can’t afford to be generous for every hallmark holiday.
Post # 9
I would be very, very put off if my mom (well, anyone really) decided to buy herself something, and then presume I was going to pay for it. Especially for a holiday – usually I’m that person who has gifts picked out and bought a month in advance.
FI and I are also pretty young and not established, so our general cap on gifts is about $50/person. That being said, I spent about $37 on my mom to have her favorite flowers delivered and a nice card.
I really can’t get over that she decided you need to pay for part of a gift she bought for herself. How ridiculous!
Post # 10
My moms birthday falls on or around Mother’s Day, so we generally get her a birthday present (usually less than $50!) and a potted plant or chocolate for Mother’s Day. And that’s from my dad brother and I!
Post # 11
nessdawwg: I don’t think $50 is extravagant for a Mothers Day present but everything is more expensive in Australia and we are both established with decent incomes so that may just be a difference in money value. I totally don’t agree with someone just buying their own gift though and then asking for the money! wtf? Is that usual practice for their family?
On the whole I’m over just how many gift giving events there are nowadays. DH and I were complaining about this this morning. With two sets of parents, siblings, nieces and nephews there is hardly a break from all the birthdays, christmas, easter, mothers/fathers day etc! So expensive!
Post # 12
Lollybags: We have asked what she would like in the past as she doesn’t have much money so we would like to get her something which is actually useful rather than junk she doesn’t need, and we have gone in on presents with other families before, I was just a bit thrown the way it was done, and the fact that it isn’t a birthday or christmas but what to me is a minor holiday, which both our families have always treated as an excuse to have lunch or something rather than a standard gift giving occassion.
Post # 13
We spent about $50 on my mom, maybe a bit over, and about $80 on his since we did a combined Mother’s Day and birthday gift. We like to buy for others and be generous, but we’re buying a place soon and will have to cut back.
I’d be put off if any adult, for any reason, told me I needed to give them a certain gift. If you’d asked what she wanted and she’d said money, okay, but you don’t tell people what to give you.
Post # 14
Wow… we spent about $20 for each mom. Honestly, if we lived in state we would likely cook them dinner or something and not get them a gift. Then again, in my family mother’s day and father’s day are considered as silly Hallmark holidays.
If I were in this situation I would be tempted not to pay in at all as this seems rather presumptuous of her.
Post # 15
I guess SO and I are much more generous.. we normally spend about $100 on each mom, and we ask what they want so we can get something of use to them. Neither of our moms want more candy or flowers, or stuffed animals that say “mom”.